I've been thinking
About my
Friends
Family
Hobbies
Interests
Music
Writing
But most of all I've been thinking of my past
This time last year I wanted to die
I envied those without a loving family for they could hurt themselves and no one would care
I imagined slitting my wrists and drifting away and finally being happy
But I withheld because I didn't want my last moments to be filled with pain in my wrists
Ironic, isn't it, that I wanted to avoid pain while doing something that would cause so much

You may call me vain, but
I am so proud of myself
For not once harming myself
For being too scared to **** myself
For learning how to love myself
So I could finally see myself
As a beautiful person
As a caring friend
As a loving daughter and sister

And I am here to tell you
That you can overcome it
Because you are beautiful and worth it

me.gs

I was going to make a wish
But instead I find myself writing
Because I know that wishes don't come true

The first time I wanted to kiss you was last year
Yet I still have not felt your lips
And the first time I wished to ******* was months ago
Yet I still have not intertwined your body with mine
And the first time I wished to hold you was weeks ago
Yet still I have not felt you in my arms

You may call me cynical
But I have given up on wishes and miracles
For I know they do not come true

me.gs

I don't know why I write
Perhaps it is because I cannot

Sing
Dance
Sculpt
Paint
Film

But I can spill out my soul onto these pages
Written in ink as rich as my blood
And I can spin these tales
From the depths of my heart I deliver these words to you
And I can do nothing but hope
That you will understand
Why I am the way I am

me.gs

The wind has died
And my heart along with it

The leaves will fall soon
And my head along with them

The flowers will turn brown and brittle
And my spine along with them

Ice will cover the water
And my soul along with it

Because a broken heart
Kills you slowly

me.gs

I often ask myself why

Why must flowers die in the Winter?
Why am I so cruel?
Why can I not be who I am?

But most of all I want to know
Why
You do not love me back

me.gs

I know I saw you today
And I know that I will see you after tomorrow
And I know that we texted today
I know we will text tomorrow

But a second without you by my side
Is a second that is

Wasted?
Useless?
Superfluous?

And that I cannot bear

me.gs

I have written five poems
For you, about you, to you
But not with you

And I know I won't get any gifts
But it sure would be nice
To have you on my birthday

And I know you don't know this
But I am in love with you
To have you return it would be the best

Gift?
Blessing?
Curse?

That would ever be

me.gs

I'm in my bed
I wish I was in yours

I'm wearing my old sweatshirt
I wish I was wearing yours

I'm under my covers
I wish I was under yours

I'm eating my chips
I wish I was eating yours

So you see, my problem
Is the absence of you
And how you could make hell my home

me.gs

I am on my bed
I am not on yours

I am alone
I am not with you

I am on my side of my bed
I am not on my side of yours

I have all the sheets
I am not squabbling over them with you

It is pitch black when I go to bed
There is no light from you checking your phone

When I wake up I will see my pillow
I will not see your hair nor smell it

I am not with you

me.gs

I do not know what I feel for you
Sometimes I feel
As though my heart might burst
And my soul will shine through my eyes
I will fall to the ground
And your name will pass through my lips
Lips that still have not felt yours yet

I have spent so much time looking at you
Every inch of you I have memorized
Every inch I have yet to touch

If you asked me I would tell you
How many freckles you have on your lips
And how you smile when I make you laugh

But I would be silent-mouthed
If you asked me what I felt for you
I do not know

me.gs

It has been more than a year
More than a year since I fell for you

And it has been almost a year
Almost a year that I stopped falling

Months have passed since I last dreamt
Dreaming of your lips on mine

But a part of me still loves you
A part that will never go away

And you may not have been my first
And you won't be my only
But you will always be my love

me.gs

There once was a girl
A girl who loved everyone but herself
Her smile outshone the sun itself
And her laughter drowned out the birds
But one day
The sun stood alone
And the birds had no competition
The girl had finally drowned in her hate
And flowers shot up from her grave
They muffled the birds and filtered the sun
And the girl was finally loved

me.gs