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The world is too loud for someone with fragile ears like mine.

I can hear the words you don’t mean to say,
the stories you don’t mean to tell,
the lies you thought you could hide,
and these things that aren’t meant to be heard
drown out the song of the universe with a dark static
that sometimes just makes me wish

that I was deaf to the world.

I’d rather give up hearing the sweet sounds
of the birds chirping in the pre-dawn hours
than have to be assaulted by things that I never wanted to hear,

and I’d rather have to read the words on the lips of people
because I’m no good at listening to what they say
and if I make a mistake while I’m guessing
then I can just blame it on my ignorance
and that’s something that seems to be okay in this world.

And even though ignorance should never be an excuse,
I’d be more than happy to have a healthy dose to myself,
because anything has to be better than making people out for who they really are.
Sometimes I
feel like I’ve given
you too much control
over my heart and
head, while I’m
just lying here,
in the dark
waiting for a
response that will
probably never come
and answers that will never
lay my worst fears to rest.

But for
some reason,
I can’t stop saying
I love you, even
when it feels a
bit hollow as
it echoes out
of my lips.

But I can’t
let you hear
that I’m doubting
the things between us
because I know just how
much you’ve given up
for me and just how
much of my heart
I’ve given up to
you.
The sound of thunder
            is washing against
                        a sleepless horizon, again…


And while days
            and miles and minutes
                        and all of the waters of the North Atlantic
            separate your body from
lying next to mine,
            painting the perfect picture of
                        soulful symmetry that I’ve been
            craving to know for the longest time,

for even half of a fickle moment,
            if I can hear your heartbeat against
                        my ear and feel the warmth of
            your body against my back

and the embrace of your arms
            wrapped tightly around my frame,
                        banishing every insecurity from
            the corners of my mind…

If I can feel grounded in your presence,
            even for just a moment…

And know that I’m not a puppet,
            rigged up as a marionette by my own emotions,
                        strung out on bad dreams and decisions, they’re just
            bad schemes that I’ve never learned to fight off,
or dry off from these ******
            depressive states soaking into my skin
                        like dollar store sanitizers, leaving my
            skin burning, and my soul yearning to
be clean from the agony that others have
            left behind, I just want simple peace of mind,
                        so that maybe, when the sun isn't shining and the sky is overcast
            I don’t start drifting into the past,
and I don’t lose myself again…


If I can feel grounded in your presence,
            even just for a moment…

Then maybe...
            Just maybe...
                        The sound of the thunder
                        washing against the horizon
                        won’t keep me awake at night…
It was a flavorful month.
First with a delightful treat of Black Walnut,
followed by a week of chestnut.

The splendorous aroma
of cooking meat on a rotating spit
the sizzle as the juices dripped running down,
covering his fingers and wrists with grease and fat
to drip into the burning flame
of the fire he had sheltered near.

The night was cold
but the fire would warm him.
(I'm done. Spoke the meat to the bone. I can no longer stay here with you and listen to your ramblings and lost dreams. I'm leaving you, she whispered. The old bone gasped, stricken. Please, do not go.
He reached for her and grasped tendrils, holding on to nay release.
And so the bone held the meat, but just barely.

The spit was held still, a sliver of flesh carved off
nearly pulling it all.
A smile at his face, as he replaced his knife to a home of supple, tan leather
stained black with charcoal.
Still broad-faced, he shut his eyes and gorged.

After
hist beard stubble provided a maze for the drippings to puzzle,
tracing towards his chin to run and leap,
and splatter and soak into the hard packed dirt below.
It had not yet rained, for many span.
So the fire would burn.
And crackle,
and sear substance that was brought too near its boundaries.

How it liked to char.
Its scorching embrace,
meant to suffocate with smoking laughter
curling upwards toward the trees
spreading all throughout the land.
Imagining creatures hundreds of miles,
breathing in and knowing vulnerability when coughing tumbled topside
and shook their entire being until,
until they understood her power
and how she came to be.

As stated, it had not rained for quite some time,
seven years and thirteen days to be exact.
And so, seven years ago,
(for the rain that came held saturation up to the thirteenth day)
she sparked into existence.
Quite literally, remarking on the above statement,
a passing knight atop a stumbling steed was fumbling around,
unwittingly, he had taken a trip down river which his horse had not been thrilled about.
While being chased by a horde of grey goblin trolls,
after he had blundered into their hunting party
he decided to escape through a stream
he had heard they were afraid of running water.
But his information was wrong,
and the throng
chased him down,
till the stream turned to river which turned to faster until
waterfall.
And so they went and now were sodden and miserable.
He rode along until Cudge, his haughty horse, refused to budge.
So, he built a fire and the following morn he rode away without putting it out.
Along his route,
his flint stone happened to drop,
out of a saddle bag and onto a rock,
causing a spark to light upon a bed of dry leaves,
which led to the creation of our dear fiery friend.

She spent years collecting herself
after the Tinder War.
Briefly explained:
Another fire that was left to burn
did not want to share
any of the forest around where the road did turn
all should be his no other fire would dare
challenge him.
This was her first test
as she felt meek and small
her flames could not jest
against his that were tall
but she prevailed and tricked him.

Fueled with victory,
she became an inferno,
and raged with widespread havoc,
till one day she murdered a magpie,
perched on the forest floor her heat overwhelming,
till his soul escaped to forever fly the skies never landing upon the earth again
.
Lusting with virtuous eyes
she eradicated and slaughtered
till she killed a village.
A lone survivor,
a child who could not see.
She cried tears of lost.
And brought flooding to the land that washed away the fire
till nothing,
but a spark was left.

The fire never forgot,
the pain,
the life she had snuffed out,
for what?
She changed her ways,
and lived out her days,
remembering her suffering faze as a young blaze.
But happy now
to provide company to this occasional traveler
and his trusty steed.

And so, encircling back (or forward we should considerately say),
to a month known as February which was particularly tasteful.
She, the fire, was enjoying her recent companions,
known as a knight and a horse called Cudge,
who had fed her planking from foreign floors
that tasted salty
from shipwrecks that had sailed to shore and he had carried for firewood.
Although she did not need wood to continue her life,
she relished the savory timber,
and in return provided a spirited heat to perfectly roast a pheasant.
Her name was Yori and she was fire.

The next night it rained.
The End.
© copy right protected

Note: (Entirely too long to read as a poem so consider it a stanza-stepped-story)
The shells lined up nicely.
"At attention," the conch yelled.
He was curled black, with boiled blue spikes.
And so they stayed, in a perfect line against the wall,
until the wave,
washing ashore, it plucked three.
One was an abalone,
almost full grown,
with five holes descending down its left side.
A sheen of gold and silver out,
murky indigo and forest green in.
He lost grip first,
and was pulled into an incoming breaker.
The second was a conch.
Chocolate and vanilla swirls coated the outer layers
leading in to slight pink.
Her name was Neapolitan.
She was once an adult shell of the queen conch,
washed ashore and set into a line by small hands,
that were gentle and soft.
Zander
A soft voice called.
Inhaled by the mouth of the ocean,
exhaled into a bout of seaweed.  
She was lost.
The last,
was a cowry shell.
He was old,
or at least he imagined so.
This was not the first time he had washed ashore,
nor had he figured, would it be the last.
His back was ivory white
with brown speckles,
in such a pattern
that he imagined himself to be, at times, a turtle.
He had first felt and then saw reflections of himself in sea glass. He was gathered in a bucket and rubbed so that his design reverberated until he felt, every shimmer of himself.
Knowing not what lay ahead,
but understanding,
he held no grip and went where the ocean led.
It's getting dark Zander.
The others gasped,
in horror their screams rasped.
"Save us. Plea...se he...l...p."
As another wave crashed into the wall and stole four more,
again,
till all were cast away from the wall
to be laden across the expanse of sand.

Soft brown eyes stared,
at the empty holes,
where shells had been placed,
as decorations to a most deserving sand castle.
Turrets and towers,
hard packed by child hands,
with a red flag flapping to the sea breeze.
A crude skull was drawn,
for it was a pirate fascination that encapsulated this year.

He had spent hours seeking and finding,
the perfect art,
to be the binding,
to hold his wall against all defense,
but all had fallen in the first wave of battle.
"Oh well," he muttered.
He would try again tomorrow.
© copy right protected
while I sat pondering in my own garden  
the moon's silent silver rays called upon me
a voice in the breeze danced among tall grass
whispering and urging me to play
I lay back and let the willow wish me

tickled
bemused
silenced


I schemed a star streak across the sky
then many more after its first spark
it rained on me celestial crystals

all at once, the wishes of the my eternal youth
rushed forward in play and desire and dream
play screamed
desire rolled
and dream gleamed


I found myself uplifted in the dark blue sky
floating in your dream wave
tossed in your delightful currents
resting in your warm soul

if a fool ever crossed my path
a presence he'd never known or seen
it would be mine
before another's
that he'd bear
and indulge
before straying
it's pulling
and pulling




I breathe your fire
I burn in your gaze
I dance for you
oh don't you know
I dance for you
103005
I had to post this, though it's one of my oldest...
This one is dedicated to my 17yr old self
I'm sorry If I annoyed you yesterday
With my incessant affection
I was all over you far too much
I know that you still have to make that decision
And all I could do was think of myself
So I will stand by your side
patiently while you decide
between him and I.
I keep having these emotional outbreaks
and when I feel like this, I need to tell you
But my words get jumbled up and I cant keep my emotions under control
Whenever I go to
I think it has to do with my worst fear
The thing that eats away at me everyday
Claws at my tendons causing my muscles to die
Stagnates my blood causing my arteries to clog and brittle my  bones
It's crimson needled fingers are powered by one hand underneath my gums and rips my teeth out one by one while the other hand slides my fingernails out of my skin
Stalking Seeking Slithering through my skin it crawls inside
and stalks my spinal cord all the way to my skull, plucking spinal cords along the way
Seeking for my brain and
Slithering into every neuron and cell
It rots every single one
And decays the rest of me
I am numb cause I'm afraid no one cares.
No-one has cared at all
I knew from the first christmas
that I was a mistake
In middle school
it was made clear again
when everyone bullied me
Then again in High School
where teenage apathy reigned
But now, I really don't know if anyone cares
and your answer means so much to me
"Do you care?"
Cause if I can't have you as a lover
I want to love you as a friend
Cause I can see you doing great in the end
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