My own self-censors
Are the harshest gates I know
Nothing goes past without approval
And the things that are and aren’t permitted
Have been beaten into my brain
By the world
And then by me

So it’s no wonder
That sometimes
Nothing flows forth.

Dam.

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As I walk into my future,
I feel strangely alone
You, so far from my spot in life
And you, falling ever far behind

Am I going to reach land alone?
How can I get there by myself?

Why can’t someone else save me for once?

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You hold needles,
Tiny sharp skewers
Pick pick picking away

A thousand lances over time
**** the strongest of animals

And you just won’t back down.

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The harsh edges of the wood dig into my shoulders;
Tired again

I have walked for so many miles,
And yet

The sun's glare has never changed,
Burning and unyielding

May I walk at night?
May I share this burden?
Or must I walk on,
Red-hot

From the outside out

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Can you unmoor me from these feeling?
The deep dark anchor-anger
Of powerlessness
To my own self

Of never being able
To escape the darkness completely
And breathe solely in the light

Everyone loves me for my strength, but
Can you love me for my weaknesses?

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You love pain
You don't love me

I hope that one day
With the passing of the clouds overhead
Your darkness passes you

And you can sit in the sun,
Well and truly

And not want to hide

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Liquid mercury sits in my heart
I think
What other explanation could there be

For the constant weight in my chest,
Never gone

Or the slow poisoning of what I know to be true

I’ve begged for a reason,
An explanation
So many times

But my eyes are dim with misunderstanding
And I am no closer to the truth.

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