I loved what we had
      I loved being near you

the warmth gone from your feet
       but radiating from your chest

into my cheek, pressed
                              into you


love                 love              love
                  affection
              ­                   so readily available

I never needed to seek it out
      I was never lacking it


we used to laugh

                but it's been replaced
with silence and tears

I wish I could say something
to you. I wish you would
say something back.

I'm unsure,
                  shaky
I step onto this bridge
                         shivering, uncomfortable

Leaving what I always knew
                        trekking to a new
        place,
                        uncharted territory


this bridge seemed short when
                           I first set foot on it


Now that my vision is no longer
                                      blurry

i can see that it goes on
             for
                          miles

            I can't turn back.

your voice is a low rumble
        that pushes over waves
of everything else

Your laugh sticks out

                    it calms me
                  
                                       because it means
                                                    you're near.




shut up shut up shut up

I'm so worried that I'll
never find anyone
that is as good to me
as you    were.
I'm worried that all of
my future relationships will
all be for the wrong reasons.

I'm worried that I made
up all these things
that were wrong with
our relationship.

I'm worried that you were
perfect for me
           and I ****** everything up

Like I always do

                         with everything.

two days ago

      I was looking at old pictures
on my camera

             and I found one of Us
you, puckered up ready to kiss

and me, smiling and happy.

I pressed delete


"This photo cannot be deleted."

My camera doesn't want to
     get rid of you.

and I'm not sure I
want to either.

If I could have one
wish and make it
   come true,

I'd make myself be
in love with you.

it would be so easy.
I wouldn't have to lie to
     you.
              I could hold you
and give you comfort

I wouldn't miss your
body all the time.

But I don't have any wishes.

I only know how to work hard


at being strong,

                           and work on
learning and loving myself.

it has become
incredibly important

that I figure out
who I am.

and I guess, I can
only start with who
I'm not.

       I'm not going
to be someone that
uses people.
    which means I can
never go back to you.
as much as I want
to.
        because it's easy.