writing.
it's just words on a page.
how can something so simple be so powerful?
I guess I have you to thank for this
because without the pain you caused,
I never would have any words to put on the page.

I gave you so many
how much more do you want
because the scary thing is
I know that if you ask for another
I will give it to you

something we do for ourselves,
no one else.

it made me nervous to show you me without my protection
but I did it
and you told me I was beautiful.

but tell me one thing,
am I beautiful crying on the floor
with makeup dripping down my face
all because of you?

when I'm with you
all the fear goes away
and all I want is you.

but when you're gone it is unbearable
I feel empty
and the fear comes crawling back in.

now you've left for good
and all I am left with is
this feeling.

one
two
three

I count three.
but only one meant something.

now that one is gone and the number is irrelevant.
just that one matters to me.

everyone makes mistakes,
it's how we learn.

the hard thing is to not let them define you
but this seems impossible,
especially now.

my friends said you were a mistake from the beginning,
but I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

I am giving you another chance,
please don't make them right again.

it all came out at once.

an avalanche of emotions
so powerful it consumed me.

I did not experience pain until that night.

all I wanted was you,
to hold you, touch you, kiss you.

but you weren't there for me that night.

my friends say it was terrible
and that I was inconsolable.

I let everything out that I was holding in that night.

I wish it happened differently,
or not at all.

but I wonder what would have happened if you were there that night