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Megan McCormick Mar 2013
We've changed so much
Since only last year.
We can't talk anymore,
Not without awkwardness,
Generally caused by me.
I miss my best friend,
But he's barely there,
You've managed to hide him from me.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I turned you gay,
That's how I see it.
(I know that you've always been,
But I made you stray towards men.)
You laughed when I told you,
And I laughed too
Because you were laughing
And I love it when you laugh.
You said she thought she turned you gay,
Then we both laughed again.
I said, No, because you were never
Really in love
With her.

We laughed at your luck with girls since us,
We never mentioned my luck with boys.
I never said how my relationships
Haven't lasted,
Mainly because of you.

Oh well, you're with him now,
Isn't that how it always ends?
I hope your happy with him,
And maybe someday I'll be over you.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I should probably just give up,
I'm fairly sure I've lost him,
But look, here he comes again,
Let's give this one more go.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
I could tell you my stories of "love",
How they all ended up to be tales of woe,
But who am I to understand love
When I am so woefully inexperienced?

In my years of people-watching,
An art in which I am skilled,
And my years of movies, tv shows, and books,
My rather imaginative mind has fit together
An image of my definition of love.

Love is that first feeling of butterflies
When you see him for the very first time.
It's how that feeling stays there whenever you see him.
It's the blood rushing to your face when you talk to him,
The rapid beating of your heart.
It's your first kiss,
And all your kisses after,
That send tingles through your nerves
And linger on your lips afterwards.
It's when he meets your parents,
The nervousness and anxiety you feel.
The first fight, and how you make up afterwards.
It's the fights that follow,
But still you stay together.
It's the feeling you get when you're standing next to him at the altar,
How no one else present is important,
And it's only you and him.
It's that moment when you hold your newborn
And he's looking down at you with tears in his eyes.
It's the sickening sensation at your child's high school graduation,
And you know soon it'll be just you and him,
Like it used to be,
But you're not ready for it.
Love is how ever when the passion fades,
Your love still steadily burns.
Love is the end of your life,
And looking back,
Through all the fights and the heartbreaks,
Through everything he may have done,
Or you may have done,
You wouldn't have had it any other way.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Why do my eyes remain dry as my world crumbles to bits?
Because I hate crying,
Because it's easier not to feel,
Because I've built up too many shields.
So, I rarely let that side show,
I hardly show my pain,
At least in that way.
If you knew me well enough you could see my pain clearly visible
In the expression on my face,
Or the irritation that I show,
Or the amount of people I think about killing.

I hate that I don't cry.
I hate that I can think about my grandfather dying of cancer
And never shed a tear.
But I also hate that I can cry
I hate the feeling that I'm choking whenever a sob fills my throat
And tears fill my eyes.

I don't think I can change this.
I've hidden myself away behind too many locked doors
And thrown away all the keys.
My heart of ice may never thaw, at least not completely.
But then again, maybe I can change this.
Maybe it's subconscious and I'm doing it right now.
Perhaps I'm just done with all the bottled up pain
And now I'm finally letting it go.
Whatever the case may be,
I'd rather just not feel.
I'd rather things didn't affect me,
But this is the curse of mankind
And no matter how much I say otherwise,
I am and will always be human.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
Hearts beating close together, separated only by flesh.
He stares at her, he's speechless, he can hardly believe his eyes.
She's perfect, she's all he ever wanted, and she finally agreed.
She said yes, she said yes, she said yes.

Fifteen years pass, no one would recognize them anymore.
He is distant, cold, secluded in his thoughts,
She is never home.
Look into their past and a story unwinds,
One of betrayal and heartbreak.
As her line of lovers grew ever longer,
His collection of empty bottles expanded.
He never left her, she never left him,
But always the hateful words flew.
Their love that once burned brighter than the stars
Glows dimly like the dying embers of a flame.
What could have happened in such short time
To change a love so pure?

Now he sits in his chair, where he always is,
Awaiting his beloved to return from the latest motel room.
His vision is blurry and he can hardly think
As he throws the next bottle to the floor.
He turns his head slowly, and there on the table,
The medications no one ever took.
He lifts his hand slowly, screws open the lid,
Swallows the pills one by one.
He washes them down with the last of his Guiness,
Then sits back and waits for the end.

She comes home, a quarter to two, smelling of stale smoke.
She walks right past him, doesn't even flinch,
Picks up the phone and makes the call.
The ambulance arrives,
She doesn't even cry,
She packs up her things as they leave.
Open the car door, drive away until the sun rises,
Drive farther still.
Arrive in California to start a new life,
Leaving everything, including her memories, behind.
Megan McCormick Mar 2013
My depression has stages, as everyone's does,
First is the need to cling to someone,
The need for human touch,
For a hug, a pat on the shoulder, an arm around me.
Next is the claustrophobia,
The cringing whenever someone touches me,
Especially someone close.
Finally is the exhaustion,
The need to sleep for eternity,
Feeling like a dragon, wishing to sleep for centuries.
Then it's over, I'm content, even happy,
But only for a little while until the stages start again.
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