Six feet away, a gun sleeps
              on the sidewalk

pulsing

and I swear vows break
every minute,
     why should this one concern
                 me? Feels like

arsenic
       dripping through my
     body, the veins.

              and I turn white
                                     for it,
   but the trigger is black
midnight

   is always speaking to me,
break this vow,
        or  the vow will break me.

Night blooms cold as I bathe in memories of us.
Our shadows writhe behind my eyes;
your amber seeps into my pores
like water into an ancient root.

Luna smiles coldly as I wade deep in solitude's ink.
The great nothing consumes exponentially.
I am here and you are there and I have not felt
your breath in far too long.

Summer was
******* on sugarcane and cinnamon peels
handed from your grandparents, occasionally mine
when our roller-skates made love to cracks in
                             the sidewalk
          our knees were drunk on its feathers
so many specks of moss get caught in there, too

    you taught me not to cry
or have that formaldehyde-chugging look
until I hit the bunkbed; your sheets made my sweat
look so much worse
                          we got anything we could want.

I wanted to kiss you when your wore your
Popsicle lipstick, a freeze cracking the crib of your
       mouth and circling buzzards around.

But how does a girl say
   she would rather have someone than a cigarette  
      stick of candy from the ice cream man –
the ones she would twirl like cherry stems
    and feign middle school maturity?

  We would whisper about things at night
with the lamp off, our pants down
                                                   but never ever love:
love is for adults. Love is Mardi Gras in the city
           not powdered sugar from beignets
   or the kind of beads you settle around your neck.

I wanted to be the bayou you swam in,
cast your fishing pole at the underbelly of and
  counted how many seconds it took to lift back up.
I wanted to be a chest you put
         your personal belongings in, a treasure box.
Most of all, I wanted
                          to be your personal belonging
              the treasure you immediately thought of –
        but that is not what Summer was.

"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
You messed up little girl
Stop fidgeting, You talk too much
You're crying all the time
You're spiraling down that rabbit hole
We can't save you every time
"Drink me!” "Eat me!”
You can't continue this way
You sleep too much
You don't sleep enough
You talk of suicide
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
They'll surely help
Anything is better than you right now
Oops, the green one makes you way too high
So take this blue one too
This yellow one keeps the blade away
Better take two of those
The little white dots keep the pounds away
Don't mind your tingling toes
The big white oval keeps your muscles loose
From that miracle yellow dose
Lastly, these aqua discs will melt your fears away
You'll sleep like a baby every night
And keep our pain away
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
Become normal again!
It's simple chemistry
Just wash these down when the time is right
And we'll never have to worry again
I'll never be a worry again

I turn to
Stone
When I glance at you
I Jump into the sea
To escape your stare
Chill of
Salty waves
Nearly toss me
Like a sand dollar
Floating near the break
I become
Coral in a
Musky
Tide pool
Yet still I turn to you
For guidance
But you're too
Weak in your
Own rite
And you're not
Aware when I need
You the most
So I turn away
And I turn
Inward
Look in
And search for the
Answer but
It's simply not there
Pray to
The universe
Stained glass Jesus
Rotund Buddha
Dark Mother Mary
Demure and strong
And I hear...
Nothing
And the nothing is so
****** quiet
The nothing
Hurts my ears
So I clutch
My head
My hands press it hard
And tight
The headache drums
Demons play games
With my cerebral vortex
My vision narrows to
A pinpoint
Haloes consume the
Small space of
Sight that remains
The boulders I carry
Are too heavy
Lighten my load!
I plead
Before I'm
Dragged down
By the sea siren
She whispers lies
To me
Tells me she will
Carry the boulders
They'll be lighter
At the bottom
Of the sea,
She says
She tempts me
With her promises
Of peace, dark, cool, light
But I know better
If I go with her
It will mean death
And I've died
So many times already
I'm so tired of dying

Holding a red, flowing scarf
                                    on a day of all days
                when leaves dance in circles
                in corners tuckered away.

Enchanting weather today
               with a gathering protest of winds
                against an acrylic sky, opaque blue
                                    grasping to steal sway a streak of red.

Laughter stumbles over and down
                on a night of lonely nights
                to be had over lost scarves
                                trickled away by cloy, boiling bathwater.

Phase in blackout, flickering lamp lights
               where past looks back on future
               and memories shift like the earth below
                                                       in constant motion


                                                        ­                                                  she cries
                                                           ­                                                           


   ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                  *help me.