Between Blur and Distance
The light scatters, soft and indifferent,

Bokeh blooms behind me - city lights, street lamps,

or maybe just the sun breaking on restless water
It doesn’t matter what
Only that it’s blurred
Only that it doesn’t ask to be seen clearly
Somewhere beyond the edges of this frame,

Point Nemo waits
An oceanic nowhere,
a place so far from touch

that even the waves forget they’re supposed to come back
No one stands there
No one ever did
It is a coordinate without a witness
just like my breaking heart
I wonder,
am I the subject or the blur?

The focus or the absence?
I am clearly the point nemo
sea around me people with faces not focused
or who dont focus on me
I am boken
or
Broken
or maybe both
or somewhere in between

I weep as often as I laugh
not from sorrow, nor from joy,
but because the world hums,
and I refuse to be deaf to it.

The whirlpool of emotions pulls me under,
and I am tired of treading water
I am tired of trying to stay afloat
I am just a girl who wonders of what ifs
I am just a girl who feels too much,

who knows where you are hurt,
even when you haven’t said it out loud
Maybe if I learned to hold myself a little gently,
it wouldn’t ache this way
Maybe happiness isn’t built from sadness,

no matter how familiar it feels
I am just a girl who wants a quiet place,
to love and be loved,
without asking for it
I am just a girl, still searching

The window is open
Early summer, the air is cool,
but I feel warm
My sweater slips from my shoulders,
a cup of coffee sits by my side,
cold, as always.

The city is winding down
Lights flicker in apartment windows,
little glimpses into lives I’ll never know
A guy sprawled on the floor, shoes still on
Someone curled up with their cat,
Another person just standing by their window,
staring out,
like me
Breathing in the night
Letting it hold them for a second.

It’s weird how we’re all here,
all living separate stories, but sharing this same quiet moment.
Sonder, I guess
That strange little realization
that everyone’s life is as real as mine
That they have their own problems,
their own losses, their own reasons to be awake right now
Some heavier, some lighter
But we all keep moving anyway

The air shifts, brushing against my skin
I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel happy.
Just here.
Just in this moment.

I guess this is goodbye.
To what, I don’t really know.

Since the day they brought me here,
With their hands,
They placed upon my back
The weight of living.

And upon my forehead,
With their cursed dreams,
Touched the fairies
Of despair.

In every second of my life,
I have felt
These sorrow-laden whispers.

I owe you,
My love,
Every bright day
I have ever lived.

All my feelings,
Grateful to you,
Line up at your door,
Waiting for their farewell.

Forgive me,
My love,
For I am cursed
With the burden of thought,
And no remedy, no cure
Can soothe—
Neither my love for vanishing
Nor the ache of your absence.