Nothing profound
Just a boy at his school
Phonies abound
No wonder I rule

I have a thousand books
A library in my head
Silly thoughts
Overused
Lost in a temple of stories
I speak only the story
The stories weren't written
I have 'em at home
Stories of death
Dreams that died
Just like that silly little boy I write to
Stories of loss
Loss of importance
Stories of us
The stories of myself

Is it so strange
To love?
Is it so strange
To want love?
Is it so strange
That I am alone?

Why do I have
To feel something
When you feel nothing?
I just can't be me again.
Not after that.

What is strong?
What is weak?
Do you know either, Natalie?
You say you're not strong
What are you?
I know that in no way are you weak
There are no expectations to live up to
No limits to defy
There is only you
You're
            Words
                      Thoughts
                                       Actions
                                          Tears            
                               Arms
                       Fears
              Heart
    Scars
Every beautiful streak of light in your smile
Everything in you making you fall
Now, fall back to me
When time comes, run away
You aren't a quitter
Stop trying to give up

I hate what I hear
What I'm seeing
I'm looking in the mirror and I'm bleeding
My favourite prop is now reduced to shiny rocks
Glass on the floor
In my veins
Scratching me
Can't feel the pain
Anger
Rage
Anything
Nothing here
Can't be saved
Once flying high
Now burning low
Can't concentrate
I'm stupid now
Forget me here
Or save me, "friends"

He was wrong
To think he could be.
He is not good.
He is angry.
The boy falls in love
Never stands up.
Now he knows how worthless
He is.

Somewhere between
Dancing and singing
All music ceased
In the minds
Of those that needed
To hear beauty.

The silence penetrated
Louder than any instrument.

The ******'s
Screams rose
To a cacophony
Of painful hymns
Until the screams
Were hushed
Instantly.

Funny to think
Eyes that once thought I was beautiful
Now gaze at the same beauty
And we're now blind to each other

We had seven months
We went **** fast
But we took **** slow
We were broken
Beginning is the end at the end
We were for love
But we were for healing
We did what we needed
We loved and that's what we needed
I need no justification
It wasn't always the best
I won't lie about that
But even in the darkest moments
It was one hell of a ride
Even for the pain
But also the good
For everything you did
Thank you

I took a walk
I saw a cross
I knelt down and walked beside Him
He told me what I knew
But what I had to hear:
"You saw the snake,
Ignored the cry
'Here's the apple.
Want a bite?'
Why not eat?
Come,
Walk with me."

All evil has a gain
But I have commited
A great sin
And lost all

Today, was the same as they say
No different from yesterday
Likely, tomorrow won't change
But one thing is new
What I know
And what I knew
Or at least thought
It's not about loving the girl
It's about loving with the girl
Growing together
Becoming one through a shared love
And in the end
Loving her anyways

I'm no good at love
As I search to be happy.
I became wonderful at lust
To find only sadness.

I searched for an answer
By only bleeding questions.

I wanted to hold on tighter
To only lose my grip.

I fell down into myself
Crying to be pulled out.

I'm trapped all alone
Wanting to be free with another.

Now I've lost all
Now I've gained nothing.

If I never saw a butterfly, I wouldn't ever have smiled.
If I never noticed a paint splatter, I never would have dreamed.
If I never saw your stripes, you wouldn't have saved me.

A thousand believers
All chanted in love.
I listened and sang.
I shouted and cried.
"God let me believe."
I tried to call out.
"Please let me feel
The way they do.
I want to believe"

The chant swelled into
A light call for some,
And a desperate plea to me
Until the nothingness gave me
The moment I first believed.

I know it's over
And I'm gone
My whole world may come undone
Let it happen
I won't see
It's nothing but a ****** dream
I know it can't be real
Awoken to a mirror
Finally, I see
Yes, here I am once more
Say it forever
I'm ugly
Again

Love is understanding
where you should be.
Near or far

It angers me
How much I could love you
How much I would weep
How much I would plead
How I'd break my own arms
Hell I even tore at my body
To understand
To become
To know
How I destroyed it once
How we could save us
It angers me how I killed myself daily
How I tried
How in the end we both went numb
We both stopped seeing it
We didn't change
We just grew older
It angers me
That we both died
For nothing

I was no different
I still pushed in the morning
I still stared at a cold screen
I said, "I love you"
I still hurt the girl
I still fall and I fail
Pull the frail curtain back over my eyes
I've seen too much to not die.
One more burial, oh come to the service
A farewell until the new
No matter where I or you shall go
one thing is true:
I will always love you

It's hard to think of what's right now because
I don't really know.
Life seems kind of silly:
Liking girls and feeling pain.
Right now if I could
I would leap outside this window.
And I would fly so far you couldn't see me among the stars.
Later I would say hello
Even if you cannot hear.
I would sit and speak to you
A thousand years would go.
Maybe you would smile
As the time goes past.
You ought to be who you are
No matter what's beyond.

Even pain
Is loving
When you
Feel nothing else

Somehow this will **** me.
And that will be okay.
I will lose all control.
And that will be okay.
Somehow I will go backwards.
And that will be okay.
I will be invisible to all.
And that will be okay.
I'll lose all that I love
And somehow it was okay.

Days can burn
Time can hurt
Everyway
Everyday
Footsetep
Footstep
Broken
Footstep
Matching forward
Road to nowhere
Fear is taught
Hate is learned
Suns will burn
Time won't heal
Life comes undone
We start again

I hate what I write
Page by page of scratched out thoughts
Word by word; more annoying
I hate you
I hate you
The page is the mirror
My words are my reflection
Ugly
Ugly
Not real
You are not new
You are everyone else
They won't love you
There is never an end
Day after day
I feel dumb again

Stubborn
Bored
Afraid
Easy to describe
I'm not really anybody
I'm angry
I'm arrogant
I try too hard
I am like everyone else
I want to be what everyone is
I'm crazy
I'm stupid
I'm nobody else
Nothing new
And I know now
That's okay

Shower curtain
Frozen veins
****** pillow
Reddish stains
Lifeless body
Still screams names
Fear of heart
Water drains
My lips part
I killed her pain

An untuned guitar
Plays songs familiar.
A melody not strummed
Seems peculiar.
The song rises up
And bellows out.
My happy voice
Begins to shout.
I beg for a song-
I lose the tune.
My voice has gone.
I'm stuck not in bloom.

**** this shell we call flesh.
I am its victim and prisoner.
I cannot break free
Or fly away,
But I try still.
Oh if only you could see
What it was like to fly.
Or feel what it was like
To melt myself away.

You are a poison
That exists only to destroy all that is good.
You are a toxin that seeps through every crack
In all the armour I wore
To try to keep you
From destroying me.
You are a fume
That fills the whole room.
Yet we cannot escape
And there is no cure.
You are family

I lost my mind
I lost my heart
I became blind
I played my part
I tried to love
I tried hate
Not from above
Did I take
I rot in caves
I haunt in coves
I am a slave
I am a ghost

Words without meaning
They came from my mouth
Inspiration to others
Nothing to myself
I never wrote what I wanted
I wrote it for you
Memories I've haunted
I'm a needle; pull me through

I had wanted ***
When I found love.
Now I want less
Than what I'm rid of,
But pain escapes
My empty shell.
I lie awake
In a cursed hell
Where numbness endures
And death is life

I inhale sweet darkness
That consumes my mind.
I dispel purity and innocence
To invite sin and pity in for rest.

"It's bad for you" says the one
That asks me to slow down,
But I only learn less and sink
Deeper into the smooth oblivion
Of a high that lasts only
Until my pain returns.

I wish to not love
Though love you I must.
My heart's dumb as a dove
For you alone I lust.

We had to say goodbye
Yet I yearn for your kiss.
Though I will never try
To love you like this
Never happened.
Because it did.

I looked in the mirror. All I saw staring back was this beast. I see this monster. This evil creature I'd become. I watch the tears roll down my face, and I just look so much uglier. "How do I fight you?!" I shout. I look so small. I'm weak. I can't handle my thoughts, emotions. I can barely lift an eight pound weight well. I'm puny. I am useless in school. I feel unloved by near everyone. I can't stand this creature in the mirror. I can't be weak anymore.
I tilt the chair
My feet dangle and kick
And just as the world fades, I see that this made me weaker than I was before. I never could be strong. How ironic.

Wind cannot bring life
Life does not bring good fortune
Fortune, lost in wind

Sit alone
Look to the stars
Dance with with the night
Ignore your scars
Dance with the night
The screams now fade
You watch the light
Now see it love you and leave you
All in the same night

In gentle stillness
Everything hurts.
I move so quickly
I fall down harder.
I stop completely
As the world goes by.
When I finally find
A perfect balance,
Everything becomes sharp
And slowly I bleed.

Pull hearts that tear the pieces
Kick in doors of homes for robbing
We coming in like a wind that can't stop
We have the power and we got things to say
I lost it all when I played that game
So say little boy
Can you fight and try to write
Right the wrongs of your own vice?
You lost what you had and it ain't coming back
Daddy left
You can't fight that fact
You have only your pen
Only the gun
Stand and fight
Or sit and write

I will feel this pain
If you feel it too

I'm no longer cold
In my teenage disillusion
I'm at a disability for fools
But for now I'm not handicapped
I'm that nine year old again
Smiles and tears
Simplicity
Feeling out if feeling
No silly fallacy
Just who I am
For another night, I'm me again