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Jul 2013 · 228
I'm...Happy.
Megan Hoagland Jul 2013
Can it really be
that this is me
truly happy?
Jun 2013 · 282
10w
Megan Hoagland Jun 2013
10w
"I'm done crying."
As the tears rolled down her cheek.
I am actually not sure if I have read this somewhere, but if so, it awards merit as to how I feel right now. But in any case if this is something you have wrote, please let me know, and I will take this down, I am not in a right state of mind
Jun 2013 · 289
The Thing About Forever
Megan Hoagland Jun 2013
Forever we used to whisper
While Forever was just a vapor
Here and gone
Ripped as far as
the distance in your eyes
We said Forever..
But who knew Forever dies?
Jun 2013 · 596
Untitled
Megan Hoagland Jun 2013
3 months as of today.
Around 3:30. It will be exact.
We didn't know what else to do.
I was tired of trying,
tired of fighting.
I wasn't even worth your trying.
You refused to compromise
and you lied about changing.
You didn't put in the effort,
I don't think
you ever cared enough to try.
our relationship was
worth the fight,
this I swear.
It just gets so exhausting,
fighting for two.
I know better now,
relationships between two people
only work through
communication
and compromise,
and trying to meet each others interests,
doesn't matter if you don't have much in common, the effort will be noticed,
and greatly appreciated,
because it shows your partner
how much you want
to be with them.
But you never saw it that way.
If it wasn't something
that interested you,
you pushed it away,
no matter how much
it meant to me.
No matter if it were me.
I went out
and tried to get on your level
only to be rebuked.
I try to make you see
how much you meant
and still mean to me.
But I never saw,
no,
not even once,
if I had even meant
anything to you
Anything at all.
3 months,
you act like the closest,
most intimate,
love never even moved you.
3 months,
you have pretended
like nothing ever happened
between us.
3 months
and you ignore my presence still.
3 months,
you still haven't said my name.
3 months,
you need someone to talk to,
and I wish that person was me.
3 months,
and I'm still carrying this weight.
3 months
and I'm still in pain.
3 months,
I'd still take you back.
3 months,
I think I'm insane.
Blahhh
Apr 2013 · 475
Fringe
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Do you hate me in the way that I hate myself?
I do not think I can continue to live… this way.
I want everything to be all right
but I break every night.
Where is my peace,
my solace,
can anyone relieve this ache?
I am always chosen last.
Why can’t I be someone’s first choice?
I am not.
I have never been.
I am always on the outside looking in.
I am the outside,
I am the fringe.
Apr 2013 · 396
And the Weight is Just Gone
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
The weight of her pain
with nothing left to gain
she ended her tears; sent them down the drain.
Thoughts of him nearly drove her insane...

She packed his things
she sings, she sings
and she heard his name
but it no longer stings.
She sings, she sings.
Apr 2013 · 1.2k
Fleeting
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Looking through pages
I see only memories
and feel only a bittersweet feeling
but it's fleeting
I wonder how you are doing
but the moment is gone
it was merely fleeting
I felt a faint stirring
somwhere deep within
there and gone
it was only fleeting
3 years together ended so fast
*after all, it was only fleeting
Apr 2013 · 3.7k
Crush
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
The butterflies in her stomach
assure her she is alive
with a nervous glance
and anxious sigh
she dreamily wonders about "her guy"
How very schoolgirl-ish *giggle*
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Rushing next to me
you grasped my hand
just looking at me
with that stupid grin
I pointed it out
and much to my dismay
you pulled away
smiles and laughter
lighting your face
maybe you were playing
but in all honesty
I wouldn't mind your staying
Your hand so soft, warm
was more real than anything I've felt
(In a long time)
The happiness that ballooned
kept me afloat for a week or two
yet you have not grabbed for my hand again
What do I do?
Should I reach for you?
Apr 2013 · 354
Seeing, Looking.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
I saw you
    looking on through
        seeing the person
Not the who.
All you want to see
    is what appears to be
        Would you dig any deeper,
Just to see inside of me?
Always overlooking
    and continuous mistooking
        just another cycle
of eyes just looking
Don't you know there is more?
    Do you ever want to see past the door?
        But you truly don't care
In fact anything you glimpse, you ignore.
Mar 2013 · 722
I was in love once
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
The agony
the torture
pure and sweet.
Haunting dreams
on the horizon of my
wanderlust vision
of pleasure and guilt
and a love that shall never wilt.
Mar 2013 · 365
Argh stupid Writer's block
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
Why can't I write?
The words refuse to flow
or drop like rain...
All inspiration stuck
in the great in-between.
Mar 2013 · 280
12-21-11
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
You are worth it,
someway, somehow.
You are worth it,
I truly wish you could see
just how much worth
you have to me.
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
While on a bus...
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
She stares past as her life flies by,
some memories sweet
while others dissatisfy.

She remembers she was 8
and her dad pushing the swing
with muscular ease
as her hair swayed
with the honey-suckle breeze.

She remembers her 15th summer
racing on through
bringing with it raging hormones
and ***** boys.

She remembers bitter tears
shed on mother's caring shoulder
when Robert said that they were over.

She remembers prom and
mistakes she made
and the boy who never again
glanced her way.

She remembers the agony
9 terrible months later brought
for a tiny, screaming baby
and she remembers the love that grew
in spite of the pain.

She sits on that bench and
quietly remembers her child’s firsts:
teeth, words, steps that grew into strides.
and her only regret: only the man
with his godawful pride.

She climbs on the bus
gently grasping the hand
of her bright eyed
and well-loved child.
And this child,
this child,
who is wealthier than most
for the child knows only of
love.
Kinda slapped together, but enjoy...
Mar 2013 · 401
1 month, 3 weeks.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
1 month, 3 weeks
since I have last known your hands as my own
since I last had you body for warmth to hold
since I said "I love you more than you know"
1 month, 3 weeks.
We are strangers with memories
farther apart than we were from the start.
My first kiss, my first love, my first true look into a soul.
1 month, 3 weeks.
how could three years, a lifetime, just end?
how could we be so close, and so far?
how could we be so open, so blind?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally falling apart
and I can finally cry
and I can finally see
1 month, 3 weeks
Is this what it is to be happy?
Is this what it means to be free?
Is this life?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally happy.
Mar 2013 · 220
Untitled
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
My eyes meet yours
Do you notice me
in the way I notice you?
Or do you have a different
method of noticing the who?
Do you even look,
when you are seeing?
Can you know,
without believing?
Mar 2013 · 546
Help
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
Why do I hurt so bad?
I took on a pressure
I never should have.

Lies and deceit,
treacherous foot trails,
and dangerous emotions.

Am I always doomed to fail?
Am I cursed to do wrong?

Everytime I try to get up
Life comes crashing,
yet again.

Can't do it on my own.
I guess I really can't.
I need help.
But I never ask.

I'm drowning.
No one knows.
And if they do,
they care not.

I can't keep living
this way.
I need help...
How do I ask for it?
Mar 2013 · 250
Untitled
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
On my way.
Never looking back.
I approach the cliff,
the prospect; black.
Jan 2013 · 580
dye die dye
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I go to the mirror
Surprise
I hate the girl once again.
So I'll get the bleach.
I'll get the dye.
To change my aspects
To disguise
When all I want is to die (dye)
Dying my hair again. Any color suggestion?
Jan 2013 · 508
help?
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
Choking on words
While consonants hold me back
"you need help"
My mind does snap
Pushing the limit
Stupid me, so timid
I comfort all
But all doesn't stop to think
About the girl starting to
*sink.
Jan 2013 · 386
humanity
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I love
   hate
    Fume
       Grieve
          Wallow
             Weep
                Regret
                   Cherish
                      Live
                         Laugh
                           Smile
                              Frown
                                 Yell
                                    Whisper
                                     I am beautiful
                              Ugly
                                    Quiet
                                   Loud
                                 Ashamed
                                Proud
                              Guilty
                            Innocent
                           Forgiven
                          Begrudged
                         Hated
                        Loved
                  I'm no one
               And everyone
             I'm me and part of you
          I am just human, too.
Jan 2013 · 593
Hatred
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I hate everything
myself
you
the mirror
the dust coating on the
material items
i hate those too
and this.
I hate the blue sky
and endless goodbyes
i hate the color of your eyes
and the sound of your familiar sighs
i hate the way you move and
everything about you
I hate my brokeness
I hate my wholeness
I hate my family
and faking smiles
I hate emptiness
lonliness
and people
and I hate my craving to
just be loved
and I hate that i am not.
Jan 2013 · 358
:):
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
:):
If Life has taght me anything yet, it is that a person can never have enough notebooks.
Dec 2012 · 223
Untitled
Megan Hoagland Dec 2012
I am a writer, but isn't everyone?
Dec 2012 · 673
I don't know
Megan Hoagland Dec 2012
And 25 lines later
I'm still writing
some will percieve this as deep
but it's not.
They are just sheep conditioned to the machine.
No this is just a mixture of thoughts
on thought
and smiling clowns who wave
as I exit the rave
of my blackened mind
to something sublime
than just sitting here
watching time
and cradling my fear
of the unknown and
everything I hold close
whispering to me
why does everything I love run?
I scream, shaking the prison bars,
i would never choose this
I'd rather be in solitary
but no one hears
not with these paddings on the walls
where the corners are dark and hold
frightening men
who hate me
and all I really want is to sleep,
but when I finally wake
I'll drink some tea
and cough it all up
oh what irony
I don't even like tea.
Dec 2012 · 372
i write a lot about writing
Megan Hoagland Dec 2012
I wrote today.
Just to feel how smooth the ink
would flow from this pen.
I wrote and bled it dry.
I wrote today,
Proof I didn't die.
What did I write?
It simply doesn't matter,
all that matters is writing
in and of itself.
Yeah, I write everyday,
but I haven't truly
written.
Nov 2012 · 325
9/26/11
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
I wanna be immersed in my writing.
I want to drown in my ink.
Who else better
can understand me
than paper and ink?
Nov 2012 · 265
lines
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
| <- this is a line
        A line never ends.
        Line starts with L.
        So does love.
        Imagine for a minute
        My love is a line.
Nov 2012 · 1.3k
old-fashioned
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
I like the way ink runs across paper,
typing is cold, unfamiliar, and unfeeling.
Oh the irony is killing me. But to kind of put this in perspective, i hand write all my poems and then type them. :P
Nov 2012 · 323
?
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
?
I think I'll take up painting

Get these bright colors out of my head

I need room for my thinking.
Nov 2012 · 386
45
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
45
The cold nips at me
bringing with it
a faint memory

many moons have past
rushing through seasons
can we really make it last?
Nov 2012 · 761
Enough
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
He woke to find this lovely woman in his arms,
her face lit up with the morning sunlight
and her hair framed her face like a halo
like in one of those hopelessly romantic movies.
Her face was gloriously calm
like he’d never seen before,
no etchings of worry or hints
of sadness to shadow her face.
His immediate and only thought:
how beautiful she was,
not just physically attractive,
but emotionally,
mentally and in
personality.
He was amazed that they were both
somewhat at peace:
both having had many sufferings in love.
She awoke with surprise
much akin to his;
they had both slept through the night,
peacefully,
no tossing
no turning,
no worries
to keep them awake.
No sadness to make them wake
in the middle of another
dark,
cold
night.
They slept together
not in the ****** sense,
but out of a need to ward off
another lonely night,
and out of a mutual love,
one that has smoldered for years,
not an intense “I want to f--- you” flame
that sparks
and burns
bright and
passionate
but soon turning to ashes, No,
this is a fire that has built slowly
and made to keep
each other warm
through many
harsh
cold
nights,
a flame that only gets stronger
with time.
A passion that is there,
but doesn’t have to be addressed
because simply holding
each other
close is enough.  
Two lonely people with a
beautiful,
intense,
all-consuming
love
that will inevitably
change their lives;
after facing the fire
the two  become
one
and live in that
“happy ever after”
that many desperately
seek after but
few ever find,
all they need
for the rest of their lives
is found in each other,
and for now,
that is enough.
Kinda slapped it together, but, it's alright I guess.
Nov 2012 · 368
Sorry
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
And even if I wrote a thousand words,
nothing I say could erase your hurt.

Go ahead and leave me,
I have proved to be unworthy.
Nov 2012 · 538
I See Everything
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
Children laugh and play
a man and woman
together forever they stay.

Many warm Christmas seasons
many smiles and much laughter
all of them with different ryhmes and reasons

Walking hand-in-hand
in the autumn park
looking for a soft piece of land.

a lifetime of resonating warmth
and happiness
seems too high a price,
but i can see it all, yes every last thing,
when I gaze into your honey brown eyes.
Nov 2012 · 473
Artist's Lament
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
How sad is it when a writer cannot write,
                                               a singer cannot sing,
                                                       a dancer cannot dance.
words, melodies, rythms, are all in my head,
then it comes along
                                    BAM! the music is dead,
all of a sudden the fiercest dread,
                                    the strongest depression,
weigh on my worn out chest; opression.
09-12-12 I just found it!  Probably needs editing, oh well.
Nov 2012 · 608
Lovers Tale
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
“Let’s go” She said to him,
acting on a sudden whim;
With nothing in the world to stop them.

Desperation rang in her cries,
Trying to escape a web of lies,
And she sees the promise of forever in his eyes.

He said, “Let me take you away”
He didn’t want her to stay,
With that monster, choosing her as prey.

They left the next morning,
It was sudden, they gave no warning,
Left their homes; no mourning.
Oops, didn't do a great job editing it, got it fixed now.
Nov 2012 · 1.1k
Wishes
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
I wish I could write,
Maybe then everything will be alright.

I wish I knew the words to describe
what I feel on the inside.

I wish you knew me
everday, agony.
A little ******, but I haven't posted for a while
Sep 2012 · 482
Ok
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
Ok
I'm okay with being not okay, okay?
Sep 2012 · 383
Untitled
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?
did you know that when i dream
your face is what i see?
Did you know it?
did you know that
your my everything?
Did you know it?
You don't, of course
why would you?
you'll never know
I wish I could tell you
just what you mean
to me.
three simple words
sum it up
but its hard
you don't know me
not even my name
that's never gonna change
did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?
Sep 2012 · 347
Just Write
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
write, and set yourself free
write, like never before
write,everything and nothing
just write.
write, every emotion
write, til your fingers are numb
write, just write
'til nothing is left.
just write.
Sep 2012 · 1.2k
Strong
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
Sitting here wondering about life...
I am gonna make it...
That much I know is right.
Petty jokes and abuses,
won't damage me forever,
after all, they're only bruises.
I'll show them they are wrong:
I will prove to them that I am strong.
Sep 2012 · 1.7k
Honey in Your Ears
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
Does anyone ever tell the truth
when they say how they feel?
Some part of them holds back,
afraid of offense, frightened
of rejection

Everyone holds back
I just want to scream
exactly how I feel,
but repercussions would
vibrate back and snap me
in two.

So I hold my tongue
and softly speak sweet words,
pouring honey in your ears,
things I know you want
to hear.

Trapped inside,
dead, though I'm alive,
the silent screaming of things
I shall never say,
shaking the bars of the prison of
my lips.

I'll keep it hidden away,
'cause fear is a tight chain,
and I am a
coward.

So I'll slip back
into the shadows
lest I say too much...
Running from this madness
until it catches
up.
Sep 2012 · 579
You
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
You
I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...
All those fights,
all that hurt,
doesn't seem to matter
when you talk to her.
I want to be jealous,
I want to be mad,
but I'm at a loss,
I'm not even that sad.
'Cause I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...
Sep 2012 · 2.0k
Moments Before Sleep
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
The ghost of things
I never  said
keep me up
while I lay in bed.
In the minutes
that come before sleep,
I ask myself why
I never took the leap...
Of all things I am
One of them is not bravery,
in fact, to my demons,
I am in slavery.

— The End —