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Megan McCormick Apr 2013
Isn't it funny how these things happen?
Seven years ago today,
I lost a grandpa,
And now today I lose another.
Apr 2013 · 264
When Will I Learn?
Megan McCormick Apr 2013
Today, my friend, would be a prime example
As to why I should never get my hopes up.
I was supposed to see you today,
For the first time in a year,
And something in the universe decided
It hated me.
Hip hip hurray for hoping.
Apr 2013 · 937
A Word on Divorces
Megan McCormick Apr 2013
"Divorce isn't hereditary."*
It's quite funny, you say that, actually,
Seeing as it seems to be in my family.
For a matter of fact,
It seems to be in many families.
Yes, technically speaking,
Divorce is not a hereditary disease,
But for all intents and purposes,
It can be hereditary.
Not because it's something you can catch,
But because the children grow up
And they think this is the way love is.
And they look around them,
Their friends all have divorced parents too,
So their thoughts are enforced.
It's a little funny,
Everyone is so obsessed with true love,
When it doesn't seem to really exist anymore.
At least not here.
Apr 2013 · 690
Self-Inflicted Torture
Megan McCormick Apr 2013
I don't know why I insist on doing this,
Why I keep torturing myself
Day in and day out.

I found the poem you wrote me.
I carry it in my backpack,
Not really the best place,
I know.

I don't cry anymore. I mean,
No tears leave my eyes.
I sob until I fall asleep, though.
Some nights.
Apr 2013 · 368
I need...
Megan McCormick Apr 2013
I need...
What do I need?
I need a doctor.
Who am I kidding, a doctor won't help.
A doctor wants my money,
That's all they ever want.
I need a friend.
Oh wait, I have a bunch of those.
I need...
I need this to stop.
Wait, what is this to begin with?
I need a new story,
But that'll just depress me more.
What do I need,
What do I need,
What do I need?
Mar 2013 · 363
Thank You for Nothing
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
You ruined Easter for me,
So thank you very much.
You ruined April 8th for me,
So thank you again for that.
You ruined romantic kisses in the rain for me,
So once again, thank you.
Let's just save some time and say
You've ruined a lot for me, nearly everything,
So a million times thank you
For experiences I will never get back
And for things I will never stop hating.
Mar 2013 · 982
-Insert Clever Title-
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
We've changed so much
Since only last year.
We can't talk anymore,
Not without awkwardness,
Generally caused by me.
I miss my best friend,
But he's barely there,
You've managed to hide him from me.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I turned you gay,
That's how I see it.
(I know that you've always been,
But I made you stray towards men.)
You laughed when I told you,
And I laughed too
Because you were laughing
And I love it when you laugh.
You said she thought she turned you gay,
Then we both laughed again.
I said, No, because you were never
Really in love
With her.

We laughed at your luck with girls since us,
We never mentioned my luck with boys.
I never said how my relationships
Haven't lasted,
Mainly because of you.

Oh well, you're with him now,
Isn't that how it always ends?
I hope your happy with him,
And maybe someday I'll be over you.
Mar 2013 · 182
Why do I keep doing this?
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I should probably just give up,
I'm fairly sure I've lost him,
But look, here he comes again,
Let's give this one more go.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I could tell you my stories of "love",
How they all ended up to be tales of woe,
But who am I to understand love
When I am so woefully inexperienced?

In my years of people-watching,
An art in which I am skilled,
And my years of movies, tv shows, and books,
My rather imaginative mind has fit together
An image of my definition of love.

Love is that first feeling of butterflies
When you see him for the very first time.
It's how that feeling stays there whenever you see him.
It's the blood rushing to your face when you talk to him,
The rapid beating of your heart.
It's your first kiss,
And all your kisses after,
That send tingles through your nerves
And linger on your lips afterwards.
It's when he meets your parents,
The nervousness and anxiety you feel.
The first fight, and how you make up afterwards.
It's the fights that follow,
But still you stay together.
It's the feeling you get when you're standing next to him at the altar,
How no one else present is important,
And it's only you and him.
It's that moment when you hold your newborn
And he's looking down at you with tears in his eyes.
It's the sickening sensation at your child's high school graduation,
And you know soon it'll be just you and him,
Like it used to be,
But you're not ready for it.
Love is how ever when the passion fades,
Your love still steadily burns.
Love is the end of your life,
And looking back,
Through all the fights and the heartbreaks,
Through everything he may have done,
Or you may have done,
You wouldn't have had it any other way.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Why do my eyes remain dry as my world crumbles to bits?
Because I hate crying,
Because it's easier not to feel,
Because I've built up too many shields.
So, I rarely let that side show,
I hardly show my pain,
At least in that way.
If you knew me well enough you could see my pain clearly visible
In the expression on my face,
Or the irritation that I show,
Or the amount of people I think about killing.

I hate that I don't cry.
I hate that I can think about my grandfather dying of cancer
And never shed a tear.
But I also hate that I can cry
I hate the feeling that I'm choking whenever a sob fills my throat
And tears fill my eyes.

I don't think I can change this.
I've hidden myself away behind too many locked doors
And thrown away all the keys.
My heart of ice may never thaw, at least not completely.
But then again, maybe I can change this.
Maybe it's subconscious and I'm doing it right now.
Perhaps I'm just done with all the bottled up pain
And now I'm finally letting it go.
Whatever the case may be,
I'd rather just not feel.
I'd rather things didn't affect me,
But this is the curse of mankind
And no matter how much I say otherwise,
I am and will always be human.
Mar 2013 · 432
Another Love Poem
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Hearts beating close together, separated only by flesh.
He stares at her, he's speechless, he can hardly believe his eyes.
She's perfect, she's all he ever wanted, and she finally agreed.
She said yes, she said yes, she said yes.

Fifteen years pass, no one would recognize them anymore.
He is distant, cold, secluded in his thoughts,
She is never home.
Look into their past and a story unwinds,
One of betrayal and heartbreak.
As her line of lovers grew ever longer,
His collection of empty bottles expanded.
He never left her, she never left him,
But always the hateful words flew.
Their love that once burned brighter than the stars
Glows dimly like the dying embers of a flame.
What could have happened in such short time
To change a love so pure?

Now he sits in his chair, where he always is,
Awaiting his beloved to return from the latest motel room.
His vision is blurry and he can hardly think
As he throws the next bottle to the floor.
He turns his head slowly, and there on the table,
The medications no one ever took.
He lifts his hand slowly, screws open the lid,
Swallows the pills one by one.
He washes them down with the last of his Guiness,
Then sits back and waits for the end.

She comes home, a quarter to two, smelling of stale smoke.
She walks right past him, doesn't even flinch,
Picks up the phone and makes the call.
The ambulance arrives,
She doesn't even cry,
She packs up her things as they leave.
Open the car door, drive away until the sun rises,
Drive farther still.
Arrive in California to start a new life,
Leaving everything, including her memories, behind.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
My depression has stages, as everyone's does,
First is the need to cling to someone,
The need for human touch,
For a hug, a pat on the shoulder, an arm around me.
Next is the claustrophobia,
The cringing whenever someone touches me,
Especially someone close.
Finally is the exhaustion,
The need to sleep for eternity,
Feeling like a dragon, wishing to sleep for centuries.
Then it's over, I'm content, even happy,
But only for a little while until the stages start again.
Mar 2013 · 974
My Heroin
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
The writers and the reporters,
In all their interviews,
They never tell you the one flaw in writing.
They never mention that writing is like a drug,
How you can get addicted,
How you'll always want to play god.
They skip right over how hard it is,
To deal with pain,
When you're so used to changing anything
With the stroke of a pen,
Or the pressing of a key.

Writing is my drug.
I don't understand how to deal with loss.
Whenever something happens, my first thought is:
"Oh, it's okay. I can change this."
Then I remember,
This is reality.
I am not god.
I am not a hero.
No matter how much I want to,
I cannot save the world.
Mar 2013 · 1.2k
Dear Grandpa
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Have I always been a disappointment to you,
As you watch down on me from heaven,
If there even is a heaven to begin with?
Did you cringe at every wrong decision I made,
Every step away from your god I ever took?
I wonder if you cry for me,
If you wish I would change.

I'm not sure if you know,
But some nights I cry over you.
I think how I'm never going to see you again,
How you'll never hold me in your arms.
I miss you, more than anything in the world,
But now you're dead,
As you've been for seven years,
And I'll never get to watch Spongebob with you again.
I'll never get to eat your fried fish,
Or go fishing with you, ever again.
I hope, if there is a heaven, that you're happy.
I hope that some day everyone else can join you there,
And I'm sorry I won't be able to.

Now all I have is my memories,
And even those are fading.
I barely remember anything,
Only your last few months,
And when you went to the hospital.
They wouldn't let me see you,
I was too young.
So I sat in the waiting room
While you were slowly taken away from me.
Now I'll say what I was never allowed to say,
Goodbye.
Mar 2013 · 479
Wishes
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Wishing that you stop hurting,
Wishing that your pain would go away.
Wishing that I knew what I wanted,
That all my problems would go away.
I wish that someone could stop this madness,
I wish that someone could see.
What's the point of wishing
If what you wish for never comes true?
Mar 2013 · 631
So Now You're Done?
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
For twelve years you've been around,
You've helped so many lives, including mine.
Now you're done, and we're all heartbroken,
This is what you leave behind.
It may be wrong to put so much faith
In just one silly band,
But to hundreds, maybe thousands of lives,
You were their saving grace.
I'll  never forget my first concert,
Where you played all of about 8 songs.
I'm only one fan, and I'm not too important,
But I really just wanted to say:
Thank you for doing all that you did,
Thank you for being inspiring.
Thank you so much for the examples you've set,
And what I really wanted to say was,
So long, and goodnight,
Because I'm just incredibly cliche like that.
My farewell to My Chemical Romance.
Mar 2013 · 1.2k
I'm Not Horrible, Am I?
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Tales of woe of a simple girl,
Who may not be so simple,
Though her problems certainly are.
Problem one:
A tall blonde,
Strong and secure and safe,
Who makes my heart race.
Problem two:
An Italian,
Goofy and dorky and the best friend I could have,
With a "girlfriend", though she doesn't want labels.
Problem three:
The boyfriend,
Sarcastic and perfect and exactly like me,
Who I just don't seem to care as much about anymore.
Problem four:
The best friend,
Who's been with me through thick and thin,
Who's the love of my life, and who is confused about his sexuality.
Problem five:
My own confusion,
Over sexuality,
Over love, over life.
Problem six:
Commitment issues
I never knew I had,
I always suspected I had.
Problem seven:
My depression that deepens with every heartbreak,
Every moment of happiness,
Every single moment of my ever-confusing life.
Mar 2013 · 274
The Cycle
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Here we go again
Like on a ferris wheel, always turning.
The cycle that I never realized I had,
But I knew I had the entire time.
Here we go again
Spinning on and on,
First happiness
Then depression
Then reach the lowest I can possibly get,
Talk to him,
Feel better.
Same as it's always been.
Mar 2013 · 492
Jealousy of a Friend
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I believe that she is very much like me,
Though I do not really know her.
I consider her a friend but I only know her through older siblings.
I know she has a dark side,
A trait that we share,
But everyone has a dark side.
I feel that I share her pains,
Though to be honest I'm too young to know heartbreak,
Though I feel my heart breaking all the time.
I think she may not be too different,
So I can't really be jealous of her,
Especially over something as silly as him.
But I don't want her to hurt him,
I don't want her to hurt either.
I guess for now I should just
Hide my confused thoughts,
Ignore them, see how she acts.
But can I do that,
Without my feelings taking over?
Mar 2013 · 278
Over it?
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I haven't picked it up in awhile,
Honestly I haven't felt the need to.
But sometimes I can hear its soft metallic voice
Singing to me.
Sometimes I can still feel my blood calling
But now it's barely there.
So now I sit here hoping,
Wishing,
Praying that I really am truly done.
Mar 2013 · 438
The Same
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I'm sitting on a swing set,
Barely able to type,
As the memories come flooding back.
Feeling nostalgic, I sit in quiet self-pity,
Remembering my days of innocence.

I'm sure everyone has these moments
So really I'm not all that different.
The difference is my memories,
The faces of friends and the swing set I used to call
My own.
The laughter of children is the same,
The atmosphere of mindless joy is the same,
And the gut wrenching feeling of flying
Is completely and utterly
The same.

— The End —