rumour has it mirrors shatter
at the thought of you having your fathers eyes
I hope you know that if you're looking for a sign
you might find it tying to choke out one last goodbye
at the end of the night
you'll find it wherever home is
I know you hate the smell of smoke
but cigarettes are all I know
so I'm asking you to put up with it
you have every reason to be furious
but I'm hoping you'll take deep breaths and see
how calm they make my blood stream
I only started smoking to ease the pain
it was that or a needle to the vein
a bullet to the brain
too much going on up there anyways
it all just needed cutting out
so cigarettes just made sense
I talk about them in the past tense
but the one between my fingers seems to disagree
open your eyes and see
through all the smoke and mirrors lies me
a double entendre for how things used to be
and how they are currently
the writing is on the wall
in every ****** love song lies a promise
to make the next one stronger
and they keep promising that but the time between gets longer
and all of a sudden the bands broken up
and the symbol of love you used to **** to
is broken like the bond of your parents love
I love you is an apology
forgiveness is given with every similar reply
I love you means that I forgive you
for being broken and for breaking me
because picking you out in a crowded room
is something I've become accustomed to
god I can't stop thinking about the look in your eyes
on that night in July with fireworks in the sky
the last time I remember you saying goodbye
because I shattered at the thought of you having my fathers eyes


smoke and mirrors
06/22/14
9:10am
j.s

When they asked me if I loved you
I could feel a hole forming in my chest
My heart was digging to the bottom of my ribcage
So they it wouldn't spill all of its secrets
I imagine the word "yes" flowing from my body
Like water pouring from my lips
When they asked me if I loved you
My jaw crumbled like wet sand
My tongue and breath did not remember
How to work together in order to form words
I did not know how to lie to them
It's like I can feel my teeth begin to decay
When you acidic name slips through them
When they asked me if I loved you
I hope they would try to tuck the question back into their pocket
Maybe if I stayed quiet long enough they would
The uncomfortable silence was beginning to be noticeable
I never meant for this to sound so much like shot gun
When they asked me if I loved you
I could feel the pressure against the walls
The flood was far to overbearing
I will love you until I don't anymore
When they asked me if I loved you
I told them that I didn't
Simply because I find it useless to soak
A bath of room temperature love
When you mix hot with cold
The climate is never pleasing
I have learned
That when someone asks me if I love you
To always say no
Just to resist the risk of the words traveling to your ears
I cannot bear for you to know that I still love you
Even though you have left
You have filled something in me that is still full
Even though you are not here anymore
When they asked me if I loved you
I responded calmly
Acted as if it was a punchline I saw coming
Acted as if it wasn’t breaking my spirit in two
Acted as if I was fine with answering
"No."

I think I like-like you.
You are always on my mind (I used to make fun of people who said this but god it's true!)
I love how we talk about music and agree on everything (except on rap but I'm opening my mind up to it just for you)
I love how you sing along to songs under your breath and then to me when you notice I'm staring (I always get goosebumps just thinking about us at the concert with your arm around me)

At the same time I'm nervous.
Nervous because as everyone says all good things come to an end.
Nervous because I'm never good enough.
Nervous because as soon as I'm happy something happens and it's all gone in a second.

But for you I would brave my fears and doubts just for the chance to hold you in my arms again and maybe just maybe we will meet at another concert and reconnect like we did so many months ago before.

You know the old question: if a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, did it make a sound?
Well honey if we are seeing each other and one of your ex girlfriends doesn't try to ruin it, are we actually dating