I ate a taco the other day and smiled because I couldn't think of what side of the fence to stand on in war and love and self defense.





And I am okay with that.

Stupid things we do…when it comes to matters of the heart,
We feel so invincible, until our illusion falls apart,
And all you’re left with is the deafening silence and memories in the dark.
Hope is already miles away…already gone too far.

You never expected it to be perfect…you just thought that he’d be there,
Not always to fight your demons, but to hold you in his arms; to let you know he cares.
But the calls remain unanswered…and a month turns into a year…
Yet you sit by waiting patiently; you rather denounce your fears.

You wouldn't tell a soul…the experiences through which you've been,
You wouldn't ask for help although your walls are caving in.
You dry your tears, fake a smile and hide the pain within,
Although things are broken, you've made a promise; you will not commit the sin.

You become a shell of yourself…and you lay there wasting away
Deluding yourself with the ******, that there will come a day,
When he finds himself, and realizes the error in his ways,
Surely he’ll come back…surely he’ll promise to stay.

Eventually, reality sets in, and you’re begging to be free,
But the lies are too intricately woven, too deep to let you leave.
All you ever had with him and all you thought you’d be,
Was never there to begin with, but so in love you were to actually see…

Through the facade, through the lies and the fake imagery,
All the things you've done for him contributes to your misery.
Every kiss and caress now a distant memory…
The truth still cast in shadows like an unsolved mystery.

Stupid things we do…when it comes to matters of the heart,
We feel so invincible, until our illusion falls apart,
And all you’re left with is the deafening silence and memories in the dark.
Hope is already miles away… it has already gone too far.

A love's not love
when there are doubts;
you cannot handle the wild birds at night.
when you worry for future's light.

A love's not love
when one cannot accept a person fully,
on what he is,
the things he do, skin and actions.

A love's not love,
when beliefs are unparalleled.
when the wisdom imposed,
you cannot digest.

A love's not love
when you cannot change and swallow changes.
when there are limits.
when green grasses are replaced with fences.

A love's not love,
when one cannot level in the expectations,
when boredom strikes,
and the light on the candle burns out.

when you got strucked by the feeling,
that you promised to change
but you've realized in time
that you cannot execute.

when the promises are broken
and the emotions are just plain emotions.
when the old true love dies,
you can do nothing, not even potions.

A love's not love
when you are in the dark stalking.
when you've realized your mistakes.
the things you're missing

hey you, looking like a boy
with an ankle rolled and sore
i'll kiss it, with my words.

hey you, silent in that voice
eyes as bright as an asteroid
let me tell you what your worth.

hey you, feeling all alone
well you aren' the only one.
stay strong.

yes, you.

sometimes I feel like
theres no beginning
to losing and winning
all those people who are
dying and grinning
like the first few lines to a poem
read them so much you get to know them
thats what peoples hearts can be
if you polish them so they're all shiny
and hold their picture up to the skies
find yourself tasting the tears in your eyes
and think about how much ur missing
those cheeks you'd be kissing
and you stand there reminiscing
realizing all those years considered lost
where only true love with no cost
and thats the moment you turn around
thinking about what  you had found
and you make up your mind
that love shouldnt be timed
so you open the door
to the one you adore

You don’t know what it’s like, to live in the world I live in
One where a simple smile can be seen by millions in a matter of minutes
One where the pressure to succeed exceeds the pressure to be yourself
One where sitting in silence is better than standing and speaking for what you believe in
One where material things are used to veneer true beauty
One where talking face to face means Facetiming from two different places
One where having a simple family dinner has nearly disappeared
One where meaningful relationships mean “I can’t take this ****!”
One where you walk around with headphones in because you dread those who say hi on the street
One where money is said to buy happiness
One where doing what you love means putting others down so you can rise above…
You don’t know what it’s like…

How can you expect us to be successful when doing so is so incredibly stressful
To live in the world I live in, its cooler to live like the stars we envy than it is to do well in school or live like a leader who believes in something
While technology  has its beneficial assets, like making communicating easier
It also has its artificial backsets….
I can go on facebook and create a phony profile and become a petty ******* who attracts many women and sometimes even a child… and no one would even notice
Our generation is beings deluded by the truth
And its easy to believe a deluded truth if you don’t stand for something.

You don’t know what its like, to live in the world I live in
One where time is everywhere and it flies right by you
One where its easier to sit and complain about something in vein than it is to get up and make a change, I’m just saying
One where asking for help when you need it really means letting your voice become squelched
One where girls flaunt their body just for some attention
And guys act hard to show their worth instead of acting real and showing when they hurt
One where having games doesn’t mean you’re athletic, it means you’re good at hooking up with random girls… and honestly, I find that pathetic
One where looking like a stick means thinking you’re fat, even if you’re just a bit thick
One where it takes 3 weeks to say “I love you” and two weeks to dump you
One where the ones who love you aren’t the ones you trust, and the ones you trust aren’t the ones who love you
One where having 1000 friends online is more important than having 2 true friends who want to see you shine
One where going to a social event means getting wasted out of your mind is having a good time
One where a belief in the end of humanity is creating insanity, and quite frankly, THAT’S whats going to cause this calamity

I’m not trying to seem to pessimistic here
I’m just saying, it’s not as easy growing up in this world as you think
While there are a plethora of things that make this world better
There are just as many things we can do better to make the place we live great
You cant take all the evil in the world at one time and defeat it, you just gotta see theres room for change, look in the mirror, and believe you can be it

When I was a girl
I thought love was
a guitar player
with
shaggy brown hair
colored eyes
a poet
a Christian
with perfect teeth.
I thought love
was
someone who would put up
with my craziness
and my insecurities.

I didn't know that
love
was ***** blonde hair
and
green eyes
with teeth that
weren't quite perfect
but would shape the words
"shut up"
every time I plucked an insecurity like a harp string.
I didn't know that love
hated reading
but would watch me while
my eyes caressed the words he could barely read
I didn't know that love
would be dyslexic.
But love
pretends to understand the words anyways.

I thought love
would stand the test of time.
I thought that when love
picked up a uniform and an M-16,
boarded a plane
it would grow stronger.

That was 2 years ago
this past May
and my place in your heart
has been replaced by a patch that reads
U.S. Army
Airborne
Ranger

Sometimes love
turns out to be
a soldier.

My heart tightens in my chest
Like squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste.

My stomach coils into knots
Like a wet towel being wrung out of ***** water.

My brain bounces around in my head
Like the little ball in a pin ball machine.

Around and around it goes.
Where it stops nobody knows.

Which is precisely my fear.
The fear of the unknown.

Or worse.
The fear that my future is headed towards my imminent failure.

One minute I’m fine.
But then a sudden upset.

I’m not fine.
I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

My palms start to sweat
Like a glass of sweet tea in the Carolina sun.

My hands shake
Like the leaves on the trees during a storm.

My arm hair rises
Like a white flag in wartime.

I cannot control this feeling.
This feeling controls me.

I surrender to you,
*my anxiety.