your sweet seductress is spite and fear of the unknown.
I'm here
I'm stuck.
Why have you condemned me to be left as if I am expendable to you?
As if I am expendable.
I am expendable.
Why is it fair that I've become a loss to a bet against a part of yourself that will always win?
Why is it fair that I've become the item between a bet that is cast on something you'll never change?
I see how much (little) I mean to you.

but how dare you?
how do you dare away sentiment to make someone you are trying to free yourself from happy?
Why can't you dare away yourself?
You don't need a **** hand to hold, you just need to be set free.

You just can't see
that to become free
YOU must free yourself.


but you've fallen to your flawed vices again and taken them for virtues.

dark and grey
warm and stale
the air is a rock in my lungs but i’m dressed warm in cotton and leaning against a window.
grey clouds
it’s all grey.
reminiscent.

prying fingerprints forced a premature, imaginative antidote to a continuing curse.
A false resolve, a childhood story where the grandmother survives and the wolf comes back from a lumberman’s axe and devours the wary child’s faith of happy endings.
I’ve become friends with that wolf, for I fear being alone.

i want to eat my words like pills and stand at death’s door until
i can feel my death approaching me to let me be free from this
endless hunger (that’s) making me sick
I want to be happy again
i want to be free again.

The scary part about those nights where the voices get too loud is the screaming to yourself in the hope that the demons leave. They scream at me “WHAT’S YOUR PURPOSE” and that I am worthless, but scarier still is when you start to believe them.