God and Creation
God and the Church
God and Me

A husband and his bride
Two lovers wrapped in a divine embrace
A love that is so close, so intimate, so beautiful
It could not possibly be broken from the outside
But within
Within
Within it is delicate
It is sensitive
It is fragile
Because it is love

And fragility is not weakness
But it is vulnerability
It is nakedness
And as I stand before God
Naked
He says, “I see you, I know you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
But as I look upon perfection
It seems the only thing left to see
Is my imperfection
And I say, “You see me, you know me, so I’d rather be anywhere but here,
and I’d rather be anything, but naked”

So I run
I run away from a perfect love
And into broken arms and broken hearts
Broken hearts that don’t care to know me
They only care to feel me
And I only want to be felt
Because it’s easy
But it’s empty

Why am I imperfect?
Why do your white linens
Show off my stains?
Why can’t I bleed away my stains?
Why do you have to see me *****
before you can wash me clean?
And why can’t the washing be easy?
Why does it have to hurt so much?
And why is it that even though everyone says the work on the cross is finished
I still feel like I’m waiting for it?

You are God:
Promiser of providence
So why can't you guide me where I want to go?
I know
The answer is in the question.
And I know
Your guidance will take me to a much better place
And honestly
I want to follow your voice and run into your arms
But I can't
I can't bear the thought of revealing to myself
What you already know:
That I am broken
And I can't fix myself
See as long as I keep myself in this hallucination
That either I'm not broken
Or I am working to make myself better
Then I can keep myself busy
righteously
Because as long as I keep moving
I don't have to rest
Because in rest
You are there
And where you are
The truth reigns
And for someone who wants to be independent
Who wants to be able to fix himself
That is terrifying

"Do not be afraid
"Be still and know that I am God
"I see you and I know you and I'm not going anywhere
"You are broken, you are sinful, but I'm not going anywhere
"You can't fix it, but I will. I'm not going anywhere
"I'm not going anywhere."

From the moment you were born
You were hated
Rejected, detested, despised
As people looked on you with burning eyes
of judgement.
They threw you in the dirt
And they didn’t think of you as worthy of a shirt
So there you lay in ****** naked shame
Feeling alone, wondering if anyone felt the same
way.
Then as I was passing by
And you lay in the dust about to die
I called out to you
Live!
You don’t have to die
I will make you thrive
Like the flowers of the field
Beauty is the fruit that you will yield
You will not need any covering for your frame
Because you will not feel any shame
Because I will make you beautiful
And then I perfected that beauty
I made you mine
And you tasted the sweetest of wines
You had the finest of clothes
They accented you like pedals on a rose
You had the purest of stones
And you became more famous than kings sitting on thrones
Because of your beauty
You were mine
But then you walked away
Showing off your beauty like it was meant for a common display
You gave yourself away to lovers and affairs
Your beauty became theirs
You filled your life and beauty with pollution
You lowered yourself to the point of prostitution
And not once did you think to return
You destroyed my gifts they would’ve been better off burned
Every single gift I gave
You twisted them around and threw them away
For the sake of your prostitution
I had given you all
But you decided to fall
And though I extended my hand
You slapped it away like I had been banned
From your presence
So therefore I say to you go now
Destroy my gifts and forsake our vows
This is what you desire
So go give yourself to the thieves and the liars
I won’t stop you
You gave yourself away to everyone who passed you by
But you were still never satisfied
And there was no one who saw you that thought you could fall any lower
But you found a way
You refused to be paid
For your prostitution
And you took it even farther than that
You paid your lovers for your ****** acts
So if you want so badly to be exposed
So be it, I will gather all of your lovers together and they will oppose - you
Then you will see
That all these people you gave yourself to so easily
They are the same people that left you alone to die at the beginning of your life
So here you are again, naked, ashamed, and wallowing in your strife
Why did you leave
Why did you have to make me grieve
You were mine
Like a star I made you shine - in all your beauty
But then you left me for humanity
You chose their path in all of its vanity
But I will bring you back
I will take you away from everything sinful, everything black
And all the immorality you gave yourself to
I will make vanish like a morning’s dew
And I will put a new heart within you
Because I am holy
This is not for your sake but for my glory
All those who turned away and cast you aside
They will see that again, I have made you my beautiful bride
Never again will you experience famine or drought
And never again will anyone have any doubt
That you are mine

As you ride the train out of Chicago and the car
sways sways sways sways
sways sways sways sways
sways sways sways sways
as you roll on toward your destination
and you look outside and you see the sun beams
swirling in the circles of the train car windows
and you see them reflecting in bends off of the raaaaaaaaails of the train
track tracks
track tracks
track tracks
track tracks
the lids of your eyes slowly begin to fall
and you think
what a beautiful day it has been.
Then the train passes an abandoned building with
bro-ken win-dows
and you ask
what lives were lived there that are now long…
forgotten?
And then the train passes the Chicago burbs with apartment buildings
and white pick pick pick pick picket fences
and boys playing street soccer
and a girl crying because they won’t let her play
and mothers telling the boys to be fair
and then a boy crying because the girl just scored the winning goal
and then everyone yelling
CAR!
and running to the sidewalks to run to start playing the next round as the car passes
and you think
What a beautiful day it has been.
And then the train passes another with
grafffffffffit-t-t-t-t-ti all along it
and you ask why is the best art with the strong stories behind it called vandalism
wile the worst art is worth millions because it’s called abstract?
And then the train passes woodlands and a wave of nostalgia floods your mind
as you remember the times when your brothers and friends built forts
and played war in the overgrown gully behind your yard
and you think
what a beautiful day it has been.

I Am
It is a name of infinite complexity
And just as infinite simplicity
A name filled with infinite passion
And infinite infinity
I am the alpha and the omega
The beginning and the end
Nothing starts or ends without my presence
No door I close may be opened
And no door I open may be shut
I spoke the first words into existence
And I hold the last word without resistance
I am God in Trinity
Adonai explicitly
Elohim eternally
I am Jehovah Nissi
As a pillar of fire
My light will lead you forward through the darkness
And if you rally behind me
Your life will never expire
For I am Jehovah Tsidkenu
And by my blood you have been made pure
By my sacrifice you have been saved
And by my grace your sin has been cured
For I am Jehovah Rafah
And I am Jehovah Jireh
I will clothe you in more splendor than the lilies
At my command the birds will bring you food and life will spring from your dry bones
And I will be the provision of a strength that surpasses Achilles
I am El Roi
I see the wanderings of your heart and the searchings of your soul
I have known your darkness and I have given you light and joy
I am Jehovah Shammah
I have walked with you and shown you my wonders
And I have carried you when the world beneath you shudders
I will be with you always
For I am past, present, and future
I am your savior, your messiah
I am your God
I Am

I am dying
As the sun sets and the moonless night prepares to consume the world and it’s atmosphere
So I lay
Unmoving as I prepare for the reaper to visit me
Not only am I broken but, also, my life flees from my side
In a vain attempt to somehow survive
Apart from its withering host
As I shrink into nothingness
My soul panics within the closing box that is my exiting life
It cries out for escape
But hands keep smothering it
Forbidding it from finding some kind of hold
These hands
My hands
As my life approaches its end
I realize that this sickness, this disease that has eaten away at my spirit,
my very life from the beginning
It wash't some unavoidable natural calamity
This disease was injected into my veins, my very life source
Injected
So in my last moments I searched
I clawed
For someone to blame
Someone to hate
My enemy
The Devil
God even
No
None of these were the source of my injection
This slow death
That started killing me from the moment I was given life
Was injected by me
The first time I had a choice
I choose to put this black, murderous think
Into my bloodstream
And I realize now that from the first injection
It was an addiction
And soon this darkness became such a part of me
That nobody could see
That is wasn’t life but depravity
They couldn’t see that I wasn’t actually free
I was drowning
I was dying
But I had worn this life-like facade for so long
That it became plastered to my life like nothing was wrong
An so, even though
I was crying out calling from the inside
All they could see
Was this mask that had made them blind to me and my depravity
And I couldn’t take it off
No matter how hard I tried
I couldn’t find the will
I couldn’t muster the power from inside
So here I lie
And here I close my eyes
Here I die
Crack
I felt a pain sear through my entire being
And it was a pain that went against anything I ever thought about believing
Crack
My body writhed in agony
As it tried to get away from whatever this pain could possibly be
Crack
I felt the mask being torn apart
But my flesh was so attached that a crack in the mask was a crack in my heart
Crack
The mask shattered and I was blinded for a moment
I felt my heart battered but it was battered only for a moment
And then I felt something change
Like while the mask was fading my heart was rearranging
Into something new
And then it started beating again
But it was beating differently then it ever had been
I looked down at my veins
And I saw the black darkness that had been my parasite
It was giving in to this new blood that would bring me true life
But
I had died
I had felt it’s cool icy grasp
How was it that I
Was alive
What was it that broke my mask
A man in white came to me and answered what I had asked
A hammer
Yes, with every stroke that drove in these nails
It broke away your mask until it fell away like scales
And you were blinded for a minute
Because of my light for you were not used to being in it
See you had to die
In order to let me bring you back to life
See now your sin is buried in my grave
And now you truly have been saved