my mom always told me i was lazy
she was right; i never wanted to clean my room
or make my bed
or do my homework
i just wanted to go on the computer
or watch tv
or hang out with friends
because i wanted to be happy
and doing chores didn't make me happy

so when i went to college
i didn't clean my room
or make my bed
or do my homework
all i did was go on the computer
or watch tv
or hang out with friends
because i finally was on my own and had the chance to be happy

but rather than getting happier, my heart got heavier
things went from okay to bad
and then bad to worse
and now i'm tired

mom, you were right; i'm lazy
there are things that i don't want to do
because they are too much work
like cleaning my room, making my bed, doing my homework,
and waking up tomorrow morning

Mom,
I'm sorry.

I can't help it.
I just don't think.
I get so angry.
I say things
that no one should say.

You
have given up everything for me
You
raised me on your own

Mom
Im sorry
I'll change
Give me time

One day,
we'll look back
and laugh.

I promise.

Don't give up on me mommy.

I'm changing.
I'm just not there yet.

Crying because a normal meal is placed in front of you.
Eat or you die.
Wanting to die
Wanting to feel deaths warm embrace.

Your body wants to live,
it wants to eat.
You want to eat but you’re terrified.
Terrified of being anything but empty.

But you need to
you need to eat.

Completely worthless.
wonder why you’re still here
How can you still be here when you have no purpose
Failing to please even yourself
every time.

Why
Why are you still here
You can’t find a reason to go on.
But you sit there and endure life anyway.

It scares the **** out of me
Knowing that one day you'll be a teenager
Talking back to mom,
blasting music in your room,
Lying about grades,
stressing over college.


But promise me,
promise me you'll try to be nice to mommy.
At least nicer than I was.
She really means the best.


Promise,
that you'll be a good student,
don't leave things to the last minute.
Trust me I learned it the hard way.

Please baby,
be a good person.

Your lips touching mine,
was a mistake.
Allowing myself to weep over something so trivial,
was a mistake.
Laying at night and wondering how long I'd live feeling this way,
was a mistake.
Loosing myself in order to find myself,
was a mistake.
But,
I will make better mistakes tomorrow.
          
             ER.