She’s banged up,
mentally and emotionally,
literally and metaphorically,
but everyday she walks outside
with a smile on her face
because that’s who she is.

You can't love someone
unless you love yourself?

I have never loved myself
but oh God, I loved him so much
I forgot what hating myself felt like.

I am Marrisa, the disappointment.  
Descendant of the lost and broken,
The Mister of Mischief, the Mother of Mayhem.
Working hard every sunshining day
Just to be called unworthy.
I lock away the lively tears
That pour from my eyes;
Days set aside to let out the ugly cries.
I am a creation of unstoppable emotion.
I am the Master of Disguise;
You wouldn’t recognize the mess I hide.

Don't you just love when people say one thing
and don't mean it at all?
They set you up and let you fall.
They're just playing with your feelings
to leave your mind reeling.
And then messing up your emotions,
causing an unwanted commotion.
That's worse than a knife through the gut.
Because I mean I gotta live with that
but at least I'd die with the knife, right?

We are strong, correct me if I'm wrong.
We are a work of art with a loving heart.
But once we were pulled apart by those we trusted.
Yes, the same ones that were disgusted
by the mere mention of our names;
the ones who never shared the blame,
whose only aim was to bring us shame.
It was easy to see we did not belong,
to stay would just prolong the torment.
Still, here we are to represent the innocent.
We may have been fragile once, a little too nice..
but that does not justify the slices
staking claim to our bodies,
stealing the territory we took for granted.
There will always be lies planted inside our minds
that are growing into vines, suffocating us..
but it does not justify the inhumane pills taken
to ease the pain that can't help but remain.
The dreams that we dread and run from will come,
but they do not justify the bullet holes in our head,
our wishing to be dead.
There is a way, a reason to survive, to be strong.
But correct me if I'm wrong...

Transparent to most.
Yearning for affection.
Publicly humiliated.
Isolated for good.
Corrupted innocence.
Abandoned child.
Loveless creature.

Ghostly thin.
Insecure.
Ready to die.
Luckily alive.

Sometimes I wish not to feel anymore.
The hurt and pain of a leaving friend?
Make me blind to it all.
Weak from emotions,
exposed like the ocean,
I wish for it to be no more.
I wish for my eyes to be dry,
for my heart to be healed,
for a mind to be rewind.
Sometimes I wish not to feel anymore.
The memories and laughter?
Make me blind to it all.
Let me forget it
so that I
don't forget
who
I am.

What am I to make
of a world so easy to break?
The silence of fading lines;
the boundaries that couldn't hold.
Once a beautiful picture
has withered away to a dull blur.
Rain.
Harsh pounding of the sky's cries.
Cold.
Forgotten presence of souls.
Wind.
Disappointed sighs of Mother Nature.
Heat.
Anger building behind the eyes.
Earthquake.
Strikes and smashes for the beaten and bashed.
A place meant to strive
cannot even survive.

I’m not sad. I’m actually okay.
But when it comes to writing
every emotion rises to the surface,
even if I wasn’t aware of hoarding it.
I put those things down on paper
because I’m not brave enough to feel them.
If there was a way to reverse it
I wouldn’t be aware of how.
I’m expected to be strong,
to be put together, but I’m not.

Forever.
Always.
That’s what you said.
But the moment
came and passed.
Tears.
Enough to swim through.
Lies.
“I’m fine.”
Enough to drown in.
Promises.
They seem to be made
just to be broken.
“Cry me a river.”
I did.
“Build a bridge.”
I did.
“Get over it.”
I can’t.
You’re the troll
under my bridge
forbidding passage.

He started this problem,
with me becoming the luggage,
always dragging behind him.
After he’s finished, I’m in storage.
I was folded in a neat square
and shoved at the bottom.
He forgot I was still there,
a back up just in case.
I was zipped up in darkness.
No available moving space.
His games were a sickness,
no place left but for his fun.
It was a constant reminder
that his playing was done
and he wasn’t any kinder.
I fell into his trap and now
there was no fighting back.

I don’t know what you want me to say.
I give you the same warning everyday.
I’m unstable. Emotional. Broken.
I gave you my heart as a token
of my love because it’s all I can afford.
Yet you shattered it, looking bored.
It wasn’t enough just to destroy,
you had to play with it
as if it was only a toy.
I feel like a complete idiot
to believe your convincing lies.
You didn’t care when I began to cry.
What a monster I fell for.
I thought you were like a door,
opening to a new world of adventure
yet you slammed it shut in departure.
What a fool I was to believe in silly little lies.
People don’t keep promises;
they break them before your eyes.

The heart beats a drum of its own.
It feels the music that resides within.
A steady rhythm of the toil on the inside.
The sound carries through the bones,
a constant throbbing mess of emotions.
Notes of a cord cascading down.
A single voice accompanies the lone piece.
Chest heaving sobs signifies a great relief.
This person is its own orchestra.
Unlike the rest, there is no audience.

A smile was all she wanted but a frown took her over.
The laughs she heard were covered with cries.
The power of love brought the pain back
and the joy she desperately hunted for.
She was scared to show herself,
the broken, scarred little girl.
Years of never being good enough
and being pushed around.
Love may help forget to remember
but the memory never fades.
She's stuck between happiness and depression
yet with her luck, she gets **** back in again.

Death isn't emptiness like you say it is;
emptiness is life without freedom.
Emptiness is living chained by fear,
fear of loss, of death.
We need to break those chains.
Break the chains of fear
and you break the chains that bind us to society.
You can lead others to freedom..
oh the things you can do..
the things you can make happen.
You have been given so much
but you set your sights so low.

We put on a mask to hide,
afriad of what people will find.
Fake smiles and truthful lies
continues the great disguise.
Our true pieces are hard to discover
like the emotions that never recover.
We lock ourselves inside the mind;
make a new cover to hide behind.
Laughs and songs play all night long.
Like a broken record we repeat
to try and miss our own defeat.
All it takes is a crack in the shield to know
we're nothing but a one man show.

It seems like you have began to win again.
Silence floods the room;
visions plaque my mind.
Voices speak without sound,
ears hear without listening,
eyes watch without purpose.
The shadows of people loom
around the one I hope to find.
A busted bulb, the sun is defined.
Terror stricken faces that cannot cry.
Suddenly a voice begins to boom:
"Take my arms so that I might reach you."
Oh, so it is you that I've found.
"Hear my words so that I might teach you."
To give into is to lose my thoughts.
To lose my voice.
To lose my life.
Yet I continue to watch with eyes opened wide.

When a stretched silence is surrounding
Do you understand
The unspoken words?
The unsurfaced cries?
The unseen pain?
If you cannot, you shouldn't expect to
understand them when they're heard.

A smile touches my lips as I remember everything.
I remember until the longing becomes too much;
Until the ache of wanting becomes too deep and
as salty as the warm tears flowing down my cheeks.
I remember the whisper lullabies before I went off
and the way you held me when I was hurt or scared.
I would cry an ocean for you to set sail upon, but
would you be willing to navigate through the broken?
I remember the empty promises and bottles of pills;
the pain but also the joy because I knew you'd stay...
Eventually saying "Sorry" got too tiring and you ran.
I'm not sure if it's good to remember you but I do.
Would it be crazy for me to say that I still care about you?
I know when you took your own life you weren't thinking;
Would you do it again if you knew what it did to everyone?
You were my Captain on our voyage through life but
you ventured too far, only to find the forbidden treasure of death.

A heart that never beat.
Lips that never opened.
Eyes that never saw.
A nose that never smelled.
Legs that never took a step.
Arms that never hugged.
Fingers that never touched.
Love that was never found.
Hate that never surfaced.
Emotions that couldn't be.
A mind that never thought.
A sun without its shine.
A life that never lived.
Where did it all go?

Happiness is somewhere.
I could show you, if you cared.
Your smiled is forced
and your lines are rehearsed.
Open up, not shut down.
You've gone too deep,
I'm afraid you'll drown.
The water is cold at the bottom,
even though it seems never to end.
What causes you from sleep?
If you cared, I could wake you
from your saddening mood.
Don't think me rude
but I think you could use a friend.

Another man with sad seal eyes.
Water collects in them but
it hasn't moved past the borders
and down the cheeks.
Above the surface
he silently composes himself.
A bruised heart will not
break his pride.
Sad and hurting, he swims off
into the deep unknown.
There's more fish in the sea,
he has to believe.
A teardrop does not
matter underwater,
where it can go by unseen.

These walls that she built
were not meant to be destroyed.
The gate is sealed,
no longer able to be opened.
A heart hardened
by the words that were spoken.
Her checks were dampened
by the tears that never dried.
The happy appearance that showed
wouldn't be changed.
No one needed to know
what she had gone through.
Her lips were tightly closed
so these feelings would stay secured.
She stayed hidden away from the walls
afraid one day someone will come
and break down her barriers.

The darkness captures the unexpected and leaves the wanting. Desiring something so much will not get it for you.
You must fight and let the darkness win;
let it **** you into a never ending void
where we are forgotten by who all knew us.
Accept your fate.
Because like a cloud that fades and is gone,
we humans die and never return;
It's your call whether you'll be remembered or not.

There’s a part of your mind that’s shattered.
You feel isolated and lost.
You don’t know who you are,
so you try to be what they say you should be,
and that leaves you incapable of coping,
hating yourself, hating those who want you
to be someone you aren’t—
even though you yourself don’t know who you are.
You’ve lost your true identity and are desperately looking for a new one even though it seems impossible.

You keep to yourself because you’re broken.
Your mind is fractured.
Even at your best, you suspect that something is wrong, because it is.
The only time you feel good is when you’re able to pretend that it is, but deep down you hate everything about yourself.
The way you look, the way you feel,
the way you think, even the way you sleep,
because that time that should be peaceful is full of nightmares.

Growing up, I was always told to cherish life.
Think of a candle flame;
It burns bright, but slowly dies out.
When it’s burning bright, it represents living life to its fullest.
Each flicker is an obstacle that is overcome.
In the end, the flame slowly wanes.
You have to make the most of what you have when it's the brightest.
You never know when the flame is going to be blown out.
Life is short, but it can also be beautiful.
It’s a symbol of hope.
Candle flames take away a small portion of darkness,
giving the slightest bit of illumination in the darkest of times.

Life is a game of concentration.
You learn what not to repeat
and how hurt you can get by a single hesitation.
The struggle is the level to complete.

It isn't all fun, like a vacation,
not as sweet as the winning treat.
We're not acting like a true nation
because it's all based on deceit
and unholy temptation.

This life is bittersweet;
people under sedation and influenced by potations
who were beat or even helped mistreat
God's beautiful creation
while we just sit in the backseat.
This is the game of concentration,
No repeats or hesitations.
What category will you fall under?

We are called to stand by for Him,
even if you’re standing alone,
even if it costs our own life.
God cannot love us less,
but we can love Him more.
If He had a weakness,
it would be His love for us.
While we chose sin over Him,
He still had a home for us in His heart;
He will never put anything before us.
We are His most valuable work of art.

Pain brings me back.
Every time I open my eyes it's to this anguish,
blinding me to all else.
It's the only thing that convinces me I'm still here.
Faces flash.
Hands hold me down.
None of it registers.
None of it sinks into me like the burning torment of my body.
The agony radiates through all of me.
The only thing I can do is surrender to the blanket of dark
where I feel nothing, see nothing.
Where even nightmares cannot find me.
Where I can cease to exist.

Nothing lasts forever,
So this sadness will pass.
So will the happiness and pain.
Once it's over, see what you've gained.
A new lesson, a new experience.
Sometimes we let it cloud your judgement
or rain on our parade.
If you think you don’t make a difference in this world,
remember one rain drop raises the ocean.
Forgetting all about the time spent
on our hopeless charades.
You never think about the big picture
but live in the present.
What is wrong with that is a lecture,
one that nobody remembers.
Never admitting you were wrong
but hoping everything is done.
You're never promised tomorrow,
so spend time wisely and stay strong.

I've been hurt,
and I’ve been heartbroken,
I’ve been sad,
and I’ve been depressed,
I've cried,
but I don't wanna let it ruin my life.

Sometimes we need to go through the pain
and mistakes to be able to appreciate
and understand what we really value
and want in our lives.

Instead of asking
"Is it worth it?"
We should be asking
"Am I worthy of it?"

Her face was blank like the moon.
She was right here but her mind
was far away, across the sky,
maybe the stars,
or just the blackness between.
Her moods were never constant,
but always changing.
The darkness was slowly seeping into
the world around her.
Nowhere to run, she gives into it.
Her body frail and thin, gradually weakening.
She's letting herself give in.

As I walk the trail of life
in the fear of the wind and rain,
grant me that I may always walk like a man.
Walking like a man in the face of fear;
Sometimes it's the best we can do.

People don't need communication,
they need a community.

Obedience is not comfort.
You have to endure suffering
and know God does not waste your pain.
If God gave us all good days,
how would we learn from our mistakes?

God doesn't go anywhere.
We do.

I fought through the battle, but this war has only just begun.
I don't know where to start...
It was my star;
Brightened up the night, but so far gone.
I get angry and upset when I know I can't reach it.
What I should do, is beyond my perspective.
I'm sorry to leave you this way, but my time has come...
Tell the stars I won't be far; I'm not alone. I'm going home.
Sincerely,
The Forgotten One.

Her smile was the kindest;
Her eyes shone with joy.
She was so in control.
You'd feel like a fool
When you realized the truth:
Her fears and tears were unspoken.
Yet hid it so well; you'd never know
She was scarred and broken.
Her emotions were like a window;
Except the curtains were pulled closed.

Little girl with the bright blue eyes, why do you cry?
Sitting on the floor looking at pills to ****
And razors that sting like tasers.
Little girl with the biggest smile,
why don’t you stop to think awhile?
Holding a withered daffodil, the tears spill.
Little girl with the freckled nose, what do you seek?
Standing now, she looks towards the sky.
"A Savior to give me the strength to survive.."