A simple ticking
Born in my head
A light drum beat
Making me go mad
It calls out for me
It calls out for you
It wants something
But cannot be cured

Hey, little boy
I know it's been a while
I've missed you
I realized you could've grown
You might have changed
For better or worse
I know you can't see
I wish you could be here
But things could've gotten worse
Thanks for what you said
We were young
We didn't know much
But you're still wiser then
Than me now
You told me things will get much worse
Thank you
I will be prepared
I loved you
I miss you little boy
I wish you hadn't died that day
I'll see you again
Goodbye

Tap my temple
Press my pen
Hope for something
Feel only lies
Lost my inspiration
In your eyes

There was a time that man was beautiful
In that time no pain was known
But pain is real
And it killed that time
Reality sunk in
Innocence bled
Darkness within
No light to shine in

Life has hurt
It is hurt
But life isn't about the pain
It's about healing

Fate isn't fact
Not everything happened because it would
Fate is simply A to B
Like a road trip
In fate you go from birth to death
But you the in between is up to you
Stop anywhere you like
Look at what you want to see
Be what you want
Love who you want
Life is yours
Don't die before you can live

Today, was the same as they say
No different from yesterday
Likely, tomorrow won't change
But one thing is new
What I know
And what I knew
Or at least thought
It's not about loving the girl
It's about loving with the girl
Growing together
Becoming one through a shared love
And in the end
Loving her anyways

Curious
To think of eyes
To see a dream
To believe
Growing
Curious to feel
Curious to want
Being human is strange
Being human is all
Life filled to the brim
Moment upon moment
Yet nothing new
Knowledge to understand
Answers to questions
Nothing changes
And it doesn't need to
An eternal sky
Blue or grey
Is a sky
And that's enough

It begins with the few
The few become many
Another few rebels
And they become many
The many grow larger
Large enough to destroy the few
The mant out weigh now
You no longer own you

Beautiful
Ugly
Joyous
Depressed

Things change instantly
By God
By me
By her
By something
But things change
Now I hate you
And you hate me

Life could be beautiful
Instead, I'm a kid
Child thoughts
Child feelings

Thin little lines scratched into your flesh
Each with a story
Each a failed test
Fight it off
Every relapse
Fight it off
"I don't like fighting"
I don't either
But it's do or die
And please
If there's something left
Do not choose die

Reality is strange
Life is an act
Sanity is a privilege
Any path I choose
I'm lost

I try so hard.
This ****** knife;
It sticks in me.
I can take it out,
Shove it back in,
Push it,
Pull it.

This stupid game.
I try to break it,
But it comes back,
So I try to accept it,
And I lose myself

Days can burn
Time can hurt
Everyway
Everyday
Footsetep
Footstep
Broken
Footstep
Matching forward
Road to nowhere
Fear is taught
Hate is learned
Suns will burn
Time won't heal
Life comes undone
We start again

Sometimes death can be easy
Not that coping is
I remember that
I've lost some great people
Strange
So much love and care in such fragile beings
We were created to break
And so death can be easy
I'll still cry
I'll still miss all you people
Goodbye to my family
Goodbye to my friends
I loved the world
I love you all
Just don't be so angry
Death can be easy

People can be stupid
Foolish
You don't use love to save yourself
But you don't save yourself alone
You live and you love
You have to grab life by the horns
That's how you win
You fix things for yourself
And when the time comes
Someone will fix you with you
And you'll do the same
Love is about together
Not healing
Not even happiness
It's about together
Family
Friends
Enemies
Lovers
No matter what kind of love it is
Love is many as one
Forever

Fade with me, memories
No letters to tear
Nothing to ruin
Life alone
Life on the outside
Life in my heart
Love in my eyes
There is no reason to end anything
People, you are crazy
And because of your insanity
I love you

People round here
Really don't care
They smile and laugh
Nobody will look
You have to be a certain kind of special
That's it

There cannot be thrill
An empty happiness
Unable to feel
We're pawns in this eternal chess
Sacrifices for the higher
Not allowed to think
Move forward
****
Move forward
Die
Liars in this plot
Lambs for the feast
Crucial pieces of this
Least of the most
You play yourself
Death is your host
Welcome to Hell
You lose when you lose

It angers me
How much I could love you
How much I would weep
How much I would plead
How I'd break my own arms
Hell I even tore at my body
To understand
To become
To know
How I destroyed it once
How we could save us
It angers me how I killed myself daily
How I tried
How in the end we both went numb
We both stopped seeing it
We didn't change
We just grew older
It angers me
That we both died
For nothing

We lost that chance
A place to go
To live a little easier
To smile
To be a family
We never have loved
But before we get our chance
We get the same thing we've all gotten too many times
"Too late"
It's okay
I will live here in Hell
I didn't expect things to get better
I find solace in that
God has destined that we don't be happy
What a silly thing
When Hell is your home

I'm no longer cold
In my teenage disillusion
I'm at a disability for fools
But for now I'm not handicapped
I'm that nine year old again
Smiles and tears
Simplicity
Feeling out if feeling
No silly fallacy
Just who I am
For another night, I'm me again

I'm at a loss for words
This weird confusion in my head
A funny love in my heart
Right now, I'm blank
Right now, I'm not special
Right now, I'm okay

I'm cool
You're cool
We're cool

No, I'm not happy
I'll smile
I'll laugh
I'll look happier than everyone
But I am fear
And that's why they run
They'll see my eyes
We're all scared of something
I'm afraid to feel

Light before night
My heavy conscience burdens me
I let my caged heart spread its own wings
The weight of its balance breaks the bars
But breaks itself
Heart can heal
Heart can break
I am Atlas
I am under everyone
And I am great

Age old words
Pain without love
Killings by sword
Hell from above

Not to fight
Not to leave
Not to go
Not to watch

Stubborn
Bored
Afraid
Easy to describe
I'm not really anybody
I'm angry
I'm arrogant
I try too hard
I am like everyone else
I want to be what everyone is
I'm crazy
I'm stupid
I'm nobody else
Nothing new
And I know now
That's okay

I try to feel sorry
I try to be sad
But it's fake
I'm over it
It's gone
I don't love you
And I never will

I had these rough thoughts
Raggedy, old, worn thoughts
Stuff broken into my mind
I tried to wash it from my hair
The dust remained

Get rid of it

You have to do it yourself

I'll wash it in ink

Ink in my hair

I washed the words out

One reply

"I can't stand you"

Give up
You are not a big man
I am not a man
I am here to work
I'm under everyone
Save me
No
Let me burn
I can't do this alone
I can be strong enough
Why do I fall?
I trip myself

I know it's over
And I'm gone
My whole world may come undone
Let it happen
I won't see
It's nothing but a ****** dream
I know it can't be real
Awoken to a mirror
Finally, I see
Yes, here I am once more
Say it forever
I'm ugly
Again

Funny to think
Eyes that once thought I was beautiful
Now gaze at the same beauty
And we're now blind to each other

Thin little line scratched into your flesh
Each with a story
Each a failed test
Fight it off
Every relapse
Fight it off
"I don't like fighting"
I don't either
But it's do or die
And please
If there's something left
Do not choose die

I poured out my heart for you
You left me
But you left your scars on my heart
Maybe I'm broken
No matter what
I'm here
I know I'm no good om my own
But I can't stop
I made a promise not to give up

Every night it gets worse
I'm crying and screaming
I am yelling
I'm trying to help myself
I can't do it alone
Please
I'm the boy that fell off his bike
Please
I know I'm ugly
I know I haven't been the same since that day
People, help me

I know I've been different
It was such a dark night
I'm sorry
I tried to stop
Please listen to me
I'm sorry
I tried
I didn't want to **** your son

I hate what I hear
What I'm seeing
I'm looking in the mirror and I'm bleeding
My favourite prop is now reduced to shiny rocks
Glass on the floor
In my veins
Scratching me
Can't feel the pain
Anger
Rage
Anything
Nothing here
Can't be saved
Once flying high
Now burning low
Can't concentrate
I'm stupid now
Forget me here
Or save me, "friends"

I hate what I write
Page by page of scratched out thoughts
Word by word; more annoying
I hate you
I hate you
The page is the mirror
My words are my reflection
Ugly
Ugly
Not real
You are not new
You are everyone else
They won't love you
There is never an end
Day after day
I feel dumb again

My life shouldn't have begun
I was never one to finish all
I fight til I stop
And I stop every day
I sang to you once
You kissed me that day
I climbed into my sheets
And cried pain away
Now there was no song
Please come back lullaby
Beautiful, come kiss me goodbye

We had seven months
We went **** fast
But we took **** slow
We were broken
Beginning is the end at the end
We were for love
But we were for healing
We did what we needed
We loved and that's what we needed
I need no justification
It wasn't always the best
I won't lie about that
But even in the darkest moments
It was one hell of a ride
Even for the pain
But also the good
For everything you did
Thank you

Bad habits
Tried to kick the problem
I fall backwards
Into something, maybe nothing
I'm in there no matter what
Must be black demons
Red hearts
Deep scars
Addiction always there
What's your drug?
Like knives, blue pills
No matter what
Anger kills
Can't fight
Won't win
Gave up
And I'm here again

There's a thorn in my finger
I pull and watch the black pour out
Watch as anger takes me into stone
I stop
Frozen in place
Filled with a dark heart
I spring back to life
Leaping at the enemies that put knives into me
But as soon as I walk away
The feelings fade
No knives
No ******
Just me
Alone with a dark heart
Alone with black blood
A monster inside
A passion of mine
Escape is no option
Can't run
But I'll hide

I have a thousand books
A library in my head
Silly thoughts
Overused
Lost in a temple of stories
I speak only the story
The stories weren't written
I have 'em at home
Stories of death
Dreams that died
Just like that silly little boy I write to
Stories of loss
Loss of importance
Stories of us
The stories of myself

Pull hearts that tear the pieces
Kick in doors of homes for robbing
We coming in like a wind that can't stop
We have the power and we got things to say
I lost it all when I played that game
So say little boy
Can you fight and try to write
Right the wrongs of your own vice?
You lost what you had and it ain't coming back
Daddy left
You can't fight that fact
You have only your pen
Only the gun
Stand and fight
Or sit and write

We call ourselves weak
close my eyes
I'm at my peak
My rage has reached the top
My reign won't ever stop
I'm screaming at the ground
Burn this place down
"I hope you didn't care
Little gay looking boy
Not okay little boy
They all spit the venom in your face little boy!"
I'm rising up
Higher than the highest high
Cuz I hit my lowest low
I lost that last relapse battle
We're all stuck with our salary
Listening just to call the fallacy
Don't climb the tree
Pull lies outta me
I'm done
Lost and gone
Back to the beginning
This is how I bleed
Call the end finality

I got tired of the way it went,
So I made them know my name.

I hated what they thought,
So I made up my own game.

I'm not alone,
But who do I stand with?
I always stand alone.

I am my own fight
I always lose if I fight.

Nobody won, but I beat you.

If I fell asleep and didn't wake,
Would you cry?
Would  you care?
Come to die
The boatman's fare
Crossing over
Did you stare?
Across the river
I see a light
There you are
You took your life…