The love of my life is special,
She’s beautiful and appealing,
I am quite addicted,
She’s really got me reeling,
I never would have predicted.

The love of my life is vulnerable,
She’s easily hurt,
And easily saddened,
Her mind often lurks,
And ends up maddened.

The love of my life is funny,
She starves for attention,
Yet cherishes her privacy,
Almost like a different dimension,
Oh, the irony.

The love of my life belongs to me,
We read each other’s mind,
We have a special bond,
She’s truly one of a kind,
Struck me with her wand.

The love of my life is perfect,
She may not realize,
Quite the effect she has,
But one day all those lies,
Will hopefully come to pass.

The love of my life is beautiful,
When I think about her,
And her pretty face,
I sit and often wonder,
Just how wonderful is her grace.

I like the different months
How each one brings new experiences
And holds the birth of those
That mean the most to me

Like January
Bringing in a new year
And a fresh start
Just as my father taught me
Out with the old, in with the new

And February
How it reminds us of love
Filling our hearts with joy
Just as my best friend
Does for me daily

Along comes March
Oh, **** and brilliant March
The start of a new season
Just like she sparked something new
Inside of me

Followed by April
Bright and colorful April
Showers water the flowers
Just like my soul sister and I
Relish in fun times together

Next is May
Shiny and strong like the sun
Marks the beginning of summer
My brother and I kayak
And bond in the deep heat of Texas

After May is June
Marking the longest daylight hours
Of the whole year
My mother is a June baby
And she is my light in the dark, my pearl

Scorching July rolls through
Fast paced and chaotic
The peak of summer
I recall Camp Longhorn
And all the girls I got to enjoy it with

Autumn begins with bold August
School commences
New opportunities arise
Who better to experience them with
Than my favorite twins

September arrives
Wake me up when it ends
This month reminds me of how
I no longer have my best friend
Once always older than me
Now it is I who takes the lead

October brings orange and deep reds
Soothing hot tea and cuddles
Almost as soothing as both my grandparents
My true greatest examples
Of what it's like to be a warrior

Thankful for November
The time to reflect over the year
Thankful for being alive
Thankful for all who was ever born
And blessed my life

And last but not least
December
Oh what a weird time
Since the birthday celebrated this month
Is mine

It is so hard to cope
With the loss of you
You treated me
Like I was priceless
As if I were a true queen
Your words, care, and affection
Ran through me
Like blood runs through my veins
And now that you are absent
It is as though
I'm lifeless
Nothing sustaining my body
No person or thing
Can make my heart beat again
No experience
Can ignite the passion in my soul
As you used to do
There is no one as intellectual as you
My mind is under stimulated
Since I lost you
I've been living on auto pilot
Living a lie of a life
Not reaching my goals
Or even attempting them
A permanent state of apathy and indifference
Towards what the world has to offer
To me, there's nothing without you
I can't move on from what we wanted to be
What we wanted to accomplish
Together as a unit
And now that death
Has separated us
I don't have much of a purpose
Anymore
Other than to have faith and hope
In the idea that there is an afterlife
And that I may get to see you
On the other side

You can help one or many
Solve plenty of issues
But make sure you
Surround yourself
With those who'd do the same

If you try to hurt me with your words
You fail
Because I've completely eliminated you
From my heart
From my mind
If you think I care about someone
Who doesn't care about me
Think again
You couldn't be more wrong
I have nothing left for you
Nothing
Except for regret
I regret you
But I got over that regret
The second I got rid of you
The second my eyes were opened
By someone who's actually worthy of my love

I had to change my name on here because someone in my real life kept finding my poetry and reading it despite me kindly asking them to respect my privacy. My poems are my deepest and most personal thoughts. I write for me, in order to get my emotions out. It is an outlet for me. I don't necessarily want my friends and family seeing what I have to say. I appreciate all of the poets here and love the feedback from you all, so please don't think Peyton went away. She is just Mela now. Carmela is my grandmother's name:)

He's off work today
Maybe we will get to hang
I'm waiting for his text
I'm waiting for his call
But what if it never gets here
What if not at all

I'm feeling optimistic
Because I usually over think
But sometimes his mental illness
Comes back and reality shrinks

One day he's like this
One day he's like that
But one thing's for certain
He'd  never stab my back

Even though his heart is closed
And his walls are up
Somehow I always get a peak
I guess it's just good luck

I know he loves me
But thinks he can't have me
All because of someone else
Why is this happening

Maybe time is all we need

I wish I could hate you
And get rid of all these feelings
I wish I'd never met you
All it does is make me crazy
I'm an obsessed freak
I wish I didn't care at all
And that you never crossed my mind
Rather than constantly be
My number one thought
It torments my brain
I don't understand where my feelings stem from
You're not even in my life
Not even a little bit
So why do I always find myself
Sitting around thinking about only you
It's really not fair
I pray every day that these feelings may one day fade
It only cause me heartache and pain
I've never felt so emotionally dissatisfied in my life
It will be a miracle if this ever leaves me
But miracles can happen, right?
I just want to reverse back time
And never even learn your name
But I guess things happen for a reason
Now I'll never be the same

I'm torn between her and him
And I don't know what to do
I probably shouldn't make a decision
Based on a whim
Hopefully this doesn't cloud my vision

i'm afraid to say that i will no longer be posting my poetry, at least for a long while. i feel like my need to write, my inspiration to write, and my purpose of writing isn't really there anymore. even though i write new material every day, i still don't feel encouraged nor inspired enough to post it, and for personal reasons at that. it has absolutely nothing to do with the hello poetry community. you all have been wonderful and i'm really thankful to have read such amazing poems come from you all, and i am grateful for all of the feedback you all have given me. i'm just at a point in my life where i am trying to stay away from certain things. i feel like my poetry is somewhat pointless now, and i'm feeling discouraged in many areas of my life. so, until next time, i won't be posting anymore. i will be getting on here and there just to read what you all post, because i enjoy it so much. but other than that, you won't be seeing much of me anymore. thanks again for all the support.
love,
me.

We started off tragic
And we ended that way too

Sleepless nights spent missing you
Wishing you were by my side
I can't stand my life without you
You were my light
And now you've burned out
I wish I could have you back
But I know there's no hope for reconciliation
You're selfish
You can't forgive me
You can't even see me for who I am
You don't look at what's in my heart
And what's in my mind and soul
You just look at my past and my wrongdoings
And you judge me based on so little
I always look at you fondly
I've never judged you
However
I don't even know why I want you
You're only interested in your own personal gain
I'm so exhausted of occupying this trap you've set
I suppose only time can help me out of it

There was once a time
When I thought you were smart
So brilliant and beautiful
But now I know how dumb you truly are
Stupid, even
You lied and rejected my unconditional love
It brought out your true colors
Ugly

You make me feel the greatest feelings
I've ever felt
Whether I'm right next to you
Or thinking about you
The sensations I feel
Hardly even seem real
Because they're so strong
My stomach is in knots
I'm almost brought to tears
I haven't felt this in years
This is so powerful
I'm so in love with you
I can hardly contain it
You're everything I think about
You're the one I can't live without
You're all I'll ever want
And I don't mean to be blunt
But I can barely contain this feeling
You've really got me believing
That this ultimate pleasure
Is going to last forever

He and I spend the nights together
Caught up in each other's eyes
The television as background noise
The only light in the dark living room
Close cuddles on the couch
Deep kisses intoxicate
Make me forget all the bad
And remember who I've given my heart to
The one who makes me feel warm
Even on the coldest nights

My feelings conflict
Feels like I'm a convict
Don't know how to go about it

As the weather changes
So does my mind state
The colder it gets
The more I feel great

Fall is upon us
Winter is soon to follow
And during these months
I feel less hollow

Bundling up
And drinking hot tea
Makes for a calming day to day
Always feeling free

Scarf around my neck
Hoodie over my head
Nothing to do
Except cuddle in bed

Weather is powerful
It can change moods
I let it work its magic
Only hope it alludes

It's the time to reflect
During this time of year
On all we've been blessed with
With that, our purpose becomes clear

Only love, laughter, and joy
Cancel out the negative
Appreciate what surrounds you
And everything is positive

I can't quite express
What weather does
But it changes something in me
And I'm filled with love

Nature is a beautiful thing
Insanely under appreciated
But it's something I cherish
Because my peace it created

Our relationship confuses me
We're back and forth
And it's hard to see
When this will start
When this will end
Are you my lover
Or just my best friend?

I know I've made mistakes
And said some things I didn't mean
But I am just human
And that doesn't define me
What defines me is that I always fought for you
And tried to make things right
I aim to please
And strive to be positive
But I was always brought down
By your need to be negative
The things I do right
Are always under appreciated
And the wrong turns I make
Are the things you zoom in on
So what is the point
In trying to make you happy
When there is always something wrong
And when me and my efforts
Are never enough

I'd rather have my heart broken
Than be the one to hurt another
The feelings of guilt and deception
Creep up taking over the mind
It's hard to sleep at night
When you leave someone
Because feelings went astray
There are no words
That one could possibly say
When you leave someone
You actually feel like the devil
******* the life out of someone
Stooping to the lowest level
When you leave someone
It is all so confusing
What led us to here
It leaves us refusing
Our reality
Once so in love
Now fighting with brutality
I feel so wrong
For leaving you that one day
I broke your heart
I wish I could've stayed
But it's ironic
How things unravel
Now my heart is broken
And I'm left baffled
By our awkward friendship
I hope you can forgive me
Didn't want to destroy you
Didn't think I possessed
Such a power
Didn't think I could feel
Any lower
But I do
I hope you know
How much I loved you
And always will

I'm not the only lying *****
How many times did you tell me one thing
But you meant another
You're a manipulative witch
Using people for your own benefit
It's taken a while
But I've finally woken up
You're just a stupid phase
A nothing
I mean, how could I possibly love someone
I've never met or even really spoken to
How could I love someone
That has such a vindictive heart
At least I'm remorseful for my actions
But in you there's no ounce
Of empathy, sympathy, or even kindness
At least not any that I've seen
I'm the one who is genuine
I'm the one who cared
I'm the one who loved
So am I the liar?
Or are you?

You lied
You said it was me
Despite it all
I was myself
You assured me of that
All logic went away from me
Because I kept doing something
I knew was wrong
I was simply overtaken
By my raw emotion
And my unbearable need
To make you feel loved
They say the road to hell
Is paved with good intentions
I know I meant well
Now look where I am
More without you than I've ever been
Regretting that horrible decision
I just want to know one thing
Why don't you love me?

The more you get to know someone
The more you realize
That you never really knew them
In the first place
What does it matter
If you can see their face
That doesn’t hold much meaning
When it comes to friendship
What significance does a picture hold
When you can’t even watch
That person’s life unfold
What does it matter
If you can say a bunch of words
That doesn’t mean much
If their voice is unheard
Friendship is about being there
Being there in the flesh
Getting to hang out
And see if your personalities mesh
Distance separates many people
Yet a real relationship
Can still be formed
But only if
The right precautions are met
They talk throughout the day
They’re honest and truthful
About everything, in every way
They talk on the phone
Comforting the longing
Making it feel like home
Real friends are real people
It takes real work and effort
To create something that isn’t feeble
From now on
I’m only interested
In focusing on the relationships
That I know can withstand
A lifetime

I wonder where we would be
If you hadn't died

If you want to judge me
Feel free
If you want to get mad at me
Go right ahead
If you choose to see my every flaw
And fail to recognize the good I posses
You're not the person I thought you were
Meanwhile
I hope you have a good life
I don't want you in my mine
Don't ever try to come back
And destroy me as you've done before
Because it won't work

I miss you
When we're apart
I think about you
And how you occupy my heart
Seeing you
Brightens my day
I'm so happy
Nothing gets in our way
I can't imagine my life without you
You ruin me
I ruin you
There's no turning back now
Constantly, I sigh
And breathe out a *"wow"

I can hardly handle
My yearn
My want
My need
For you
You're within my reach
You're within my grasp
I want every waking moment with you
Is that too much to ask?

I can hardly handle
This love I possess
It's so strong
I feel I'm a mess
I can't get you off my mind
But I don't want to
My concentration
Is set on loving you

The disappointment I feel
When it's been just a few hours apart
Is so overwhelming
Feels like I took a dart
Straight to my heart
Thank goodness for our proximity
Without it
I'd die from insanity

you tried to convince me
that she was bad
but i know the real her
and you're just a stranger
i'll never trust you
not ever again
you used me
just to draw out
a pointless feud
with someone else
i hope you never
get over your jealousy
she's way better than you
in every way
you may have the spotlight
but that doesn't mean ****
when in the dark
you're alone
wallowing in the fact
that you use everyone in your path
my heart will always belong
to the one who got it first
you can't just pretend to love me
i can see through your lies
i will always belong to her
and it's you i'll forever despise
for trying to take me away
from someone i'll always want
but you failed

My wildest dream
My deadliest fantasy
Both belong to you

I smile and sit
Act polite and real
You went ape ****
Lost all your appeal
Your loss

things are finished now
I expected this, somehow

never will I be
what I want to be
because I am useless
and a fraud

oh well
this is my reality now
and it *****
just like this poem
since I can't write for ****
maybe I should just quit
but then
I'd be even more cowardly
than I already am

so I guess living a hellish life
is all I got
too bad happiness can't be bought