And all I can think about is you..

I;ve been left twice. Without knowing why the reason was.
Left unsaid. Left hanging. Left.. alone.
It puts me into despression.
I started to mute.
Being silent is my favourite.
Reading books. Alone in my room
--Something that I'd enjoy.
School?
Another depression. With people walking around me.
Staring at me like Im some kind of an idiot.
Stupid.

But,
I didnt shout to anyone who's trying to talk with me.
I screamed. I screamed thru my playlist.
-thru papers
--thru my stare.
Yes, no heard me. I like it.
People said that Im sick.
Im not sick, Im just sad.
and no one tries to understand me.
To hang myself or to cut?

*(Ai, Oct 4)

You know that old saying
When someone abandons you?
"It's their loss..."

Well, I never knew
How true that was...

I would have loved you
Until the end of time
I would have kissed your scars
I would have iced your bruises
I would have stitched your slices
On your body
And your soul

I would have held you
Until the sun came up
And the light made your
Heart warm again

I would have grown
Every ingredient in your dinner
In our backyard
Harvested the carrots
For our soup

I would have chopped wood
And bought your mother flowers
I would have done our taxes

I would have stayed up
And waited for you to come home
When the office made you stay late
I would have greeted you at the door
With a kiss and smile
And a hot cup of cocoa

I would have sewn the holes
In your jeans

I would have held your hand
At all those funerals
For the ones you barely knew

I would have been your
Plus one
For eternity

And those are the saddest
Words I'll ever know
Because we both
Know it's the truth.

I really would have
Loved you best.

And still you left.