Lets go where we can pluck the happiness
out of the jaws of sadness
and drive away those darkened corners.
Where we can burrow in only lighted tunnels
that have only honey phrases
we can lap up anytime we want.
Where we wear funny goggles
to comb through all the fields of thought.
Where we can jump from one cloud of happy
vision to the next and swim and
drink freely in the cool labyrinths
Lets meet inside on the merry round.

I am stronger than I ever knew
I have found thanks to you
Change keeps coming at me
and I just let it blow right on through
I've made bad mistakes
but I don't have to admit defeat
To fight fear we must first take that leap
I might not have won the fight just yet
but I will never just lie down with regret
Change can be scary...
but do you know what's scarier?
Allowing fear to hold you back
No more expectations....
**I am responsible
for my own happiness :)

He was a master of the game
Playing the cards he had been dealt
He was the king of pain
Had his fun then he is done
Moving on to his next queen
Someone must have done a real number on him
Must of made him feel the pain
That is how he got to ******* his players
and how he came to loving the game

She had a body that wouldn't quit
and was a looker all the same
She became the cheese for the trap
Making the men holler out her name
She says you cannot play a player
Who has already won the game
Cannot cheat a cheater
Who thinks the other is to blame

It seems everyone plays games
Promises are not kept...especially to ourselves
Lines are crossed time and time again
Which then resembles a tangled web
The web spins our dreams and hopes
Faster spin...spinning
Until those dreams become fears
That become thin...thinning
Until your left with just a string

Do you ever feel like we are butterflies caught on seperate sides of the window?
Each one trying with fluttered desperation to break through that glass
Sometimes with an overwhelming feeling of hope that this too shall pass
The one on the outside trying desperatley to get in
waiting so patiently for things to change and a new life to begin
While the one on the inside trying so hard to get out
bottling everything in not wanting to scream and shout
Both with the dream of spreading their wings to fly
not really wanting things to change or say goodbye

Just because I can do everything doesn't mean I wanna!

Love ~ Indifference...How it is sent out is how returned!!

I was born to taste thee
as I kiss your lips and taste me

I was born to please you
just as long as you return the favor times two.

We were born to hunt and envelop the night all around
to get lost within each other then found.

We were born to fullfill our lust and desire and just be
eyes that devour one another and truly see

I awoke to the sounds of water...
He no doubt trying to absolve our sins from the night before.
As I sit up in bed and yawn I have a look around at the mess we made. Our clothes look like a trail that on a map would lead to where his bed is the x that marks the spot. I notice red splotchy mementos left on my skin from his goatee and cannot help to think back to the nights escapades. It still feels like his mouth is on my skin as I touch my fingertips to my lips and my ******* turn ***** as if it is all on once again.  I sigh and get up out of the bed and find his crumpled white work shirt on the floor. As I slip it on I hug myself in it and can still smell his delicious scent. As I stretch I think how good a cup of coffee would be right about now. As I start walking to the coffee *** I notice how sore my muscles are. I cannot help but to giggle to myself knowing he will love this information. Should I pretend there is no soreness or should I let him know his affect on me? As I slowly sip on my coffee I am thinking the latter....Every man deserves to know he hurt his woman so good!

In the world of you and me time has no meaning, location has no matter and other people hold no interest. There is no past no future only us right here in the present time.  It's like I am addicted to you all and I wish to drink in your words even if its just one sip at at a time. I love you.. all of you... and all of your different forms because you all give me something different to take with me. I can  escape life and my own problems even if its only a few moments at a time and for that I thank you!!

No need to be bitter
You were never mine to keep
I got to borrow you for awhile
While my soul was hurt and weak
You were sent to me
at a time I needed lifting up
A time when that one person
could not fill up my loving cup
It was as though my heart
had been placed on hold for a bit
Yet I was expected to go on without it
Just go on without any worries
after all... its only a heart

Desire blows in like a warm southern breeze
Waves submerge us into seducing seas
Fill me up with your words
Now paint them on my skin
with your tongue
Teasing me while you glide and savor
Tasting my love of the sweetest of flavor
Touch me with your eyes
Wrap me up with your smile
Crave me with your fingers
Call me your symphony
Make my nerve endings sing
Each bite tinged with pleasurable stings
Soft sighs
Turn into soft cries
Passion heat calling out your name
Passion only will douse the flame
With no fear or no regret
A moment of passion we will never forget

In life you play the hand that you are dealt
doesn't matter where you have been or how you felt

People come and go all the time
and we may never know the reason
Sometimes they stay long enough for a sad goodbye
other times just for a change in season

All the memories I don't want to fade away
are all wrote down and in a box they stay
This red box of mine stays very close by
as a reminder of all the what ifs, the has beens, or whys

These memories weigh heavy on my each and every part
but especially on this red box....the box I call my heart!

Longing for the warm flowing parchment of your skin
Our very own love lingo that only we can comprehend

Your beautiful words etched deep inside of me
Penetrating my core to the very existence you see

Detailing your handiwork you trace my outline with your lips
Shadowing my body as my very own lunar eclipse

The Darkness and past memories that once were embraced
Have now been washed away with your light in its place

We take each other to the depths of the unknown
Embracing what was meant to be together not alone

You are staring but what do you see
Looking my way but looking right through me

Your eyes were not like this before
But now just don't know you anymore

Can you not afford a fresh set of eyes?
Or do you like hiding behind the illusion you call a disguise

The silence is deafening and is hurting my ears
Would just give up but then would be wasted years

Sometimes this life feels like a revolving door
Pushing hard to get out but then life pushes more

Just so you know thick as steel this skin of mine
Your negativity bounces off…my world is fine!!

If you knew me at all you would know that chocolates or flowers are not required...
What I require is just a moment of your time to feel appreciated and loved
Regardless of what you think I am actually very easy to please
Watching the sunset with you and a few beers in hand
Would make me feel like the queen of all the land.
For just that moment I could fantasize that I am at the top of your to do list :)

I have missed me,
I’m just not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

Some days I feel just like a pair of hands
As if I’m invisible, no-one sees me at all.
Other days I feel like a clock, ticking my life away,
Or perhaps a clouded crystal ball,
Stared at but not really seen.

I still miss me,
Still not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

I don't think it’s in me to love you anymore,
I wish things could have been like before,
But I needed love too
I have my heart to restore.

So I miss me,
I’m still not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

Walking alone, down memory lane,
Trying to find the traces of what’s left of me,
But I see someone I just don’t recognize,
Someone who’s no longer me.

Oh how I miss me,
When I’m not the same,
For so long someone’s been using my name.

Am I still intact inside,
Or have parts of me already died?
These gaping holes may be the parts I’ve lost
But I’ll repair my soul at any cost.

I miss me,
I’m just not the same,
Trapped inside,
And screaming my name.

Drop the top toy and watch it spin...spin...spinning
The world has somehow shifted now looking for the end or the beginning?
Tilts this way and you want to close your eyes
You keep them open and look all around
But can't seem to see your feet on the ground
The middle when it is balanced is when you should pay more attention
But you are so **** scared not knowing if its gonna go left or right
One thing for sure if the top does not turn then how will you learn
And I for one will never give up on that fight
Then it spins and tilts the other way
This is when you hold on so very tight
And when you also know that everything will be alright
Where ever the top toy lands
This is where you will make your stand!

Will you lend me your eyes for the evening and look upon this face, this body... like you never have before. Watch me undress slowly and watch my clothes hit the floor.  They say the eyes are the window to your soul and when you look at me my soul feels whole.

Will you lend me your ears and savor the growls and moans that escape my lips for you.  Making my pleasure known by sending out all my verbal cues. You watch as the pleasure overtakes me...sending me to the very top of the world's tallest peaks and all along the bottom of love's deepest sea.

Will you lend me your lips to play, tongue to dance and mouth to graze with my lover? Plunging each other to the depths as we explore and as we discover.  Can you taste the pleasure of you pleasing me? Inhale my sweet kisses and breathe me in more deeply.

Will you lend me your strong hands that are able to guide and tease. Marinating fingers finding hard ***** ******* and wet pleasure spots eager to squeeze . Warm roaming hands that help finish ******* my most intimate clothes and hands that need no encouragement but bring forth the greatest pleasure bestowed.

Will you lend me your body so hard and pressed to mine... loving me with all you got and taking your sweet sweet time. Will you love me from every thought that comes to your mind all the way down to your curled toes of delight? Will you love me all day and throughout the night and when the sun wakes us with its first rays of light?

You think you have defeated me
You think that you have won
Do not stick that fork in me yet
The fight in me is not done!!

Once a beauty, a sight for all to behold
Now a sad Charlie Brown replica with a story to be told

Whispered promises of gifts of time and care
Oh how the promises now float freely in the air

If only this tree could have felt the warmth of the sun
Who knows then what it would have become

Tangled limbs of times in the past
Leaves falling and falling off so fast

The words of love left and pinned on by you and me
Have now started to also fall from this tree

Oh no there goes the love word Adore
Now look there goes the one that says No I love you more

All gone now except for one left right below a small pine knot
I found the love words Please Forget Me Not

Yes neglected and left unattended for so long
But yet the root system is still quite strong

Maybe this tree can be restored, to what it was so long before...

All the love words could be returned along with all the leaves
All you have to do is follow through with all love promises
and *Believe

I feel as though an angel is watching over me
Holding my hand and walking right along beside me is she
Guarding and protecting me with her beloved wings
Giving me strength and love in all that she brings
I still talk to you from time to time
Asking for patience when tough times and stress come to mind
On this earth she was such a sweet and sympathetic soul
That has to be why God took her from me to serve with his purposeful goal
As I lay my head down at night and say my prayers
I whisper I still love and miss you Mom... and I still know your there

He is tall, built, with dark hair and even darker eyes
The warmth of his eyes when he looks at me amplifies all my senses
These eyes seem to speak only to me and certainly could tell no lies

As the last rays of  sunlight and rain fall down
it bathes his body in this amazing liquid haze
This only intensifies the depths of me wanting to feel
him inside of me a sensation that I not only want but crave

Hand in Hand we walk to the boat house to get out of the rain
We light some candles and then open up some champagne
We drink to each other and then drink to the night
Neither wanting the night to end forbidding the first rays of light

The candles seem to start dancing and performing before us
as we watch the flickering images on the wall
The contrast between reality and illusion is intense
as we start dancing our own dance the most passionate of all

My breath steady and low
My heart fast and loud
My head spinning
My body trembling

I have embraced my dark side
because I know it's not all that is seen
My light shines brightly enough
in all the spaces in between

For even in the darkest of places
light can still be found
It is where the light shines brightest
As the shadows cast on the walls all around

This journey I have been on has taken me to many places
some just being a state of being in my mind.
A few months ago the thought about turning forty terrified me
but here just recently I have been thinking about it differently.
Forty is no big deal and with it comes some perks I must say...
I no longer have to prove myself to anyone anymore ~ if you haven't liked me or anything I am about in the 39 years before I hit this number then odds are you still will not like me or anything I am about and I am okay with that.
I know who I am and what I want ~ I am a mother and a wife and I am a loyal friend for life. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin and also a  niece and many many more. I like to be called a writer because that is what I am. I am a comedian at heart who loves to laugh and I am a nature lover who is a sucker for a good sunset.
I now do not worry about making friends ~ I do not have to think about going out and meeting the right kind of people or if this person likes me. I am already surrounded by the people who want to be a part of my life and have made it clear they want to be there.
So here is to me turning Fabulously Forty  ~ I am good with it and I am just thankful for being here!!

I am the moves to the dance you have done
and the voice to the song you have sung

I am the thoughts that grow from within
before your thoughts even set to pen

I am the magic that forms on the brush that you hold
and the melody from the music that unfolds

I am what is behind the alluring touch you so crave
I weave around all that you so freely gave

I am the one who inspires
I am your lust wrapped up in desire

This is not a ruse
I am who you call out to for help
I am your muse

The word is so simple...
Why is it so complicated?

Psssst are you still down there
as I check to see if there is still a beat

I know I haven't paid much attention to you lately
but its time to get up and not feel this defeat

I promise from now on I will better nourish you
Just needed some time not to feel and think things through

So after many months of not feeling
it has all finally came to an end
Me and my heart can now again be friends

In some ways I guess it was good that after so long
my heart could still feel such ache
But next time (if there is a next time) I think I will
choose for it not to break

Tattered and Torn
Used and Abused

no one to blame but myself....

You see I'm a giver by nature
but this promise I make
either out of love for myself
or because of my character

I will find myself again!

Your fingers dance over my skin
bringing out an old song
that I thought had gone away
You have instilled in me a new hope
that I may live to play another day
Playing my chords that only you
have come to know so well
Whispering your beautiful words to me
and putting me under your magic spell
Im just gonna ride this out
and see where it takes me
Thank you so much for showing me
my way and setting me free

Birds singing their songs
Everything awake, moving quick
Spring is finally here

My mother finally gets to hear..... that beautiful baritone voice :)

Secrets and lies seep into the skin
trying to find a place to hide within
Until one day they can hide no more
They come out everywhere even the pores

Like a vine wraps around a tree
so do the lies that we weave
The vine chokes out the tree
just like the lies choke out me

We try to keep the secrets hidden away
from the nosey thieves
But instead they keep popping
out everywhere littering the trees

We get scared of being lonely
wanting to be the only
These secrets and lies take a hold
Until our soul is ripped out and we turn cold

We were lovers but not quite in love
We were friends yet strangers
Till you gave me the shove

You can erase me from your life
Perhaps you can erase me from your mind
The heart will be a bit harder you will find

Probably should have known better
and maybe knew this all along
Was just hoping for love's chance
Hoping the rights would out do the wrongs

Will always hold on to us somewhere deep inside of me
So close inside so that no one can ever truly see

Yes being without you does scare me
but will keep pushing across that line
You live to play out all your silly dreams in your head
and I am just living one day at a time

The smell of regret is pungent in the air
Your loss not mine...why should I care
How can I possibly give you anymore
Resentment turned to anger..something never felt before
Did you think I couldn't see the difference in your eyes
and how you never want to kiss me between my thighs
Did the respect for one another just seem to fade
or do we seem to live in the past where the memories were made
A change is very evident here..there is nothing left to gain
But can you tell me when did my pleasure become your pain?

The sands of time flow through the glass destined to reveal my fate.
When the last piece of sand does land though, I am still at a loss
not knowing if what it revealed you feel is love or is it hate.

It seems it is easier to remember the bad things people say about you than to remember the good.
Harsh words for a harsh world things said that would not be taken back even if they could.
Do you think people or things control your self worth?
This way of thinking has been instilled within us since birth.

With the New Year I do not want to be afraid and have certain things control me anymore.
Instead I want it to bring me a renewed strength and hope
something felt on the outside as well as deep inside my core.

Mel, Shed no tears
for me my Dear
I am where I need to be
We will be together soon
dont you worry you will see
I am with your Mother
and your Grandfather
and we are doing fine
carry me in your heart my love
you will always be in mine

Again the dream creeps in....
It's a gray dreary day
The sky is crying just like every
one else there that I dare look at
Leaves are falling down dancing
In the wind until they land on the ground
I see a hole and dirt beside it
I hear someone talking a male's voice
but I cannot understand what
or who they are talking about
Then a chill sweeps over me
As a sudden realization about where
I am hits me as my sisters squeeze my hands
One on each side of me and I scream
out and say NOOOOO
Momma doesn't want to be all alone
A silent prayer is lost in the wind
As they lower the casket
I start to feel weighted down
and start slipping from
The grip of my sisters and my family
People are talking to me but it feels as
if I'm in a tunnel and they are a long way off
Then I feel dirt being thrown on me
I think this isn't right why am I in the hole
Momma cannot breathe
Now I cannot breathe
and then... I wake up

I followed your footprints in the snow
thinking your path was the way to go
I realized that this was part of your master plan
Lead me... then use me... just because you can
I know the ground will at some point fall beneath me
but maybe then my journey will be clearer to see
I look up to the stars to guide and show me any sign
It is then I receive my answer it is your heart or mine
Your footprints start to fade and then they disappear
I now make my own path and have nothing to fear
The journey once together now over so we go our separate ways
I followed you till I saw my choice....live or die this day!!

maybe one day our paths will cross again

My life my soul faded into what you wanted me to see  
everything I did was to make you feel better.. but I forgot about me
I guess we all lose ourselves from time to time  
Life has its twists and turns and has no meaning or rhyme
The one thing I will never lose touch with is that sweet little face looking up at me
no single word not even love could possibly be enough for what I feel nor will it ever be!

She spreads her words across a symphony
of color at the days end
Hoping her loving expression reaches the moon
and that it transcends

The moon slowly rises from the sea
Looking everywhere for his love is he
Calling across all time and space
Searching for his light and that beautiful face

She lights up the big beautiful sky
He has witnessed this with his very own eyes
All the way from the top of Mt Hood
To the bottom of the Alabama Hardwood

They catch a glimpse of each other from behind a cloud
thinking maybe now we will get our chance
Then disappear out of sight and reminded of their fate
They will be forever chasing each other for that dance

So close but still a million miles away
She is the sun and the moon is he
Hoping for a love that can never be

If he loves me...
...or not...no matter
I will stay rooted in his memory
I planted seeds of my touch, my scent
and my kiss....
My voice will stay in the breeze
Whispering his name through the trees

They remain to germinate within him
When at those dormant offhand moments
He needs a bit of my smile for sunshine :)

The loss we have seen lately
of great artist is unbearable.
So many artist have passed on.

One thing that helps me through
is thinking of what they have left us.

The musicians leave behind their
great music to listen to and enjoy.
Other artist leave behind their
great movies, paintings, or even words.

No one ever wants to be forgotten
Hopefully they never will be
With these traces they left behind.

We too will hopefully never be forgotten
With our words
Remaining here
Part of our traces left behind...