What happened to those days?
I'm sad, and can't quite make it go away.
Everyone has gone,
I can't smile, it's been too long
It's hard to understand,
Nothing was ever planned,
But it's still worse then I ever thought
Anything to help, just can't be bought.
Mother never seems to look my way,
Father never has anything nice to say,
Brother died when he drank too much,
Sister ran when father tried to touch,
I'm left by myself, I hide my heart,
On the very highest shelf, while pulling myself apart.
I try to be good,
As every son should,
But when everyone is bad,
You can't stand to be stood.
I remember when everything was green,
No one was ever mean,
They loved and loved and loved,
Their hearts like that one gift from above.
We used to all walk hand in hand,
Sister would go kick stands,
Brother would wrestle with dad,
Mother smiled, no one was ever mad.
We used to talk about the day,
What happened at school,
What this person said to say,
Being small, I sat on the tallest stool,
And listened, and learned,
Watching Mother tend sisters blister,
I was taught to never get burned.
Now nothing is green, it's all brown and dead
Everyone is dark, there's screaming in my head,
I want to cry my eyes to nothing,
I want to run forever,
I need to be held so tight,
I want to be together.
But I'm apart in all my dreams,
A wall between me and that smile,
Higher then it ever seemed,
Can't see the top, it goes on for awhile,
I want, and I need
I've been told this is greed,
Did I do this all?
Was I the seed?
Was it me, who made brother take that drink?
Is it my fault, that be began to sink?
Could I have saved him, from himself?
Did he hide his heart, on that very same shelf?
Was it me, who caused sister to run away?
Is it my fault, no one ever saw her again, on any day?
Could I have saved her, when father told her "lets go"?
Did she look to me, to tell father "no"?
Was I too distracted, in my childish ways?
It is my fault, I'm why they've gone away.
This is all my fault,
Looking for answers,
Myself I've caught,
Mother must be so disappointed,
Thinking I was better taught.
I'm the worst son she could have ever had
That's why she never looks at me,
That's why she always looks so sad,
Now I really see,
Such a bad boy, in the mirror I see myself,
Well now I'll make up for it, I'll take down my heart
Hidden on the highest shelf,
I'll give it to Mother, and Father too,
And I bet I know what they'll do,
They'll hug me, and kiss me, and love me all over again
Then that'll be it, no more pain,
We can forget everyone who'd dead,
And all the screaming can stop in my head,
Yes, that's what I'll do,
I'll love them, and they'll love me too.
So I take down my heart, and blow off all the dust
Walk down the stairs, ready to give them all my trust,
But Father blocks my way, smelling worse then I can remember,
It's almost familiar, something about December,
But I look at the up at him, and hold out my heart,
With a smile finally on my face,
He staggers a bit, then takes me in his arms,
But my heart falls, and breaks apart,
He leans closer to me, and that smell I can taste,
It's the smell he smelt like, when he told sister, "lets go"
It's the smell brother smelt like, when he wouldn't take it slow,
It's the smell, I always remember,
That smell, I wished to never know.
Father carries me up the stairs, and into the room,
The night goes by, slower then I've known to be soon,
The sun comes up, and I hurt,
All over, Like I've been burned,
Mother was right to be disappointed,
I guess I didn't learn.
I bleed, and smell bad,
I need, something I can't remember,
If I've ever had,
A hug, and a kiss,
Ones that don't make me hurts
That don't make me bleed,
I want some pants, and shirt,
To cover the parts of me, that I guess I don't need.
I can't move, everything is cold,
My eyes get tired, the day gets old,
I close my heavy eyes, letting the sleep take,
I never knew,
That I'd never wake.