michelle reicks

michelle reicks Jun 2013

these pillows burn me and my blankets are always freezing. where are you

my bed has become
a nest of nightmares and tears.
What once brought me
peace is now a
dreaded place
I receive no rest.
no relaxation, no rejuvenation

I lay awake, eyes open
staring at the ceiling

whenever they close, I
can only see your face in
full accurate detail.
I know it by heart

my heart aches
our last conversation
runs through my head
on repeat. every word.
the sound of your voice in my mind
makes me cry

I tried to sleep naked
but it only made my
skin long for your
touch. Sometimes

I      swear

        I can feel your
beautiful hands on
                my waist

    until
               I open my eyes
  again
            and reality kicks in

you are gone.
       lost; not wanting to be found.

michelle reicks Jun 2013

nightmares or reality, can't really tell

I woke up sobbing
My dream was too good
to be true
and it seems to have
ripped me apart

you had called me
telling me that you
had changed your mind

             you wanted to be
                    together

and you told me to
come over.

I knew exactly where
        to go

you were at my old
house, where I
grew up

with all the people
I didn't know I missed
all my childhood
friends
                  And it was as if
nothing had changed

And you,

you were asleep on an
air mattress on the
floor when I arrived

when I bent over you
to kiss your lips

I felt 20 years of emptiness
erupting from my heart

I just want to stop feeling empty

but my days feel like
a vast ocean, I
try to swim but
I'm drowning

michelle reicks Jun 2013

they all say

don't have *** with somebody you're not in a relationship with,
they all say.

            it gets messy.

hearts get torn apart
                                 when the pumping
leads to a sense of attachment
          and a feeling
                      of being used.

Don't have *** unless you're in love.

I thought it
didn't apply to me.

because i'm supposed to be
the heart-breaker

        Never let anyone too close.

or they'll run away when
they figure out who
I really am

but the ***


when the skin
is wet with perspiration
                 and hair is in your
mouth, licking moist
thighs, so excited

and afterward
you want to tell them
                                             your secrets.

but your secrets hold so much power

and they run away
faster than you can say



                              thanks for the ****

michelle reicks Jun 2013

find me

it's amazing
                        that you
never notice
            how much you think
about someone
                    until
it hurts to think about
         them

and lately, my heart hurts
       every few minutes
I'm filled with confusion
and heartache

because i wasn't given an explanation
and it feels as though

you are trying to ****
yourself off in my
mind

                            but you are not dead

and you can't fool me
          into feeling
lost without you

        because i will find you again

                           if you will
                               find me.

michelle reicks May 2013

help

since you read my poems
but ignore my calls

i guess this is how i will communicate to you

at least for now

i saw the picture.
i'm happy for you.

but it's hard to be happy for you

because seeing you happy
just reminds me of how ******* miserable i am.

it just puts a pit in my chest,
because we could have done these things together.

in january, i went on this journey
to discover who i am

but all i've figured out
is that i'm weak.
i change who i am to get people to like me

i'm fake
because i'm terrified of being alone

and being someone else is easier than dealing with the fact that i hate who i am

but you
you saw me

and you looked past the **** ****** up thirteen year old irrational illogical insane girl
that i am
deep down
and you loved me for the person i always wanted to be

and i appreciate that so much
because no one else has ever done that.

and i think it's just hitting me now, at this moment,
while writing this

just how weak i really am.

how pathetic i am as a human being.

how i need someone to tell me how to act

and it's all so hypocritical
because i'm supposed to be this strong feminist
and here i am,

sobbing
because you don't need me anymore.

and i still need you
or someone

because i can't figure out

how to love me for who i am.

because this girl,
i hate her.

this girl

could never be happy without someone holding her up

michelle reicks May 2013

memorial day

on a lonely day
on a lovely day

the clouds overhead are promising rain

i'm just waiting
for the water to pour from the sky

so that i might dance in it.

michelle reicks May 2013

metaphorically, of course

to shed one's own skin
is a painful process

letting go of something that was once a part of you
makes you question your existence in the world

who am i

i peel this layer of skin away
leaving paper thin paper white patches all over this house

the skin underneath is red and raw

in some places, i peeled away too much
and the skin bleeds

but the pink flesh is so beautiful

I am so beautiful

i have removed and discarded the shell of me
i will start anew

skin replenishes itself
and i will be a new person

but

i will also be me

the skin will fall away and grow back
and
this new skin will be untouched

by you

but for some reason
no matter how much skin is peeled away,

these scars are always visible

i desperately search for ways to speed up this process

to change into a new person
a person who knows how to be content

a person who has never known you,
and therefore will never miss you

but as it is,
my body is bleeding
my hair falls out in clumps

and my heart aches
for you

underneath these broken ribs