There is a continuity of life and death...there is no true end. The best way to describe it is as a circle. We may die in the physical sense but our love and memories move on with the people left behind. My mom may not be with me in the every day sort of life but she is in everything beautiful that surrounds me..everything that I love she is a part of and therefore a part of me that I carry always <3

The smell of regret is pungent in the air
Your loss not mine...why should I care
How can I possibly give you anymore
Resentment turned to anger..something never felt before
Did you think I couldn't see the difference in your eyes
and how you never want to kiss me between my thighs
Did the respect for one another just seem to fade
or do we seem to live in the past where the memories were made
A change is very evident here..there is nothing left to gain
But can you tell me when did my pleasure become your pain?

Release Me
Haunting Memories
Just let me be
Keep lingering around
Like I live in a ghost town
Feel goosebumps on my neck
Turn around to check
Like words I need to get to pen
These memories haunt from within
What's gone is gone
What's done is done
Cannot make it right
So release me into the night

It sure is dark in here...
I look up and all I see is rock all around
My **** is killing me from sitting on this hard place on the ground

I sure am stuck as you can see
wonder when this rock and hard place will set me free?

We were lovers but not quite in love
We were friends yet strangers
Till you gave me the shove

You can erase me from your life
Perhaps you can erase me from your mind
The heart will be a bit harder you will find

Probably should have known better
and maybe knew this all along
Was just hoping for love's chance
Hoping the rights would out do the wrongs

Will always hold on to us somewhere deep inside of me
So close inside so that no one can ever truly see

Yes being without you does scare me
but will keep pushing across that line
You live to play out all your silly dreams in your head
and I am just living one day at a time

Secrets and lies seep into the skin
trying to find a place to hide within
Until one day they can hide no more
They come out everywhere even the pores

Like a vine wraps around a tree
so do the lies that we weave
The vine chokes out the tree
just like the lies choke out me

We try to keep the secrets hidden away
from the nosey thieves
But instead they keep popping
out everywhere littering the trees

We get scared of being lonely
wanting to be the only
These secrets and lies take a hold
Until our soul is ripped out and we turn cold

One pulls me down in a sea of tenderness
safe gentle lapping waves of love and comfort
so soothing like a warm summer pond in the south
He is my anchor

The other loves me like a wild forbidden passionate rush
an all consuming type of love, making the world disappear
clinging to a life raft in a turbulent sea
He is my storm

Enticing waters with the luminous waves that can tempt the dead from their bed. My soul longs for both. I cannot drift off to peaceful sleep until the waves of desire find their sweet release. A wondrous storm of love in a turbulent sea or a steadfast anchor that has taken hold on a part of me

First Degree** ~ For the love of good food and drink. I love watching people eat the food that I have prepared and really enjoy it. This time of year is also very special with all the fall aromas in the kitchen and all around. I love mixing fire whiskey with an apple flavored beer Mmm so good.

Second Degree ~ The love of nature and our furry little friends. The unconditional love they have for us is amazing. I love all the euphoric senses of nature.  Watching a beautiful sunset or leaves turning colors, listening to birds sing their hearts out, tasting a snowflake as it falls on our tongue, feeling sand and water on your toes, and smelling the crispness of fall air and the smell of seasoned firewood.

Third Degree ~ For the Love of Poetry. We poets see the world differently.  We choose how we want to see it and our own reality of it. We can see things in fantasy or the factual. The world is our playground and we are constantly at play and being creative.

Fourth Degree ~ The love of family and friends. Having two beautiful wonderful souls as my sisters.  They are my best friends. My son having grandparents and cousins galore who adore him. My friends and family have helped me in so many ways and it's always good to reciprocate when possible. I love the feeling I get when I can help someone.

Fifth Degree ~ The love of a spouse. Your other half. When both people are in tune with each other they can make beautiful music. This is a work in progress for me. We have our good and our bad days but the love is there no doubt.

Sixth Degree ~ The love that I have for my child. This one is the easiest and the best love for me.  I wrote this when my son was born-
The one thing I will never lose touch with is that sweet little face looking up at me. No single word not even Love could possibly be enough for what I feel, nor will it ever be.

Seventh Degree~ The Love of God. I would not be able to experience any of these other degrees without this one first. He has seen me at my lowest and yet has still loved me. The love of god is full of grace and mercy.

In the world of you and me time has no meaning, location has no matter and other people hold no interest. There is no past no future only us right here in the present time.  It's like I am addicted to you all and I wish to drink in your words even if its just one sip at at a time. I love you.. all of you... and all of your different forms because you all give me something different to take with me. I can  escape life and my own problems even if its only a few moments at a time and for that I thank you!!

As the dawn breaks through and the first pinkish light
glows upon your skin
I teasingly pleasure you awake with my mouth and as your eyes open
that contented gaze is all I need for my day to begin

Everything after that seems to catch fire
a slow smoldering burn and all the hotter for that reason
Like someone lit a match and started a thousand forest fires
right in the middle of the dry season

Now descended from our blazing heights we lay holding each other
a grin lights up your face like a open window with no world beyond this room
we try and catch our breath and procrastinate as much as we can
because we know we will both have to leave soon

The Sun spreads her words across a symphony
of color at the days end
Hoping her loving expression reaches the moon
and that it transcends

The moon slowly rises from the sea
Looking everywhere for his love is he
Calling across all time and space
Searching for his light and her beautiful face

The Sun lights up the big beautiful sky
He has witnessed this with his very own eyes
Her beautiful words are etched deep inside of me
Penetrating my core to the very existence she sees

Excited today is the day we will get our chance
We do not have to chase each other for that dance
We will dance all the way from the top of Mt Hood
To the bottom and beyond the Alabama Hardwood

We take each other to the depths of the unknown
Embracing what was meant to be together not alone
One brief moment he will trace my outline with his lips
Shadowing my body to make our very own Solar Eclipse

All is Quiet
Its the breath
before the deep plunge

I no longer cross the bridge to meet you
I cannot
I have my own needs to attend to
but wave to you on the other side

The journey does not end here
It has only just begun
A change is in the air
and there is nothing to fear

Let the water rush over me
Let the caterpillar get its wings
Let the renewed strength of the birds sing

How do you pick up the threads of your life?
By Forward Marching....

It feels so good to get rid of the unused things
and the clothes that are never worn
Cleaning out the cobwebs and the unused
junk has been therapeutic to say the least
So therapeutic I just cannot seem to stop myself
I have been clearing out people in my life too
The ones who are doing me no good to keep around
The users and abusers got to go
As well with the ones who bring me nothing but negativity

Birds singing their songs
Everything awake, moving quick
Spring is finally here

My memory is full of color and passion~ No amount of time could dull it

Its as if I still have the paint brush in hand.. our movements of the sea
and this painting of my memory is still etched inside me

The air is as hot and sticky as could be
your hands slowly gliding and lightly stroking me

Kisses so hot that they kindled and leap at the ready fuel of our need
Muscles clenching and tensing as our passion grows with greed

Weakened and undone now I arch to meet his lips and tongue that now savor
tasting of my flesh and most prized possession as though it were a banquet of the sweetest of flavor

He now whispers the sweetest
of words that I have ever heard
I want to watch you enjoy and want to watch you fill up with me
As I slowly part my legs allowing him to enter and finally set me free

This memory I hold very close to my heart
this painting of my love and our beautiful art

Pink petals offered
Lips pressed soft on swollen lips
Bouquet wafts the air

We have this powerful connection
One that can never be denied
You have left your mark on me
Never to be erased only grows deeper and wide

So I give to you my physical love letter
Communication void of any words
A deeper way of connecting just not heard
Messages through my eyes and kisses with my lips
and the gentle touches from my hands and fingertips
My mouth will form all the vowels on parts of you
without hardly making any sound
Then with the next breath I will erupt into a song
as the pleasure swirls all around

I surrender to you, and only you, because you look after my needs
Others pulled me along in their own selfish greed
You are what I yearn for and thirst
I surrender to you, and only you, because you surrendered to me first

Big city, big lights
Fast cars on fast lanes
Little ants moving so quickly
As if moving in another dimension of time
Trying to find that paved road that leads
To their aspirations and dreams
Searching for life purpose it may seem

There is another road, a dirt road
That leads to simpler times
Where a magic spell is woven
A timeless place has awoken
Where one can waltz with the stars and moon
Lips part and a stolen kiss shared
Taken to heights to soar and perhaps swoon
Observe nature and jot down lines
I will take that dirt road every time

From the very moment you take your first breath
There was a clock that started taking time
As minutes, hours, and days pass you by
Life was put into play without the acuity of your body or your mind
Destiny holds all the playing cards
As fate lays out the crimson path at your feet
This future was written for you to ride out
Till you take your last breath and your heart beats its last beat
In your lifetime you will see some joy and also feel some pain
Life plays out before you and feels like it's running in the fast lane
You should be thankful for all you have and thankful for the here and now
For when it does all come to the end ~  just let go gracefully and take your bow

He was a master of the game
Playing the cards he had been dealt
He was the king of pain
Had his fun then he is done
Moving on to his next queen
Someone must have done a real number on him
Must of made him feel the pain
That is how he got to ******* his players
and how he came to loving the game

She had a body that wouldn't quit
and was a looker all the same
She became the cheese for the trap
Making the men holler out her name
She says you cannot play a player
Who has already won the game
Cannot cheat a cheater
Who thinks the other is to blame

It seems everyone plays games
Promises are not kept...especially to ourselves
Lines are crossed time and time again
Which then resembles a tangled web
The web spins our dreams and hopes
Faster spin...spinning
Until those dreams become fears
That become thin...thinning
Until your left with just a string

Tattered and Torn
Used and Abused

no one to blame but myself....

You see I'm a giver by nature
but this promise I make
either out of love for myself
or because of my character

I will find myself again!

Look into my eyes and tell me that you don't love me
Tell me you really want to break up our happy home
Then and only then, will I leave you alone

I am totally Bewitched by all of your Words
even if I am The Other Woman  :)

A day in the country
A day made for you and me
Beautiful fields of wild flowers
and trees as far as the eyes can see
We run and try to catch butterflies
then stop and pick flowers for my hair
Next we go fishing at the pond
and kick golden leaves up in the air
We take the back roads on the four wheeler
to try and catch the last rays of sunlight
Then we chat beneath billions of stars
that came out to say hello to us tonight
We talk about everything
and talk about nothing...
We agree that there is beauty in belonging to a place
and then we laugh till we cannot feel our face
Now we both just stare at the fire
content with just our thoughts at this hour
This day and place is full of wonder
and magic that you cannot believe
A place in the country
A place that we never want to leave

You are my one true confidant
and keep my secrets well
When touched by my salty diamonds
you never do tell


You swallow up the dark
and fill me with strength anew
Does not matter how much
dark blows through

Just throw it out
and it goes away with the tide
All can be healed
when you have the sea at your side

In life you play the hand that you are dealt
doesn't matter where you have been or how you felt

People come and go all the time
and we may never know the reason
Sometimes they stay long enough for a sad goodbye
other times just for a change in season

All the memories I don't want to fade away
are all wrote down and in a box they stay
This red box of mine stays very close by
as a reminder of all the what ifs, the has beens, or whys

These memories weigh heavy on my each and every part
but especially on this red box....the box I call my heart!

Once a beauty, a sight for all to behold
Now a sad charlie brown replica with a story to be told

Whispered promises of gifts of time and care
Oh how the promises now float freely in the air

If only this tree could have felt the warmth of the sun
Who knows then what it would have become

Tangled limbs of times in the past
Leaves falling and falling off so fast

The words of love left and pinned on by you and me
have now started to also fall from this tree

Oh no there goes the love word Adore
now look there goes the one that says No I love you more

All gone now except for one left right below a small pine knot
I found the love words Please Forget Me Not

Yes neglected and left unattended for so long
but the root system is still quite strong

Maybe this tree can be restored, to what it was so long before...

All the love words could be returned along with all the leaves
All you have to do is follow through with all love promises
and *Believe

Once a beauty, a sight for all to behold
Now a sad Charlie Brown replica with a story to be told

Whispered promises of gifts of time and care
Oh how the promises now float freely in the air

If only this tree could have felt the warmth of the sun
Who knows then what it would have become

Tangled limbs of times in the past
Leaves falling and falling off so fast

The words of love left and pinned on by you and me
Have now started to also fall from this tree

Oh no there goes the love word Adore
Now look there goes the one that says No I love you more

All gone now except for one left right below a small pine knot
I found the love words Please Forget Me Not

Yes neglected and left unattended for so long
But yet the root system is still quite strong

Maybe this tree can be restored, to what it was so long before...

All the love words could be returned along with all the leaves
All you have to do is follow through with all love promises
and *Believe

Riding down the road with thoughts of you and our last conversation you said you wanted to kiss me and trail those kisses down and ...eat.. what to eat for lunch better yet what am I gonna cook for supper maybe hamburgers but I got to pick up ...buns..wow look at those totally squeezable ones on that guy in his medical scrubs you can be my...doctor anytime ...oh man speaking of doctors I got my first mammogram appointment ever and not looking forward to being squeezed and compressed... ya know my truck is riding kinda funny wonder if my tire is deflated may need to stop and get it  checked out... hello that guy is totally checking me out isn't he? and that is a no he is checking out my... truck...oh did I ever stop  and get the air checked??and this goes on and on

I followed your footprints in the snow
thinking your path was the way to go
I realized that this was part of your master plan
Lead me... then use me... just because you can
I know the ground will at some point fall beneath me
but maybe then my journey will be clearer to see
I look up to the stars to guide and show me any sign
It is then I receive my answer it is your heart or mine
Your footprints start to fade and then they disappear
I now make my own path and have nothing to fear
The journey once together now over so we go our separate ways
I followed you till I saw my choice....live or die this day!!

maybe one day our paths will cross again

The ghosts of our past haunt us
They dwell deep within
They are called regret, guilt, failure, and secrets
Our childhood was traumatic
We were preyed upon
when we really could have used some prayers
We were both victims and monsters
We were latchkey kids with major attitude
My eldest sister was left in charge but
she was just a kid herself
Kids with nothing else to do but find trouble
or is it that trouble will always
find kids with nothing else to do
Things happened that should
have never happened but they did
and my sister blames herself for this
She actually thinks she is being punished
with cancer for all of her mistakes.
I keep telling her she is wrong that bad things
happen to good people all the time.
That the past is just that it is in the past
We were just kids who made some mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes but we have to learn
To forgive ourselves

The lonely lighthouse full of the sea and of its salt
In the distance ship horns can be heard
with their loud billowing swells
Up above the grey gulls cawing with their wings
fluttering looking for any crumbs
None will be found here and no happy visitor
greetings either only sad dormant farewells

Why do I feel so dull, Why is it I feel myself as just half a life and just half a light
Please help me find my light that once shone so bright from within
Help me find my purpose and to feel useful again

This lighthouse beacons for me
~ can hear him and can feel him
I could see what he use to be
what he could still be so easily again
I could see that light that shone from within
After all, I knew how he felt I too
had built up a lonely darkened wall

So I went to this lighthouse told him
your light has been there this whole time
You do not need a new light you are already
a brightness a joy for all to see
All you needed was some help to find it again
All you needed was me

I hold him and tell him close your eyes
Look up toward the sky my love
Feel that cool sea air tickle your face
Let that enormous sense of calm descend down
match your breath to that of the sea and all else shall be erased

I am the other woman
the one that never gets the man
I am all his lustful thoughts dreamed up
I am her nightmare in a can

You see she will never give him all he needs
and he will never leave her a fact I now believe
She has his family and his past
and I am the woman who keeps coming in last

I am the other woman...
I know I am not everyone's biggest fan
but I loved him the way he really wants
and the way that she never truly can

I am a pretender...
Pretending my life is all okay
Putting the bad things on a shelf and put away
out of sight...out of mind

I am a pretender...
Why yes, that was the best two minutes of my friggin life
yes I was able to finish too honey, are you happy now I did
my duty as your wife

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Of course you didn't see what I needed you to be

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Who wants to always wear their heart on their sleeve
not me

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Always trying to pretend that I am so very happy

If you want I will show you my ugly face
Let you see all the dark, in my darkest place
but, no one really wants to see all that

I learned to pretend to get me by
the truth hurts....it is just easier to lie

If he loves me...
...or not...no matter
I will stay rooted in his memory
I planted seeds of my touch, my scent
and my kiss....
My voice will stay in the breeze
Whispering his name through the trees

They remain to germinate within him
When at those dormant offhand moments
He needs a bit of my smile for sunshine :)

Some days I want to be a wild horse
or a gypsy wild and free
Don't put any fence around me
Who would want to tame this
Heart of wild
I just want to be somewhere
Anywhere just not confined

Other days I want to build a house
Build me a home
Build my life around my kids and spouse
Sometimes I can follow the direction of the reins
Even if they do feel like chains
I want to give my all
I am just so scared to answer the call

It seems I want to have my cake
and to eat it too
Its like I have double lives  ~ What am I to do
I want my freedom and I want his time
Cannot divulge all the darkness in my mind
There is beauty in imperfection
and order in the unruliness
I am a walking contradiction
Yes I'm somewhat of a mess
Words rhythm and movement are what I live for
and I can sometimes give up the control
I do what feels right to me
Cause there's a gypsy living in my soul

A single red rose surrounded by a
world made up of black and white
Just wanting to blend in
not make a fuss or cause any fight
This rose is very special
all the beauty she has on the outside
comes from the light she carries on the inside
Part of her beauty is the not knowing
and her ability to just blow in the wind
The trees would try and whisper to her
but she would never listen...
Until one day the whispering was so loud
she could not help but to just stop and hear
They said " It is okay to be different, embrace it
Be confident within yourself and you will be
amazed what changes you will then see."
"You see the change to accept who you are
is inside us all and then and only then
can you be who you truly are meant to be"
Soon this beautiful rose began to just blossom
and everyone saw this and wanted it too
Before too long there was a colorful sea of change
That came about as far as the eyes could see
The world accepted the rose and accepted themselves
and became who they are meant to be
So much color surrounds the red rose now that
she is never alone and whenever she wants a moment of solitude
she just goes and finds a nice shade ....
and Ya know what? she has never been so happy :)