we spend our lives looking for reasons
to crown upon the heads of chaos,
grasping at the corners of our reality,
desperately seeking comfort in our happy endings,
cheating minds into believing it will all
work out, only to affront the gaping reality that
it won’t.

recalling all the times you’ve looked up
at the sequin encrusted cloak of night,
that wraps around your languid figure,
like the quiet of your mother’s womb
and felt the earth moving.
when you jumped,
and the world kept spinning.

and it screamed out of the bloodshot horizon,
that this is only the dawn,
and it will never set.

incogitable is the question
you've asked yourself
since you could form
thoughts dense enough to grasp
quandaries these daily citizens
are encouraged
"not to be contemplated"

unthinkably aware of your surroundings
that you tend to notice cracks
in the side-stomped concrete
three-point-five seconds before
my ankle ever twists

and yet, your eyebrows carved canyons
in sweaty, porous sediment
caked onto the blood-fed silkscreen
stretched below your hair

you didn't believe me when i told you
cameras will litter the city streets
innumerable greater than the lampposts
illuminating your view of my sprained ankle
(you missed that one, by the way)

you honestly believed that everyone
thinks about everyone else
because that's what you do

but boy, I gotta tell ya,
you are not like anyone else
you're the high-flyin pilot
star visible to the naked eye
caught behind the crescent of the moon
yet still shining through
and some may even come close enough
to brush heat waves you emanate from that hot heart

unfortunately, your perennial denizens
rely on waxen wings
crashing anxiously homeward
to moss-laden paradises
they make up
twisting neural networks into bundles

here i recline
pierced through the retina
held fast iron-gripped heart
legs tight and fingers licked
incogitably cognizant
of each
and every
answer
           || Restricted Access Memory ||
will not permit to ponder

ponder for longer than
a second anyway
but a second is all you
need to receive
seventeen-thousand-four-hundred-and-forty-two
percent of your daily value
of vitamin E




(that stands for Enlightenment, people)

Now that I have you
I find I can't stand you
I wish you'd just go away
for my eyes go a flutter
when he walks on over
pulling me along the way.

“Do not worry my love. You’re with me now.”
I smoothed down her tussled curls
and carried her towards my bed.
Sweat smeared the insides of my elbow
coming from the fold of her bent knees.
Again she screamed
and struggled against me
but I held her fast.

“I can’t let you go my love. You are my chosen one.”
My eyes widened with the realization
that I have finally gotten what I need
and more
was still to come.
She became still as if in shock.
Her lips pressed together in a hard line
and like child she went into herself
thinking that she would block the coming
experience
from her mind.
But there was no place for her to go,
for not even in the recesses of her mind
would I let her go.
She would feel everything
that I gave to her,
and in the end she would
thank me.

I am death,

and it was her time to leave this earth,
this was my way.

I laid her down
and her whimpering became less.
Her eyes were moist
and glistening with unshed tears.
“How beautiful you look.”
I whispered in her ears.
My lips closed around her lobe
pulling
down on the cold skin.
Could she feel my growing heat against her?
Each wrist I bound
each ankle I tied,
I will not let you get away my love.
“I want to share myself with you.”
I kissed her chin
I kissed her eyes
and warmed my hands against her *******.
She whined
I soothed her.
“Don’t cry my love. Don’t shed unnecessary tears.”
I looked her over slowly
lingering on her *******
gingerly
touching her heat,
which I could feel pulsing beneath me palm.
She wants me.
I knew she would.

Staring into her eyes
I could see the fear that
I wanted,
could she see the lust
reflected in mine?

With no mind, flowers lure the
butterfly;
With no mind, the butterfly visits
the blossoms.
Yet when flowers bloom, the butterfly
comes;
When the butterfly comes, the
flowers bloom.

Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days' worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.

Yuck
Not again
I'm failing
For yet another
Time

Walls collapsing
Mask disintegrating
Voice disappearing
Smile vanishing
Thoughts muddling

Grip is
Loosening
Throwing me back
Into that ******
Pit
I fought so hard
To climb out
Of

My strength is
Depleting
I don't think
I can make that climb
Again
Or at least
Fight that
Monster
Suppress it
Squash it
Ultimately
**** it

My control is
Slipping
My tongue is
Sharpening
My voice either
Booming
Or vanishing
Evil thoughts
Rampaging

I wish it would stop
Where's my will
When I need it
I need it back
To climb
To talk
To smile
To fight
That
Blasted
Side

I can run
But not for long
It will catch up
It has already caught on

And nothing
Already
Matters
Anymore

1
the teacher says
give me a sentence
anyone, quick
with the word
“beautiful” twice…

Angelic  Mike
sings his response:
My father always says,
“Beautiful day, makes one beautiful too”


2
the teacher applauds
and so does the class
everyone’s heart warms to the core;
and teacher points to Wild Danny
“Give us one, Danny,” she says

3
“Oh,” says Danny Wild,
*“last evening at our dining table
my sis in high school
she said she’s with baby
and she doesn’t know who;
and my daddy he said:
'Beautiful…****** beautiful'"

One day, under layers of earth
Where forgotten men sleep
And the rest of history are kept
You'll be worth more than gems and gold
Your memories will make the roses bloom
And grow a field of dancing daffodils
Or be a home to lonely birds
On the warm arms of your sycamore tree

And so if it comes
That time has to deny your breath
Do not be afraid.
Remember my love,
Even if you're six feet under
In all ways and always,
You are significant.