It's a yearning, an aching
An apparition crawling back into my skin
The return of a once again forgotten feeling
A desire to hide inside another's arms
To be surrounded in their scent as they hold me tight
Even if the one I love loves the one I loved
To have them whisper sweet nothings into my ear
Empty words that I'll hold dear
Til the day I break and vanish and start anew
With a body that is different yet still mine
Or so I am deluded enough to believe
It's all I can bring myself to ask
Though more than I can even dream of receiving
For I've naught to give in return but shallow words written on a phone screen
And though it feels like the world is always ending
Like the sky is always falling
It's just the heart talking, lovesick beating
Any significance in this feeling will be lost in a week or two from now

the ferns are entangled around my tired legs
stood in the forest that sits on the edge of the world
we've been gathered here for hours, our eyes locked to the skies
the ever-growing warmth ******* the water our of the air

my neighbour's cat is a mist around my ankles
struggling to comprehend what we're all seeing
the birds that peppered the skies are blown out by the blinding light
neil is at a complete and utter loss for words

the ocean that surrounds us begins to reach its boiling point
the fishes and the sharks and the orca finally found unity
fleeing even deeper into the abyss in order to survive
faced with a predator that's larger than life

these are the final moments of the universe
soon the sun will swallow us all alive and we cannot stop it
my skin is burning, i hope it won't take much longer
but despite it all, i'm glad i can spend my final moment with you

i lift my hand to the sky
i hold my cold, dry palm up high
your gentle embrace graces my skin
my cracking tapestry of veins and bones

i lower you down so i can see you
twinkling, freezing, before my own teary eyes
you were my cold star on a hot summer night
but my star is no longer in your night sky

i carefully pry my fingers open
as these lips you once kissed form a small circle
i blow you away
drift free, cold star, you need not return to me

deep down, i know you can't turn around
deep down, i know our veins don't cross
my starless, icy palm returns to my side
residing where you once were before i sent you off

slow pulsing, tear dreaming for that cold summer embrace

i've been awake since 6am
i'm running on two and a half hours of sleep
i've been on the road since 7am
and i'm writing this at 1pm
i'm thinking about greggs sausage rolls
thinking about where i'm going in life
thinking about when this road will end
thinking about slowthai's yugioh cards
thinking about how much i love frank ocean
thinking about how i interpolate milo lyrics to fit my life
though i probably couldn't tell you what his words mean
thinking about how i drift from one person to the next
desperately searching for a new friend to cling to
thinking about why i didn't shave my face
for two weeks i was scared that with a blade in reach
i'd be tempted to slice my throat
if i drowned, would my body float?
thinking about how i should cut my hair
thinking about how i can act cuter
thinking about that coil girlfriend
but maybe i'll go for a boy instead
i burned my mouth on a greggs sausage roll again
so it looks like it's all going to plan
sometimes i view greggs as a temple
and the sausage roll is my zen master
i find solace in cheap british bakeries
just like how i find peace in a black man's philosophies
today i'll get my groceries from the nostrum grocers
and write poems at the apex of my sleepiness
this road is only going one way
and i can't go back to pick up the pieces
so i collect what i can to stitch together a new tapestry
made out of the few remaining pieces of the old me
maybe one day driver will say i have perfect hair
thinking about how excited i am to read tallen's messages on discord
it's nice hearing about his l5r discourse
thinking about how i promised to deliver instrumentals for quetzal
but i never did get started on them
thinking about my friend gabe's new album
and how i wish i had richard dawson's falsetto
and how i wish someone would hug me
but if i admitted that, that'd feel pretty needy of me
i don't know when this road will end
maybe i'm stuck on here forever
immortalised in the asphalt like a dead bird
approach me like you would your dad hanging in trafalgar square
i used to smile in every selfie
now it's a chore to smirk at all
but it ain't all bad
i might make curry on saturday
or maybe i'll make chicken soup
and it'll be better than hers
because i'll make sure to remove the bones

i waited by myself on the corner
of the fever dream street at the border
i don't wait for you here anymore
last week you went and walked out the door

struck hard by the sadness, i cried into my ice cream
this cold bowl of sweet tears, i set it down next to me
i didn't think i could go on, i muttered to myself "rest in peace"
the bus don't come for me, but it's nice that i've set me free

i still drift on through my ice cream paradise and
i ain't gonna stop but i think of you from time to time and
i know i wasted 10 months sitting in your front room laughing
but no matter how angry i feel, i can't say i honestly regret it

i still drift on through my ice cream paradise and
i ain't gonna stop but it would be nice to find someone else and
maybe this time i'll find someone who actually always cares for me
... bonus points if she listens to coil too

the sun's gone down and the sky is clear
but still no stars sparkle in my mirror
i'd like to climb back up there and see the world so clear
but for now i think i'll spend some time down here

next time i'm up there, i'll remember to buy myself a souvenir

we waited for each other on the corner
of the fever dream street at the border
our bus passed by but it was out of order
that's okay cause i know a way that's shorter

as we dawdled along the shorter route
so engrossed in each other like we're glued
talking about the tv shows that we viewed
and the sweetness of all the snacks that we chewed

the tide goes on and on and
i hope it doesn't stop and
i cherish every second and
i wish we could drift through this ice cream paradise forever
and

the tide goes on and on and on and
we're swept up by the waves and
we're taken someplace new and
we're carried slowly through this ice cream paradise together
and

i feel you on my arm as we watched the skies
stood in awe and secretly hoping one of us cries
protecting each other from our bored sighs
knowing we're in this together until our demise

then we made it back to your place, loving
the time we spent together, memories preserving
we spent six months in the front room, laughing
and collaging all our dreams together, photographing

later you laid me to bed and told me what i knew
and i still teared up cause it's coming from you
the sweet words you utter shine with a rainbow hue
and then we end another day by saying "i love you, i do"

i wish we could drift through this ice cream paradise forever
i hope we can drift through this ice cream paradise forever
i know we will drift through this ice cream paradise forever
i wish we could drift through this ice cream paradise forever

near, far, wherever you are
or something something something like that one song said
some swan song for the long gone
their lives no longer drawn on

i'm sat in a dark room, pen in hand
pondering on the whereabouts of my old friends
writing free form poetry about them, behind their backs
but i ain't seen them in years, for all i know they're all dead

the rivers have been dry for decades
the mascara doesn't run for those exempt from life
the heart has already ran on long ago
the mind is always stuck harpooning at the past

piece together the swan song
the lad's best friend was dragged away
years go by without a single thought of him
then it sweeps me off my feet like a mental clothesline

he could be living the dream in australia
or hanging from a tree in his ma's backyard
could've took after his abusive father
wonder if he even remembers who i was

lied about him being murdered to others
somehow it made my sadness feel more real
in retrospect that all made him sound far less real
wonder how he'd react if he knew i did that

he's probably making good use of his time and life
enjoying his days for however long they will last
but here i sit all alone, clock past midnight
writing up a drawn on swan song for the long gone