if i'm being honest,
i wore black underwear
in the hopes that i could show it to you.

and if i'm being honest
i'd love to be in love with you,

but you make me so nervous.

and now that we're,
you know,
being honest,
i'd like to-
i wish i had the guts to do so,
to hold you in motion.

and i'd like to love you,
i'd like to fall in love with you.
i'd love to love loving you,
and fall into you.

you know,
because i'm being honest,
i'd love to tell you that i'd love to love you
and that maybe i love you,

and that i wore black underwear in the hopes that i could show
you.

haven't been, much.
it's been more of an avoidance of,
part of the
never ending
search of the visceral.
a pause
within another,
as if time slowed down
as it passed you by.

ya chao culiaa
para la wea
que no había naa
dejate de ser la desesperaa
que mimos mañas mañanas
pasan,
deja las vueltas las volaas
las mentiras la wea que te da
de atrapaa
lo típico.
asi que ahora borraa
quiero estar drogaa
abrasada ja
en brazos brasas
no te quiero naa
pero igual me teni pegaa
ya basta ah
perra sumisa confundida
no sé que decir más
solo se que ya no da
pa repetir la forma en la que va
voy vengo y no me fuí
mas encima de te crei
tan gigante en tu entrega
pero eri un orgasmo barato
un mal rato
un rico recuerdo
de cabra chica la navida
se acabaron las que no soy
lo que vendí
me gaste así
de nuevo ni me corrí
(en lugar, de, en)
te creiste mas de lo que conocí
no me wevi
salte de ahí
ya no estai invitado
no me digai que me queri
sabemos que es así
pero en error me repetí
te herí
me pasé
pero pendejo
eri.

you can't see it but s is for ****
for being this way
for betraying myself
for wanting it all
for not saying what i've been meaning to say for ever
couldn't even whisper it against your skin.

ya me confundi contigo
me fundi conmigo
claramente no nos entendimo.
y ahora queri ser mi amigo?
no se loco yo no quiero mas lio
aunque me gusta tu piel de abrigo,
no nos relacionemos en el frio
que se me confunden los hilos
tampoco en el verano,
ya fue,
no me esperí,
no se pa que ta hablé

eres un respiro;
un claro en medio del bosque.
se pide perdón con la lengua
sin siquiera decirlo.
akí hay aktivismo a golpes,
una gotita de sangre calentándote la cara con su caída.
en los ríos la calma que da balance a la violencia
en la lluvia una oportunidad para empezar de nuevo.
se respiran flores amarillas y moras
dejándote un gustito dulce en la garganta;
con ganas de un día más acá.
las hojas bailan como bailé yo la noche de ayer
sin ningún esfuerzo
dejándose llevar por el ritmo de la brisa.
caminar por tus calles una confusión conocida,
perderme en tí es lo más lindo.
quiero una conversación eterna contigo,
ver como das vuelta todo lo que pensé que eras;
que escuches mis penas pisando tus caminos,
que me limpies el corazón con una botella de vino
y los actos amables que se esconden en tus esquinas,
detrás de las cortinas de tus casas de hojalata.

but i have eighteen,
one is that i've found more comfort in these clothes than in my own body because i can't stand my bones,
two is that my heart is so heavy with all the weight i've had to carry for all of us,
three is that my mouth is sewn shut when it comes to speaking my mind about you and her,
four is that all i hear from you are complaints,
five is that i only complain too,
six is that i feel so stuck here,
seven is that i have no money for cigarettes,
eight is my lack of motivation,
nine is my obsession with burning myself out until there's no wax left in this candle,
ten is this ******* loneliness,
eleven is a *** drive that makes me want to be abused,
twelve is this voice that belongs to me three years ago,
thirteen is the fact that i won't have skin left by the time i'm twenty nine because i keep carving ink into myself,
fourteen is my anxiety, i can't even stand up for myself,
fifteen is the lies i keep telling everyone when i say i know what i'm doing,
sixteen is when i pretend that my friends are real,
seventeen is that i don't think i'm going to graduate,
eighteen is that i really have more than eighteen problems and they all keep me awake at night and they keep from reading those books that have been unfinished on my shelf for months now.

you say i have a problem,
but i know that.
i don't need you to remind me,
not when i find a minute to forget about them.