Well it's your birthday, heartbreaker. And I can't help but beg to myself not to talk to you
Because my only wish for you is that you'll be with me instead of her.
And I can't say that out loud, or write it somewhere for everyone to read
Because expressing my way to love was ended so soon because you took a detour to another heart
Is not an easy thing to do
Because saying what I mean, means you saying some invalid excuse.
I wanted to wish you happy birthday
But I know it won't make any difference
Believe me, I fight like hell to try to wish you well.
But my stubborness keeps me from letting you go.
So I'll just pretend I am happy for you, as I always do
When deep inside I pray to be your one and only wish.

Are you aware of the impact you've caused in my life?
The way you seem to take over my mind
Is uncontrollable and unbearable.
The way I never see you and somehow I always see the look in your eyes
Like a faded brown photograph.
The way I seem to follow your every move
Almost as if I want to be you to see if you feel something more for me.
Isn't it crazy? This obsession, I mean.
This clueless mind has no idea how to feel anymore.
It doesn't know whether to love you or let you go.
It doesn't know whether to hate you for what you've caused.
This irreparable damage, a heart breaking slowly
Like the shattering of broken glass in slow motion.
A deafening sound that makes your heart burn.
A frantic angst to pick up the broken pieces
So that none is left to do more damage.
But most importantly, a need for you and only you to repair it
For you to come back to me from nowhere and lead me somewhere breathtaking
Some place beautiful where this cold glass can heal.
I promise myself that this happened for a reason
That I should not be angry or frightened
That this involuntary shivering should take a break or disappear forever.
I promise myself that I'll soon get you out of my mind
The hardest promise I've ever had to keep.
A reason to cheat in something, a deceiving desire
To think of you and that brief moment we shared.
It is unbelievable to me how you've changed my life somehow
So drastically like a sudden turn leading to disaster.
The mess is already made but I don't feel the need to fix it
Because this obsession has made me wait for you
This obsession has given me impossible fantasies about whom I want you to be
And how I long for you to change.
I know, unbelievable isn't it?
No matter how hard I try to deny it or pull it out of my head,
I still want you and I probably always will
Because the thought of you keeps coming back to me
But you are nowhere to be seen.
And it hurts me more than I could ever imagine.

For you
I would move a mountain
And climb up to the top
Bruises and cuts included
Just to kiss you, my perfect prize.

For you, I would swim the ocean
Fight the storm-provoked waves
And take you to the shore, sweet home
Just to kiss you, my longing love.

For me
You would go fetch
The most romantic combination of words
And say them with truth in your eyes
Just to kiss me, tonight's prize.

For me
You would forget everything you ever said
Go cry to her, your perfect one
Climb a mountain to have her in your arms.

For me
You will do nothing ever again
For her
You will circle the world every day of your life
Will I ever be the one you give your life for one more day together?
Will I ever be the perfect one for you?

I can't even listen to your voice
Without thinking of that sweet symphony
That left me believing I had a choice.

A decision not to want you
Won by your determination to win me over
I wish I hadn't come through
When I knew you were far from sober.

I'd rather not be captured by this charming melody
I wish I would be deaf to the sound of your piercing voice
As this is the only symphony for which I ache but I have no choice.

It is until your heart gets pulled in different directions
and sweetly manipulated into taking another form,
that you start to analyze love for what you thought it would be.
You pour your heart out on paper
because you were never brave enough
to speak the words that would stop this manipulation...
the prequel to a broken heart.
It is when words start scraping its surface
that you think how you got into it,
knowing you'll never get out.
Expressing your reactions to no one but this ivy ink on hidden lines.
With vague excuses of why it can't work
and with empty promises that were swept away,
your heart loses its strength
and its pieces are painfully drawn by gravity.
It is when he says he loves you
that he tears it up and stains this notebook...
It is when he kisses you, unaware it was the last time,
that the saddest words come to life.
It is when you see him with someone else
that you realize that he, who was never yours,
will never be.
No matter how hard you think he'll come back and repair it;
it is until your heart is pulled,
torn and broken that you are left alone to fix
what love has done.
It is until you live the consequences of love,
that you write down the most tragic story he'll never read.
You can never write something decent
until he breaks your heart.

I know you're the worst idea
that has crossed my mind.
I know you naturally break my heart
and shatter my soul to pieces and dust.
But even so, I am sorry
more sorry than you'll ever be.
I am sorry for what I said
even if you don't regret the slightest
or try to take back
the words that still cover my skin.

You are always my exception
The one I impair my walls for
For just one drop of potential
The walls that end up throbbing in my veins
When you vigorously step on them to get to your goal
The only one who drives me to the highest level of weakness
by dismantling my morals and making me surrender my values.
You should be able to find them now somewhere lost in the atmosphere
You are one of life’s teachers
and I’m your student who fails your lesson every time
You dissolved all of my sanity with wine and turmoil
That night when you promised me sunshine
And said goodnight by heartlessly kissing my pride away
Because of you I am not myself
Your memories serve as a desperate attempt to fool my mind
into not caring for myself, but for your egocentric needs
I used to follow rules like they are carved in stone,
and my values had just landed on solid ground ...
Until you returned with your rehearsed apologies and believable vows.
You are my saddest, most tragic mistake
the one I'm ashamed to admit to life’s judges
but the one I keep coming back to
to insult my lunacy and unrelenting stubbornness.
You drink all of my pride as smooth as beer on a Friday night
You tear down my walls with nothing but effortless words
and leave me picking every piece from this raw, dusty ground.
You are the one known liar I keep believing in
You are the exception to my indestructible rules
the one mistake I never seem to learn from.
The one who builds up his ego by pushing me back down
You should be so proud to know you have won once again at your own game.
You should be proud to know you are my one and only exception.