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  Dec 2017 Melissa S
Eric W
It’s been a long journey, yes,
but I am still moving.
I don’t understand how to accept kindness,
and I’m sure I’m insensitive —
I’m getting there.
I’m moving past years of resentment,
piles of bitter, stinking trash and ****,
to being able to give
as well.

I’ve always been bashful about those
being kind to me,
and doubly so when I am kind
to others.
I am kind without an audience.
Certainly it stems from feeling unworthy
if kindness received,
and feeling my kindness is an unworthy
reciprocation.
Sometimes it’s self-fulfilling.

Up until recently in my life,
I’ve never been able to give anything physical.
I’m still trying to understand if I’m
emotionally bankrupt,
so that’s uncertain.

My birthday is soon, and Christmas is coming.
December always forces these feelings into light,
but I’m still making progress on them
year by year.
  Dec 2017 Melissa S
Eric W
Writing is a narcissistic practice.

What do we aim to accomplish
when we touch ink to paper?
Mark something down in eternity,
plaster our thoughts upon and into
being so that they may be recognized,
acknowledged.
Sort through them as we would
a scattered mess of notes.

There is nothing inherently wrong with narcissism,
no matter what people may have you believe.
I've once thought so,
cycled around to the present,
and, perhaps, will go full circle multiple times.
It is in our nature.
We think so much about ourselves.

The only constant is our thoughts
is their inconsistency
so we seek to immortalize them while we can.

We are not our thoughts;
we are the sum of everything within us
when our thoughts have settled and left and
we are empty.

Think your thoughts,
write them if you must,
then set them on fire.
I've written a few things since my last post here. Been too busy with school to post much. Almost done with this semester though!

I hope all of you are well, my friends. Miss y'all everyday.
  Dec 2017 Melissa S
Jacqueline
Like an early morning fog
I feel this haze
Above me, below me
All around me
There is no sunshine
Only grey
All grey
This is where
You wanted me to stay
I could not live there

I could not scrub you from my skin
So I painted it red
Only red
All red
Just so I could breathe again
Not feel again
Be me again
Survive again

I could not wipe you from my eyes
So I painted them black
Only black
All black
Just so I could see again
So I could sleep again
It runs down my face
Like a race for my aching heart

You left this
Catastrophic pit
In my chest
I fill it with anger and smoke
It is all I know to do
Without you

Without you

I wake up
Without you
I open my mouth
And nothing comes out
Without you
I have to go on
Without you

An aberration
A moment of happiness
Of peace and all
That felt right
After everything
That was wrong
I should have known
It would be fleeting
But this is more
Than I was ready for

A ship cannot sink
Unless the water
Creeps inside
And I let you inside
I welcomed the whole
******* sea
Creatures
And monsters
I welcomed it all
And for the first time
I wasn’t afraid of drowning

It is love
That brought us together
And it is love
That will keep us apart
Melissa S Dec 2017
My body my soul faded into
What everyone wanted me to be
Life got hard I became distracted
So I forgot about me...

I faded into the background
Left dusty and forgotten
Erased memories and time
Nothing remained
but this vessel who liked to rhyme

Slowly and surely
A metamorphosis begun
I laid out all my fears and
took them on one by one

I bereaved that lost part of me
Waves washed away the doubt to sea
Tore down the jaded gates
Knocked down the shackled walls

I emerged from my cocoon
This reinvigorated butterfly

~
No more walls need built
In this new becoming of I
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