I knew hanging out with you would be so risky
But I didnt know until the night you kissed me
That you would turn out to be so dark and twisty
Wish I never bought you that bottle of whiskey

One thing I know is I will never get that feeling back
No one has ever touched the bottom of my soul like that

You provided the spark with no oxygen
which only extinguished the flame
it burned brightly for awhile but
the final flickering ember died in vain

I continue to mourn the person I thought you once were
You can get to know someone but you can never be sure

I liked to heal people
But they hurt me in the process
So I learned to heal myself
And just cut my losses

You float & coast through life
Where I am more concrete
You’re also “fools rush in”
I think before I speak

I was thinking to myself how there’s no measure for pain
Then I realized there are people who leave cracks and veins  
But every once in awhile someone leaves a fault line
It’s unfortunately a flaw in the human design

I took you out of the box
I had once placed you in
whose bow was too pretty and
no longer matched its contents

When I close my eyes I see green
The strangest shade I’ve ever seen
More chartreuse than the usual blue
When I close my eyes and I see you

And so that was your final chess move
My mind and soul both could not approve

Didnt really want you
I needed an escape
You were just a fill in
And someone to relate

Thank you for the closure
But it made everything worse
I was at the final step
Now I’m back at the first

I got closure from a ghost
When I needed it the most
Allowed me to finally heal
Resentment I no longer feel

Thank you for the delayed closure
It has helped me to see the light
Now my wings aren’t so heavy
And I can finally take flight

If you only knew how long I’ve waited
Now I know the definition of fated

Time after time, year after year
A ghost from my past reappears
I reassure him I’m still here
But he vanishes out of fear

Everyone lives in their own little world constructed carefully of their own adversaries & affinities. Sometimes we let people in & they can be unaware of what a mess they make of our fragile bubble-like universes. Maybe their world is indestructible & they do not know yours has old frayed duct tape keeping the cracks held together. I have sat still under this dilapidated bridge built with many shortcomings & for many years I have been waiting for brave footsteps to approach & now I curse them for their destruction of my rickety facade. Who is more to blame for my unstable foundation?

Why couldn’t I say goodbye
Why couldn’t I get things off my chest
Why did you have to ghost me
Why did I have to lay you to rest

For so long I was empty
‘Til I realized I’m not
I’m full of love aplenty
My heart simply had forgot

Maybe if I could leak out the sadness
Maybe if I could somehow let it drain
Maybe if I could pinpoint the culprit
Maybe if I could just hit the right vein
Maybe if I could find the exact words
Maybe if I could channel purely pain

I looked at it from every angle
I analyzed it for years
I came out of the derealization
I drowned in the postponed tears

I once met a dead end
Because I picked the wrong road
No choice but to hitchhike back
With such a heavy load

I had this vivid dream and it gave me a clue
A broken bird let me hold it before it flew
It had emerald eyes and I instantly knew
That every time I see a finch, I’ll think of you

Sometimes when all feels gloomy
Sometimes when you're filled with doubt
All you need is some introspect
And time to figure it all out

I was an easy target and your eyes were set to ****

You can’t ever recognize them all
They’ll mold into everything you lack
And just when you begin to fall
They’ll decide not to love you back

You always said you were bad at words
I guess music was more of your thing
But how can we communicate
When neither one of us can sing

When you just can't turn the page
because it was your favorite chapter
It’s hard to see the future
when there's no happily ever after

I couldn't fit into your world
but you camouflaged in mine
Now you are nowhere to be found
but I still feel intertwined

You were really insecure about very minor things
Guess that’s why you ran away, to repair your broken wings

When you hold it all in
When you can’t say goodbye
Thats when it just festers
And ***** you up inside

It’s hard not to be offended
To see your true imitative self  
When you literally pretended
To be someone entirely else

When it’s all completely over
When everything’s jaded
It’s easy to say it wasn’t love
When everything’s faded

The way that you treated people
How you left them in the dark
I knew you were a death eater
By the way you left your mark

For you I once tried to color outside the lines
But you made me realize I prefer black and white

Out of sight, out of mind
Rearview mirror, left behind

It’s just not as easy as some people think
how can I be happy if pain is my ink?

I can’t convince you to look at the sky when you’re fixated on the ground
I can’t continue to chase you when you don’t ever want to be found

I hesitated and then restrained myself
The moment passed - you never knew how I felt

Our ping pong witty banter or your penetrating stare
The electricity my fingers felt running through your hair
A cig always in your hand & a smirk always on your face
These are some of the images that can never be erased

What you saw in the mirror I never could see
Because when I looked at you I also saw me

All I wanted was your time
But you were busy you said
All I wanted were your words
But you just left me on read
All I wanted was your love
But you ruined me instead

And I stood still
While the world spun on without me
And I stayed lost
Because no one ever found me

You made it look so easy
Like we’d never even met
Leaving me here with only
These memories that I’ve kept

You can try to erase or delete me
but the heart never forgets completely

I couldn’t comprehend
I couldn’t let go
I couldn’t understand
But now I know...
Now I know.

Were you a reprieve
Were you just a fake
Were you real love
Or my worst mistake

I like to escape reality
But Its good to keep a tether
Or else I would just float away
As if I were a feather

I’m a delicate flower
That you do not deserve
So here in isolation
My petals I’ll preserve

The sun taught me to move on
the moon told me I should grow
but the stars are the ones who convinced me
That forgetting means to let go