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2.5k · Jan 2010
Blue Is For The Chill
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Blue for the chill,
It's blue,
That hill,
Off in the distance,
Past that window,
That hasn't been washed,
I'll do that,
I will.

But the hill,
It's blue,
Blue is for the chill,
In case you forgot,
I do that sometimes,
I can't remember my lines,
But it's ok,
Cause they did too,
So it's not just you,

But look,
Out the ***** window,
That I forgot to clean,
A minute ago,
Oh,
Right.

...

Now look,
Look!
Past the window you don't know is there,
Cause its so clean,
Out to the hill,
It's blue,
Just like you,
Blue is for the chill,
Blue is for you too.

I know why blue is yours,
Cause I know almost everything,
I knew what your favorite colour is,
I know your favorite song to sing,
I shouldn't give it away too soon,
But the colour is blue,
And the song Blue Moon,
I knew I shouldn't have said anything,
I gave it away too soon...

But that's why you need to look,
You need to see,
Just like me,
I see you have eyes,
I know that cause I can see,
Big surprise,
It's deductive reasoning,
I like your wide eyes,
Makes you look scared,
Maybe you won't be so combative,
Maybe you'll do better than the others faired...

No no,
Don't cry,
Please don't cry,
I,
I don't know what to do about tears,
I find them to be one of my bigger fears,
I fear them like you fear death,
I'm not sure how to make them stop,
Without stealing your breath...

That's better
I'm glad you stopped,
It's better than you smile,
Cause it's been quite awhile,
Since I've seen someone not so scared,
Perhaps you will do better,
Than the others faired...

Oh no,
I've gone and frightened you again,
I'm sorry,
I don't mean to,
I'm unsure what to do,
How about I show you something?
Here look,
See,
It's a ring,
Diamond and gold,
Will keep shining forever,
Till we're grey and old,
Isn't that something else?
It'll last longer than both you and I,
But that's no surprise,
Rocks have long lives,
We humans almost never survive...

But never mind that,
You got me all sidetracked,
Trickster you!
But look,
Beyond the window,
All the blue,
That is the hill,
Cause blue is for the chill,
And I know how you like the colour,
I like always how the world is still,
Never moving,
Not an inch,
Not a mile,
Not bit,
Not in quite awhile,
I've often wondered why not,
But then I forgot,
What I wondered about,
And then I scream,
And I shout,
And when I stop I find everyone's sleeping,
Not making a sound,
Not even breathing,
So I dig a big,
Big hole in the ground,
And in they go,
Without a sound.

But don't worry,
I won't forget a thing!
I won't ever forget the name of that song,
That song you love to sing!
It's called...
It's called...
It's called.....

...

....

...Hm,
Wake up sleepy head,
Wake up lazy bones!
Oh,
You're dead...
You never even got to see the hill,
That's passed the window,
It's blue,
Blue is for the chill,
All for you,
That hill,
Cause it's blue,
And I know you really like the colour,
Or liked I guess,
What a mess...
I'm sorry for this,
I really thought I'd miss,
Never hit anything with it before,
But I guess I did today,
I had hoped you could stay,
For a little while longer,
I knew that I could be just that little bit stronger,
But not today...
Micheal Bevan Sep 2010
If I were an opened can of pop,
You know what I'd be right now?

Flat.

That,
Is a horrible thing to be,
Cause you see,
I am up and bubbly fresh,
Now down,
Gloomy doomy death.

I am moss on crack,
Growing out of floor,
Covering the world,
And wanting more.

Cause you see,
When a blind man falls,
I like to laugh,
Because he doesn't know when the ground
Is going to hit him in the face,
And when it does,
He's so surprised
Like "How the hell did you get all the way to my face?"

Then I, come up to him
Laughing,
And say,
"You met it halfway!"

And run like a *****.

But I'm flat,
And that,
*****.

Like a straw set in a frosty milkshake,
Set between two starry eyed lovebirds,
And as they are about to indulge in the yumminess
Of the creamy bounty before them,
The eye of the guy,
Catches the sight of the girl,
Who's not sitting in front of him,
Passing on the by,
Catching his eye,
And his girl is soon by his side,
With a look on her face,
That could stop a race,
Dead in it's place,
For the fear of the world coming apart at the seems,
And he, knows, it.

She knows what he thought
When he saw what he saw,
And when he stuttered and sputtered,
She had heard it all,
Just not in so many words,
So much for these lovebirds.

She said what she felt,
He heard every word,
Then she turned and sped out,
He went quickly after,
And every one heard what he tried to shout.
And bursted into tears,
At the humor that was there,
Far less did his attempts,
Even try to fare.

It was told through the day,
From ear to ear,
"You had to be there"
They said with tears.

"But baby wait,
This is too much,
Come on, let's go back,
Our milkshake hasn't even been touched!"

And guess what?
I feel like that straw,
Feeling so lonely,
Nerves getting raw,
Listening to the fight,
Knowing this ain't right,
I should be cold,
But with the heat of lips,
Caught between sweet nothings,
And sweeter sips.

So you see,
What I see?
Feel,
What I felt?
How it just stood there,
While the milkshake,
It melt.
Leaving it in a puddle,
No one would drink,
And being wasted like that,
Poured down the sink.

Makes you think.
That,
It must be horrible,
To be,
Flat.
2.4k · Aug 2010
Existential Mess
Micheal Bevan Aug 2010
I felt the world at a finger tip,
It tingled
And radiated,
Radius.
Sedated,
I am medicated on absence
And excess.

You are the mirror to me,
My existential mess,
Superiority and minority thought.

Superficial and fictitiously bought,
Buyer from the sold,
Silver to the raindrop,
Water to your gold.

It drips
Fingertips,
Touched the world at a lark,
Till light fled,
Leaving the dark.

I bid farewell to new,
And hello to you.
1.9k · Nov 2010
Supernova Symphony Suicide
Micheal Bevan Nov 2010
Don't watch me bleed,
Pick it up,
Pick it all up,
And place it in your cup,
From which you drink your sins nightly.
You're so unsightly,
Your mother should have aborted,
How she could have supported,
That monster you are,
Disgusts me,
You're such a star.

Supernova,
You're brighter than any,
You're a quarter to my penny,
A dime to my dim,
Slim to my exact,
Addition to my subtract,
The loser to my win.

Supernova,
Monster mystery,
I reflect in your shadow,
In your shadow I am me,
Dark and discreet,
I knock at your door,
Invited in, I have a seat,
Wine please, more,
I am minor, major; I implore.

Supernova,
I lay death at your feet,
I lick the edges,
I taste defeat,
I've walked the ledges,
Life I've met, despair I'll meet,
Just you wait,
Supernova symphony,
I faint beautifully,
In wake of your sleep,
River wrists,
Dare slumber keep,
My heart at rest,
Supernova symmetry,
Torn apart at best.
1.6k · Aug 2010
Good Friend, Crazy Times
Micheal Bevan Aug 2010
Good friend,
You held my hand when I grew weary,
You held my hand when I grew teary,
As I scraped my knee,
And it began to bleed,
You grew nauseous,
I grew cautious,
And only just moved out of the way,
Of the lunch you had today.

Ew,
That was gross,
You,
Proudly boast,
It was like two feet!
I condescendingly reply,
Yeah...real neat.
(I kind of lie)

But you knew,
Right away,
You saw through,
Without say,
And before I knew what happened,
Pillow in my face, close captioned;
KA-POW!!!
For the hearing impaired,
As I politely tossed you down the stairs,
But you wouldn't dare go,
Without a handful of my hair,
A smile on your face,
You stay in my good grace,
As we stand together in explanation,
To your mother about the breaks and lacerations,
Truly,
We shocked her,
But not quite as much,
As the nurse,
Or the doctor.

I loved our quarter-dimensional world,
I pray you find this poem in good grace,
And continue to let your crazy mind unfurl.
1.6k · Apr 2010
Raisin
Micheal Bevan Apr 2010
Teething abdomen,
We've eaten ourselves into abundance!
And we're so very desolate,
Lonely,
Beside our digestive pile of excremental idioms.

I am God,
He said,
Then choked to death on a raisin.
God is subject to nothing!
Except raisins,
It would seem,
Then he woke,
God was having a dream.

I killed God,
It said,
As it sat snugly in the throat of God!
No figment of imagination,
Could make believe me,
It said,
Then poofed,
And became nonexistent.

No more late nights he said,
Then went to back to bed three days later,
And dreamed himself a woman to make love to,
And woke alone.
1.6k · Aug 2010
Connecting Dots
Micheal Bevan Aug 2010
Word.

Listening intently,
Echoes on replay,
Listening intently.

Word.Word.

Hearing
Less and less sense,
With each reverberation
As it fades into violent silence.

Violence,
They're all words.

Word.Birds.

Spacial relations,
Mental taxations,
Connecting dots,
Listening intently.

I hear fear on the broken tears,
Splashing at your feet.

I hear sadness in your eyes.

Word.
.droW

I'm surprised,
Backwards compatible future,
Forward functioning fables,
Genius played dumb
And waited tables,
Trying patience
And listening intently.

Word.
1.2k · Apr 2010
Pointed Vocabulary
Micheal Bevan Apr 2010
I,
Art,
Pointed vocabulary.

You,
Me,
Or I,
Combustible,
Inexcusably,
Irrevocably,
Unattainably,
Plated,
And jaded,
New years faded,
We,
Are geometric.

Mathematically methodic,
Periodically pinning,
Hot and heated,
Razor folds and sharply pleated,
Fascist fad,
Plaid,
Bellbottom dreams,
Up do uppers,
Down right downers,
Freedom from freedom,
Morals for the meat grinder,
Hamburger politics,
Methodic politics,
Periodic politics,
Political politics,
Politics frolic with a devil,
And an angel by its side,
For a fast food meal,
With hamburger policies,
And fascist fries,
Supersized and supervised.
1.1k · Jan 2011
My Heart's A Masterpiece.
Micheal Bevan Jan 2011
It hurts to be your pain,
Apologies made in vain,
I'm a whispered shout,
We're not the same,
I know you want out.

My fists are bloodied,
But I think it's kind of funny,
How in our aftermath of our storm,
It always comes out bright and sunny,
With emptied burdens,
Broken hearts,
Healing wounds,
A new start.

I know I ain't what I used to be,
I know it's hard to look at what you see,
Believe me,
The mirror ain't my friend,
The cracks in my reflection start to bleed,
And I can't help but feed,
The wound for the swoons,
The high that supplies our fuel,
The tool that destroys me from the inside,
And I'm not surprised,
I can't lie,
It's feels good to feel bad,
To see you sad,
And know it's me,
It's control,
It ain't right but you see,
It's all I've had and I know it's sad,
You've every right to be mad,
But I'm here in bloodied clothes to let you know that I'm glad,
That you stayed by my side,
Through every fight and every lie,
I couldn't say that if you left I'd be surprised.

Just know my heart's a masterpiece,
Manic morbid sadomasochistic malevolence,
Vivid violence,
Silver silence,
Simple mystery,
I believe,
My heart's a masterpiece.
1.1k · Jan 2010
And Don't Pout.
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
I think back to when I was young,
To things I wish I'd never known,
I think back to innocence,
I remember, innocence,
I never did own.

It's a whisper of a thought,
A shadow of a dream,
Of a sin so great,
So real it seemed.

I was so young...
I would reach for the door,
And knew I was short,
I would puts sheets on boxes,
And call it a fort,
I would play tag at my school,
The fastest of my friends,
I would lay still in my bed,
Thinking this was the end.

She came into my room,
Not far into the night,
Took my blanket and my clothes,
Said it's alright,
Tonight,
I'll just explore,
Nothing more,
Don't cry,
Don't be a bore,
Don't be a child,
Be something more,
Maybe you'll understand,
When you're older,
When you're a man.

This, whisper of a thought,
This shadow of a memory,
It clouds me when I think,
Of how young I used to be,
To young to see the sin,
Or know where to begin,
When shame filled my soul,
I knew not how to win.

I can't explain away the scars,
The marks upon my skin,
Where she placed her hand,
And let her nails dig in.

Tell no one of my sin,
Speak nothing of this night,
Or I'll do this all again,
I knew that she was right,
So I kept my quiet of my pain,
And let her do her thing,
She said, you're lucky,
I don't wear rings.
And don't pout,
She said to me that night,
Then took her fingers out.
1.1k · Sep 2010
Potato Run-Away!
Micheal Bevan Sep 2010
I remember when I was a potato,
About to die
By the fry-
-ing pan,
And that was the devious,
Devilish,
Fiendish,
Plan.

They wanted me
Like lust from their bellies,
Their pillow lint belly buttons
Begged for my meat,
Calling for my ****
By boiling, rolling, heat.

I did what I could,
With my potato eye!
I rolled like Ollie
Away from the fry!

Went off the counter
Landed with a smack,
Swore to my potato skin
That I ain't going back!

I rolled across the floor
Right under their nose!
A small child saw me
Said to his ma,
"Mr.potato head, there he goes!"

I soldiered on,
Got dirt in my eye!
But swore to myself,
Never the fry!

So I was near the door
Rolling a lopsided way,
I could see the light,
The sweet light of day!

I tried to roll faster
And tunnel sighted my eye,
I was getting so close
I was screaming "Goodbye!"

Then between the counter and door,
A distance I mistook,
Out went the sun,
And I was squished, underfoot.
1.0k · Aug 2010
I'm Bred And Bleeding
Micheal Bevan Aug 2010
Future fed,
I am past tense,
With pretense of post textual subtext.

But I'm in love with mental reflex,
That rebound and curve in action,
Reaction replicated and reduced,
Redistributed and digested through the nose,
Said then to then be brought down to a new low.

But it's hypocrisy,
And inert,
Like morality in children,
Who celebrate their own centennial,
While 10 children to each their year,
Are snuffed from this earth,
In quite the same fashion as the candles
On Mr.Centennial's cake,
And it's fake,
For he's a diabetic and suffers,
Having already forgot half the people he raised,
Sentimentality wasted on a senior,
Who shook hands with the devil,
And then smacked an angel off its cloud.

It makes me sick,
Such sin began,
Stopped to begin,
Walked thin and ran thick,
Over budget and understocked,
Cut backs on morality,
Cut backs on humanity,
They call this art,
The only proof of evolution,
Is how we slide down the chart.
969 · Aug 2010
Dawn
Micheal Bevan Aug 2010
Dawn,
Echoed without return,
Chilled stillness,
Frozen burn,
Fractured shade,
Subliminal warmth,
Mental unrest,
Flees and fades.
941 · Jan 2010
Decay
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
I cut my wrist,
Slit them,
I'll then make a fist,
Torture the tendons,
****** kiss,
Say goodbye to blood,
It's the warmth I'll miss.

But it's not a scratch,
That this cut need a million stitches,
Or that I'd flinch,
Away from the needles that aim for my eyes,
And it's no surprise,
That I,
Am not a fan of how you lie,
To me,
And I see,
With my needled eyes so holy,
Yet so empty.

Empty of your face and your fingers and hands,
That once held my face,
My face so close only the earth could understand,
Only the sky could know and cry,
For forgetting such a thing as this,
You and I,
Our ****** kiss that opened my heart as wide as this,
Both arms open wide,
And between then I hold the proof that you lied,
In between my arms held wide,
Is all the effort I could muster and I tried,
To believe what you told me,
But my mind wouldn't concede,
That it's really me you need,
I just don't see.

Maybe the needle in my eye has me blind to truth,
And I lay awake at night till day comes right,
Grinding my every tooth,
Until I have nothing but gums to bite at your shadow,
That single shadow I'd follow till I couldn't walk,
And when I couldn't walk I'd crawl,
Then when I ceased to call I hope you die beside me,
So that I could stave on your decay,
I'd live to watch you rot and say,
The way you fall apart,
It's beauty like I've never known,
I'll die happy when I die,
And I die today.
880 · Apr 2010
Secondhand Oxygen
Micheal Bevan Apr 2010
I thought about moonlight,
How stars are like glitter to the kiss of the sun,
And it's lips are the moon pursed for love,
As daylight is a echo,
And evening is the sound,
And dawn is the break that takes with it,
The silent stillness in which we are found.

We are locked like silk strands to the tree,
From which all other silk strands can be,
Worms for the food of morbid decay,
I hold your hand in my minds eyes and with my minds voice,
Tell you it's ok,
It's ok to be soft when you're a word,
When it's a last dying word,
It's ok to be bare and open,
Like the wound of the night when day takes it's first slice,
And it's alright when you're nice,
Cause kindness cured my cancer of jaded desperation,
Like fading, faded perspiration,
That came from the kiss that the moon sent from me to you,
And like a badly worded comeback it stuck like glue,
And held on like a metal surface in winter time,
To a tongue who talked too much,
That said too many words,
That were much too hard for the ears that heard,
And that's why you're my bird,
Who sings me morning love songs with your still sleeping breath,
That if I could lie there listening I could be happy breathing death,
I could be satisfied with secondhand oxygen,
If the first hand was your lungs,
Then I could know I am complete,
With the unconscious symphony that you sung,
While I laid there and thought about moonlight.
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
The bitter taste of frost licks my skin,
It crawls with needle tension,
She finds her way in.

Between the cracks of my skull,
That once shaped my head,
Leaks life like marking time,
In thick puddles of red.

On the wayside of east avenue,
They all look wide-eyed,
At the pieces of you.

When the paramedics come out,
And he steps with a crunch,
He sees some skull underfoot,
Then loses his lunch.

"The worst of the year,
No once survived,
I can smell it from here..."

She talks of our death,
As we're smeared on the road,
There's tears in our blood,
From the eyes in the cold.

The storm melts on my skin,
Taking the last of my warmth,
She makes her way in.

They look at us in pieces,
I can't beat my heart,
They look in all directions,
"I don't know where to start..."

We were fighting through the snow,
Our seat belts weren't on,
I didn't know...

Her face is of sorrow,
Her posture like death,
She's looking for my only,
My very last, lonely breath.

Like sun to the wind,
She touches us both,
And makes her way in.

The storm can't white us out,
We're red among the white,
I held my loves hand,
Dream sweet and good night.
830 · Jan 2010
I, The Worst
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
You're something a little better then me
I'm something worse.
Sticky fingereds,
Lifted purse.
I'm a thief, a liar
A seller, a buyer.
You're a light
I, the shadow.

The viral killers,
The taxing billers,
Musical fillers,
Blood spillers,
You are my cure.

Silver tongue rusted to dust.
Speaking not a word,
Relaying no dawn to dusk,
I, the wingless
Flightless bird.

Keep bright this sinful day
High above, never a glare
A guarded front of relay
To replace the smile rare.
I do not dare.

Blue bells ring delicate notes,
Vibrations lift, soar and float,
They are elated, they who hear
Gifted are those,
Granted the audible tear
Of angels who weep,
The bitter keep,
Of beauty and turmoil sleep.

I, who keeps the graves at bay
Shadowed by the moon and day,
Collect the tears of widows.
They fall forever, for time is slow.
Though all becomes the past,
Life slips between us
Always too fast.
The sensation of love,
The sweet sights of flightful doves,
Never last.

I, the worst
You, the better between
I, the nameless curse
Of a hundred hexes
Tenfold.
You, the snowfall of light
And life, in a hundred truths
Always told,
In sweet tongue.
The song, flawless
Perfectly sung.
The smile never there,
Has left.
For I, the worst
Am deaf.
And could never hear
The fall of weeping angels
And audibul tears.
Micheal Bevan Jun 2010
Fear and infractions,
Basic senses,
Subtle subtractions,
Delayed response,
Relayed reactions,
Play off the hint,
Winter hue,
Malice tint,
Hateless tasteless,
Faceless placeless,
Placed placement,
Playful payment,
Frivolous and fevered,
Tempered beliefs,
Believers,
Belay the bounty,
Beautiful and temptress trite,
Fracturing county,
Past tense recite,
Fast forward rewrite,
Rewound and respun,
Locked and lead loaded,
Geared and gunned,
Sudden and semi-accidental implosion,
Rewarming,
Sickly hex,
Weakened flex,
Internally overcasted and overtly storming,
Outwardly warning,
Slowly learning,
Forever turning,
And in turn,
Burnt and still laid burning,
Waking a ghostly turning,
Soundlessly and -ly burning,
Smokey on the peripheral,
Ethereal,
Eternally external,
Forcefully feared,
Into inferno,
Out of opinionated opressionables,
Que wide and willingly willed questionables,
Wordlessly whispers with the whim of the wind,
Beget blindness,
Begets mindless,
Begets beauty bound by which beauty begins,
Found fearfully,
Torn tearfully,
Retold beautifully,
Molded after mourning,
Mourned before morning,
Night neared,
Sadness teared,
Tearing soundly on edges,
Destruction and dutiful pirouette,
Tasted tyranny teem and endance pledge,
Irony stills,
And the air dare not forget.
785 · Jul 2010
Freedom
Micheal Bevan Jul 2010
I'm a captain trying to work the navigation
Of this worlds generation,
It's a mindfield of pseudo-suicidal thoughts.

It's a pseudonym for sympathy they bought,
Caught up in the friction fiction,
Of morality against carbon fiber addiction.

An impossible love,
And intangible hate,
With freedoms death,
First breath it takes.

And weeps,
Resounding notes the mountains couldn't sing,
Or the sky could keep,
Secrets that give flight to broken wings,
While dignity sleeps,
Freedom sings.
758 · Feb 2011
Arm Skin Torn
Micheal Bevan Feb 2011
And I held my heart
In my hands today,
I held it close,
As it slipped away,
So still it sat in my sweaty palms,
Trying very hard to remain calm.

But it's hard,
When you're alone,
Such silence,
Empty home,
Closing in,
Opening up,
Smaller sins,
Bigger cuts.

I am ribboned,
Arm skin torn,
Bloodied fists,
My veins are worn,
Less and lesser still,
I can't help it anymore,
I'm racing for the ****.

Don't let me die,
Stop the bleed,
You're nearly gone,
The planted seed,
Growing roots,
Taking hold,
Forever young,
Never old.

A questioned thought,
Raising quick,
As my blood, it runs,
Pooling thick,
My fragment thoughts,
Breaking apart,
How do I bleed,
Without a heart?
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
What happened to those days?
I'm sad, and can't quite make it go away.
Everyone has gone,
I can't smile, it's been too long
It's hard to understand,
Nothing was ever planned,
But it's still worse then I ever thought
Anything to help, just can't be bought.
Mother never seems to look my way,
Father never has anything nice to say,
Brother died when he drank too much,
Sister ran when father tried to touch,
I'm left by myself, I hide my heart,
On the very highest shelf, while pulling myself apart.

I try to be good,
As every son should,
But when everyone is bad,
You can't stand to be stood.

I remember when everything was green,
No one was ever mean,
They loved and loved and loved,
Their hearts like that one gift from above.
We used to all walk hand in hand,
Sister would go kick stands,
Brother would wrestle with dad,
Mother smiled, no one was ever mad.
We used to talk about the day,
What happened at school,
What this person said to say,
Being small, I sat on the tallest stool,
And listened, and learned,
Watching Mother tend sisters blister,
I was taught to never get burned.

Now nothing is green, it's all brown and dead
Everyone is dark, there's screaming in my head,
I want to cry my eyes to nothing,
I want to run forever,
I need to be held so tight,
I want to be together.

But I'm apart in all my dreams,
A wall between me and that smile,
Higher then it ever seemed,
Can't see the top, it goes on for awhile,
I want, and I need
I've been told this is greed,
Did I do this all?
Was I the seed?

Was it me, who made brother take that drink?
Is it my fault, that be began to sink?
Could I have saved him, from himself?
Did he hide his heart, on that very same shelf?
Was it me, who caused sister to run away?
Is it my fault, no one ever saw her again, on any day?
Could I have saved her, when father told her "lets go"?
Did she look to me, to tell father "no"?
Was I too distracted, in my childish ways?
It is my fault, I'm why they've gone away.

This is all my fault,
Looking for answers,
Myself I've caught,
Mother must be so disappointed,
Thinking I was better taught.
I'm the worst son she could have ever had
That's why she never looks at me,
That's why she always looks so sad,
Now I really see,
Such a bad boy, in the mirror I see myself,
Well now I'll make up for it, I'll take down my heart
Hidden on the highest shelf,
I'll give it to Mother, and Father too,
And I bet I know what they'll do,
They'll hug me, and kiss me, and love me all over again
Then that'll be it, no more pain,
We can forget everyone who'd dead,
And all the screaming can stop in my head,
Yes, that's what I'll do,
I'll love them, and they'll love me too.

So I take down my heart, and blow off all the dust
Walk down the stairs, ready to give them all my trust,
But Father blocks my way, smelling worse then I can remember,
It's almost familiar, something about December,
But I look at the up at him, and hold out my heart,
With a smile finally on my face,
He staggers a bit, then takes me in his arms,
But my heart falls, and breaks apart,
He leans closer to me, and that smell I can taste,
It's the smell he smelt like, when he told sister, "lets go"
It's the smell brother smelt like, when he wouldn't take it slow,
It's the smell, I always remember,
That smell, I wished to never know.

Father carries me up the stairs, and into the room,
The night goes by, slower then I've known to be soon,
The sun comes up, and I hurt,
All over, Like I've been burned,
Mother was right to be disappointed,
I guess I didn't learn.
I bleed, and smell bad,
I need, something I can't remember,
If I've ever had,
A hug, and a kiss,
Ones that don't make me hurts
That don't make me bleed,
I want some pants, and shirt,
To cover the parts of me, that I guess I don't need.
I can't move, everything is cold,
My eyes get tired, the day gets old,
I close my heavy eyes, letting the sleep take,
I never knew,
That I'd never wake.
730 · Jan 2010
I Don't Want To Go To Hell
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
I once dug a hole, and put mommy in it
When daddy came home, I put him in too
But now these police men are here, what to do...
What to do?

After the first fell
The other pulled his gun and missed
Now I dug a whole new hole for them, because I'm a good boy
Or as daddy would say, "My little play toy"

Then I'm in the shower, washing off all the red
It's hard but once I'm done, I'm off to nap in my bed
But then I'm awake and I see, all these people are staring at me
I'm scared and want them gone
But it's dark and way past dawn
Mother would never approve

They take me away to places I've never been
Many days and faces pass, accusing me of 'sin
I'm confused, what did I do wrong?
It's daddy isn't it?
I can hear him now
"You little ****!"
Please make him go away, I tried
If you can't, what if I died?
Or are you mad at me, what what we did?
I said 'No', but I'm only a kid
He brought me to the bed, said it'd be fun
But it really wasn't, it hurt so much
I still cringe at the memory of his lustful touch
He told me if I ever tell
Then I'd go strait to hell

Now they all cry, and I'm asking why?
They all say they're sorry, but I wanna know for what
I'm the one who's sorry, I opened what he said to keep shut
But you know, sometimes it felt kinda of good
But I know I'm only a kid, so I did what I could
I told mommy what he did to me
But she didn't believe, she refused to see
I told her over and over, I cried and pleaded
Then she went to her room and made a big noise
When I went to check, she breathed her last breath
In her hand was I note I couldn't read
But I knew she was dead, so I did what I was shown
I dug a hole and put her in it, by myself, alone

Then daddy came home, he smelled really bad
He couldn't walk strait, he was really mad
Said he lost his job, and we had to play our game
But I didn't want to, the pain was always the same
So when he tripped over himself and fell
I ran over and said, "I don't want to go to hell!"
And I put my hands over his mouth, so he would never tell
His eyes went big, and his face real red
When his chest stopped moving, I knew from mommy he was dead
So I put him out with her, in that hole I dug
Wrapping him in, our living room rug

Then these two police men came to my door
I asked them, wanting to know what they were here for
But they broke in, demanding where daddy might be
But I was scared, I didn't want them to see
What I did to him
Before I knew what was going on, the lights were off
And things were dim
Then I was in the kitchen, my heart beating really fast
I grabbed the biggest knife, and the first man I passed
I jumped at the second, and pressed the knife into his chest
The first saw, pulled his gun but missed despite his best
I open my eyes and see, bodies around where I stand
I shut them tight, hoping this is a nightmare that would end
When I opened them I saw it was a real as the warmth of the blood on my hands

So I dug a whole new hole for them, it was super hard but I'm strong
As I put the dirt on top of them, I knew I did something very wrong
But then I seen that I was *****, and I needed to be clean
As mommy would say "It's better to be clean, then dirt and mean"
And that made me cry

I go into the shower, to wash off all the dirt and red
It's super hard, so I use alot of soap from my feet to my head
Once it's all off, I'm tired so I go to nap in my bed
I get under covers and comfy, slowly drifting to sleep
My last disturbing thought, of how that knife went so deep...

I'm awake and I see, all these other police men here
Staring at me, staring in fear
They take me away from my only home
They put me in a new room everyday, but still all alone
A long time goes by, I talk to alot of people I don't know
Soon summer passes and down comes the snow
It gets really boring, same thing everyday
Where ever they put me, I never get to stay

Now I'm here, in this room you call a court
Filled with tall people, who make me feel short
I only want one thing, that you don't let daddy know of these things I tell
Because, I don't want to go to hell.
706 · Jul 2010
Upon The Edge
Micheal Bevan Jul 2010
Upon the edge of hidden worlds,
I am temptress to my own,
Endless abandon in abundance,
In this loss I call home.

It's called subconsciousness,
Subject only to abstract,
I am witness and betrayer,
It recoils, reacts,
In a way of profound precision,
Butterfly incision.

Winged whim,
I got lost,
But was found again,
Within.

Shadow like blood,
Dripped from my finger tips,
Down the length of my hand,
From where the metal slips,
And digs,
Finding oil,
I react,
Recoil.

I'm bleeding,
I was meant to,
I didn't mean it,
That wasn't true.

Butterfly incision,
Madness precision,
I unravel,
Recoil,
Rebound,
And boil.

I am the blood of a shadow,
Whose door I dare knock,
Who has granted me its time,
But it ticks,
And it tocks.

It's fate,
Were fate death
So kindly seen,
And I,
Puppet to the piece,
***** and unclean,
Dance a pirouette,
Every step,
I forget,
The value of self,
The face or the hand,
Second sided shelf,
Where we understand,
No one knocks,
While time ticks,
While time tocks.

I drift and slip,
With every drop from my finger tips,
And stare at death while it smiles,
Bleeding teeth and ****** lips,
Winged whim
And a moments while.

A twist and turn,
Contortion spin and contended twirl,
Falling silent and forever,
Upon the edge of hidden worlds.
703 · Jan 2010
Split Threads
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
More than this?
Your touch,
This kiss.
I cannot dream,
Of anything less,
Our heart,
This mess.

Where a thread tightly wound,
It splits and coils,
Soundly boils,
And forgets my ground,
Leaves me loyal,
To the fray,
And frayed,
This lowly mind,
Left today.

In the wake of excess,
The lack thereof,
It feathers a test,
That tempts true love.
685 · Jan 2010
Imagine For The Moment
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Suppose there were birds in the form of death,
And they could hear you dream.
Imagine they could manipulate your mind,
Tease the senses,
And stir your livelihood so violently,
You question the concept of life itself.

Now in a state so abstract,
See yourself with wings,
With feathers and flight,
Now watch yourself fall,
Past the clouds,
The sun,
The stars,
The very earth itself.

Feel the wind whip past every cell,
Every pore,
Every hint of sweat,
Every salty trail of tears,
Every drop of spit,
Everything you've ever thought,
Feel it shake the bonds of synthesis,
And shatter them like your every hope and dream.

If you can muster,
See darkness with open eyes,
Watch life like water,
Boiling,
Evaporating,
Disappearing,
Ceasing to exist,
And put your face where others have lost theirs.

Now you have an inkling,
To the life of birds,
Of whom death is their flight.
664 · Jan 2010
Wait For Me,
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Wait for me here,
As love waits for life,
Wait for me here,
As the wind for a breath,
A breath from lips so sweet,
It could turn spring to winters meet,
Let it speak of whispers,
That tell of softer things,
The delicate shade of your eyes,
That could make the earth sing.

How you walk like wings take flight,
Effortless beauty in my sights,
No light could take from you,
How the moon is humbled too.

Wait for me,
Dear,
Wait for me,
Love,
As love waits for life,
And the wind for a breath,
So will I for you,
For you I wait till death.
656 · Jan 2010
A Century Embrace
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Feathered filtered light,
Cast like ripples upon your brow,
Earthen shapes and slopes of natures make,
Keep you are as you've been now,
A laugh of sapling youth,
Split echoes of a thousand fold,
Whispered words of scented love,
For the heart lives off words been told.

Simple curve on off the hand,
A century embrace,
As seasons turn and the suns revolve,
How lovely time had held your face.
Micheal Bevan Feb 2010
All the stars of earthen sight, Saw the earth and all its eyes, Each in disbelief and awe, As the night smiled in soft surprise. Morning light could not take the smile, They shared for that moments while, Born of the anothers joy, Of a lovely girl, And a distant boy. In the gentle soul of midnight sky, Did he look up and smile, Did she look up and laugh, And she then would smile, At the moon she'd never own, But still she shared, And he laughed the same, As he contently stared. And he knew of love, And hurt and pain, Of the fragile risk, And the worth all the same. She knew enough of love, Of all that it could be, She knew a careful dance, Of steps only she could see, As they lead toward a path, Towards her very heart, That bled for all the world, Its pieces by the part, That made this lovely girl. And it ached, At the sight of the moon, And he felt it too, As the tides turn and swoon, To the shores of subtle discontent, Where the glass of time behind wear on, To the soft shine of times own scar, Of the blood once come, now gone. And still she danced, In the pirouetting petals of the frozen sky, The same that he danced, In the wake of that lovely girls sigh, Stars spun as fireflies should, Whilst they spun as only lovers could, In minds alike they twirled, In two minds alike, A lovely world.
646 · Jan 2010
Unto Myself I Reap
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Silly girl,
Such a brat,
Never do you see,
Like you've no eyes,
How you destroy me.

Take every limb,
I'm left with naught to walk,
Cutting down,
My hand and heart,
With your hatred talk.

Like I've never given you my all,
Every piece in pieces at your feet,
But I'm left empty appal,
Unto sadness and despair,
Midway we meet.

Hello a thousand cuts,
And a million bleeds,
How nice of you to come,
In this most desperate time of need.

I alone could stand no more,
Of all the nights in tears,
My dear,
Cut my skin,
Deep within,
**** this my lightest fear.

It takes me a sullen moment,
In time when time stands still,
Waiting in a shadows sigh,
And I,
Fell silent unto the willed.

Who want nothing but myself,
This lost shell of a soul,
To who could help,
When no one could know,
Of the silent sin,
I fell within,
When I could stand no longer,
It begins.

This a simple walk,
So simple it seemed,
When the path grew thin,
So did the dream,
Slowly it twisted,
A contortion of the strands,
The held together a mind,
A mind the dark dares understand.

With thoughts of evil,
Of the darkest deeds,
Where unto acrid soil,
Do they plant the seeds.

Nurtured with the worst of us,
Of blindness, loss, and
Lust.

For every thought a leaf,
Unto which the worst is kept,
Till the fruit it bears,
Is fed to those who slept,
Under the arm of the sick,
Who could not be stirred,
The choicest picked.

For the seeds better yet,
To grow something less a little more,
Into the sow,
We sow on winters shore,
With intention of a finer keep,
Into the sand I lay my pain,
And my pain I shall reap.

No soul of mine,
No heart of my own,
Should know so many tears,
So many tears alone,
With naught but shadows at my side,
I find the darkest for me to hide,
Leave my lightest at the foot of madness,
And forget forever,
A sound mind perhaps,
But also sadness.
646 · May 2010
The Question Remains
Micheal Bevan May 2010
Where is my heart,
He asked in an aimless stagger,
This homeless endeavor,
Where is my heart,
He mourned in wordless ache,
Drifting on the breath of loss,
Transparent and insignificant,
Causation and blindness,
Men and madness,
Where is my heart,
He asked the sky,
Who asked the same,
The questions remains.

He asked apathy,
And he walked on,
He asked dignity,
And she walked on,
He asked love,
But love had gone.

He paced the beach,
And the sand held his steps
Till the tide tore through,
Washing away his proof of purpose,
He asked the waves,
Where is my heart,
Who asked the same,
And the questions remains.

He aged like the mountains,
Slow and steady cycling,
Breath a laboured practice,
Death a practiced labour,
To ever after is he praised,
With mortality stricken has he lost favor.

Where is my heart,
He asked in impoverished wonder,
The poor creaked like hardwood,
And answered his plea,
As only silence could.
640 · Jan 2010
Sigh
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Dear little one,
Know I'm here,
And I know you've won,
Even when your down,
Ever more when you're out,
Your name is on my lips,
Listen for it as I shout,
"I,
Am the luck and the wind,
To whisper your name,
Before you even begin,
After down and further,
You've been lain."

On my highest thoughts,
You're soaring,
My heart goes out,
A candle flame imploring,
It's in the air,
A question on the word,
What that you I saw,
Was it just a bird.

It's pain,
A rhythm in life,
Periodic,
Symbolically simple,
Subtle ripples,
Play on the cautious edge,
Tasting a colour in the eye,
Fair and foul this desperation,
I tightly held this lasting goodbye,
And I,
To no surprise,
Miss my baby gone,
In song,
And I,
Sigh.
640 · Jan 2010
No More
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Mother was my lover
No one could ***** me
For she was first
Her darkest thirst
I could never quench
But how I tried
But I never lie
For she would punish me and my bad ways
She'd take away the sun, I'd live without days
And the night would speak to me
Quiet whispers, from a face I'd never see
Telling me evil deeds
Telling me evil greeds
(Planting that evil seed)

Mother was my lover
Not a hand by hers
Could touch my skin
No lips but hers
Could breathe such sin
But who am I to protest
I am but a guest
Under her roof provided
Her love and lust divided
Leaving me to her compulsive will
(Leaving me alone, to wish her ****)

Mother was my lover
Who I could only hate
Single digit age and *****
Never knowing the right from wrong
Never knowing how long,
The nights did last
In the heat and sweat
Where I be played victim
These nights I wish to forget
While her eyes, never see regret

Mother was my lover
I, she gave birth to
I, she made 'love' to
Always told it was for me to do
Diluted into believe this was true
But with an whispered doubt
I began to fall, without a shout
I would never land
Never fully understand
The way she placed her hand on me
The way her eyes would see and perceive
Her only child
Always calm and mild
But when the sun set, her demons woke
She'd take me, and I'd silently choke
Losing my grip on my mind
Leaving me empty and blind
(Searching out blood, I'd soon find)

Mother was my lover
She touched me soft, she hit me hard
Over time, she touched me into broken shards
I fought between, what I knew
And the their voices lewd
That spoke from a face never seen
That spoke with a voice so pristine
I could not help but listen, and obey
But what do I do, when it goes against,
What mother says...

Mother was my lover
Who never loved me at all
She picked me up to let me fall
And I could never stop
My quick decent
Until it stopped, she voice
That I resent
And I was told
Her words need air
With her hands unfair
If she couldn't breathe
Then her will would leave
And I wouldn't have to play anymore

Mother was my lover
Who I had to ****
Mother was the lover
Sporting evil will
I was told, by a voice I must obey
That I must take away all her days
I went into her room
Darkest of the night
And took away,
Her regretless sight
She woke wide-eyed
I spoke not a lie
And said it's time to die
Mother who I hate
She took the knife, deep into her chest
And I drank in all her blood
A taste I had to test.
620 · Jul 2010
From His Lips
Micheal Bevan Jul 2010
There's an ache in the stain,
A subtle sense of this pain,
That picks at a part,
That by chance is my heart.

It ticks time by blood,
The red reminder,
That for all the world,
Death is sweet and kinder.

I am a dying man,
In a dying world,
A cold and bitter thing,
Without one girl.

Who's eyes have drifted,
And her love followed suit,
And all my affection that rang so soundly,
Has since fallen mute.

And I am a stain unto myself,
And symbol of shame,
Who fears his own stabilities,
Who bears all the blame.

Mea culpa fell from his lips,
His sorrow seeped and slipped,
From the steels cold kiss,
Did that girl he ever miss,
Mea culpa from his lips,
His life seeped and slipped,
Mea culpa from his lips.
617 · Mar 2010
Beauty
Micheal Bevan Mar 2010
Tint of summer sweet,
In the colours of a smile,
Subtle tones of autumns breath,
Hint at the arc of death,
As the arrow would its length and trial.

And the breath of seasons change,
Dance in the mist of dawn,
Pirouetting ghost of leaves,
As spring clutches summers sleeve,
The shadows of its light come and gone.

Night would contest the day,
And the day an evenings end,
So would its end contest decay,
Of a moment torn on the mend,
As the newborn would clutch at life,
So would the withered at a second look,
And the seasons at a lengthened day,
As the eager eyes for an open book.

And for the stone which stands the winds and gale,
Of the seas rage it would boast, and to no avail,
Of all the hearts sulk and woe,
Could stone spin and weave a tail,
For time leaves no sign,
On that which shows no mark,
And that stone so untouched,
And so wretched a beating heart,
It, like autumns eve,
Could scarcely only breathe,
For fear of winters breath,
And with it, autumns death.
606 · Sep 2010
Midnight Gas
Micheal Bevan Sep 2010
I feel your hands,
Colder then they should be,
You always said,
"It won't happen to me"

But you were wrong,
And I told you so,
Then I promised,
To never let you go.

So you sleep,
A coma under sheets,
I cry for you,
While picking what to keep.

I was,
So lucky you were loaded when you showed up on my door,
I could,
Have cried for I knew exactly what was going be in store,
For our,
Life that started with Rolex love at first sight,
I knew,
I could live on easy street if I just played my cards right.

I shed my weighted tears,
While you're visited by your boy,
Little do they know,
That these are tears of joy.

I can see it all now,
The things that I will own,
I never imagined the happiness,
That comes when I'm finally alone.

I will,
Pawn off every stupid thing that you have ever loved,
Just for,
Fun I will buy those five thousand dollar gloves,
And roll,
Naked in the money I will get when you pass,
And never,
Have to sleep in the stench of your,
Midnight gas.

It was so sad,
They ask and I say,
He just tripped and fell,
On that bright summer day.

Now I wonder what to do while he sleeps,
The monitor continues to buzz and beep,
The sound is jarring,
It really starts to bug,
Me,
Then the light goes on in my head,
I'll just pull the plug,
Hee heee :D

I wait till everyone goes away,
And I slowly sneak into his room,
I start to smile and giggle,
It will all be mine real soon,
My hands start to shake,
I simply cannot wait,
To take what is rightly mine,
Surly this is a sign,
I couldn't imagine,
Life being so kind.

The moonlight shines bright,
A subtle shade across his face,
I watch the last moment of his life,
My hair stands on end and my heart begins to race.

I reach for the cord just beyond my finger tips,
My head is screaming that this is finally it,
Then his eyes flutter open in a gasping breath,
At the very last second he is saved from death...****.
605 · Jan 2011
Warned
Micheal Bevan Jan 2011
I am free,
Like I never believed
Possible,
And it's improbable
That it'll continue
Beyond today,
But I'll continue,
And it doesn't matter what they say,
And it doesn't matter what they do,
Nothing's stopping me
From being me,
And nothing'll stop you
From being you,
And if you don't believe,
That doesn't stop the truth
From being true.

Hold it up,
Victory in a cup,
Drink, and don't worry
About what they think,
It doesn't matter what they think
Cause their thoughts are bought
And yours are born.

Let all others be warned,
You're a walking class 5
to the tenth rolling storm,
Ready to touch down
Shake the ground,
Bringing unsteady
people to their knees,

Begging please!
Stop this truth!
It can't be true!
I don't believe you!

And all you have to say is
You don't have to,
Believe one single word,
It's too absurd,
Just be warned,
What you think,
What you think you thought was born,
And I was born.
593 · Jan 2010
Late Night Lore
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
There's a typewrite on the desk,
What's on the paper makes no sense,
Random pleas for deliverance.

He's stricken,
Afraid,
Of all the webs that he has made.

Of love he wrote,
Of lust he read,
Small words on pages,
Larger words when said.

Soft hearts in the palm,
Of a man who wants more,
Weaves the beauty of want,
Such delicate lore.

Plays to the ear of woman,
That every caught his eye,
That then want his heart,
But find then one lie.

There is naught to be found,
Where once love did live,
A shadow of the life,
He once had to give,
But no longer,
No more,
Only lies and webs,
Delicate lore.
568 · Oct 2010
Forgotten
Micheal Bevan Oct 2010
I can't stand the world I'm living in,
But it's what I got,
So I lay down,
And I forgot.

Forgot to hate all I can't change,
Forgetting how it remains the same,
Losing track of what still hurts,
And I've forgotten who to blame,
For the scars.

I can't stand under the weight of regret,
It's begining to set,
So I lay down,
And I forget.

Under the glow of morning break,
Over the course of evenings end,
I replay what I've forgotten,
And I remember you, my friend.

Who stood the test of time,
Of my burdens ever growing,
And only gave when I pushed,
I did it all without knowing,
How to,

Forgot to hate all the things I can't change,
Forgetting how it continues to remains the same,
Losing track of what still hurts,
And I've forgotten who to blame.
561 · Jan 2010
Who Could Know
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
This light could never cast,
A sharper shade,
Then the stain of your life,
Through this mark I made.

No bird could sing,
Nor chirp a sweeter sound,
Then death finding voice,
Before you hit the ground.

The way you felt,
So truly surprised,
I cherish the hurt,
I saw in your eyes.

Every movement you ever made,
Could stop nothing in this,
No action could have known,
The price of your kiss.

Your lips have gone cold,
Your face a perfect still,
Your skin becomes so soft,
It's sad you look so ill.

But I love the way you feel,
When you know not what I do,
The taste of your tongue,
If my mother only knew.

If she knew of what I did,
These things she taught me so,
Would there be a hint of pride,
And how would that show?

Would she give me a kiss,
On the lips or a little low,
And say the things she said,
How am I to know?

The dead don't talk,
Not if they die afraid,
No, they're too scared,
Of all the marks I've made.

And I know she died in fear,
I could see it,
I could hear,
The way she screamed,
Surreal it seemed,
Like a melting mirror.

The way it seemed to drip,
From those trembling lips,
As they soon became like stone,
I could have died,
For what it's shown.

A naked figure,
Covered,
In the blood of its mother,
With a smile on its lips,
Who slipped a bit,
And killed its lover.

Now it never stops,
Not for a hundred scars,
For none could match its mothers,
The deepest by far.

It's a wound that never heals,
It slowly kills,
With blood it fills,
With the life it steals.

It's a thief,
Of everything you've ever known,
Of sampled unregret,
It finds its home,
In the pool of your blood,
Your face all upturned,
I'll leave you in fear,
And watch as you burn.

For no one could see,
This thing that I became,
Like this mark that never heals,
My lust remains.
I ache for you life,
All over my blade,
My stunning little knife,
Coloured a pretty shade.

Who could know,
That behind these black wings unfurled,
That they would find,
This damaged little girl.
559 · Apr 2010
My Child
Micheal Bevan Apr 2010
My child, are you able?
My child, can you walk?
Can you see, my child?
My child, will you talk?

You are my daughter,
You are my son,
My begotten child,
Dear daughter, my son.

Take my hand,
Hold tight,
I'll lift you from darkness,
Into light.

I'll take your clothing,
Tattered and torn,
I'll take your heart,
Battered and worn,
I'll replace them until you,
Reborn.

Clad in white,
A sparkling jewel,
Now a wise man,
Before the fool.

My child, from ruin,
To riches,
Saved from rotting bones,
In filthy ditches.

My daughter, my son,
In all that you do,
Forever and always,
I'll love you.
552 · Sep 2010
As It Begins
Micheal Bevan Sep 2010
I feel your sin licking at my feet,
As they hang idle from the pier,
Swinging in the salty air,
Aching for escape,
Sore from the fear.

"You can run forever,
But no one lasts for long,
Death is at your doorstep,
It counts your every wrong,
Keeping track of every stain,
Of every slight and single sin,
Your account will never change,
It always starts, as it begins."

You wrote me words of love,
That's how it always starts,
Kind eyes and sweeter lips,
Nothing less could break my heart.

You held my hand in yours,
I'll never stop, in this you swore,
But when the world fell down,
Your lasting mark, left on ocean shores.

These things you never said,
Because I couldn't hear,
I'd take it back again,
Just to have you here,
To have you hold me tight,
Never letting go,
To feel the world was right,
Just to simply know,
That this would never change,
Not a moment lost,
That I could stay forever,
Forever, at any cost.

But I know that this is not,
As it should've been,
Where lives have gone out,
Other now go in,
I'm sorry for this now,
I'm weaken since the wake,
Where I hope the ocean currents,
On silken wings, your soul they swiftly take.

To a place of kinder hearts,
And of sweeter lips,
Where who you once had loved,
Had the mind to never slip.

I wish that I could stop,
But your mark is fading still,
I can't replace the feeling,
I lost my very soul, my every will,
To replace the part of me,
That only you could fill.

I wait up every night,
While beside me sleeps my sin,
Waiting up till light,
Wishing that as I end,
You will begin.

But when my body fails my mind,
For the second of the night,
I wake to empty sheets,
In the saddest morning light,
Wishing for the past again,
When every morning I woke the same,
To a face who smiled in turn,
Where I didn't live in wasting shame.

But my every wish is another wasted,
My very soul is solid, jaded,
Any thought is another gone,
My every memory had slowly faded,
Until the ache is a silent hurt,
That plagues me while I sleep,
Until I wake in a frozen sweat,
And my soul, it softly weeps.

Now I sit here by the shore,
Up high on the wooden pier,
Where your last footsteps,
Were washed away by tidal clears,
I wait for time to turn on itself,
And bring back what water took,
But for all the hope I have,
All I do, is wait and look,
As the sun goes down,
The stars come out,
My tears find words,
I scream and shout,
Wish the world away,
If I could turn back time,
To quit each day,
Until again you're mine,
But I know I can't,
And I hurt all the more,
Wishing you'd return,
From ocean shores.
551 · Jan 2010
Weeeeeeeeee!
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Life is a slide, you go down with a smile!
Life is the after-joy you feel for awhile,
Life is the pain when you fall in the dirt
Life is the rip you just made in your skirt,
Life is much more then the clothes we buy
More than a word, even more then the sky,
Life is the bird, that flies with the clouds,
Life is that tree, whos fall is very loud.
Life is a smile, a frown and a laugh,
Life is the freedom in being utterly daft,
Life is a jete, grand or ground
Life is the music, the heart and the sound,
Life, is the real meaning,
In the smallest thing I found.
547 · Jan 2010
I'm A Boy, I'm A Child...
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
No moon for the city lights,
From on high hill I look down,
I'm a boy,
I'm a child,
I'm a boy,
I'm a child,
I'm a boy,
I'm a child...
Children should not know such things,
Of loss and pain,
And sadness,
Insanity,
Madness...
Of destruction
Of self,
No child should have to hide,
I should have never grown up so fast,
And still I remain,
I'm a child,
I'm a boy...
No boy should be this man,
This man of tears,
Broken hearted man,
Man of many fears,
No boy should be me,
Having had to see,
How every support fell,
Sending my on my knees,
At the gates of hell,
No boy should plead with the devil,
Should have to face the flames,
But if the devil was a father,
That's not quite the same...
516 · Jan 2010
Kill The Stars
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
I am the tool,
For which these fools play their many games,
To the winner will *** I the spoiled,
And for the losers a mind insane,
To pick away a flaking foundation,
To toss away the concept of creation,
In place put your sickly sin,
Then watch it grow and burst within.

You are my foot on steps I tread,
I lead to the edge you dread,
Tease you with a waking smile,
And push you fall, I fall, we're dead,
Never lie through these teeth again,
No sorry to stain the silken robe,
I am the lick you tasted then,
While I lick your ****** lobe,

A test for I'll have you hear,
My breath breathing in,
A thousand roaring steps have fell,
When you and I this walk begins,
A tempted thing this walk of ours,
To rot out the sky and kills the stars.

Let us fall into me,
I am all involved,
From the child that we began,
To the end that we evolved,
A beast and bargain,
A lie,
A cheat,
When love and sin come together,
When blood and *** did meet,
I've drank your every drop,
Not one fell into you,
Never know when to stop,
This thing I do is every true.(th)
506 · Jan 2010
Witness
Micheal Bevan Jan 2010
Wrinkles in the folds,
In all the lies we've told,
Come out like the life of a wound,
Where in the withered gasp and swoon,
Falling forward on the trip,
Born of my moments slip,
That gave birth to death,
If only I held my breath,
And never spoke of the words I knew,
That broke the wound and made me true.

I'd be sin,
Still within,
Washed away at the end of the night,
I am witness to this thing you fight.
490 · Feb 2010
Spoken Whispers
Micheal Bevan Feb 2010
Beauty is a night entwined,
In mental lacework and woe,
For which the day sleeps for dawn,
And the sun is love,
And a smile for show.

Time for the whisper,
A second for the wait,
Where the thought becomes the chord,
Music the word,
Words of soft estate.

And love,
And heart,
And the single word they spoke of endless days,
Left a spoken thought the whispers say,
Broke the heart of man and mind,
Then broke her own heart in kind.
489 · Mar 2010
Remembrance
Micheal Bevan Mar 2010
I am lost in the midst of a sentence,
Found at the end of a last breath,
Traveling circles around the corners,
That mark the edge of death.

With as many footsteps in front,
And same in the back,
Circles, circles,
The weary mind loses track,
Of time as the sun would tell,
Between the lines of heaven, hell.

I am lost in the eyes of hurt,
The deep shadow of their pain,
I hear the echos of the tears,
They resound, reflect and remain,
The softest ache one ever knew,
Were the words I lost,
That spoke of you.

They whispered to me as I slept,
When I woke,
Every syllable kept,
Replayed a thousand times tenfold,
They were sweet words so softly told.

Now at the end of a line,
I am balanced on the edge,
A hint of shade,
At a sunsets end,
I set myself and pledge,
With the hand that writes,
Having writ,
Lay on the heart,
Who slowly sits,
And etch forever in the soul who slips,
The words uttered softly by my lovers lips.
469 · Jun 2010
He Is
Micheal Bevan Jun 2010
His body frail,
And voice thin,
When ever spoken,
Lost on the faintest breeze,
Like the courage of a boy.

He is slight,
And his voice subtle,
It is a current,
It is under,
And over,
And always,
Through.

Passing as vapor in sunlight,
Through,
Always through.

He sees,
And he feels,
Perfection at his call,
And he is silent,
And still,
Patient.

He mourns soundness,
And he is shame,
Patience an art,
Practiced,
Precise.

He is beautiful,
And frail.
417 · Mar 2010
I Wake
Micheal Bevan Mar 2010
The clock is against me,
Faces of my life,
I will not survive this,
And this time is a knife.

Its blade is my blade,
And my blood is its blood,
I am drowning in myself,
Filth and essence, flood.

I wake,
I'm dead,
It's gone,
They said,
Never again a dreadful cry,
Once more and I will die,
Once more they asked in smiles,
And my heart it stopped and sighed.

I am drifting on the sea I made,
I spilt it all,
My eyes are jade,
I am a diamond atop a wave,
I fell, and will fall,
And all my own and self,
Could do naught to save,
A wounded one,
He's long since done,
No love for the wicked,
No trigger but the gun.

— The End —