The amphetamines are at
an all time high.
The excuses stay the same.
I worry that it's too much,
she assures me that its not enough.
I see the world around her spinning
slowly out of control.
She is immune to it.
If I voice an opinion,
the excuses shoot me down.
If I stay silent,
my morals and experience
make me feel unsettled.
I tell her that they make her
cold and distant.
She refuses to see it.
I look into her face and
it is blank.
Too lost in a thought.
Focused on that single issue,
to not see it.
I have to keep going with her,
abandonment is not an option.
I used to be the indulgent one,
now I see it all with different eyes.
I know what’s next.
But she won't let me in.

I've ripped the threads
from my half stitched heart,
with my teeth!
Clawing from the outside in.
I destroyed it,
before you did.
I set light to my soul.
I poured the gasoline,
lit the match, and
burned it before you did.
I ripped my tongue out
and nailed it to my desk,
before you had a chance to
say the things that would only
force my searing words.
I plucked my eyes from my head
before you had the chance to.
Seeing your crooked smile would
only cause more pain.
I broke my hands to keep from
clinching them in fits of rage.
I can't slit my own throat,
so I leave that one for you.

Lost your perfect life,
no more little wife
left behind a part of you,
for somebody else, new.
I sat back and had to laugh,
and watch you fall flat on your ***.
can't seem to find what you need,
one more bed for you to feed.
ain't no shame in your game,
loneliness is what you claim.
empty promises help you through,
another emotion I wasted on you.
smiles, winks, and nods
gave way to a cheap facade.
So live your life in a lie,
another bed to hop, why not try?
Your cheapness sickens me
to the boiling point of agony.
I tried to ***** the feeling out
Only to be shown a different route.
Take your poison, which ever suits,
I'll have the boot mark on my *** for proof.

Random thoughts
escape my brain
begging to be put
onto paper.
Jumbled words
to soothe my
tortured soul.
Dark feelings comeback
to haunt me again.
I thought they were
dead and gone,
I was wrong.
Stare at my reflection,
showing me how
time has moved on.
Was I destined to be
something more than
a broken shell?
Did I choose the right path?
Or, was it the left?
Confusion sets in,
I am better now.

Momma took a lot
of stuff to get where
I'm at.
Momma took a lot of hits
and lived with a broken
back.
Momma still works like
a dog,
Momma walked through
rain, and fought through
fog,
But trust me when I say
still to this very day,
even though I stand
as a broken man,
been knocked down
more times than
Mike Tyson.
I'm not bulletproof
or ten feet tall,
but best believe,
I'm as strong
as a brick wall.
I stomp around
with pounding feet
and Momma can always
count on me.
Til the day I die,
with every waking
breath I try.
Pushers and pullers
need to beware,
when ever Momma needs me,
I'll be there.

So blind
to not see
what I've become.
Hope
Is for suckers.
I don't learn
from my idiotic
choices.
Once I've rescued
my heart
from the gutter,
it is submerged
into a pile of
steaming ****,
from my own doing.
You'd think
falling on my face
so many times
would teach
me a valuable lesson.
Nothing could be
further from
the truth.
I am to the point
of giving up.
It seems like
the right
thing to do.
But, I know
I won't.
I have to push
on and see
how much longer
I can go.
One day.
One day,
I will see the light.

Some day.

Dear Lord,

Its like I'm getting taller
But, in reality
I'm getting smaller.
Stand with the torch in my hand,
it not lit, it never began.
With smoke and mirrors,
it was all a trick?
Lost my shirt,
with my heart nailed onto it.
I really tried to do my best,
I gave the truth, nothing less.
Ray of sunlight,
you might be gone,
not enough time to right my wrongs.
You saw a glimpse of me,
that few rarely, if at all, see.
A light that shines so deep.
So, Lord I give unto you,
my thoughts and confessions
to judge me through.
If this is the way
I am supposed to feel,
I'll do what is needed to
keep the deal.
If this is the place
where you want me to be,
All I ask from you, is
to set my mind at ease.

-Amen