I remember that time
riding in the car with you
when you were so excited to be with me,
you called ours a healthy relationship.
There was another time
and we were in the car
and you told me about a girl from your past -
how you didn't answer when she called
because you thought she was trying to start something.

I was glad then.  I was glad I was different.

But now, to you, I'm just like her.
You have put me in the same category.
Now you put on your defenses when I'm around.
You hide yourself behind your fortified walls.
And I stand on the other side,
remembering what it was like to stand with you.

I run my hands along them.
And they feel so cold.
I stare at those walls.  

I keep staring,
my heart sinking, anxiety creeping
creeping up through my skin.
I dig my hands into the earth,
searching for something to hold on to
as I stare at those walls, those bitter walls,
remembering what it was like to be with you inside them.

why does it matter
what i put in my mouth
or who i push myself into
as long as neither involves you

I want the kind of ***
where I'm told exactly how much you want me
by the way your frame
fills in my every curve
and you touch so much of me
with your hands
and your starved eyes
I should be scared
but you'll call me beautiful
and I'll be your sweetheart
as your sweet heart beats
beats faster
and you fall into me

Words:
Click and purr
Tape recorder
Tell me words
In any order
I remember like it was yesterday I last saw you
11:59 on the clock
Knock Knock
I open the door
Your eyes
Your eyes
First of all those eyes
Pulling and prodding inside my chest
Your smile was a sly one
Making me wish
It was me and you
Years and miles away
Your pale skin was just kissed
By the yellow sun
A long day out seemed to wind all down
I just wanted to tell you
That the center of my universe
Is standing on my doorstep

Repeat
Repeat
Water dripping from your hair
Cold numbing vibrations
Repeat
Repeat
Roll the Tape
The scars on my knuckles
From punching walls
That punch back
I knew this day would come
So I put my sunglasses back on
Spit the taste of blood from inside my mouth
And wiped  my lips with my wrist
I need five hundred dollars
To get to the next town
And a new pack of cigarettes
Repeat Repeat
A message after the tone:
And there with marker scrawled on the tile
"Self-preservation only prolongs the inevitable"
Beep
" Self-preservation only prolongs the inevitable"

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Close your eyes to the fractil light dear friend
Climb up to your sunsets and sundowns
Wash them of all lonliness
**** that hot afternoon sun
Far out man that's real far out
Television Air Conditioned
Gas stations
Are heaven on those afternoons
Well I can swim right in the Atlantic ocean
Right across to you
And we can build bombs together
To blow up the stars
You're fully aware of the power of fate
Handing you a ciggarete
Looking for a suicide
Looking into big blue eyes
Your looking at another lie

Poetry I'm sure is no little mystery
I am unsure of her ways
If she sleeps or if she is awake

Sometimes her stone tools and weapons
Sometimes her love and care

Poetry is no easy task
A poem to write can be as hard as a job
As mowing any field
As hoeing any row
Her fruits are as satisfying as any
They hold me fast for a while
But I will always hunger again
So it is out to a field to toil and work
I hope my crops are sweeter this time

Oh yeah
I once saw a tomb
In some silver moonlit corner
Of a dark garden

A young girl had died in the year of our lord
1852

Scratching on stone walls
A terrible chill


A murderous mother  
Began to leave tear stained letters
On full moons

One blood red rose
And three long and painful letters
Each sealed with a wax seal
Signed in blood

They began to print the notes the next summer in the local paper
The heart breaking lines
Printed in smeared black ink
And sudennly the letters stopped

Story goes one night some kids were going out to the tomb
To try and catch her but ended up having ***
Well they go up to the tomb
And layin against the tomb was a beautiful black haired woman
In a pool of blood

But thats just legend
People still leave letters on moonlit nights on the tomb
Confession letters
Of ****** and ****
You name it...

The police leave them alone
......I myself visited that moonlit garden one night
and placed a letter in beneath a rose
I fear that I can't let it take over my life
It takes me from all love
Boiling hot water up to my eyes
and just like that...I never wanted another lover
but the maiden of ******