I realized tonight that you don't really care about me
And you spit out words and aim to please
But you don't take into account that we are people
We live and we talk and I know
I have feelings! And you can't just play with them!
Say what you think I deserve and disregard the truth?
Is that what you think friendship is?
Is that what you think love is?
I feel like some old sofa
That might have gotten you through your glory years
But just has one too many stains for you now
So you move on to the next shinny new toy.
And you leave me on the side of the road
Hoping some poor guy who has no idea what he is getting into
Picks me up and takes me away,
And if someone doesn't
No problem
Once I've spent a good amount of time on the outside
looking in on the warmth I once knew
You will take me to the dump and get rid of me once and for all.
Is that all I am to you?
Stability and a blessing?
I got you through this year?
Is that all you want from me?
Are you done with me now?
Fine.
I will still give you everything
I will still give you all of me
Because I will never meet anyone I love more
At least I hope not to because I never want another person
who will be able to rip my heart out by saying nothing.
I knew it was too good to believe
I knew you'd find someone better
So why am I so upset that you did
Once again you lived up to my expectations.
Empty promises and empty bottles are all I have left of you
And I wish I could lie and say that's all I want from you
Because that would make this poem end in a nice neat bow
But that's not true.
I want more of you.
And I don't want to spend the rest of my life as your lap dog
I want you to live up to your words
Or take them back
Or just do something with them
Because as they are right now
They are reused and old and bled dry of any real emotion
They are rung out and left out to dry on the cloths line of my inbox
Hoping one day they will mean something more
But no longer having faith that things will ever end up the way I want them to
I can clean myself as much as you want
But I will always be scared and flawed
And that will never be good enough for you
I will never be good enough for you
At least that's how you make me feel
And no one should have that power
I want to be over you
But I'm slowly realizing that will never happen.
You told me you will always be in my life but I'm not sure if I want that
I just want you to tell me that I will be okay
But you can't
No one talks to their old couches
You tried to fix me
You tried to sew on patches to my broken heart
But I ask too much of you
I don't try to but it always seems like too much
It always seems like something else is more important
But you are the most important thing to me
So can you promise me something?
Instead of leaving me on the side of the road
Just leave me in your basement
Because that way maybe I'll think you will come back for me
And I will have something to live for
And I won't even care when you never return
My heart wont even hurt a little
Because sofas don't have hearts
And that's all I am.

When I little I used to play a few games in my back yard
They have become more real for me lately
And I think that is because you make me feel like a six-year-old again
naive and impressionable and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I used to play freeze in my friends back yard.
At night we would run around and wait for her security camera
Light to go on
And when it did
You froze.
If you were close enough to the edge of the light
Someone on the outside could pull you back
But if you were in the middle
You were *******.
And that's how I feel now
That is how you make me feel
Stuck in the middle, all eyes on me
Except in real life, with you, the light doesn't go back off
It stays on staring at me
Forcing me to rethink every step I ever made.

My best friend and I played a spy game in my back yard
Trying to figure out who the evil master mind was
With our faithful companion
Hogan
The best dog ever.
And I wish I could go back to those days
Where we could make up our own secrets
Instead of hoping the real ones wont get exposed.
Or even better
We now try to uncover real secrets
To expose our enemies for what we believe them to be.
I want to turn into that spy again and figure out
What you are feeling
From the source: your heart
Because I don't think I trust your mouth.

Tag.
Your It.

I've been thinking about what I should say when I visit you...
And I am hoping I will gather up the courage to make you say it to my face
Tell me how you feel without hiding behind the cloak of a keyboard or computer screen.
I think I could be brave enough to tell you that I'm not going to find anyone better
So there is no point in waiting for that to happen
That there is no way I could find someone as good for me as you are.
I want you to find the strength to kiss me for real
Instead of kissing me on the head saying you always wanted to kiss me
And wanted to make sure you did it in some way before you left.
And while we are on the topic of you leaving lets talk about things you said.
You can't say you want to spend the rest of your life with me
And then go away
You can't cry in my arms and let me do the same
And then disappear
You just can't tell me you would stay for me
And not expect me to want to ask.
You're confused now, you don't know what you are saying
You don't understand that this is getting real very quickly for me
And I don't know how to make it stop.
These aren't just words.
They are supposed truths that I wish I could believe
But can't stop thinking that you will change your mind, that you will find someone better
Because we all know you could.
I wish I could believe you
And I tell everyone that I trust you, and I think I could
But I don't think I do
And the worst part is
I know I did.
Once upon a time I could believe in every word that you said
But it seems like you are confessing more lies to me every day
I love that you are telling me the truth but you have wronged me in the past
And I'm not so sure I'm over it.
I want to be, I want to have everything figured out
But that's not realistic.
The upside is I have thirty days to figure out what I want to tell you.
And maybe I will just hand you this right before I go.
Do to you what you did to me
Leave the ball in your court.
But then the bad news is I have thirty days to chicken out.
So if you're reading this then I congratulate myself
I did the impossible
I told you the truth.
You're turn.