You're something a little better then me
I'm something worse.
Sticky fingereds,
Lifted purse.
I'm a thief, a liar
A seller, a buyer.
You're a light
I, the shadow.

The viral killers,
The taxing billers,
Musical fillers,
Blood spillers,
You are my cure.

Silver tongue rusted to dust.
Speaking not a word,
Relaying no dawn to dusk,
I, the wingless
Flightless bird.

Keep bright this sinful day
High above, never a glare
A guarded front of relay
To replace the smile rare.
I do not dare.

Blue bells ring delicate notes,
Vibrations lift, soar and float,
They are elated, they who hear
Gifted are those,
Granted the audible tear
Of angels who weep,
The bitter keep,
Of beauty and turmoil sleep.

I, who keeps the graves at bay
Shadowed by the moon and day,
Collect the tears of widows.
They fall forever, for time is slow.
Though all becomes the past,
Life slips between us
Always too fast.
The sensation of love,
The sweet sights of flightful doves,
Never last.

I, the worst
You, the better between
I, the nameless curse
Of a hundred hexes
Tenfold.
You, the snowfall of light
And life, in a hundred truths
Always told,
In sweet tongue.
The song, flawless
Perfectly sung.
The smile never there,
Has left.
For I, the worst
Am deaf.
And could never hear
The fall of weeping angels
And audibul tears.

The bitter taste of frost licks my skin,
It crawls with needle tension,
She finds her way in.

Between the cracks of my skull,
That once shaped my head,
Leaks life like marking time,
In thick puddles of red.

On the wayside of east avenue,
They all look wide-eyed,
At the pieces of you.

When the paramedics come out,
And he steps with a crunch,
He sees some skull underfoot,
Then loses his lunch.

"The worst of the year,
No once survived,
I can smell it from here..."

She talks of our death,
As we're smeared on the road,
There's tears in our blood,
From the eyes in the cold.

The storm melts on my skin,
Taking the last of my warmth,
She makes her way in.

They look at us in pieces,
I can't beat my heart,
They look in all directions,
"I don't know where to start..."

We were fighting through the snow,
Our seat belts weren't on,
I didn't know...

Her face is of sorrow,
Her posture like death,
She's looking for my only,
My very last, lonely breath.

Like sun to the wind,
She touches us both,
And makes her way in.

The storm can't white us out,
We're red among the white,
I held my loves hand,
Dream sweet and good night.

More than this?
Your touch,
This kiss.
I cannot dream,
Of anything less,
Our heart,
This mess.

Where a thread tightly wound,
It splits and coils,
Soundly boils,
And forgets my ground,
Leaves me loyal,
To the fray,
And frayed,
This lowly mind,
Left today.

In the wake of excess,
The lack thereof,
It feathers a test,
That tempts true love.

Life is a slide, you go down with a smile!
Life is the after-joy you feel for awhile,
Life is the pain when you fall in the dirt
Life is the rip you just made in your skirt,
Life is much more then the clothes we buy
More than a word, even more then the sky,
Life is the bird, that flies with the clouds,
Life is that tree, whos fall is very loud.
Life is a smile, a frown and a laugh,
Life is the freedom in being utterly daft,
Life is a jete, grand or ground
Life is the music, the heart and the sound,
Life, is the real meaning,
In the smallest thing I found.

This light could never cast,
A sharper shade,
Then the stain of your life,
Through this mark I made.

No bird could sing,
Nor chirp a sweeter sound,
Then death finding voice,
Before you hit the ground.

The way you felt,
So truly surprised,
I cherish the hurt,
I saw in your eyes.

Every movement you ever made,
Could stop nothing in this,
No action could have known,
The price of your kiss.

Your lips have gone cold,
Your face a perfect still,
Your skin becomes so soft,
It's sad you look so ill.

But I love the way you feel,
When you know not what I do,
The taste of your tongue,
If my mother only knew.

If she knew of what I did,
These things she taught me so,
Would there be a hint of pride,
And how would that show?

Would she give me a kiss,
On the lips or a little low,
And say the things she said,
How am I to know?

The dead don't talk,
Not if they die afraid,
No, they're too scared,
Of all the marks I've made.

And I know she died in fear,
I could see it,
I could hear,
The way she screamed,
Surreal it seemed,
Like a melting mirror.

The way it seemed to drip,
From those trembling lips,
As they soon became like stone,
I could have died,
For what it's shown.

A naked figure,
Covered,
In the blood of its mother,
With a smile on its lips,
Who slipped a bit,
And killed its lover.

Now it never stops,
Not for a hundred scars,
For none could match its mothers,
The deepest by far.

It's a wound that never heals,
It slowly kills,
With blood it fills,
With the life it steals.

It's a thief,
Of everything you've ever known,
Of sampled unregret,
It finds its home,
In the pool of your blood,
Your face all upturned,
I'll leave you in fear,
And watch as you burn.

For no one could see,
This thing that I became,
Like this mark that never heals,
My lust remains.
I ache for you life,
All over my blade,
My stunning little knife,
Coloured a pretty shade.

Who could know,
That behind these black wings unfurled,
That they would find,
This damaged little girl.

What happened to those days?
I'm sad, and can't quite make it go away.
Everyone has gone,
I can't smile, it's been too long
It's hard to understand,
Nothing was ever planned,
But it's still worse then I ever thought
Anything to help, just can't be bought.
Mother never seems to look my way,
Father never has anything nice to say,
Brother died when he drank too much,
Sister ran when father tried to touch,
I'm left by myself, I hide my heart,
On the very highest shelf, while pulling myself apart.

I try to be good,
As every son should,
But when everyone is bad,
You can't stand to be stood.

I remember when everything was green,
No one was ever mean,
They loved and loved and loved,
Their hearts like that one gift from above.
We used to all walk hand in hand,
Sister would go kick stands,
Brother would wrestle with dad,
Mother smiled, no one was ever mad.
We used to talk about the day,
What happened at school,
What this person said to say,
Being small, I sat on the tallest stool,
And listened, and learned,
Watching Mother tend sisters blister,
I was taught to never get burned.

Now nothing is green, it's all brown and dead
Everyone is dark, there's screaming in my head,
I want to cry my eyes to nothing,
I want to run forever,
I need to be held so tight,
I want to be together.

But I'm apart in all my dreams,
A wall between me and that smile,
Higher then it ever seemed,
Can't see the top, it goes on for awhile,
I want, and I need
I've been told this is greed,
Did I do this all?
Was I the seed?

Was it me, who made brother take that drink?
Is it my fault, that be began to sink?
Could I have saved him, from himself?
Did he hide his heart, on that very same shelf?
Was it me, who caused sister to run away?
Is it my fault, no one ever saw her again, on any day?
Could I have saved her, when father told her "lets go"?
Did she look to me, to tell father "no"?
Was I too distracted, in my childish ways?
It is my fault, I'm why they've gone away.

This is all my fault,
Looking for answers,
Myself I've caught,
Mother must be so disappointed,
Thinking I was better taught.
I'm the worst son she could have ever had
That's why she never looks at me,
That's why she always looks so sad,
Now I really see,
Such a bad boy, in the mirror I see myself,
Well now I'll make up for it, I'll take down my heart
Hidden on the highest shelf,
I'll give it to Mother, and Father too,
And I bet I know what they'll do,
They'll hug me, and kiss me, and love me all over again
Then that'll be it, no more pain,
We can forget everyone who'd dead,
And all the screaming can stop in my head,
Yes, that's what I'll do,
I'll love them, and they'll love me too.

So I take down my heart, and blow off all the dust
Walk down the stairs, ready to give them all my trust,
But Father blocks my way, smelling worse then I can remember,
It's almost familiar, something about December,
But I look at the up at him, and hold out my heart,
With a smile finally on my face,
He staggers a bit, then takes me in his arms,
But my heart falls, and breaks apart,
He leans closer to me, and that smell I can taste,
It's the smell he smelt like, when he told sister, "lets go"
It's the smell brother smelt like, when he wouldn't take it slow,
It's the smell, I always remember,
That smell, I wished to never know.

Father carries me up the stairs, and into the room,
The night goes by, slower then I've known to be soon,
The sun comes up, and I hurt,
All over, Like I've been burned,
Mother was right to be disappointed,
I guess I didn't learn.
I bleed, and smell bad,
I need, something I can't remember,
If I've ever had,
A hug, and a kiss,
Ones that don't make me hurts
That don't make me bleed,
I want some pants, and shirt,
To cover the parts of me, that I guess I don't need.
I can't move, everything is cold,
My eyes get tired, the day gets old,
I close my heavy eyes, letting the sleep take,
I never knew,
That I'd never wake.

I once dug a hole, and put mommy in it
When daddy came home, I put him in too
But now these police men are here, what to do...
What to do?

After the first fell
The other pulled his gun and missed
Now I dug a whole new hole for them, because I'm a good boy
Or as daddy would say, "My little play toy"

Then I'm in the shower, washing off all the red
It's hard but once I'm done, I'm off to nap in my bed
But then I'm awake and I see, all these people are staring at me
I'm scared and want them gone
But it's dark and way past dawn
Mother would never approve

They take me away to places I've never been
Many days and faces pass, accusing me of 'sin
I'm confused, what did I do wrong?
It's daddy isn't it?
I can hear him now
"You little ****!"
Please make him go away, I tried
If you can't, what if I died?
Or are you mad at me, what what we did?
I said 'No', but I'm only a kid
He brought me to the bed, said it'd be fun
But it really wasn't, it hurt so much
I still cringe at the memory of his lustful touch
He told me if I ever tell
Then I'd go strait to hell

Now they all cry, and I'm asking why?
They all say they're sorry, but I wanna know for what
I'm the one who's sorry, I opened what he said to keep shut
But you know, sometimes it felt kinda of good
But I know I'm only a kid, so I did what I could
I told mommy what he did to me
But she didn't believe, she refused to see
I told her over and over, I cried and pleaded
Then she went to her room and made a big noise
When I went to check, she breathed her last breath
In her hand was I note I couldn't read
But I knew she was dead, so I did what I was shown
I dug a hole and put her in it, by myself, alone

Then daddy came home, he smelled really bad
He couldn't walk strait, he was really mad
Said he lost his job, and we had to play our game
But I didn't want to, the pain was always the same
So when he tripped over himself and fell
I ran over and said, "I don't want to go to hell!"
And I put my hands over his mouth, so he would never tell
His eyes went big, and his face real red
When his chest stopped moving, I knew from mommy he was dead
So I put him out with her, in that hole I dug
Wrapping him in, our living room rug

Then these two police men came to my door
I asked them, wanting to know what they were here for
But they broke in, demanding where daddy might be
But I was scared, I didn't want them to see
What I did to him
Before I knew what was going on, the lights were off
And things were dim
Then I was in the kitchen, my heart beating really fast
I grabbed the biggest knife, and the first man I passed
I jumped at the second, and pressed the knife into his chest
The first saw, pulled his gun but missed despite his best
I open my eyes and see, bodies around where I stand
I shut them tight, hoping this is a nightmare that would end
When I opened them I saw it was a real as the warmth of the blood on my hands

So I dug a whole new hole for them, it was super hard but I'm strong
As I put the dirt on top of them, I knew I did something very wrong
But then I seen that I was *****, and I needed to be clean
As mommy would say "It's better to be clean, then dirt and mean"
And that made me cry

I go into the shower, to wash off all the dirt and red
It's super hard, so I use alot of soap from my feet to my head
Once it's all off, I'm tired so I go to nap in my bed
I get under covers and comfy, slowly drifting to sleep
My last disturbing thought, of how that knife went so deep...

I'm awake and I see, all these other police men here
Staring at me, staring in fear
They take me away from my only home
They put me in a new room everyday, but still all alone
A long time goes by, I talk to alot of people I don't know
Soon summer passes and down comes the snow
It gets really boring, same thing everyday
Where ever they put me, I never get to stay

Now I'm here, in this room you call a court
Filled with tall people, who make me feel short
I only want one thing, that you don't let daddy know of these things I tell
Because, I don't want to go to hell.