There's a sadness
and I always know when she's coming.
She's on the door, asking for some space
"I don't need a lot, just a little bit", she whispers.
No answers.
She starts to scream.

I'm always caught up trying to decide if I let her in or throw her out. She always catches me at this very point, when it's usually too late: I'm back in the grave.

It's a ocean of feelings, of nostalgics old times, of who I was, who I want to be and who I'm becoming. It's slowly making me float at the same station: Me.

She caught me. I'm hers.
I'm trying to be healthy and happy and wish happiness for everyone... But this bravery, my dear... How could I?

It turns out that, night falls like this I  don't seem to have the strength to fight it. There's just sadness. She caught me. I'm hers again.

Missing you is like being in the open sea
and these days I get to think I'll die
because it comes in waves and sometimes
They're so bigger than myself
Pushing me deep, one side to another

Somedays it's like a whale's mouth
Her teeths cutting through my bones
Eating me alive
And I can't get out

Other days it's the boat
Like it came to save me
Missing you shows that what we had was worth it
And I don't feel so bad
because at least I've tried

Unlike you,
Who gave up in the first sight of water
Oh God, no
Please don't leave me in the open sea...
I hear my voice begging.

The waves all over again.

I ain't no candle in the wind

I'm the board, the lightning, the thunder
Kind of girl who's gonna make you wonder
Who you are and who you've been

They mistook my kindness for weakness
I ****** up, I know that, but Jesus
Can't a girl just do the best she can?

Catch a wave and take in the sweetness
Think about it, the darkness, the deepness
All the things that make me who I am

And who I am is a big-time believer
That people can change, but you don't have to leave her
When everyone's talking, you can make a stand

'Cause even in the dark I feel your resistance
You can see my heart burning in the distance

[...]

I hope you can look at yourself
Beyond your choices
Or at least,
Beyond that choice specifically.
Because that's what I do.

You see, baby
We have this same atoms composition
And exquisite ways of seeing the world
That's alright

Today I was getting ready to go out
And then I couldn't help noticing that
My chest is holding a lot of scrapes

It got me thinking.

If that's all over,
and there's nothing left but ashes

Then why the hell
am I still bleeding
Over your name?

You are an interesting species.
An interesting mix.
You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares.
You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone.

In all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.

Sometimes I feel like
There's someone better inside of me
And she's buried in this giant amount
Of pressure that I make.

A piece of me is burning
To go beyond what I am
and what I do
But

I can't hear it
Because of the noise in my daily life.

I have come to learn
With pain and pleasure
To make every stumble
A bridge to the real me

Of course
Somedays I fail.

But I try.
Oh man,
How I have been trying...

You may go ahead and say
I'm being immature
To get me away from you

But baby
You don't know
How brave I've gotta be to do that.

It takes courage to
Don't keep in touch with
What destroys you,
Just because you love it.

You have become
Exactly what you've always wanted

Immortalized
Untouched
Flawless

Through my words.

I haven't forgotten
A single detail about you
But honestly
I hope you do.

That's the only way we have to move on.

I would stay
Knowing we would be lost
Knowing that I would have to follow you into the dark
Pursue your ghosts
Make room to your pain

I would stay
Even if it was to drown with you.

There's thousands of bars around town
Yet here you are
At my door.

I'm not such a fool
for believing this is about me
I know it couldn't be.
Current state really heavy.

But if you're still bleeding
Please, just know
That I'm dying for you to
Come home.

When I was a child
I used to be afraid of the dark
Because of the unknown things that hide in it

Now that I'm older
I've realized
The only unknown
Hiding in the shadows
It's the ghost of who we used to be.

A paper crown
And a heart made of glass
A tattered gown
And her kingdom of ash
She walks alone
She can never look back

The story of a queen
Whose castle has fallen to the sea

She'll make it out
But she's never the same
She's lookin' down
At the scars that remain
But you hold your ground
Though your kingdoms in flames

She's looking out
From the war that's inside
She's screaming out
'Cause no one survived
But when you're all alone
You wait and you hide

When all she needs, and all she wants
When all she finds
When all she is, and ever was
Is compromised
'Cause there's no one to love you
When you build your walls too high

And there's no one to love you
When you trapt yourself inside

Broke your heart on your birthday
I would call but I don't know what I could say
Only skin, only bone, and I'm flawed
Crying in your parents' garage
So I'll sew my eyelids shut
So I don't have to be reminded of us
'Cause everywhere that I go is a photo
Every night I'm in bed with the vertigo

Anxiety inside extremities
I'm losing touch, I got a tendency
To ruin all the things that I love
I could make amends
But you know I had enough, oh man
Not right now
You would think that I would feel alive by now
Twenty something years and I'm still so down
Contemplate on moving like my legs tied down, oh no
Try to coincide, lack on my back and the void is inside
I can see my faults in the ceiling every night

So I'll drive all night through my home town
You can drive your knife through my chest now
I'ma crash my car by your old house
'Cause all I'll ever be is a letdown

now i have a few mistakes of my own in the bill
and i’m learning to live with them
everyday
slow process
regardless what people think (and keep that in mind)
I take my time
for rebuild the wounds
let them close and heal
until it only remains the scars
the ones who make me even more beautiful
they show I survived
​

A piece of paper floats down
All them answers? To the ground
Where I wait lying on my back
Sleeping and dreaming that I could feel the lack

A beautiful moon lights a cold room
I'm not there
I'm not there

I look at you sometimes and think
Wow, how little we know about each other
If not the parts we choose to show

But the trick, darling
Is only listen to the things you do, not the things you say

And for me
The way you try to fix things says everything about you.

I fell in love with your silence
it gave me room to imagination

enough

to create a reality
where we’re still in love
​

that moment in slow motion
when everything goes silent
my heart breaking inside my body
and the waves coming
devouring me whole

that moment
when you became
everyone else.
​