My poetic side COSMOFUNNEL
wordsmith thanks tumblr in his noggin
ofttimes triggering babbling brook
to swell after deluge
becoming stream of consciousness runnel
carving, gouging, and liquidating topography
qua zee mow toe natural formed tunnel.

Digitally remastered and revised
since original version rejected, thus
writer released,  purposely leaked,
and flooded mass media
courtesy the following
self branded watershed vaunted unabridged
sprawling questionable and deplorable
creation loosed upon unassuming readers.

Analogously linkedin with
once upon a time
one doodling dandy Yankee slender man,
whose yang upended, overshadowed,
and eclipsed mine yin,
nevertheless, now yours truly self anointed
as an elder statesman - ha
gifted with unwanted
inxs of abdominal adipose tissue
(attributed to agent provocateur of aging,

which affects my metabolism
and/or courtesy
unwanted side effect reaction
from one or more
of the eight medications
nurse practitioner
at Penn Psychiatric Center
Phoenixville, Pennsylvania location
Elizabeth Clark prescribes),
which gained weight foments tussle

a fight to the death, I can never win
and alternately titled: arm ugh gut tin
yours truly loathes to mensch shin
one alien looking pear shaped
humanoid with redskin
liposuction advised courtesy Doctor Quinn
(a fictional character and magician,
I took poetic license
created above to help eradicate body dysmorphia),
she waved her wand and ****
transformed me into a puffin.

Aye dread getting undressed
and/or getting washed
even without spectacles
thar haint no mo' six pack ab,
which nearly rock ribbed
mid equatorial zone shape shifted
into corpuscular blubbery
ancillary physiognomy
where aye wanna bab
bull posttraumatic stressed out

middle age battle of the bulge
in summer re: a waisted effort
squarely (er rather roundly) testing
the elasticity of extra large sweatpants,
when straining to hide expanding girth
definitely producing undesirable effect,
(especially when floating in briny deep,
I squarely, honestly and closely resemble
the Chinese brother
who swallowed the sea  

strongly urging, necessitating,
and exhorting mister crab
to clamp down with pincers,
viz primitive liposuction,
whence rustling scupper
will efface this fleshed out
human bloviated ruggedly handsome
man of the webbed wide world
a bit heavy around the equator
over self indulgent fleshpot

unable, uneager, unready,
and unwilling to maneuver
his portly ill proportioned body
inducing unprovoked stares,
and tears for fears
eyes tracking billowing supersize shirt
resembling trireme sails being trimmed,
where fleshly freighted sloop
displaces entire watery expanse
stranding, stinging and starving an a ray

of underwater species,
now prolonging requisite inhalation;
I seek desperate sticktoitiveness
guidance courtesy Younan Nowzaradan
with steely mettle
hie trite to iron out flab
thus tis part and parcel of senescence,
yet auxiliary buttressed dermis
effect forming gorged girth
giving "love handles" grab

reigniting reign of terror
viz prepubescent anorexia nervosa,
boot strapped now - wen
remembrance of things past frankly
zapped distorted self-image
evoked holocaust images repugnant;
buttery rolls of fat insta jab
stubborn thoughts of self-loathing
entice me to become a lab
bore a tory guinea pig/
scapegoat role to restore

prime of life build when five foot ten
obviously me no Lemuel Gulliver
alignment could now perchance nab
first place in a slick couture magazine
from the neck down,
cuz face mottled with
nine inch nails clawing skin
wrought unsightly scab
taut torso bearing
fashion model and
senior citizen idol, where
every place I go receiving
venue offers free tab.

To stand stock still until shutterfly
would SnapChat
rippled tummy, could
fill my hungry wallet with inxs of cash
now, aye haint so gorge ***,
WhatsApp with
faux pregnant protuberance,
though thankfully
derriere still rather dash
shing, which palmolive pilot sized buttocks

doth newt offset sorry to report
lost battle of the bulge,
where diet tribes furloughed in a flash
abandoning their respective stations,
gnome hatter sinusoidal
parabolic frontispiece finds me to gnash
my toothless mouth for lack of means
to stave of the depredations
of slump pin proletariat
allowing me a hash

sheesh priceline tag
with hefty weight, acquiescing
this Pillsbury doughboy blivet
to subject himself to the sharp
stings of a cool whip lash
bearing the snap against
raw skin as due process
and supplication for atlas shrug
gin his broad shoulders
at the fountainhead naming me mash
shew Scott in regard to oblate inflation
insulation fiberglass around midsection, and

how ma late mum
(an avid fan of doctor Carleton Fredericks,
who preceded Mehmet Oz), would quash
the love she showered on this sole heir -
resorting to exhaustive palliatives -
even ear rash
shun null gambits,
and as last ditch effort
putting this offspring
on par with an albatross -
vamoose get out with the trash
unless everything (pertaining to
indelible stubborn blubber
comes out at the whoosh she wash
Diet of worms.

Expounded late today April 27th, 2023
since being written
countless years ago
maybe a baker's dozen
as thee doodling **** doth crow
scouting about for carrion
scavenging for dead animals
and rooting about garbage to sell
at annual corvus entrepôt,
where at birds eye view

buzzfeeding crowdsource
talon (telling) the famed truth
regarding chicken scratch
scrawled illegibly by eccentric hand
now sought after collector's item
signature birdbrained, bird dogged,
bird dinned long haired,
pencil necked geek recluse
can be found in his grotto
along with original manuscripts

characterizing Mark Twain
in general and ***** Joe
in particular linkedin
with Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn,
who suffered fools gladly,
but nevertheless being a security detail
he dealt with hoodlums -
frequently tossing them out
on their golden earring
and experienced severe lumbago.

When dire circumstances extant do I ask
for anonymous benefactor
to write me a blank check
so edenic, idyllic, and pacific sunny
spring day yours truly can bask
tapping a keg of spring water
stored in an airtight cask
when thirsty, I pour into
an ice cold
(not a tad above absolute zero)
temperature controlled flask
while donned (underclothes

resembling Ally's gaiters),
and outer garments
emblematic of space suits
my favorite martian outfit
and astronaut helmet and mask
to minimize contamination
paraphernalia acquired courtesy gofundme
for assistance sans when cash strapped
since temptation to rob a bank dismissed  
guru wannabe of gumption
buckles when he tackles
formidable onerous task.

Otherwise an inner compulsion
advocates dishing out non repeating
infinite decimal calculating pi
on nearing infinite jesting kron limit
can unlock esprit de corp
spirit to tackle and barrel headlong
novel circumstance silently cheering
myself to get unstuck
if in quandary like eeyore
and experience shuttered
gloating euphoria galore
for

reasons spelled out
because das saucy papa
**** sitters himself an insecure
noodle head as told me courtesy Kishore
and Kouila Raval –
unsure if surname correct,
(who approximately
forty five years ago lived at
Colony Arms Apartments
within Audubon Pennsylvania,
where yours truly felt infatuation
toward their daughter named Menal)

woven into this reasonable rhyme
as thoughts analogous
getting squeezed thru many a kernel pour
out corny and flaky as Tony the tiger
in tandem with Katy Perry
emanating a figurative roar
to even out the score,
when as a boy alias scapegoat
of bullies subsequently
pleaded for peace versus declaring war,
prepubescent and young adult of yore.

He admits being affected with Peter Pan's
jiffy (labyrinthe) syndrome
the prospect of becoming older,
I decried physical maturation
(wanted to remain being a little boy)
upon skinny legs objected to stand
when juiced a striping slip of a lad,
whether at home
or in class room
playing solitary candy land
submissive toward parental

intervention against teachers’ pet(s)
mandated got foisted upon my person
equated to more than helping hand
my lonely hearts club one young man band,
whereby me late mother
(preceded date of this poem)
before lovely bones
of then octogenarian father
punctuated mortality
with exclamation mark
when tightly coiled resembles ampersand!

Said enabling parents offtimes
completed my entire major assignments,
homework, and major class project,
say researching history of York
reinforced dependence on others
with angst riddled psychic torque
underscoring in boldface defects
mine genetically typed quirk
this then young man lacked confidence
as requisite  perk
with inxs o faith no more seeds
of worthlessness did lurk
inferiority hardly groomed me
a foo fighting beastie boy
resembling creature from Black Lagoon
covered head to toe with mire and murk
antagonistic role and potential enemy
characterized by Captain Kirk;

Hence without a spock of confidence,
neither sensibility nor cents
cause gifted with noggin quite dense
consigned to bruit off fence
against meself, an outlier
never found among bad company of gents
which at presence doth incense
that middle aged male,
whence any aid pains like a lance
essentially donning out role of offence
particularly with lack of finances
where mine family rents.

Hmm... on second thought
lemme join anorexic club
until rib cage protrudes taut and visible
doubling as drum to drub
synchronized within heart of darkness,
especially when electrocardiogram exhibits
absolute zero vital sign,
cardiac arrest translates
as cessation to lub dub,
hence yours truly

declared dead as doornail,
coroner report deems arrhythmia
directly linkedin to deliberate Machiavellian flub
courtesy the missus attempt to poison me
actually aborted cuz nanobots
loosed upon body gripped with rigor mortis,
a minor inconvenient truth
cuz odorless and tasteless deadly toxins
rendered me convalescing
from bout with death, an oxymoronic
former slenderman gourmand.

temporarily deceased
until said microscopic robots
avidly analogous to frenzied
figuratively hogtied pigs
buzzfeeding at a trough
creating porcine hubbub
invisible nanoids (0.1-10 micrometres)
accomplished programmed task
whereby fatal microbes they did scrub
away leaving me fit as a fiddle.

No matter she thoroughly, painstakingly
and lovingly didst strew
haphazardly she threw
leftovers together,
this blustery march like
November twenty six figuratively view
wing the remaining thirty plus days
of two thousand twenty one
thoroughly cooked in microwave until...
poor excuse for my meal appeared
with consistency of shoe leather.

Think the missus not afraid
of Virginia Woolf keen to experiment
treating me like the Gingerbread Hag would
questionable resultant glop pantomimed
for my guessing pleasure
never in bajillion years
as amateurish Marcel Marceau charade
performance courtesy the spouse,

an entrée she gave - yours truly
immediately sought to evade
me subsequently evincing
horrific puckered mealy mouth
as though I swallowed hand grenade
figurative exploding oral cavity
feeble futile gesticulation inveighed.

Thus, methinks himself wise
to don cooking apron
please do not ask why
trumpeting self as master chef boyardee
so move over wife and allow husband to try
his hand (using skill - let) me prepare Thai
and/or other Asian cuisine dish,
cuz when free to potschke

(To fuss or "mess around"
inefficiently and inexpertly), I haint shy
to blend (indiscriminately) ingredients
ofttimes yours truly barley able to ply
boiling water since significant other
does not give this garden variety
and generic, gimlet eyed
gourmandizing guilt free
Earth friendly gumption goaded guy.

Every so often yours truly
gets so hungry, he could eat a horse
(yours truly jest kidding hoof course)
truth be told, I only eat one meal per day
all day from son up to son down, me a force
tubby reckoned with,
who if he gives way to vice
event chew wooly experiences remorse.

Hum glad to share mine reasonably rhyming hook
twenty six letters linkedin amidst
various combinations, formations, permutations,...
allows, enables, and provides a look
into the mindscape of Matthew Scott Harris
doth show himself with steely dangling
nonsense with sense and sensibility he forsook.

Thus yours truly resigns himself
June first two thousand and twenty three
to imagine being gifted with untold riches
courtesy  female named Jean E.

This ***** (caricatured familiarly
epitomized, demonized, characterized...
countless Chaplinesque productions,
Dickensian tales,
oil paintings from artistic
hands of great masters,
and other anonymous
exquisite craftsman, et cetera)
remembers practically nothing
of nine month stay in utero
birth, childhood nor early adulthood
my amorphous gauzy,
hazy fractal memories
solely comprise fractured,
fragmented and splintered collection
of miserable memories
character wry zing living
hellacious hand to mouth
hard scrapple existence.

Past wispy vestiges of wretchedness
present woebegone existence, which seems
a worse fate than death
overpowering urge to survive
summoning up one
barely audible l'chaim utterance
against depredations rustling
grim reaper found nothing
but defeat daily dismal
grinding away of last shreds
repurposed driven life fending off real
and imagined threats sought salvation
vividly encased within
preserved imagination,
an existence awash
with trappings of southern comfort
provided by Jim Beam.

Yours truly dug deep
with bony introspective strength
in tandem with fantasy notions knocking
around in figurative
heady noggin like cranial carapace
to muster every ounce
of strength escaping
chronic confrontation
endless streak of bleakness
cursed with brutish, nasty
nefarious fate as a measly

looking human varmint,
this grimy, grungy, rangy,
et cetera looking besotted being
clung with all might
within mine five foot ten inch
and one hundred
and fifty plus pound body
to transcend twerking terrestrial travesty
tweeting and tweaking
fickle finger of fate against favor.

I tapped atavistic survival skills
summoning willpower
to stay alive drinking butter bear
heavy cross of dirt poor poverty
borne no matter
a hard-core skeptic at heart,
this cynic plaintively
called divine intervention
to help this human piece
of flotsam and jetsam

to cope living like a doleful
junkyard dog essentially
abandoned, ignored, cancelled
and shunned vagrant
frequently raged against
Deus ex machina manacled movement
found figurative amidst
literal unlovely bones
slim pickens with demons
that tormented psyche

while traipsing along litter strewn
condemned boulevard of broken dreams,
torn and well-worn shoe
kicked discarded items
weather beaten hands reflexively bent
to retrieve accouterments
comprising colorful jagged shard,
previously housed cheap fermented liquor
nothing but crud filled
remnant of dog gone
boozehounds’ favorite drink.

Although never drawn
to drown sorrows
by turning to the bottle,
cigarettes nor drugs
(a respect for thyself existed),
an automatic reflex caught
eye-catching attention
comprising anonymous drunkard’s signature
lost memento and wireless device entity
constituted a dullish metallic object,
which turned out to be a heavily damaged
slender MOTORAZR (long obsolete) phone.

Out of foolish embarrassment
qua natural instinct,
i raddled then rubbed
remnant once containing
amber liquid of the gods’
irrational explanation in mockery
against cosmic consciousness, my mouth
jabber walk key talky like
into mobile phone these chapped,
course and cracked fingers
slid across unbroken surface
of antiquated bottle in tandem
with parched lips uttering
cockamamie pretend plea, a crackle, snap
and pop delivered a lifelike being whose
corporeal essence resembled a goddess.

The mp3 player issued magically
syncopated beats indicative per favorite
saved playlist tunes former owner
of electronic contraption
without a shadow of doubt,
this vision and auditory music definitely
brought sobered Punch
to this Judy schuss schlepper.

I clapped these nearly deaf ears, thence
rubbed mine-gnarled hands
across myopic eyes.

These twin ****** motions
executed just to dismiss
stray chance of experiencing hallucination
a maiden suddenly appeared
in plain view,
which disbelief found me
pretending to conduct
make believe conversation
via encrusted cell phone
while speaking a matter of fact tone of voice.

She (in a hypnotic, lilting,
melodic and sing song tone)
responded with casual chit chat
genie hill (Alladin like)
everyday, general friendly conversation
eventually ensued fraught
with apprehension and self
consciousness) before purpose
of her presence
became clear, an intuitive
understanding took place
akin to acute telepathic Sikh sixth sense.

Immediate difficulty arose
to think of one wish
to abet grievous humiliation
and immersion in miserable
penury, which might be abrogated
once and for all
with immediacy by simple syllabic voicing
for a pile of crisply minted money, yet
rather than blurt out immediate offering
for untold material commodities
and resplendent riches,
i surprised myself and
communicated a desire
for female friendship.

A gamesome, genteel, gentle gal who would
surrender herself for cries
and whispers seemed
more important than any pile of wealth aware
cha self-actualization about
my utter decrepitude
appeared as immediate
deterrent toward attaining
a bona fide sincere relationship, an ordinary
and reasonable ambition appeared as lofty goal.

Self absorbed in rambling
longing of body, mind
and heart, I quickly became oblivious
to imaged or real corporeal presence
who spurred outpouring
tears of joy per this
ostracized and unwanted vermin eyes
while loosening the tongue in an effort
to picture the escape
from pernicious malady
crushing breathing room
of abominable existence.

Lips shut tight also
prevented the woebegone loss
what appeared as some
divine trickster who conjured
such a muse out of thin air
upon winding down
this unrehearsed recitation,
a painstaking effort
got made to open the eyelids very slowly.

Lo and behold, when manifestation
in actual dolled up guise
of a gorgeous gal stood still as a statue,
and remained rapt
with attention provenance
and provenance found pleasure
in my prattle, and promise
got uttered by lovely lass
to remain a permanent
die-hard companion
no matter many considered
this paperback writer wannabe
nothing but wretched
pestilence of the earth.

This groveling gremlin
of a human felt like a beast alongside
one beautiful babe, who came across
as genuinely modest and passionate
to promulgate profound sharing of body,
mind and spirit triage, where homelessness
and pennilessness mattered not a whit
to this literally spellbinding goddess,
who seemed to materialize out the heavens
in the likeness sans Betsy Ross.

The question how
and where did this muse
render herself to appear
out of thin air puzzled,
and quizzed curiosity
assessed and gleaned no matter
not one word uttered,
thus necessity for conversation
seemed superfluous for we both
seemed able to converse
by autosuggestion of this,
that or the other query.

I (by the way) seemed
to be more intrigued
in this angelic spirit
come to life viz comedy of errors
that punctuated anonymous
life with angst king lear
riddled tragedy suddenly took
a most pleasant unexpectedly
found that all’s well
that ends well with this leery king
from southeastern Pennsylvania
possesses great expectations
by dickens no matter the field
of whet dreams populated
with slim (shady) T. Boone Pickens.

studious skinny scruffy scribe

My utmost humblest apology
for inducing the following
cerebral calisthenics upon your cranium,
but the cost of friendship
with yours truly
(me – a foo fighting,
eagle eyed, beatle browed, beastie boy  
christened Matthew Scott Harris)
doth newt come
like some hootie and the blowfish
super tramping
cheap trick linkedin to
wings at the reo speed wagon
spinning zz top soundcloud.

Scathing, scolding, screaming,
scorning, searing, sniggering,
sociopathic sarin soaked skewed
squirt, sputtering, squawking, sleepily
staggering, stabbing, swaggering
sweltering sadistic, sarcastic,

savage, systemically systematically
stigmatized, supersized saber sharp
schick shaving, shunned, sabotaged,
scarred, scorched, smote, sanguine,
stippled, speckled schizophrenic
sensibility, spurring, seething,

somewhat stultified, sophisticated,
spellbound spirited scabrous
schlemiel schlemazel, stenciled,
sundered sniveling sanguine storied
snakebitten sojourning *******,
skeptical shoddy sophomoric

screwball, subtly sagacious,
stunted, sclerotic, scrappily
shuffling short, Shylock
styled sideburns Semite,
sainted Shasta sipping
shriveled sad sack,

sullenly syncopated, synthesized,
slobbering sybaritic, scruffy
sheepish sketchy scalawag,
Socratically scrutinizing, seizure
stricken, stoically sneezing,
shamed Skidrow skeezer, shifty,

sweaty, sham shaman,
supremely spidery, schmaltzy,
sylan seeking subsidized succor,
self shuttered, sequestered,
sidelined, shiftless, shabby,
semantically snazzy, soldiering,

shrieking, skulking, somber,
stooping, Segway scootering,
schmart spendthrift, Swahili
speaking, straitlaced, streamlined,
spongebobbing, sandal shod
sealegs, squarepants sporting

spectacles, sedate, sensate,
sentient, ship shaped,
shanghaied, salubrious,
slithering, snakish, stuttering,
sluggish, smashface scarred,
sober, solitary, sangfroid

skidamarink singing, Shamokin
speaking scrivener, scuzzy,
spunky, starved, submissively
suicidal, sunburned,
salaried shuffling senescent
snoutish soundcloud shutterflying
snapchatting schnorrer.

Tuesday, June twenty first
at 5:13 Ante Meridian
Eastern standard time
will find Earth's North Pole tilted
closest toward sun. This demarcates

most daylight hours of the year for
people living the northern hemisphere.
Just shy of high noon sun (less than
twelve hours from drafting these lines)
nearest star in solar system reaches
highest point in the sky.

Hence hasty intent to beat buzzer sound
dashing off riding figurative one seahorse
open sleigh madly awk cross cyber sea,
aye rudder sally forth (slogging thru
virtual flotsam and jetsam) with poetic

obeisance paid to average size ball of
Earth, wind and fire, my out of this
world quasi stellar benediction, since
Earthlings traveled thru space/time
continuum circa complimenting
summer solstice at Stonehenge
when the sky is clear, the sun rises
behind the Heel stone, the ancient entrance
to the circle, and rays of sunlight channelled
into the centre of the monument.

Perchance bajillion years ago, when predecessors
of present day primates (**** sitter terribly
less a bomb bin hubble), versus twenty first
century **** sapiens predilection for total
mortal kombat graphically spiraling downward

zeroing (kamikaze like), analogy drawn,
viz subjective mathematical roulette curves,
albeit hypotrochoids and epitrochoids staining
countless grains of sand, count them yourself,
yielding result (somewhere very loosely
approximating 7.5 x 1018, or seven quintillion,
five hundred quadrillion grains.

Such minutiae less significant within the realm
of present day **** sapiens, whose lives less
linkedin with phenomena affecting life on this
oblate spheroid, (which could come to a crashing
halt predicated on burgeoning human population
jeopardizing sustainable planet presuming
industrial paradigm prevails, thence man/
woman kind will unwittingly trumpet, and
or sound claxon (ex post facto), while
warming temperatures melt glaciers,

asper huge popsicles drowning
multitudinous habitats courtesy of
violent meteorologic cataclysms, where
Noah ark will be big enough to save majority

of creatures, and (wherein no art of the deal)
savvy enough to wall off sky high tidal
Katrina and the waves, then nature will (make
a killing) relishing tidying Atlas sized tureen

if necessary applying pledged finishing touches
repurposing third rock for another species slated
to inherit pseudo tabula rasa after Campbells,
and broth hers detox polluted primordial soup
i.e. once cleansed of poisons, thus...I condense
my Green New Deal spiel!

Midwinter night dream filled
with balm of June solstice rays
lackadaisical and carefree months ideal time
to while away pronounced illuminated days
outdoor sports a favorite choice
occupies athletic population
which venues witness frequent surge
and spill of overtime plays
another popular milieu
favorable climate awakens
constitutes habitués vacationers visit
ashore popular waterways
beachfront shoreline inundated
by mass exodus of sun worshippers
tidal seaboard awash
along every square inch
human species splashes to keep cool
within ocean and bays.

Six months ago bitter cold
and dark snow filled skies
wrought undeserved vengeance
viewed from these eyes
who after each and
every major winter storm
donned proper attire
to stay warm outside
while clearing walkway
with shovel in hand
executed repetitive motion
akin to how boater plies
similar (yet reversed)
****** swing of arms
now readily prepares for execution
of most difficult seasonal task
requires usage of most complex muscle
the source of poetry witty and wise.

Awake to the solar celestial sea chant
mourning regarding species no longer extant
thus upon figurative shoulders of youth
tasked with survival of humanity
a behemoth nearly impossible mission
younger generations unfairly saddled
with obligatory filched grant
courtesy when fossil fuels
broadcast onset of four Industrial Revolutions
spewing paradigm viz free market capitalist kant
now quashing, thrashing, wrestling against rant
long fostering **** sapiens dominance.

Starry-eyed dark matter
of infinite space
espied by countless eons
since original human race
became cognizant of her/
his terrestrial place
gilding the heavens with strings
of pearly hued lace
closer to earth charting
early skywatchers to notice moon face
held captive via gravitational brace
while zodiac archer aims
cocked bow, where knocked feathers
sans arrow complete an awesome
fantastic bullseye ace.

Mother nature’s ornery primates supreme display
said massive breastworks broadcast inlay
feat of awesome accomplishment
finds yours truly humbled okay
with his feeble limitations
engendering ample rocky tsuris oy vey.

primary idiopathic palmar/
palmoplantar hyperhidrosis
despite taking  Glycopyrrolate
2 MG Tablet three times daily.

Aforementioned physiological malady
the bane worse than death
unwanted and unwonted figurative
(metaphorical) beast of burden
linkedin with matrix constituting mine
corporeal essence genetically
gifted to yours truly,
invariably, objectionably, and unquestionably
afflicts, impacts, and upsets
emotional (mental) health
diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder
and aggravated, jump/kickstarted, triggered...,
when body electric
of mine experiences duress.

Tis no fun unable
to join in any reindeer games
(actually quite aggravating)
to experience chronic instances,
whereby profuse sweat drips
(think rivaling Angel Falls),
the loftiest falls on land
inducing extreme self
consciousness and embarrassment.

Socialization compromised,
jeopardized, and sabotaged
against natural proclivity to fraternize,
thus avoidance behavior
(i.e. social distancing) rigorously practiced
way before coronavirus (COVID-19)

mandated staying at least 6 feet
(about 2 arm's length) from other people.
I vaguely recollect even while in utero
sweaty hands cooled courtesy amniotic fluid
yet subsequently observing consternation
obstetrician displayed as

itty bitty teensy weensy fingers
dripped - think faucet turned on full force.
Mein kampf (predominantly
describes solitary existence)
severely exacerbated (still prominent)

ability to function undermined
courtesy deux part and parcel
significant aforestated physiological
and social congenital afflictions
somewhat ameliorated by
about half dozen prescription medications.

I keep hermetically sealed
within our single bedroom apartment
(we lucked out with unit B44
providing us scenic view)
climate controlled when weather
hazy, hot and humid
at sixty degrees Fahrenheit
(you do the math to figure
the Centigrade temperature),
nevertheless these stubby
five fingered appendages
ooze perspiration on par
with spigots gushing sweat.

Worse fate than death finds me
suffering one or more
dogged following plagues:
water turning to blood, frogs, lice,
flies, livestock pestilence, boils, hail,
locusts, darkness and killing
of firstborn children far less oppressive
versus being stricken with Hyperhidrosis.

Sain above identified unpleasant fallout
understandably, quintessentially, and inextricably
linkedin within every fiber
moost likely activated since conception - mine
body electric infiltrated nerve wracking
complex corporeal edifice
interestingly enough solely overbearing
while yours truly wide awake
bright tailed and bushy eyed,
yet sleep ofttimes brings

severely dislocating, disquieting
and discombobulating
subconscious nocturnal experiences,
which frightful, maniacal, and
phantasmagorical vivid dreams
undermines, oppresses, and impinges,
any joie de vivre
creating abominable hell on Earth
thus this dirt poor commoner
pronouncing his intent

to beg, borrow and/or steal
(sell my soul to the devil)
in a desperate effort to secure
and pay King's ransom
to rid myself once and for all
of parasite entrenched nemesis
bleeding dry, leeching, and yoking
writer christened Matthew Scott Harris,
whereby he doth regularly writhe in agony.

Though I posted the following poem
(B)efore (C)ovid, a sense
of glee donned my being
the notion arose to trumpet anew
said literary handily crafted endeavor.

Not far from here -
Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
regular folks going about their business
unwittingly participated in history,
a couple scant few years
after the American Revolution.

Two hundred forty three
(12.3 score) years ago
countless stripling soldiers
strapping farming homeboys
healthy agrarian lads
raised among generations

unseasoned lads in summer re:
offspring original settlers heirs
family acreage encompassed
wide uninterrupted forested swaths
across sprawling vistas
sparsely populated enclaves,

now heavily industrialized
lovely bones occupying
unmarked never known graves
buried amidst avast
cleft rapacious urbanization
long forgotten innocent youths

hailing within then bucolic
Montgomery, Delaware and Chester county
forsook their young precious lives
voluntarily promising sons
risking life and limb
more often former versus latter

sacrificing stripling flesh
encompassing urbanized tracts
quite familiar to yours truly
suddenly made aware
unbeknownst till yesterday
informative literary handiwork

titled "A Glimpse of Freedom"
engagingly written by Douglas Shupinski
details innocently naive country bumpkins
sacrificing potential sweat of brow,
albeit grueling labor
fostering holistic existence

transforming boyz to men
hardened green soldiers
into battle weary fighters
regarding, kickstarting, envisioning
inchoate cause named freedom
emancipating fledgling America

against British throne
awareness percolates,
perturbs, permeates psyche
synchronizing, manifesting, galvanizing
how past historical events
within close proximity,

where I mostly resided
since birth, now experience
absorption, communion, edification...
with dead souls
nearly deathly quiet
only most perceptive can detect!

strewn into a bajillion little pieces

Unexpected largesse
yours truly patiently waits,
a metaphor of my dire financial straits
courtesy papa's unsuspecting muse
the missus, this wordsmith notates
unwittingly linkedin to his misfortune,
a situation he hates,
especially, an unavoidable crisis,
whereby passage of time abates
negligible onus of penury.

Soon after surrendering
(viz laundering) cash to bitcoin
immediately realized sinister trap
scammer prepared me to enjoin
egregious outcome surpassing
severe case of acne
treatment courtesy isotretinoin.

My ordinarily clear complexion turned wan
imprecation triggered suicidal ideation
overdosing on medication
escape from absolute zero
vanished capital pennilessness *******
welcoming self induced mortality did spawn.

Though weeks elapsed
since scammer
(smoked top of line cigars,
and/or quaffed vintage
amber liquid of the gods
signaling snagging a poor sucker)
made out like a bandit,
the squandered money
I still bemoan,

a grown man doth still groan
moroseness seeps
within his lovely bones
witnessing him curling
into fetal position versus lying prone
forever and anon envisioning himself
cast into the outer limits
of the twilight zone.

As a fool hardy way
to assuage loss,
where illusions of grandeur stray,
I regularly purchase lottery tickets
either Mega Million or Powerball
imagining being the lucky winner
then livingsocial
as a bachelor farmer in Norway

chomping down a delicious plateful
of powder milk biscuits
after countless hours pitching hay
while custom made robot named Barbie
adeptly programmed to prepare
Lefse, Krumkake, Lutefisk,
and Raspeball/Komle/Klubb,
she also doubles up as the abbé
of my fortress domicile.

Ha... an overactive imagination to boot
healthy escape from the maws of destitution
nevertheless, one old baby boomer coot,
who can prevaricate
knowing full well nobody
(especially the folks
from Lake Wobegon) cannot dispute
these marvelous turns of phrases I execute
while listening to The Magic Flute
an opera in two acts
by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
to a German libretto

by Emanuel Schikaneder
and of course after wolfing down
Norwegian cuisine listed above,
I will need (sorry to be cheeky) exercise
thy well endowed glute
(short for gluteus muscles)
a group of muscles
that make up the buttock area,
which group consists
of the gluteus maximus,
gluteus medius, and gluteus minimus.

concerning yours truly
poor righteous leftist sole.

Attempting nightly ritual
nsync with sole and
instep of beat
January second 11:33
two thousand twenty two
footwear equipped with
custom made cleat
proudly standing tall
(think) as an elite
able, eager, and ready
to sprint skyhigh fleet
ting into netherlands
(towering well over
other wiry contestants,
hence exception to

maximum height waved
outrageous illegitimate forfeit
chore blithely Atlas shrugged off),
the fountain head
whereby marathoner Olympian
amidst godly pantheon did greet,
then melted starter blocks
competitors crouched tigerlike
deftly gunning generating barreling heat
fast as greased lightning
Achilles catapulted courtesy blur,
zee mister (oak kay)
tree - man, i.e. helpmeet,
he roundly squared off
accompanied by his wifely entreat
for sakes Pete.

Thus situated, positioned, and finagled
husbandry duty obliging the misses,
no matter she kick started
(think thrashing outsize toddler)
childish task deemed
markedly cockameemie design,
subsequently these little feet (mine)
stood stolid upon bedroom floor
she did man date me,

supplicating, necessitating,
imploring, and decrying divine
intercession, cuz thee mademoiselle
did authoritatively assign,
thee mister getting mine
handy dandy grip upon her supine
corpulent physique
outstretched leaden legs
awaiting (the missus)

salute perfect sign
to commence powerfully
prying and pulling
first straight then nine
tee degrees practically pulling
footloose and eventually
detaching fancy free
thunder thighs, what strong
amazing anatomical design

nearly defying might
of super rich a$$ a nein
bird brainer heron
an ill eagle cro-magnon scheme
to untie clodhoppers
snug as a bug in a rug,
whence laces unknotted free
and clear whirled,
wide webbed formerly tangled skein
fo shoe more intolerable
than swallowing quinine.

(warning ungapatchka language ahead)

Hence plead ding for
Mary Poppins wannabe
with snap of her fingers
can affect ship shape
tidiness, which task
needed before May 2022
when yearly inspection
indeed takes place.

Flush with rage the spouse
will become allied
if reference made
how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely
if divorce blurted
making me wish
to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine
pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide
markedly appalling untidy
predilection she blithely
exhibits woeful scant
interest to maintain
can-do spirit affecting plea

zing aesthetic humble abode
ofttimes slacking
off cleaning trail
of abomination, which talent
includes unwittingly cultivating
qua primordial
soup possibly
duplicating conditions when life
originated (bajillion years ago)
on planet Earth
witnessed courtesy think
gummy, groovy, gooey,
gloppy, (nippy, nap, noopy)
protoplasmic slimy
oozing blob (starring
Steve McQueen) amoeba

like swallowing small towns
with names such as
Chester Springs, Downingtown,
Phoenixville, & Royersford
hungering, hinting, and hankering
to hasten home hearing
Harris harridan hooligan
hoopla conniption purportedly
linked into order
issued courtesy board of health
for hen pecking
wife to hustle &
make house beautiful for Biden
(accompanied with hit parade)
announcing (yea)

at long last Republican
administration overhaul
which fête yours truly slated
to host determined
(weeks ago), thus
necessitating legally wedded
counterpart to apply
elbow grease in tandem
to render **** & span
where unsightly food scraps,
soiled clothes, scattered papers,
et cetera strewn
helter skelter, the disarray
the culmination of 4+
years occupying these digs
in Schwenksville, Pa.

Upon being told
"get the place in ship shape order"
she went ballistic like bupkis
fired out me gluteus
maximus, (whereat
I couldn't help but think ICBM)
yea, an incongruous thought
as she rattled vitriolic,
colorful expletives
coarse language enough would
make sailor blush
shutting his yapper uttering before
he even uttered
"shiver me timbers," hence clatter
and din created cacophonous
noise as my fair lady

affected one woman
siege warfare as pots and pans
flew pell mell thru air
while I took refuge in fallout
shelter unused since
total mortal kombat destroyed
major swath of webbed
wide world, global debacle
our dear leader triggered
(when in pensive mood) he
lobbed weapons of
mass destruction after being axed
to "go back home" meaning
his mother planet Uranus.

Petersen House, Washington, D.C.

I admit to own a passion
for the Civil War in general,
and the life and death of
the sixteenth president in particular
between a hard spot of whiskey
and draughts of arrack;
nonetheless (without doubt), this Yankee
would be fain to travel back
to Antebellum America
amidst the urban din and clack

where smelting earsplitting,
choking industrialization
a deaf fin hit drawback,
and where dark shadows cast an eternal
edge of night twilight zone pallor
tubby somewhat exact
from mighty robber barons,
who tolerated no flack
(nope not even Roberta)
despite the bleeding nose against grindstone
inhumanity bearing down hard
with very little giveback
viz zit head as greenback

yes...no matter the noxious
crash course urbanization
(and attendant ghettoization)
breeding a lung wrenching tuberculosis hack,
this twenty first century middle aged
married man (an average Monterey Jack
***), whose sought after
claim to fame penchant
modestly admits to **** knack

crafting literary concoctions with no lack
of ideas, where one arose
strong as an oncoming mack
truck (this vibrant fascination
with the American Civil War
(even before Ken Burns popularized
calamitous event) in non black
and white (digitally remastered technicolor)
exemplified, enumerated, and emphasized
how a minor dispute got way off,track
whereat stately commander in chief did pack
a punch analogous sans, barreling forth
like unstoppable quarterback
despite his six foot four inch
gangly physique cull rack
tried his darnedest,
(or substitute unprintable epithet)
yet a coterie of anti war subjects
figuratively and literally up in arms

wanted nothing less to sack
the sixteenth president,
whose aged fifty seven year old countenance
one month after
Ides of March death didst dance
during the low key celebration sans,
internecine bloodbath Grants'
and Lees' armistice
one hundred and fifty seven years ago;

the peace treaty signed
(April 9th, 1865) at Appomattox,
an irrevocable agony did blow
when that fateful, mournful,
somber night at Ford's Theater
the grim reaper didst appear
(like Jim) crow king
ably linkedin with Reconstruction
after one shot rang out blasting,
where crimson tide didst flow
drowning American history
at that juncture grow

wing no less painless today, which hoo
veer ring agony didst smite
incomprehensible cleft mow
wing down unfinished ambition, which no
one other than Abraham Lincoln could sow
the racial rift, that slavery trucked in tow
generations shackled with compounded woe

that fateful April 15, 1865
at approximately 10:20 p.m
one hundred plus fifty seven years; it's been
long since deceased taking deadly
gunshot punctuated deadly din,
whence fifteen plus decades passed sans
conspirator tried to get even
at Ford’s theater – forever
eviscerating thin lipped grin
of the sixteenth president - still
his unrealized promising dreams with in

Reconstruction paradigm presses
historians to speculate what kin
ship his unrealized post-bellum blueprint
while he sat in his booth,
attended a performance of the comedy
Our American Cousin that night
when a bullet entered below
the president's left ear,
bored diagonally through his brain
and stopped behind his right …

wrought him slumped over,
now tis 7 score + 17 years witnessed
assassination of Abraham Lincoln
team of rivals mastermind, re: the
American Civil War wreck con struck shin
yet…his positive affects find him
honored with outsize depictions and a con tin
hue wing legacy sustained, whereby
hearts and minds he posthumously did win.

Said enigmatic man shrouded and idolized
with beatific, democratic essence
fantastic, honorific, pacific aura, dogma,
and persona with meager off fence
to generations of United States citizens –
enthralled ladies and gents
whose reverberations and ramifications

of humane karma lives on – hence
begotten progeny enjoying freedoms
perchance ensconced with rapt innocence
or those inured with sensibility and sense
can bequeath pride without prejudice
whether living in splendour or in tents
toward Illinois railroad log splitter,
whose humble roots forged steely covenants.

Alternately titled: 111th leap year since 1582
the year Pope Gregory XIII world leader
(i.e. essentially paterfamilias among
Roman Catholic flock)
timely maneuvered around calendrical rock
and hard space implementing
viable system tracking years ad hoc
out of sync and lock
step by one day
with astronomical calendar,

slated more'n acceptable tick tock
off kilter around the year of 4818
after common era making mock
re: regarding mankind organizing and
witnessing global chockablock
Democratic celebratory anniversary party
millenniums after Republican dynastic deadlock
thoroughly walled imponderable gridlock
worse fate than quaffing hemlock
practically snuffing out lock, stock

and barrel constitutional birthrights
thirteen original American
founding fathers ghosts experiencing shock
how initial inalienable rights
activists sacrificing life and limb
united with linkedin armlock
said freedom fighters shackled
within crowded jail moldering cinderblock
cold upon hemorrhoid riddle buttock
diehard libertarians unified, pilloried, denounced

legion with repulsion as Shylock
purported, reputed, touted playwright
(William Shakespeare's sited anti semite
The Merchant Of Venice) doth mock
Judaism in vogue four hundred plus years ago,
smoldering think white supremacists i.e. skinheads
violently aiming to knock
non Caucasians upside the head
courtesy pistol whip,
and/or emptying gunstock

into human flesh disenfranchise scaring up
one after another racial and/or ethnic aftershock
aforementioned celebrated bard unwittingly
strictly opinion of me:silly poet -
despite hashtagged as laughingstock,
(plus vitriolic objection taken)
voiced by Shakespearean expert defenders,
yours truly reckons mine thought provoking blurb
regarding storied, lauded, and feted Globe theater
literary King my interpretations not crock

Earth's orbit around the Sun (year)
and rotation on its axis (day) where
latter not perfectly in line there
by necessitating
smooth functioning of Gregorian calendar
(also called New Style Calendar)
which did premiere
fifteen eighty two courtesy king's spear.

Ever since 1752, whence
in the modern sense
the first leap year implemented
madding crowds reportedly rioted
most likely uttering expletive
than "what nonsense"

reportedly riots erupted
courtesy chaos did arrange,
when England made the change
spurring some citizens
demanding immediate compensatory exchange
they get their 11 days back home on their range
from the government haint so strange.

To determine whether a year is a leap year,
follow these steps without Fanfare
For The Common Man
the famous title of Aaron Copland air:

1. If the year is evenly divisible by 4,
go to step 2. Otherwise, go to step 5.

2. If the year is evenly divisible by 100,
go to step 3. Otherwise, go to step 4.

3. If the year is evenly divisible by 400,
go to step 4. Otherwise, go to step 5.

4. The year is a leap year (it has 366 days).

5. The year is not a leap year (it has 365 days)
   The Gregorian calendar will have gained a day by the year 4818 CE (2,794 years from now), so at some point there will be a Gregorian leap year specially made not a leap year. The logical thing to do would be to make 3204 CE not a leap year, pushing the calendar from 1/2 day ahead of the solar year to 1/2 day behind the solar year. Making that decision is about 1,000 years in the future.
     The Gregorian calendar is still slightly too long relative to the mean tropical year (which very slowly gets shorter). At some point in the future, it will be necessary to have fewer leap years (or days), not more. No one has agreed to anything yet, but the 400 year centennial rule could be changed to 500 years, the millennial leap year in 4000 (and some other future dates) could be skipped, various other possibilities, but all require a reduction in leap years, not a double leap year or extra leap years.
     The first leap year was in 45BC. There were supposed to be 12 leap years from 45BC through 1 BC, but there might have been an extra because the Romans initially botched the implementation of the system. But let’s say there were 12. Then, had the Julian calendar been kept all this time there would have been another 500 leap years from 4AD through 2000AD for a total of 512 leap years by now. But most of us are using the Gregorian calendar. This fact makes the question subject to different interpretations. When switching to the Gregorian calendar countries using it agree to retroactively cancel leap years that the Gregorian calendar would not have recognized if it were in place since the beginning (45 BC). 1BC would still have been a leap year (it corresponds to 0000AD) but of the remaining intervening 20 years ending in 00AD, only 5 of them would have been leap years, meaning, if you accept that interpretation, 512–15 = 497 is the total number of leap years so far.
     But there’s another interpretation, that once a leap year is acknowledged in a place in history, there was a leap year then regardless of whether the Gregorian calendar was adopted there at some time later. Since the dates of adoption range from the late 1500’s to the early 1900s that would mean that some places have skipped over only 3 leap years out of the 512 (beginning with 1700) some 2 leap years of the 512, some 1 of the 512, and some haven’t skipped any (those places that kept the Julian calendar until around WWI, such as Russia.) So in this interpretation, depending on the country you’re interested in there have been either 509, 510, 511 or 512 leap years since 45BC.

Stream of photons bathe
top heavy fountainhead of sunflower.

Analogous to Atlas
shrugging, hoisting, grappling...
with planet Earth, the heavyweight
discobolus buoyantly held aloft
upon robust stem
tracks the heavenly orientation
of said hypothetical nearest star.

This immense distance,
nonetheless still affects majestic seeded head
tracing weighty radial
circular motion in miniature, along the ground.

Imperturbable rotation evokes
invisibly linkedin plumbline
stretching approximately 92.96 million miles.

This number represents
average distance calculated
between solar body and oblate spheroid.

Greatest (more accurately farthest) interspace
separates sun and namesake
(scientifically identified inflorescence,
particularly called capitulum)
during late summer/ early autumn.

Said aphelion approximately
coincides with full blooming bouquet,
which quiet rioting,
snapchatting, twittering birds,
(who reddit in Daily Sun)
immediately golong orderly
pecking, kickstarting, buzzfeeding...
capital one fancy feast.

Nothing but mush shelled husk remains.

These gouged out hollowed insides
represent most successful plant
regarding said species.

Oft times newly planted seeds,
and/or transplanted shooted seedlings
(I bore witness),
and watched in horror
as tendered, nurtured, kindled...
vulnerable inchoate fragile tendrils
indiscriminately, gamely easily
plucked from ground zero.

***** nilly free for all allows, enables,
and provides ample opportunity
to observe fair and equitable distribution gifted
courtesy cornucopia fulfilling the maws
of hungry diverse terrestrial mouths to feed.

Invariably predators harbor taste
for unsuspecting oblivious
indulgent gourmandizing aves,
and quick make short shrift
despatching captive bird done deal.

Such happens tubby caw of the wild,
cuz copacetic, holistic, organic,... paradigm
embraced by yours truly steeped
within ethos, whereby the mighty heft
wielded by **** sapiens must not signal
green light for deadly pesticides
to exterminate delicate of world wide web.

Despite being one crazy and fungi,
I feel him mold dinned
to relish resultant morning glory
awash with beaming, strapping, waxing...
yellow petaled ray flowers offering me
an Uber spiritual lyft shining
upon countenance of
returning native son!

in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
recorded July sixth nineteen sixty
upon birth of she who doggedly
pursued me to the ends of the earth
and what not take no as an answer.

Unbeknownst to yours truly
a baby girl got born
sixty three years from aforementioned date;
she automatically triggered
excited buzzfeeding murmurs
heard amidst the madding crowd
patiently awaiting to secure their eats
at none other than Horn & Hardart
offering their house special,
albeit free of charge;

the grandfather of present day
food service industry company Grubhub
acknowledged storied birth
with roster of special guests such as:
Connie Francis, Eddie Cochran
(the latter came all the way over
from the United Kingdom),
and even then president
Dwight David Eisenhower
made guest appearance.

Meanwhile, about sixty plus miles away
a little boy, (who lived
in Levittown, Pennsylvania)
experienced a fleeting warm gentle caress
identical to soft summer breeze
linkedin to sugar and spice
and everything nice;
he smiled and unknowingly blushed
unaware his destined lifemate
secured courtesy good housekeeping

seal of approval,
which may seem
like an otter outrageous claim,
but mark my words approximately
thirty orbitz around the sun later
would witness his heartthrob
(currently snoozing away on the bed)
pledging to accept first one contra dance
after another until... death due him part.

I ofttimes sat alone
on the concrete steps
at Summit Presbyterian Church
6757 Greene Street, Philadelphia, PA 19119
perusing contents of reading material
unable to focus on the words,
cuz excitement prevailed
to exalt in an evening of pure ecstasy.

The third Thursday each month
at eight o'clock post meridiem
held special significance
at above named facility,
which constituted kibitizing,
fraternizing, but especially flirting
while contra dancing
usually with no ulterior motive.

Our fate got sealed upon occasion,
when I willingly shared Neptune Salad
(a discontinued product sold at Wawa)
with lass who stood
all of four feet and eleven inches
and sported trademark long thick hair,
whose locks (I dreadfully report
long since got lopped off),
then rivalled those of Rapunzel.

As an introverted generic
long haired pencil necked geeky lad
always awkward in the company of people
(even making small talk),
an eventual comfort to converse arose
with longitudinally challenged referenced gal,
whose buzzfeeding dialogue
indeed jump/kick started
us to exchange tidbits about ourselves,
such as address, age, birthday...
and other general information,
hence bringing to my awareness
regarding special occasion
she made debut appearance
within webbed, wide world.

Said lass subsequently
became dance partner for life
after she found herself with child
we became husband and wife.

After experiencing a severe,
albeit violent near lethal bout
of irritable bowel syndrome
(yesterday night August 30th, 2023)
triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets plus
healthy portion of lentils,
I (a beatle browed, foo fighting,
night ranger needing nirvana)
imperiled me to twist and shout
as a whirling dervish analogous
to F5 tornado bread a deep purple
to kiss earth, wind and fire
hopscotching across terrestrial plain.

Irritable bowel syndrome
in my pinion wracked
lower abdominal area (mine)
bubbled, gurgled and ballooned
sub stomach gastrointestinal tract
vis a vis flatulence crooned
in tandem with subsequent expulsion
explosively eliminated ***** waste
witnessed this scribe forcibly
zipping, sprinting, jetting to bathroom,

self propulsion (a race against time)
nsync with contraction of sphincter muscles'
spasmodically, desperately braced
body electric of mine hurled
at light speed across the universe
courtesy unpleasant symptoms
that mimicked anxiety/ panic attack,
which tortuousness, odorousness, insidiousness,
horrendousness, gaseousness, arduousness...
played mean game of (gastrointestinal
knick knack paddywhack havoc.

Ofttimes in the past
irritable bowel syndrome
affrighted, afflicted, and affected me,
hence yours truly no stranger
to making light of offal plight
and even managing to craft poem
else my alias not mister rhyme stir,
who found himself held hostage
self barricaded in the water closet,
where thoughts about mooning

did not crack a smile,
more explicitly baring derriere
tubby more exact
humor did little to cheer me up -
matter of fact
no source of laughter manifested,
(despite usual presence of chuckles
from this fan of good humor) hijacked
for what seemed a maternity leave
from all mothers tub be

thus envision, a bevy of pregnant gals
aching with cramps heave
ving (times square of the hippopotamus)
with ****** fully dilated key
ping alert, when mother nature ready
to pull out all stops (via umbilical cord)
to deliver bundle of joy followed
in quick succession with after birth re:
placental sack, hence
said effort to expel newborn

the closest scenario
experienced ill suited
to Saint Vitus dance
afflicting this anxiety prone
lovely bones, an all expense
paid (seat of the pants)
accursed bane of proletariat grants
no truce to attend
found me pampered doubled over stance.

Modus operandi to distract
against acute pain crisis
yielded impossible mission
exhibited courtesy haphazard poem  
awaiting unsolicited feedback
across rock of ages woke
beguiling ghostly ***** spectre
courtesy Marie-Antoinette,
(i.e. bride of France's arty choke
King Louis XVI) bespoke

let him eat cake, and (sic)
send back the ****** bloke,
aye suddenly begot idea rye
Jack Corner of zee desk
didst impale and provoke
moderately painful injury
right side rib cage
analogous to intriguing
unfortunate circumstance
mysterious secret shrouded

as dagger and cloak
(think Alfred E. Neuman,
viz MAD Magazine), yes no joke
lovely bones of me body electric,
(particularly right side rib cage)
severely traumatized, nailed, injured...
crucified oft told umteen times,
yet omitting key mirrors and smoke,
significant Dorian Gray parallel,
when former antique,

viz secrétaire looking glass reflection,
spider hairline fractures radiated
resembled bay of pigs in a poke
ham handedly oinked,
quaked, shattered... broke
into bajillion pieces
deafening, exploding,
glowering thunder stroke
jagged shrapnel size shards
unleashed cosmic force
lacerated, gnashed, beribboned...

impeaching flesh with
one engulfed masterstroke,
no rhyme nor reason aiming to choke
off promising poet (ha) of corpse
resembling scrambled egg yolk
posthumous fame besmoke
salvaged mine besmirched reputation
courtesy humble cartoon character
bugs bunny and kinfolk spoke
daffy fully goofily
eulogizing humor did evoke.

Grisly horror jawbones Kristallnacht
totalitarian brandishes, flaunts, launches
global threat half cocked.

Vladimir Putin itching
to loose nuclear bomb
end of the world scenario ofttimes
iterated throughout history
though an atheist (actually Unitarian),
no doubt this, that or another psalm
countless times the Bible
references Armageddon and doomsday
impossible mission to remain
cool, collected and calm.

Whether affiliated with donkey or elephant
Democrat or Republican viz
blue war red respectively
political hot issues don't amount
to a (Sam) hill of beans
when Sword of Damocles count
approaches zero hour
as global tensions mount

signaling increased chance
trigger finger will free
avast nuclear winter
(across world wide web) re:
leasing plethora, pyrocumulus
mushroom clouds tree

mend us planetary explosions
annihilating webbed wide
world, an irrevocable
indeed earthlinked debacle
spelling widespread species
multitudinous extinction
ex post de facto after super
bowling powers (wannabe) vied

to wrest empowerment spanning
entire realm sans third rock
from the father, sun and holy ghost,
who turned substantial pockets
of flora and fauna
once populating oblate spheroid ad hoc
significant swaths of life forms
pulverized and/or turned to ash
transformed into radioactive wasteland
giving T.S. Eliot a run for his money
after war mongers brash
lee usurped hegemony
(ruling inhabitants
of Gaia with an iron fist
with a smidgen of flavoring
courtesy of Missus Dash

superfluous taste enhancer,
when sibling burnt offering views
between Venus and Mars incendiary
tolled mourning news
smithereens sole remnant
poisoned every square inch
from weapon of mass destruction

that did cruise
engendering thick noxious fog
disabling fox but not cockroach
while smoldering seas and continents

skull and crossbones didst poach
amidst the gasified, liquified, pureed
where holographic ghoulish super bowl coach

rendering lifelessness home for menagerie
where virtue trounced vice as organisms
(particularly one primate) didst try
(predominant 21st century simians)
tool heave with amity, comity, and empathy
animals and plants an experiment
that went awry

presaging a nuclear winter with nary a winner
implicating mankind as the absolute sinner
instantaneously after Doomsday Clock
signaled point of no return
where grim reaper the sole grinner
feasting on human flesh for dinner.