I finally died on a Wednesday night

My dad was in Atlanta with his family
But that’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way it will always be

My mother was at her boyfriend’s house 15 minutes away
Starting her new life
The one where she tries to forget about me
Maybe if she keeps redecorating his house
She can find a way to hide me in the corner
Collecting dust and spider webs
My picture on the wall hidden by a sea blue curtain

And my siblings were in his basement watching TV
Probably fighting and getting ready to sleep
I never knew that every time I refused dinner or a movie with them
I was sealing my fate like my coffin lid

I was born on a Wednesday evening
5:15 pm at 4 pounds
I entered this world early and that’s how I left it

I killed myself on a Wednesday

I left behind cabinets full of pills I always said I would take
I left 19 notebooks of half written poetry
A few finished paintings and pastel scribbles
And a bowl of almost empty cereal left in my drawer

I left with scars on my body and burns

I left three bobby pins in my boyfriend’s window sill
Locks of my hair still in the kitchen trash
Lighters and pipes still hidden under my mattress

I left my bath water in the tub, turning cold as my body
***** socks crumpled in the corners of my sheets
I left my favorite shirt on my floor

I left my books opened
Underlined all the words I never could say aloud
I kept my favorite CD in the player in my car

I left my toothbrush out and my window open

I left an unfinished prophecy