Late at night I lie with blinds drawn back
Night drifts just beyond a thin piece of glass,
it drifts too far from reach.
I wish I were outside in it, but watch it I will.
Street lights guide empty roads, impatient, they wait for the air of morning.
I am for once alone in an undisturbed solitude.

Each ticking moment,
from the peaking hour of our brightest stars to the resting streetlights and pale blue air,
Runs through me indefatigable.  
Slowly I turn into a new person as the people and day fade to nothing
Slowly I become more.

The moon cascades light into my room,
it presses its face close to the glass
Both present we are alone.

I consciously listen as my mind wanders.
I am still here, not dreaming.
It is at the death of each day,
far past midnight, words drip onto the white page.
They are not shy nor afraid of displaying their truth.
The moon is empty of judgement.

When the brisk daylight arrives I will cover myself.
When the birds songs ring through dawn
I begin dying again among the life of everything.

But for now in the depth of silence and stillness,
I shall bare myself.
For the night invites such comforting warmth,
I unclothe my thoughts
For the night invites such comforting warmth,
I do not sleep.

My mother is the reason I am on this earth
For nine months she carried me, then gave birth
But this flesh and skin that you now see
Is not the only thing she has given me
God honored me with her curly hair
And the eye shape found in her own stare
But she'd insist it ugly until I would cry
For "Men don't like curls and froggy-eyes"

My mother gave me two siblings to love
And, for them, everyday, I thank the heavens above
But those two young siblings of mine,
Although they are hers by define,
Once upon a time,
They called me mommy
For I cared for them, not she

My mother picked, for me, a father who I treasure
To his parenting, love, and devotion, there is no measure
But since their marriage went South
Only piercing screams have left her mouth
Of her cursing me for being his daughter

My mother showed me how to be strong
She taught me to rise above and continue on
Since I was young, I carried her through hard times
Even though she was absent for all of mine
And so I learned to shoulder the burdens of two

My mother taught me to be myself
And to never walk the path of anyone else
Because upon me she forced her own self
And I was never happy being her

I owe her for the very blood in my heart
But she was never a mother, from the very start
She was a child, scared of being alone
Afraid of being abandoned in a cold empty home
She hated herself and the world too
And I was her crutch in this life of blue

But although it was hard, I forgave her
Although she was wrong, I thank her
And although it hurt, I love her

She was the biggest part of my journey
For she is the reason I am me
All that she wasn't, she taught me to be
And so I am grateful for all she gave me

No matter what,
I still
and always will,
Love my mom <3

Birth
Will never be as
Glorious
As your
Existence

Wind
Will never be as
Soft
As your
Whisper

Music
Will never be as
Beautiful
as your
Voice

Flowers
Will never be as
Delicate
As your
Love

Chocolate
Will never be as
Sweet
As your
Kisses

My mothers words
Will never be as
Soothing
As your
Touch

Dragonflies
Will never be as
Jittery
As the
Butterflies
You give me

Blankets
Will never be as
Comforting
As your
embrace

Stars
Will never be as
Bright
As your
Eyes

The moon
Will never be as
full
As your
Lips

Death
Will never be as
Painful
As Missing you

I made a mistake.
I mistook your affection for love,
Your loneliness for devotion.

I was in the palm of your hand,
A puppet on a string.
I craved your attention
And longed for your warmth.

You led me to believe
That I was the center of your universe.

In a very sad reality,
I was just a speck of dust floating through your galaxy.
You shone with the brilliance of a supernova,
Until you let me down.

You began to crumble under my feet like an old bridge.
Your devotion was obsolete,
Your affection a product of fickle desire.
I finally saw through the thin veil you hid behind.

Your eyes were empty,
Lacking passion and romance.
Your words were worthless,
Like a dim buzz in the distance.

I made the mistake of caring for you,
For getting too caught up.
I look back on this and get chills of regret.
I mistook your tenderness for a true love,
When really it was all in vain.

only dead boys hold insects like they're something
special
only a dead boy would let a mantis in his heart and
preying was always a better descriptor
because hymns burned in my throat and
i scratched a cross into my palm but i was never lucky enough to scar
but
oh, dead boy
bug lover
enduring a thousand lashes to save the soul of a beetle  -
i'll help you peel off all your scabs to make sure they scar
thick tissue skin memory sometimes you think scars are the closest you'll get
to a wedding ring
you're a suicide king i think a kingdom of hearts was never the safest place for you i
don't think you understand the way your subjects' hearts are strung because
entomology entomos everything you love is cut to bits
and on the fourteenth of february you told me
the only purpose of a flower
was to hold
a spider
inside
and i guess that was why you painted all your walls with roses i
hope your garden  smells as sweet
covered in your misfortunes
only a dead boy would let
a praying mantis so close
to his neck
oh, you freak. disgusting.
i ate the last one that let me this close.
you told me {if i die
leave my body
in the forest
by
an anthill}
maybe you don't realize we were doomed from the start or maybe you're just naïve but
honey you're a dead boy and
corpses don't fall in love.
[you're so genuine it hurts and i think
i could teach you how to be a fake -
nobody likes an honest man
i could teach you how to hate the world but you said

{the only one
i hate here
is me}]

freakish child.
all you see in every rorschach is mantes and
decapitations and
wedding rings you are an aberration,
suicide king entomologist your throne room
was full of termites.
with hallowed cheeks and hollowed churches,
i will assure that you scar
dead boy, if you die
i will put maggots
in your chest