To whoever,

I'm hiding this so deep
if my mother knew
she'd weep
im lost
i do whatever i want
no matter the cost
i'm in pain
i can't seem to breakaway
from something so toxic
yet i always come back to play your game
i'm confused
what happened? yesterday you were down
today you refused
your actions leave my heart bruised
Isolated
my best friend left
all i have are these memories
i miss her
come back thats my only request
Voiceless
my mouth is wide open
but nothing is said
i just want to yell
i'm left wordless and distressed
i do as i please
i smoke trees
putting my mind at ease
i stare in the mirror
her appearance is vaunt
but in her eyes you could see the truth
what does she really want?

I am a high-maintenance client.
I am a sad scared little girl.
I am an angry rebellious teenager.
I am a self-reliant woman with above average intelligence.
I am sad and small.
I am overbearing and demanding.
I am questioning and untrusting.
I am sarcastic and amusing.
I am outgoing and reserved.
I am determined and strong but also fearful and weak.
I am honest but withholding.
I am compassionate and giving and yet also hard and cold.
I am stubborn and willful.
I hide behind the facade of a woman I want to be.
I feel nothing and too much at the same time.
I am the life of the party but never really present.
I am beautiful crystal on the outside but shards of broken glass on the inside.
I will endure a hurricane to take away someone else’s pain and turmoil
and yet I cannot seem to do the same for myself.*
  
I am the product of a man who wanted me in controlling and abusive ways.

The morning comes a minute too soon
Before my R E M cycle has finished kicked in
I wasn’t mentally prepare to face another day
So, here I am once again: undone

The autumn leaves blanket the cold October ground
  covering Jack' o lantern face and my front lawn
While my candid thoughts were on Halloween spooky night song
~~~~~~~~~~
The loud screams, of trick or treats,
was heard all around this gloomy town
small tots all dress up in hideous costumes
once more my thoughts consume
black coffins,  black spiders and black werewolves,
the most creepiest sound and display on route 69
~~~~~~~~~'
Grown folks hiding behind the masks of darkness
another long night of evil spirits, ghosts and witches
on the darkest night of the year..
~~~~
Toddlers with Tiaras are on the verge of tears
what a lose-lose situation:
from beginning to end
~~~~
October is the time for frightening masks:
November is the season for hideous farm killings
Doom day is coming;
I welcome all of you to the darkest time of the year;
Happy Halloween, happy Halloween
Happy Halloween my global friends

I put pen to paper
not knowing
what to expect
if I will be satisfied
with what I write
or if anyone
will like
what I
write

I don't see myself
as a gifted soul
all my words
were dug up
from the dark
and beautiful
parts of me
that were
buried
in soil

my heart speaks
so loudly
even my mind
can hear
the echoing
of my thoughts
as I think of the
memories
which made me
and created
the identity
of the poet
that I became
to be