I was careful, tip toeing around you
      careful not to step on a crack.
I figured you'd be the same, careful
      but something much better came with you.
You crashed into me like a tsunami
      flooding over and washing away everything.
Trying to break through the barrier
      with a stunning force.
I thought I had buillt myself up
      I thought I had become impenetrable
Thick thick walls, only tissue paper
      to you. You got through with terrifying ease.
You reached a level no one has on
      purpose before.
And now I realized, I let you.
      How did you go right through my defenses?
Bringing down that first wall,
      more following each time we talk.
Talk.. I've always hated talking.
      I could never do it in person, never.
Maybe with you I can.. probably not.
      my body wont' allow that. No. No.
I'll shut down. Clam up. Stutter my
      way into embarrassed silence.
But then again you've always excepted
      that part of me. That awful, awful part.
Although after fourteen years
      you've gotten me to talk more.
More than I ever have. You're special
      to me. you helped me.
You're perfect to me- even though
      you got through those walls.
Even though you broke the rules,
      maybe it was time, they were ancient.
A force-field broken by a special person
      The only, to ever proceed.


*You asked me to write a poem for you. I'm sorry it isn't very good, I hardly ever write with the intention of someone reading it.. But for you I broke a rule.

First we see the moon, we trust that it'll be there.
The stars follow after, in the hope of being claimed.
As we live out the darkness, the sun becomes our beacon of happiness.

Dark splotches on the walls of the tub..
How does it not scare you?
It's become the normal and that scares me.

But you are me.

A black and white world seemed simple enough.
Two colors.
Two tones.
Two outcomes.
Two options.
         Two.
But in reality it is more complex.
People use black and white when describing     something that is clear as day.
But the endless shades of grey, the endless tones of black, the endless combinations of white.

How can we use black and white to describe something that's suppose to be simple?
      We can't really.
Try to describing the color red, when all you see is a shade of grey.

How would you know when two colors go together?
I guess they all would.
Grey matches grey.
White matches white.
Darkness, matches darkness.
So maybe, seeing in black and white is more clear..
       Maybe..

The results of the MRI came back
Absolutely nothing
Again
We still don't know what's wrong with my knee
The blood test results came back
All were negative
We still don't now whats wrong with my stomach

Thousands of dollars just gone
If I hadn't been so weak
If I had just ****** it up and delt with the pain
I don't eat anyways.. So that takes care of my stomach
All I am is a financial burden to my parents
If I left things would be so much better
My mom wouldn't have to worry about whether I had eaten
She wouldn't have to worry about the pain
She wouldn't have to worry
It'd be gone
It would leave with me
I'd be gone
Gone like everything else.
Goodbye,
    I'm gone

Some people wake from a nightmare relieved that its over.
But have you ever gotten woken into one?

Stuck in a house with glass embedded in the walls
No door
No windows
Blankness staring back at you until you wake up
But how do you wake up when you never fell asleep?
In a dream when you get hurt you wake up.
So it makes sense really.
Trying to wake ourselves up
From this nightmare we live.