I'm quite aware of the
           "Mistakes"
That I have made.
And I understand what the
     "Consequences"
Are for everything I've
         Done.
So there is absolutely
       No need
For you to remind me.

      I'm quite
           Content
                With it all.

I don't
     Believe
Anyone is a
    stranger
To hardship.

    But if you are...

Well,
    What a
Horrible
    And  
         Inexperienced
Life
You must
      Live.

I'm pacing back n' forth in the recesses of my mind.
Thinking about tomorrow; as if I have the time.
I've got a book of regrets and a list of excuses.
Stitches for the cuts and ice for the bruises.
I've got the heart of a warrior but the guts of a coward.
And I'm always screaming inside my mind; as if silence could get any louder.

I'm trying to stay positive; I'm trying to learn.
But it's hard to move forward when your "success" is everyone else's concern.
They're always breathing down my neck and saying things like "you can do better!"
But I guess they don't know that my ambitions change with the weather.
I can't explain it or even begin to understand why.
It's something that's out of my control no matter how hard I try.

Thanks for the inspiration,
And all your broken things.
These moments of silence
Are barely holding me
               Together.

So, don't be the one
That shatters my sanity
With the echoing sounds
Of distant cries
Originated from things like
            Lust and love.

People will believe
What they want to
Believe.
          It is not up to Us
To decide whether their
Beliefs
Are fact or fiction.
          So don't waste
Your time
Worrying about what
Other People's
Judgement and Concerns
May be.
          Because in the end,
    You're only left
With
     Yourself.

I'm just really mad.
Really really mad.
I bet you think your funny
making me boil
I bet you think it's helping
trapping my feelings inside
all I want is your approval
I know it won't happen
all I want is your faith
that I won't be that dumb
you've always said I
could do what ever my heart desires
well my heart desires her
and your holding me back
I hope that you don't know
and your mad about something else
I don't want to go through hell
like the last time.
this time it's different
she isn't just a phase
I've thought this out long and hard
and in my heart I know
what I feel is real
and all I want is for you
to understand,
let me talk
I don't think I want to  be religious
if this is how it feels
I now know what outcasts are
and I feel it every minute
I honestly can't think of you
with out it hurting so bad
all I want is my mother back
I don't want to hurt anymore
I deserve to be happy
I deserve a bit of freedom
I know you'll never like it
but eventually you'll
have to get over that.
I wish I could tell you my feelings
and everything I've ever gone through
maybe if I could try this
I'd know if its true.
I question my faith every day
and usually hate the result
Maybe I don't want to go to church
every sunday
Every time I hate myself
because of what is preached
every time I shake in my seat
trying to find peace
I just wish I could tell you
and this wouldn't have to be a secret
maybe one day it'll happen
maybe I won't be so mad.

I'm left here
my feet on the floor
I'm staring at the door.
To leave
or to stay...
so many options
but where would I go?
I have no one
I have no where
other family
yeah, funny
I'd just be a burden
but that's nothing new.
Why?
why is this feeling
taking over me
leave me alone
LEAVE ME ALONE
My insides are flowing
but slowly
I was never like this
I was always happy
have I caused this myself
am I creating my own nightmare
It's blowing up
but I won't show it.
It's blowing up
inside of me
but it's a secret
I would never share.
For once, I don't know
for once, I need help
but would anyone understand?
I know they wouldn't
I think I'm crazy
but am I?
Do other people feel this way
I'm not just myself
there is someone else
inside of me
someone else making my decisions
I don't agree with myself
I can't fight this anymore.
Who am I?
What have I become?
Where am I going?
When will this go away?
Why me?
How did I let myself get here?
I am up and down.
constantly
I'm done
with me
and them
and everyone around.