The writers and the reporters,
In all their interviews,
They never tell you the one flaw in writing.
They never mention that writing is like a drug,
How you can get addicted,
How you'll always want to play god.
They skip right over how hard it is,
To deal with pain,
When you're so used to changing anything
With the stroke of a pen,
Or the pressing of a key.

Writing is my drug.
I don't understand how to deal with loss.
Whenever something happens, my first thought is:
"Oh, it's okay. I can change this."
Then I remember,
This is reality.
I am not god.
I am not a hero.
No matter how much I want to,
I cannot save the world.

Have I always been a disappointment to you,
As you watch down on me from heaven,
If there even is a heaven to begin with?
Did you cringe at every wrong decision I made,
Every step away from your god I ever took?
I wonder if you cry for me,
If you wish I would change.

I'm not sure if you know,
But some nights I cry over you.
I think how I'm never going to see you again,
How you'll never hold me in your arms.
I miss you, more than anything in the world,
But now you're dead,
As you've been for seven years,
And I'll never get to watch Spongebob with you again.
I'll never get to eat your fried fish,
Or go fishing with you, ever again.
I hope, if there is a heaven, that you're happy.
I hope that some day everyone else can join you there,
And I'm sorry I won't be able to.

Now all I have is my memories,
And even those are fading.
I barely remember anything,
Only your last few months,
And when you went to the hospital.
They wouldn't let me see you,
I was too young.
So I sat in the waiting room
While you were slowly taken away from me.
Now I'll say what I was never allowed to say,
Goodbye.

Wishing that you stop hurting,
Wishing that your pain would go away.
Wishing that I knew what I wanted,
That all my problems would go away.
I wish that someone could stop this madness,
I wish that someone could see.
What's the point of wishing
If what you wish for never comes true?

For twelve years you've been around,
You've helped so many lives, including mine.
Now you're done, and we're all heartbroken,
This is what you leave behind.
It may be wrong to put so much faith
In just one silly band,
But to hundreds, maybe thousands of lives,
You were their saving grace.
I'll  never forget my first concert,
Where you played all of about 8 songs.
I'm only one fan, and I'm not too important,
But I really just wanted to say:
Thank you for doing all that you did,
Thank you for being inspiring.
Thank you so much for the examples you've set,
And what I really wanted to say was,
So long, and goodnight,
Because I'm just incredibly cliche like that.

Tales of woe of a simple girl,
Who may not be so simple,
Though her problems certainly are.
Problem one:
A tall blonde,
Strong and secure and safe,
Who makes my heart race.
Problem two:
An Italian,
Goofy and dorky and the best friend I could have,
With a "girlfriend", though she doesn't want labels.
Problem three:
The boyfriend,
Sarcastic and perfect and exactly like me,
Who I just don't seem to care as much about anymore.
Problem four:
The best friend,
Who's been with me through thick and thin,
Who's the love of my life, and who is confused about his sexuality.
Problem five:
My own confusion,
Over sexuality,
Over love, over life.
Problem six:
Commitment issues
I never knew I had,
I always suspected I had.
Problem seven:
My depression that deepens with every heartbreak,
Every moment of happiness,
Every single moment of my ever-confusing life.

Here we go again
Like on a ferris wheel, always turning.
The cycle that I never realized I had,
But I knew I had the entire time.
Here we go again
Spinning on and on,
First happiness
Then depression
Then reach the lowest I can possibly get,
Talk to him,
Feel better.
Same as it's always been.

I believe that she is very much like me,
Though I do not really know her.
I consider her a friend but I only know her through older siblings.
I know she has a dark side,
A trait that we share,
But everyone has a dark side.
I feel that I share her pains,
Though to be honest I'm too young to know heartbreak,
Though I feel my heart breaking all the time.
I think she may not be too different,
So I can't really be jealous of her,
Especially over something as silly as him.
But I don't want her to hurt him,
I don't want her to hurt either.
I guess for now I should just
Hide my confused thoughts,
Ignore them, see how she acts.
But can I do that,
Without my feelings taking over?