Nothing lasts forever,
So this sadness will pass.
So will the happiness and pain.
Once it's over, see what you've gained.
A new lesson, a new experience.
Sometimes we let it cloud your judgement
or rain on our parade.
If you think you don’t make a difference in this world,
remember one rain drop raises the ocean.
Forgetting all about the time spent
on our hopeless charades.
You never think about the big picture
but live in the present.
What is wrong with that is a lecture,
one that nobody remembers.
Never admitting you were wrong
but hoping everything is done.
You're never promised tomorrow,
so spend time wisely and stay strong.

And in that
powerful moment
she stopped letting
his false love
devour her
soul of happiness

It seems like you have began to win again.
Silence floods the room;
visions plaque my mind.
Voices speak without sound,
ears hear without listening,
eyes watch without purpose.
The shadows of people loom
around the one I hope to find.
A busted bulb, the sun is defined.
Terror stricken faces that cannot cry.
Suddenly a voice begins to boom:
"Take my arms so that I might reach you."
Oh, so it is you that I've found.
"Hear my words so that I might teach you."
To give into is to lose my thoughts.
To lose my voice.
To lose my life.
Yet I continue to watch with eyes opened wide.

What can I say except
 "Thank you."
You pulled me from my corner
of depressing, self-hatred;
from my bubble of tears and lies.
I cannot express my gratitude.
You held me when all I
wanted was to cry out my eyes.
You told me it was going to be okay.
You told me you wouldn't stopped fighting
me for my own health.
You didn't shy away from the
ugly truth that I am.
You embraced the sad, small
creature that I am.

I closed my eyes,
tired of all those lies.
Nobody knows what's going on.
I wanna keep it that way,
but it doesn't work anymore.
I guess I got a little bored;
I just couldn't keep my emotions in store.
I had to let go and you never said no.
It's the mess I made.
I'm not Jade, I'm the Shadow,
in the meadow, where my body was laid.
You could have stopped me
but you left me be, all alone;
In the darkness, with the devil's empress,
who filled my head with nothing but lead;
Made my blood boil, as I hung from the tree.
It was always me, the one in the meadow.
I was your Shadow, the one you couldn’t escape.
You can't get rid of the body you hid.

I am hollow and broken
I wonder what it feels like to be whole
I hear spine tingling scrapes across a whiteboard
I see blinding lights, an array of colors
I want to be normal

I am empty and in pieces
I pretend like everything is fine, never a dent in me because I shine
I feel numb like I’m stuck under an iced lake with no escape
I touch the goosebumps peppering across my arms that seem to never go away
I worry that I tarnish everything I touch
I cry as the world shatters around me, piercing me with the pieces
I am frozen and alone

I understand not everything is meant to be, maybe not I after all
I say it’s okay, everything is okay, but I lie
I dream that I would be taken out, that the world would stop spinning, that I will cease to exist
I try to be better, do better but it’s all in vain
I hope to be forgotten, a reminisce of a memory people cannot put together
I am done and gone

What's the use in trying?
When it's always my blood drying?
You get up in a fuss, all you leave behind is dust.
I tried to pack my bags but all I got was ****** rags.
You strike, smash, and scream;
I was the one who made you steam.
Don't take out your anger;
Come back and sit, please don't hit.
I won't bite, well I might…
I don't want to fight,
I want to survive tonight.
Take a seat, release some of that heat.
I can't survive this abuse
While you just smirk and lurk;
A demon possessed,
A beating obsessed,
But still a little depressed,
Human.

The darkness captures the unexpected and leaves the wanting. Desiring something so much will not get it for you.
You must fight and let the darkness win;
let it **** you into a never ending void
where we are forgotten by who all knew us.
Accept your fate.
Because like a cloud that fades and is gone,
we humans die and never return;
It's your call whether you'll be remembered or not.

The stars suffer, the sky is darker,
The sun is lower, the light is gone.
Except... my love has grown.
I thought it was going to be easy just to let them be.
If it was not for him, I would have blown away.
Just like the leaves in fall, they're no longer needed to stay.
Fluttering down to the ground, and surrounding them both.
I started to lose my hope.
I knew you weren't mine,
But it still hurts to be reminded that I lost the battle.
I disappeared just for you to find me.
With my emotions smeared,
I don't want to be seen as this mess that has appeared.
I was your nightmares and you were my dreams.
So it goes to shows: This life is not what it seems.

I learned a couples things
that took entirely way too long.
Some people enter your life for a reason,
whether they’re here to stay or go.
They all teach a lesson to help you grow.
Some change with the seasons,
blow away with the wind.
You never know a person
as well as you think you do.
I look around when the leaves turn,
a variety of colors
of people you will meet.
When I thought every bridge burned,
nothing but ash and forgotten pasts,
from friendships and relationships
that never last.
She pulls me out the rubble again,
time after time with no hesitation.
She holds on to me while everyone
disappears as quickly as they come.
My best friend.
Some people enter your life for a reason,
a lesson if you will.
But not her.
By her side, I fear not for those
who leave and chose to become
a lesson to learn.
She holds my hand and reminds
me I am enough, we are enough.
She’s my comfort when things
get rough, when my life is in rubble.
Together, we shield each other
from the chaos of life.
Some people blow away
like the wind but she stays,
my firm foundation in the storm
when every leaf flutters away.
She plants a seed of happiness
in me that we nurture every day.
My best friend. The one that stays.
The one I cannot live this life without.

my parents warned me
about drugs on the streets,
but never the ones with
brown eyes and heartbeats

You say you care,
But do you really?
Don't just stop and stare
'Cause that's just silly.
No, you watch me suffer.
Always alone, nowhere to run.
These thoughts always buffer
As you make my nightmare fun.
Only amusing to a sick mind.
Let me tell you what I must say:
Why can't you just be kind?
Now there's hell to pay.

Fire is a dangerous weapon
as it spreads throughout the darkness
searing every inch of your whole being
I see the charred, smell the burning
but there's no amount of water
that will put out this fire
burning across my skin
leaving welts and blisters
the pain, oh, the pain
it relieves me, it reminds me
I am not numb
I feel the sting as it starts,
the humming in my ear as
the fire rises
as it spreads to places unknown,
an uncharted territory,
unfamiliar with this sensation
I can feel

you made me feel
as if I was too much,
that nobody could ever
love all of me,
but the truth is
you simply did not
want to take the
time to

I think of the times where no one was around. I was scared.
Not of the dark, but what was lurking there.
There are things hiding in the shadows.
Dark shapes emerging from nowhere.
I stay, cowering.
I could feel their presence,
See them from the corner of my eye.
It was a lie, saying there isn’t anything to be afraid of.
I couldn’t hide from them, not at night or even in the light.

Who am I?
Was I sent here just to die?
Have you found my lost and wandering soul?
I came to find what this world has to offer,
But I guess I was mistaken.
While my heart was breaking
I had no other place to go;
Alone in this beaten place
I came to face
The one who held me in His embrace.
But I still ponder and sometimes wonder
Who I am...
Where I began...
Am I home?
Or was I mistaken all over again?

I was so desperate to be loved that I grabbed you, holding you inside my heart
where you stuck out like splinters, hurting every time I felt anything, every time I breathed
I built my own coffin using all the memories I held of us, all the hurt with each ***** of the wood you purposeful shoved into me
like the thorns on a rose, there is no beauty without pain but why did I have to get stuck. Was it because I held on too long?
the trickles of rose red blood sliding down my finger, my hands - the same ones you held as you wished me well, wished me love and happiness you had no intention of providing
I plucked you from the bush but you stared at me with the same wilted look in your eyes as these flowers had when they reached their expiration date, when we reached our expiration date

I toss my pain with my wishes in a wishing well,
tarnishing the copper pennies that lie below,
promising empty wishes that will never come true.
I kiss the observe as the coin falls into the water,
splashing back a figment of my imaginary
world of good luck and hope.
I have to be careful what I wish for
when I toss the penny down the well,
because my wish
can become an internal hell.
The suffering is the same as on Earth
as it is in the afterlife.
There is no escaping the wish
leaving silently from my lips
as I hope to float to the bottom
of the wishing well.
There, I will become another
empty vow, void of the wims
and hopes and dreams of the little girl
I was always meant to be.
To sink to the bottom, silently,
to lay on the cool concrete well
that.. well.. is home.

As another chapter in my life closes,
as the life of little ones are placed into my hands,
as I teach them about empathy and sympathy,
I finally feel at peace.
To be a teacher is to hold
the heart of little one
in my hand, to make a promise
to listen and take care of their
little minds.
To help lay the foundation for education and discovery,
for the rest of a child's life.
To bring back what it means to teach,
bringing back socially, cognitively and physically
engaging classrooms for children.
I take another step in the right direction,
towards my goal.
My dreams are slowly coming together
piece by piece.
First grade, here I come.
Welcome me with arms
and hearts open wide.
I am here to help
the next gentle generation
of selfless, caring, loving individuals.
Welcome, Miss Marrisa.

The trees stand tall and silent,
their branches reaching for the sky.
A tapestry of greens and browns,
a sight that catches the eye.

Their leaves rustle in the breeze,
a symphony of sound and sway.
Their trunks are sturdy and strong,
a symbol of life and decay.

But in the shadows, they suffer,
a pain that we cannot see.
Their roots run deep beneath the earth,
a network of misery.

They feel the weight of the world,
a burden too heavy to bear.
Their leaves, a cover for the pain,
a mask that they cannot tear.

And in winter, they wither,
a tapestry of loss and grief.
Their leaves, a symbol of sorrow,
a sight that fills us with disbelief.

So let us mourn the trees that stand,
a symbol of suffering and pain.
A reminder of  the fragility of life,
a sight that fills us with disdain.

A smile touches my lips as I remember everything.
I remember until the longing becomes too much;
Until the ache of wanting becomes too deep and
as salty as the warm tears flowing down my cheeks.
I remember the whisper lullabies before I went off
and the way you held me when I was hurt or scared.
I would cry an ocean for you to set sail upon, but
would you be willing to navigate through the broken?
I remember the empty promises and bottles of pills;
the pain but also the joy because I knew you'd stay...
Eventually saying "Sorry" got too tiring and you ran.
I'm not sure if it's good to remember you but I do.
Would it be crazy for me to say that I still care about you?
I know when you took your own life you weren't thinking;
Would you do it again if you knew what it did to everyone?
You were my Captain on our voyage through life but
you ventured too far, only to find the forbidden treasure of death.

She collects lovers
like wild berries,
not even realizing
that they’re
poisonous

My trust is shattered.
I am dead inside.
You are all that mattered.
I used to let my demons hide;
You told me you could handle it.
Was I wrong to let you in?
Was it wrong to commit?
Now I think my demons are going to win...

You may see me struggle,
but you won't see me fall.
Regardless if I'm weak or not,
I'm going to stand tall.
Everyone says life is easy,
but truly living it is not.
Times get hard,
people struggle
and constantly get put on the spot.
I'm going to wear the biggest smile,
even though I want to cry.
I'm going to fight to live,
even though I'm destined to die.
And even though it's hard
and I may struggle through it all,
you may see me struggle...
but you will never see me fall.

Little girl with the bright blue eyes, why do you cry?
Sitting on the floor looking at pills to ****
And razors that sting like tasers.
Little girl with the biggest smile,
why don’t you stop to think awhile?
Holding a withered daffodil, the tears spill.
Little girl with the freckled nose, what do you seek?
Standing now, she looks towards the sky.
"A Savior to give me the strength to survive.."

In the quiet of the night, I'm alone with my thoughts.
The world outside fades away, as the darkness becomes my cloth.

I'm surrounded by an emptiness, a void that cannot be filled.
A feeling of isolation, that leaves my soul unfulfilled.

I long for someone to hold, to share my deepest fears
but the loneliness consumes me, and I'm left with only tears.

The silence echoes through the room, as I'm lost in my own mind.
The weight of my own thoughts, is all that I can find.

The hours pass by slowly, as I'm trapped within my head.
The loneliness is suffocating and I'm filled with silent dread.

But then a light begins to shine, a glimmer of hope within the dark.
And I realize that I'm not alone, that I can make a new start.

For in the stillness of the night, I find the strength to fight.
And I know that I can overcome the darkness with its might.

So I'll embrace the solitude and learn to be alone,
for in the quiet of the night, I'll find a new home.

I want to believe that I’m happy.

I want to blend in,
not stick out,
not judged,
but loved.

I convinced everyone
of my thoughtful disguise,
of my pretending lies,
of the person I wish I was.

but here I am,
unable to hide from myself.
the truth unknown to all
but it haunts me.

Oh, to be good enough
without having to lie.
what a dream life
that would be..

I can’t help these thoughts
of not being good enough,
of being a burden,
of self hate and insecurities,
of death and the many ways
I could finally be released
from this Hell of a life.
But then again it is my own fault.
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah it’s fine.”
“I understand.”
“Oh no don’t be.”
“I’m sorry.”

They all shine brighter...
They keep the darkness away from them,
While I'm that one who welcomes it.
I let the monsters come and feast on whatever is left of my humanity.
My light has shone bright once,
But from that day it went out,
I've never found a spark that'll keep me going again.

What am I to make
of a world so easy to break?
The silence of fading lines;
the boundaries that couldn't hold.
Once a beautiful picture
has withered away to a dull blur.
Rain.
Harsh pounding of the sky's cries.
Cold.
Forgotten presence of souls.
Wind.
Disappointed sighs of Mother Nature.
Heat.
Anger building behind the eyes.
Earthquake.
Strikes and smashes for the beaten and bashed.
A place meant to strive
cannot even survive.

A smile was all she wanted but a frown took her over.
The laughs she heard were covered with cries.
The power of love brought the pain back
and the joy she desperately hunted for.
She was scared to show herself,
the broken, scarred little girl.
Years of never being good enough
and being pushed around.
Love may help forget to remember
but the memory never fades.
She's stuck between happiness and depression
yet with her luck, she gets **** back in again.

Her face was blank like the moon.
She was right here but her mind
was far away, across the sky,
maybe the stars,
or just the blackness between.
Her moods were never constant,
but always changing.
The darkness was slowly seeping into
the world around her.
Nowhere to run, she gives into it.
Her body frail and thin, gradually weakening.
She's letting herself give in.

Another man with sad seal eyes.
Water collects in them but
it hasn't moved past the borders
and down the cheeks.
Above the surface
he silently composes himself.
A bruised heart will not
break his pride.
Sad and hurting, he swims off
into the deep unknown.
There's more fish in the sea,
he has to believe.
A teardrop does not
matter underwater,
where it can go by unseen.

We are strong, correct me if I'm wrong.
We are a work of art with a loving heart.
But once we were pulled apart by those we trusted.
Yes, the same ones that were disgusted
by the mere mention of our names;
the ones who never shared the blame,
whose only aim was to bring us shame.
It was easy to see we did not belong,
to stay would just prolong the torment.
Still, here we are to represent the innocent.
We may have been fragile once, a little too nice..
but that does not justify the slices
staking claim to our bodies,
stealing the territory we took for granted.
There will always be lies planted inside our minds
that are growing into vines, suffocating us..
but it does not justify the inhumane pills taken
to ease the pain that can't help but remain.
The dreams that we dread and run from will come,
but they do not justify the bullet holes in our head,
our wishing to be dead.
There is a way, a reason to survive, to be strong.
But correct me if I'm wrong...

The crushing weight of winter is weighing on me.
The fickle fellowship of fake friends
tearing tedious tiny tears in their throats
as they live, laugh and love together
with no thought of anyone else but them.
I was quieted from my inquiring questions,
made silent that drove me into madness.
I thought these were the ones that would ground me,
keep me from floating far from here
but I was mistaken once again,
made from the fruit of a fool
who thought those would protect me
that we would love, listen and learn
as we grow tremendously together.
My predestined placement paved a way
for loneliness, losing those I thought
cared for the community of those close.
Once again, I was wrongly wrote off
as if I was nothing, no one needed.
Here I am, wishing for a change.
A change in character, in chance, in choice.
Pick me, please, purposely protect and prepare me
for the perplexity of people's problems
and emotions that flow freely from their
mouths, mocking and mesmerizing me.

People don't need communication,
they need a community.

“I was drowning and he drained the water”

I call *******.
I was drowning and this sweet
dark haired hazel eyed boy came,
held my hand, told me he loved me
and was going to marry me some day
and then tied cement blocks to my feet,
threw me in the lake,
watched me drown
and laughed.

I’m drowning and I'm screaming,
begging for his help and
when I finally reach my hand for him to grab it,
he forces me back down
and smiles as he see me losing conscience.
In that moment with my head under water,
before l'm gone,
all I see is his **** smile.

He pulled me out,
just to be the one to
throw me back in.

When he agreed to be my rock,
I didn’t realize he meant
the one tied to my ankles,
weighing me down.

Now I'm expected to
untie the blocks
while I’m drowning.

We are called to stand by for Him,
even if you’re standing alone,
even if it costs our own life.
God cannot love us less,
but we can love Him more.
If He had a weakness,
it would be His love for us.
While we chose sin over Him,
He still had a home for us in His heart;
He will never put anything before us.
We are His most valuable work of art.