MD: Poems

Sep 2013 · 385

Not Okay

MD Sep 2013

Not Okay

If you ask if I'm okay
You will be told no
I haven't been okay in years
My hands shake more than ever
My head is filled with darkness
And I am trying to find a way
To come back to life

Sep 2013 · 652

Cigarettes and Sex

MD Sep 2013

Cigarettes and ***

I want to whisper my secrets to you
In a silent smoke filled room
I want to kiss your neck
And watch as you
Inhale that ******* cigarette

Sep 2013 · 467

Flower Child

MD Sep 2013

Flower Child

I used to have such a strong
Connection to nature
So strong that
Plants
Began to grow in my head
There were vines running through
My wrists
People laughed at my plants
So I began to cut them
Starting with my vines
Until the flowers in my head
Began to lose their color
And all that was left
Was my grey face
And dead eyes

Sep 2013 · 496

Red

MD Sep 2013

Red

Yelling
Items crashing on the floor
My house is a wreck
Is this really all I'm living for

I grab the blade
And find freedom in
A gentle red line

I'm not as ****** up
As I used to be
These red lines
Have seen worse days

Sep 2013 · 469

My Time as a Monster

MD Sep 2013

My Time as a Monster

I was sleeping
On a cold December night
When the demons crawled
Into my body
They entered through my mouth
They scratched their way
Down my throat
And landed in my heart
And my stomach
I awoke the next morning
Feeling different
I was sad
I did not want to get out of bed
And get ready for school
I did not want to socialize
Or wear anything but pajamas
Now don't get me wrong
I had been sad before
So I figured this would last
Just a day
But the next night
The demons took over my flesh
And began to claw at my wrists

Sep 2013 · 294

My Love For You Has Grown So Large

MD Sep 2013

My Love For You Has Grown So Large

The days
Without you
Are cold and
Scary
I wish you could be
In my bed
Every night

Sep 2013 · 254

Last Words

MD Sep 2013

Last Words

If I was there
I would ask you to hold me
While you whispered in my ear
I would ask you to kiss me
And play with my hair
If I was there
I wouldn't be so scared
If I was there
These wouldn't be
My final words

Sep 2013 · 382

Lovely

MD Sep 2013

Lovely

I want to be beautiful
Not just in looks
But in the way I move
The way I talk
I want to speak
As though I'm reciting poetry
I want to swiftly dance away
I want to drink coffee
Early in the morning

But I am not beautiful
I am panic attacks
At 3am
I am bruised legs
And everything but
Lovely

Sep 2013 · 720

Sincere Apologies

MD Sep 2013

Sincere Apologies

I wish I was awake
At 4am
So you don't have to be
Your own best friend

I know you aren't one for
Touching or being touched
But I want to cuddle
You up in a blanket
Make you hot chocolate
And keep you safe

I know you don't want anyone
To worry about you
But when we're crossing the street
I want grip your hand so tight
And make sure you cross safely

Thank you for kissing
My forehead
That day I cried
On your bathroom floor
And I'm sorry that
I'm not nearly as nice to you
As you are to me

I'm not good at expressing my
Emotions
But my writing will hopefully
Make up for it

You are the greatest friend
I've ever had
No one makes me as happy
As you do

I'm so ******* sorry
That you're sad
And that I'm not there
At 4am

Because I know how it feels to
Be the one
At 4am
Being her own best friend

Sep 2013 · 376

Untitled

MD Sep 2013

Untitled

Jesus ******* Christ
I hate myself for doing this
I purposely do things
That I know will **** me up
Jesus ******* Christ
I want to die

Sep 2013 · 589

Shit

MD Sep 2013

****

I tried to write a song about you
But no words could come out
I'm getting sick of getting high
And drunk with all my friends
And darling
I'm scared
And darling
I'm scarred
I don't want to be alone anymore
I don't want to feel this way
I told you I was moving on
But I wish you would stay
I'm getting tired
And the nights are getting longer
I wish that you would stay
Stay the night with me
I can make you feel whole again
I can kiss your scars
And I wish you would stay

Sep 2013 · 1.9k

2am

MD Sep 2013

2am

I am in love
With the 2am
Conversations
I have with a ghost
I whisper to the walls
Telling them to let me go
But they do not reply
They hold me tightly
Preparing me to attack
And this time
I'm not holding back

Sep 2013 · 405

Friday Night

MD Sep 2013

Friday Night

Faded
I found myself on the floor
My friend was in the bathroom
Getting her own ***** washed off of her
My best friend and her boyfriend
Were upstairs
******* each other
The rest of the people
Were in the kitchen
Cleaning up the puke
I stumbled over to them
I asked if they needed help
They told me to take my best friend home
We had to walk
Because we were too drunk to drive
I held onto her side
As we slowly tripped
Our way to her house
Once we arrived
We laid down in bed
Took our medicine
That keeps us sane
And fell towards a gentle rest

Sep 2013 · 335

New

MD Sep 2013

New

Take me to the ocean
Let me rid myself
Of all the past devils
I once captured inside my chest
Take me to the lake
I must submerge in the water
To clear my head
Of all the weeds
That grew in the soil
Of my brain
Take me to the river
Push me under
Let me drown
For the water will
Keep me clean

Sep 2013 · 1.1k

Obsessed

MD Sep 2013

Obsessed

When I'm gone
Please don't cry
Because I've shown you my scars
I've reached out for your help
A thousand ******* times
But no one ever takes me seriously
When I say I'm sad
It's not normal
I get obsessed with my sadness
I let it overtake me
You are the only **** person
Who makes me feel sane
And you don't even
Want me around

Sep 2013 · 220

Promises To Keep

MD Sep 2013

Promises To Keep

There's so many things
I wish I could say
Without sounding weird
Like how when I first saw you
I could tell you were the most
Beautiful girl to ever live
Then I found out
Just how broken you are
Dear
I'll never leave
I know that's a difficult
Promise to keep
You don't have to believe me now
But in time
I'll prove it to you

Sep 2013 · 696

Stressors

MD Sep 2013

Stressors

There's just so many *******
Stressors
In this world
And when I'm with you
They all
Leave me
You are my security blanket
You are my fire on
A cold winter night
I know I'm annoying
And whiny and clingy
And just really ******* sad
But you keep me sane
Last night you promised to never leave me
Jesus Christ
I hope you don't get tired of
Me.

Sep 2013 · 422

Did you ever care?

MD Sep 2013

Did you ever care?

And it just really *****
Because I've been dead for years
Then I met you
And I felt alive
And glad to be alive
Then you stopped caring
Perhaps you didn't
Care at all
As cliche as this whole
**** poem is
I don't even care
Because now that you don't care
I'd give anything
For one more taste of those
Lips.

Sep 2013 · 385

Excerpts From 2012 Diary

MD Sep 2013

Excerpts From 2012 Diary

"Eventually I just got tired
Of the same hell everyday"

"It got to the point where
I wanted to die."

"Die. Am I the only one who thinks
Of peace when they hear that word?"

"I want to die"

"Give me my old life back"

"My wrists are burning from all the cuts"

"I will **** myself, don't think I won't"

"What is this? An anxiety attack?"

"Death seems like my only option"

Sep 2013 · 658

Fuck

MD Sep 2013

****

This in an apology letter
To anyone whose ever left me
Because I was too
Nosy
Obsessive
Clingy
I'm so ******* sorry
And I wish I could say that I've changed
And I wish I could say you can come back now
But I'm still the exact same
I wish someone could break down the wall of my obsession
And see that there's actually a person there
With feelings
A person who tries so hard to hold onto people
Because I know what it feels like when everyone leaves
This is an apology letter
To you
For not showing that my true intentions
Were not to annoy you
But to make sure you know
That I would always care about you

Sep 2013 · 2.4k

I'm tired of being alone

MD Sep 2013

I'm tired of being alone

I am at a constant war with myself
And it's not because I don't see myself
The way others see me
It's because I see myself
Exactly how others see me
When I talk to someone
I can see how obnoxious and intrusive
I am
But I do not have the power to stop myself
I try so ******* hard to hold on to people
Because I know that someday they're going to leave
And maybe I'm holding on too tight
Maybe I'm pushing them away unintentionally
But I just care so much about people
More than I care for my own self
I especially care about you
But you do not care about me
I am a real person
With valid feelings
And it's about **** time that someone
Actually gives a ****
About me

Sep 2013 · 320

Well, Shit.

MD Sep 2013

Well, ****.

And if that first kiss
Was my only kiss
Upon your lips
Let me say
It was the greatest kiss
I've ever had
And if all you said
Was never meant
Let me say
This was the best amount of time
I've ever spent
If you never cared
Not even a bit
Let me say
You and I
Could be a really nice fit

Sep 2013 · 429

Is this it?

MD Sep 2013

Is this it?

It's 4:42 am
And the walls are closing in
I'm whispering my last goodbyes
I cared way too much
Darling, I'm ready to die.

The ghost is pulling at my ankles
It's urging me to leave
I write my last love letter in blood
Ghost, please let me be.

Sep 2013 · 290

Come Back

MD Sep 2013

Come Back

"Do you ever think about dying"
You whispered to me
As I had my hand down your pants
Maybe this isn't poetry
But, ****, the way your brain works
Is poetic to me

Sep 2013 · 509

Ghostly

MD Sep 2013

Ghostly

Sometimes my words don't make sense
Like when I try to explain
How I've been dead for 2 years
Or when I try to say
That lately I've been drowning
In a sea full of darkness
Talking has never been
One of my talents
So I keep quiet
I observe
I wait
I wonder

Sep 2013 · 730

Body Parts

MD Sep 2013

Body Parts

My head is filled with balloons
My flowers grow upside down
The trees are starting to sprout
In my legs
My toes are filled with chilled metal
The weigh me down
I'm glad I have my metal toes
Because sometimes the balloons in my head
Bring me much too high in the air

Sep 2013 · 321

You

MD Sep 2013

You

I tried to fit the pieces together
As though love was a ******* puzzle
I begged you to stay
I had figured out the puzzle
The only problem is
Love is not a stupid game
There are no pieces to match together
I had thought too hard
I had loved too much
Was it really even love

Well
****
It must have been
Because it's been over a year
And I'm still not
Entirely
Over
You

Aug 2013 · 323

It's More Than This

MD Aug 2013

It's More Than This

Oh how I wanted
For you to touch more
Of my shaking
Craving body
Oh how I felt
With your hands on my thighs
I didn't feel sad
I didn't want to die
You make me happy
On my saddest of days
I want to make love to you
In the sweetest way

Aug 2013 · 590

Happiness Is Killing Me

MD Aug 2013

Happiness Is Killing Me

I want to go back to the time
When whiskey flamed my taste buds
When darkness was all I was
And all I had were cigarette butts
I want to go back
To the blackest of days
When all was wrong
And my thoughts were astray

Aug 2013 · 1.9k

Lips

MD Aug 2013

Lips

So I sat
With a cigarette hanging from my lips
Whispering for you to stay
Your lips smelled like alcohol
And your body was exhausted
Exhausted of me
Exhausted of life
So I let you go
But it was such a big mistake
I didn't know how much I would miss
Those pink alcoholic lips

Jul 2013 · 472

Early morning thoughts

MD Jul 2013

Early morning thoughts

It's 2 in the morning
Raining
And I am tattooing
Your name across my chest
Obsessions
Call it what you will
Perhaps a hunger
For something deeper
Than human intellect
Can achieve

Jul 2013 · 416

Hmm

MD Jul 2013

Hmm

Ever since the day you left
The day you said goodbye
There's been a hole in me
A giant void of sorts
That could only be filled
With mindless encounters
And drugs to help me survive
But I have found a new crutch
To help me
Mend a broken soul
That im not sure
Was ever whole.

Jul 2013 · 313

A Suicide (haiku)

MD Jul 2013

A Suicide (haiku)

Someone please save me
The car was going so fast
I kissed the bumper

Jul 2013 · 570

Eternally

MD Jul 2013

Eternally

Each time
I inhale you
You exhale me
You're starting to figure me out

Maybe I'm not
The evil you swore I was
But I am not
The greatness
I came off to be

I'm just a girl
Smoking my cigarettes
Listening to my music
Loving you eternally

Jul 2013 · 463

Untitled

MD Jul 2013

Untitled

I know you're not one for poetry
But, ****, when you smile
It makes me speak in metaphors
Your eyes are darkened crystals
You tongue dances while you speak
Please don't hate me
Why did I **** this up

Jul 2013 · 364

Sickness

MD Jul 2013

Sickness

"You sick little kid
With your head in the toilet
Are you proud of what you've done?

You crazy ******* child
You didn't eat again
You've been taking my diet pills
Haven't you?

You've ruined this family!
You're making me break!
You're just one big ****** mistake! "

"Mother it's not like that!
I swear
I never meant to hurt you
You mean the world to me

Please don't give up on me
You're the only hope I've got
Mother please I love you
You're pushing me away!"

Jul 2013 · 407

Sickness

MD Jul 2013

Sickness

"You sick little kid
With your head in the toilet
Are you proud of what you've done?

You crazy ******* child
You didn't eat again
You've been taking my diet pills
Haven't you?

You've ruined this family!
You're making me break!
You're just one big ****** mistake! "

"Mother it's not like that!
I swear
I never meant to hurt you
You mean the world to me

Please don't give up on me
You're the only hope I've got
Mother please I love you
You're pushing me away!"

Jul 2013 · 747

Drunken

MD Jul 2013

Drunken

It's such a pity
That we spent so many drunken nights
Holding hands
And kissing each others scars
All for it
To come to a sudden hault
Because you met a girl
With not so many faults

Jul 2013 · 261

Untitled

MD Jul 2013

Untitled

I had awoken
To the coyote's howl
I was left in the country
With nothing
Not even water
You had dropped me off
Without a kiss goodbye
Did you leave me
Here to die?

Jul 2013 · 325

Monthly

MD Jul 2013

Monthly

January: nearly killed me
February: left me dead
March: I lost my soul
April: first time in the hospital
May: things started to go wrong
June: lonely nights
July: I found myself
August: lost myself again
September: doing better
October: skipping school
November: lost and dazed
December: darling help, I am afraid

Jul 2013 · 732

Lonely Routine

MD Jul 2013

Lonely Routine

Late at night
I lean over and caress you
I line your hips with my fingertips
I kiss your jawline
And reach for your soul
Late at night
I lean over
And realize I'm alone

Jul 2013 · 293

Fire

MD Jul 2013

Fire

The darkness is back
And I fear it's here to stay
The fire in my eyes
Has dulled to a gentle roar
I want to move mountains
With the pull I feel towards you
But the blackness has reappeared
And you don't seem to care

— The End —