I've been saying Goodbye a lot lately;
Goodbye to the boyfriend
who I thought I truly loved,
Goodbye to the love of my life
because last time I never really said it,
Goodbye to my grandpa
who I never got to say Goodbye to.

I'm not yet awake,
Not fully anyway,
And the thoughts prancing through my
Sleep deprived mind
Are only of you.
So maybe I'm not as over you
As I tried to force myself to believe,
Or maybe I was,
Until I remembered what it was like
Kissing you,
Or how much I enjoyed
Talking to you.
I seemed to have forgotten
How alike we are,
And now I just want to see you.
But I understand, that's not going to happen.
Maybe it's only my sleep deprivation,
Or maybe I just knew it all along,
But I miss you.

It's a little funny,
Of all the people I've said it to,
I've only meant it for two people,
And you're the second one.
I don't look back and cringe,
Like I usually do.
I look back and I smile,
Even though our relationship was pretty bad.
But it was good, it made me happy,
And I hope it made you happy.
I guess you'll never know this,
Since you've seemed to fall off the planet,
But I really did love you,
And I still do,
But I'm not upset about it.
You're just a good memory now,
And I don't want you back.
This is my goodbye,
It was great knowing you,
Brian.

Wait
This is wrong
I shouldn't be here, I should be long gone.
And I know that everything's fine
But my mind is just twisting my life.
And I feel like
I'm standing on the edge
And I'm just about to fall.

You know what I really want?
More than anything
Right here, in this moment?
I want you to call me
Text me
Email me
Message me on facebook,
Whatever you want,
But I want you to get in touch with me,
Maybe not today,
Maybe not tomorrow,
Maybe in ten years,
And when you do
I want you to admit to me
Just how much I meant to you,
How much our breakup was the biggest mistake
Of your life.
And I want you to tell me this,
Crying the entire time,
Then I want to be able to calm you down
And tell you three simple words:
*"I. Don't. Care"

The one who can make my heart race
And my heart hurt
At the same time.
The one who makes me nauseous
Who makes me happy
Who makes my head spin.
The one who makes me laugh.
He's the one who makes me want to cry
Who makes me wish I was with him.
Who my heart is telling me I love,
But I don't want to believe it.

Let's count how many tears I shed
And we'll mark it with little red notches

Let's see how long this happiness lasts,
We'll count the hours in kisses.

Let's not do this again,
Please, no, I don't want to.

*Too bad,
Here it comes again,
On your mark,
Get set,
Go.

I comfort you,
You comfort me
Is this the way we're destined to be?
Is there no day when
I won't need you or
You won't need me?
But wait...
You shy away from unwanted conversations.
I think you stopped needing me awhile ago,
If you ever needed me
To begin with.
Welp, now it's just me.

Random nonsense makes me cry
Full moon in your twinkling eye
Laughter laughter
Boredom boredom
Close your eyes
Rest your head
Go to bed
Goodnight.

If I close my eyes
And hold my breath,
I could be a tree.
Stand real still
Right here with me
And stay here for eternity.

I sound like a broken record,
How many times will I say it?
How many people will ask?
I needed a release,
I needed a release,
I needed a release.
Nobody understands,
Always the questions:
"Why did you do it?"
"What did he do?"
Always the judgement:
"*****."
"Murderer."
"Gold digger."
"*****."
The rumors, oh how they fly:
"She cheated... He found out."
"She wanted his money."
"She's insane."
They don't know
How long it took me to pick it up,
Point it at his head,
Pull the ****** trigger.
His blood on my hands for a change.
See, people never knew
His abusive side.
But I did.
My stitches,
Bruises,
And broken bones are all the proof I need.
Now I'm free,
Free to do as I please,
Free until the day I die.
Then, they tell me:
Jail,
Life sentence.
Where's my fair trial?
My jury?
My judge?
Welcome to America,
Land of the eternally ******.

I could tell you that the world is perfect,
That nothing needs to change,
That everything is rainbows and unicorns and flowers.
This would be a lie.
This is a dog eats dog world.
Brother is turned against brother,
Sister against sister,
Friend against friend.
This world of war and pain,
This isn't the world it should be.
America is based on lies people chose to believe
Because they can't handle the truth.
The politicians are criminals
And laws are based on hate,
Hate that trickles down from City Halls,
To school hallways,
To the minds of teenagers and children.
Is this what parents want?
Children to be taught to hate?
I can see a better world,
Where religions and races can live in harmony.
This world is enough to make anyone wish to die,
But I still live because one day,
I will be heard.
One day,
Everything I stand for will come true.
I may die before this happens,
But it's a cause worth dying for.

It's been a year since that day,
To be exact,
It's been a year and two days.
Only 367 days since that day,
The day that you broke my heart,
For the first time?
The second?
It's happened so many times,
It seems I've lost track.
Well look at me now,
I'm pathetic,
I'm a wreck.
What did you do to me?
Why am I so drawn to you,
Why can't I ever shake you?
When will this all be over?
The problem is:
I don't think it will ever be over.
I don't think I can ever stop
Loving you.