Childhood campy chimera curtain call
subsequently hinting (based on accuweather)
the approach of blizzard squall
so burrow under quilted cover y'all
until warm temperatures arrive when springtime
ushers social media platforms
buzzfeeding earthlinked instant karma
jump/kickstarting linkedin outlook
twittering romance in the air that's zall
mother nature holds in store
after Old Man Winter
(lame as a duck this year)
attempts to make one last hooha.

Arctic bitter dead of winter cold
ice sole ace shun finds solitudinarian
to ******* (not prematurely)
shiver me timbers
cursing fate (and diagnosis of
schizoid personality disorder) for being alone
while polar vortex deep sub zero temperatures
freezes each lovely bone
excellent existential prized memory
swimmingly recalls boyhood

listening to drone
of various and sundry
en deer ring fauna
extant amidst greensward,
where imagination hath flown
to imaginary Eden lyft ting
uber a maize zing ears
cocked while doodling towards
Mother Nature's petsmart crafted chorus
flushing out soundcloud

queen of happy campers
with bees zee winged
wonders as they hone
suite tracks unstinting
well crafted aural presentations
intended to entice
a mate opposite jejune
targeting their search
nsync with one or another
favorable counterpart, this buzzing

destiny could favor a loon
or some other apropos biological entity
(or perchance if desperate
to mate) **** sitter
another species including the manifestation
of microbes on the moon
whereat boys and girls bounding,
exclaiming, and yelping
joie de vivre asper when counselors
blow whistle call at high noon
hour of day iz lunch, thence resuming

their made up fun and par lore games
such as knight in shining armor
dashing off to save
damsel in distress signaling
heroism asserts itself really soon
sans SOS and favorite ringtone
(emulating Fisher Price) tune
of potential prince
where young love doth Flickr
oblivious to a similar situation, aye lichen
to avast Marcy's playground.

Such panoply a prediction
forecast by Doctor Punxsutawney Phil
a blue oyster cult meme burr
thus, in layperson terms
six more weeks of winter for 2023 -
so stay warm to stave off feeling offal
bodes ill for species who clamor for warmth -
supposed tell tale shadow

spelt "N+I+L+L"
and remain in hibernation
if opportunities allow,
and be thankful for not bing forced to mill
around seeking warmth
(case in point a street person),
but ye and the big or 'lil
body of warm flesh adjacent to thee

(this day and age -
unlike stereotypical storybook account
about Jack of all trades and Jill
exhibiting traditional garb
many kin did instill  
gender preference a moot factor),
or take stock, stock and barrel,
how other creatures great and small

burrow underground under a hill
(shaped like an upside down pineapple)
or reef amphibians, mammals, reptiles...
instinct can remain
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
a fictitious place evoked by Jules Verne,...
hmm...maybe he might breathe
courtesy of an atavistic gill,
who would downplay brouhaha
to avoid any cavil;
nevertheless any objectionable content
forward complaint to yours truly
stating point of view
before the end of April.

Mein kampf fraught re:
emotionally/psychologically challenged
impossible mission to cope
compared to classmates, I felt like a dope
and entertained escapist fantasies,
whereby Miss Rainbow
(sixth grade student teacher),
though robbing the cat's cradle,
she would abscond with me,
a shy skinny little boy
and we would elope
to a make believe edenic world
of blessedness, harmony, peacefulness...
yanking me out from
self made subterranean
hermetically sealed vault
analogous to being locked into
Plato's allegory of the caves,
this ascetic at shadows didst *****
subsequently...lifelessly dangling
at the end of his figurative rope.

Deep within the bowels of the Earth
immensely distant from the sheltering sky
amidst a thick fog enveloped landscape
with here and there a projected
craggy, derelict chasm
precipitously crooked
rocky claws pointing toward
an infinitely wide yawning abyss
dwelt kindred spirits
comprising a Soul Asylum,
where The Grateful Dead (albeit marked
via weathered tombstones)
hermetically sealed
once vibrant corporeal mortals
betook their eternal slumber.

One among their number
included a swiftly styled harried recluse,
who sported long straggly hair
bushy eyebrows shielding cold eyes of steel
scraggly bearded clammy chin
in tandem with a hairy body,
which when alive (long time ago)
upheld upon unshod feet a severely

hunchbacked ******
within dense pitch-black terrain
(Mother Nature enlisting
a menagerie of life forms
accustomed to hellish environment)
awash with unrecognizable
alien sights and sounds
mollycoddling bewitching warlocks,

mailer daemons, trolling trojan horses
imps of the pervert The Chieftains, fiery
long and fostered Golems,
who called underworld
their private demesne
also alluded to Marcy's playground
holding hostage Alice in Chains
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

The Beastie Boys,
The Human League, and
Village People a Crowded House
emitting wisps of ethereal matter
appearing like a small medium at large
chatbot twittering, snapping, flickering
indeed joyus minions
exalting piety good and plenti.

Prone ounce sing proud purgatory
promoting protean phantasmagoria
hideous hulu hoop dancing holograms
highly distorted grotesque
silent screaming sinister banshees
slithering across escarpment.

Echoing from one end
of the universe to the other
putting to shame the initial big bang
ranking as a mere whimper
that original primordial blast
which cosmological exploits
generated heavenly sphere instantaneously
comparison viz Krakatoa times Googleplex
essentially reduced to insignificance
albeit on the analogous tinker toy

premised conjectures of brilliant minds
that could only gander feeble educated guesses
asper extraordinary natural phenomena
mortal mankind could never approximate
as belligerent threats
punctuated via nuclear warfare
merely rates as a flickr amidst
uber kindle jump/kick starting,
pinteresting snap chatting
tinder blinks, extinguishes,
snuffs out one lowly
Beatle browed bipedal simian.

and ruffling turkey feathers!

An innocent A1 miss steak kin kith
once, a former main lion resident
living social where Tigress and Euphrates
converge and pool into Lake Wobegone  
necessitate extensible claws
to CAPTCHA unsuspecting top notch praise
omnipresent among cat skills
hidden from public scrutiny
iz cow herd vegetarian boar
hoof faux whatever reason explore
ring beak homing hootie and the blowfish
foo fighting beastie boy

regarding akin getting turned into transgender
goo goo doll, who doth
newt practice, what he/she preaches
nevertheless please befriend me
a (goofball - gipper generic and gallant
aging baby boomer and
long haired pencil necked geek i.e.) your
truly audacious, efficacious,
judicious, and perspicacious
wordsmith, who though married
thwarts egg gone eye zing hen pecking
courtesy unnamed ruler of roost.

Mystery man battens down amply spacious
(think webbed wide wolf gang proof)
lot for free roaming chickens,
who as little chicks respond courtesy peep
so cute, I vowed to become vegetarian
disassembled cramped coop hatches,
though impossible mission
to swear off being craving meat
even if juiced a braised animal morsel
whets appetite of carnivore

so... call me galore
re: us hypocritical plant dependent chap,
this honest to dog omnivore – more
accurately said buzzfeeding primate -
**** sapiens, he whelk hams
adieu after quick bonjour
hears ear splitting donkey hote tee mockery
analogous feat cheering despondent eeyore
nudging deaf finning stubbornness quite a chore
to motivate Jenny, she finally relents

and distills mine genuine goodness
qua gentle prodding unable to ignore,
especially sensing favorite treat
which carrot and stick ruse admits transgression,
and slyness teasing out desired objective,
similar to wily, totally tubular quirky logophile
employing double entendres,
now wonders wherefore
whether thou art still
game to read remaining adore

hub bull poetry of mine
understandable if ye deplore
such tongue in cheek
atrocious, egregious, ingenious, opprobrious...,
(just shy violating ethical core
**** regarding straying)
against dietary herbivore
rudimentary eel lamb ants
(chocolate covered my dear Watson)
boot fault in the starfish...por

favor mice elf can
oxe plain twittering like plover
with reasonable rhyme for sure
don't get doggy dimples in bunch
cause to skewer me but... but before...
sending killing squad to slaughter -
this puppy, aye kindly honour
my wish and don
me noggin with pompadour
as fetching drag queen

torpedo sized *****
squirting parti-color
milk as self defense mechanism
averting casus belli, thus
amidst melee I abhor
find self on horns of dilemma
life story of this poor
cooked goose flambé
caught between rock and trapdoor
special cannibal Buddha delight

where madding crowd
chants "send him back"
accursed unconscionable roar
ring anger, but lurch for eats,
an impulsive reflex courtesy extempore
rain nee yes unforgivable poor
craven impulse to up peas hunger
uncontrollably craving regarding carnivore
pang additionally not further injure
ring innocent animals plus more
to this fishy tail than
meats the Wawa birdseye.

Fifth commandment breached regularly
epidemic of gun violence in America
bullets fly, scream and tear into flesh
senseless rampant mass killings
rip across fabric of society
buzzfeeding, jump/kickstarting,
paradigm of mortality.

Since January first
two thousand and twenty three
countless innocent people lost lives
deliberately, yet randomly targeted
shot dead at point blank range
merely going about
their ordinary business.

No clear cut motive nor profile
delineates active shooter(s),
who could be either (or any) gender
and range in age
from grade school to septuagenarian.

The latest homicides woo,
and appease the grim reaper,
where gunman(men)/women slew
***** deeds done dirt cheap
many baker's dozen innocent people
unknowingly and unwittingly drew
(rather gurgled) their last breath
choking on splintered blood vessels
beckoning, issuing, and twittering minimal
horrific animal primal gasps and groans.

Adversarial criminal minds
finds yours truly to interject
reasonable parenthetical rhyme without reason,
thus I temporarily tack tangentially offtrack
with cogent concise contemplation
to extemporize, lyricize, and soliloquize
brutal nasty senselessness
perpetrated courtesy fearsome
half cocked pistol packing maniacs,
whereby evils unrelentingly replaying nightmare
(exceeding cruelty by magnitudes administered

courtesy rocky horror picture show)
of gruesome carnage broadcast across
social media platforms
of killing fields anew,
in the minds of those unfortunate souls
who bear witness to deadly crime,
where odd stark juxtaposition
elicit skeletal goldenrods yellowed stalks
adrip with morning mountain dew
encompassing fresh footprints,
where berserk humans

prowling in the tall grass
(them of naked ape infamous
zoological niche) lately trod
in search of human prey
welcomed unsuspecting killer(s) true
colors transformed into hideous monsters
predictably soothing savage beasts
undertakers grisly task patching
shredded bodies after homicidal maniac
fired bullet(s) setting corpse
recalibrating counting queue.

As month one of new year
(according to Chinese tradition
water rabbit constitutes animal de jure)
allows, enables, and provides
brisk business for crematoriums
or funeral parlors.

Whether native American citizen
or foreigner (perchance student) slain
survivors bereave and issue final adieu,
whether gentile nor Jew,
perhaps including
child named Caillou
instantaneously slain, who
knew
not what felled them
engrossed amidst social ballyhoo

ex post facto registering grievous hue
pallbearers accentuating somber view
eclipsing most recent prior massacres
similar to previous you
ululations reverberate yesterday's sorrows
without handy dandy blue's clue
lame motive explaining
cold blooded slaughter
vis a vis unsurprising discover re:
firearms Jane/ John Q.

Public kept stashed loaded, deployed...
guns up the kazoo
cocked, gauged, primed...
for unleaded opportunity
to unleash barrage
invariable generating hullabaloo
to curb ****** violence
trumpeting predictable brew
ha ha alloyed against National
Rifle Association almighty

elephant in the room courtesy hathi howdah  
supported lobbyist's motley crew
(think three ring circus)
versus increased uproar
protesters chorus nearly few
tile opposition pitted grand Poobah
despite alarming statistics shew
plus increasing fresh gravesites dug
amidst freshly mowed fescue
attesting to wanton shell shocked
headlines indiscriminate brew

tilly assaulting sensibilities
without rhyme nor reason
yet, yours truly doth boo
leave rampant hatred
directly linkedin to
former "FAKE" commander in chief,
(biden his time as patient hunter)
whose acrid, horrid, rabid vitriol
still darkly colors political hue
man gushing ****** fountainhead few

ming and appreciable frothing
lathers up right wing supremacists
greenlighting smoldering new
bile radicals hot headed
volatile mindset whereby
self anointed anarchistic Guru
possibly fuels global warming
evidenced by displaced Inuits
flooding courtesy melting igloo.

untimely death sentence ordained
approximately six months prior
to mother dearest celebrating
her seventieth birthday,
though the last three years of her life
impacted courtesy hysterectomy
to remove malignant growth,
which severely limited
mobility of once vivacious
former Arthur Murray
ballroom dance teacher
when she exuded youthful innocence.

The remaining lines comprising
following reasonable rhyme
crafted quite so many moons ago
exhibit exemplary codified cobbled attempt
to communicate belated filial declaration.

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing
purchase never made at local drugstore
unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably...
birth control taboo subject, best to ignore
subsequently ******* awkwardly coordinated,
consummated, completed extempore
hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded unicellular spore
while in utero ~ early/mid
February I ain't exactly sure
nineteen hundred thirty five - dirt poor
Harriet Harris, fourth, last born
fetched vicinity Coney Island offshore

by stork, became favorite progeny begat
courtesy Morris, and then swore
celibacy forever more
Rebeckah Kuritsky heretofore
harbored inchoate genetic fore
boded, encoded, inscribed
deadly mutations housed,

fetched, dispatched and bore
flawed BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes sketched
affecting circumscribing her allotted mortality
orbitz equaling about three and a half score
unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unwittingly,
her biologic fatal demise indelibly etched.

Breast cancer first brush
sounded death knell
Harriet approximately clocked fifty plus
underwent grueling radiation
plus chemotherapy
carcinoma eradicated allowed,
enabled, provided breathing spell

reprieve accentuated, galvanized, punctuated...
newfound zealous zest almost
nothing could quell
significance pray tell
new lease on life to sell
lib berate cherish, relish, whish

each precious moment
thwarting pell mell
adversity with bon vivant elan
and gusto to issue rebel yell
kickstarting, making breast
livingsocial aye bell,

especially after despite... er... well
her double mastectomy,
she looked fabulously swell
courtesy silicon implants
slight downside reconstituted
racked ***** *****
susceptible to ooze gel.

Many years post remission telltale
diagnosis, viz ovarian,
despite requisite hysterectomy
emotionally did impale,
she instinctually, intuitively,
invariably, yet quiver and quail

against impending demise 24/7 did assail
guardian angel(s) of no avail,
nor did yours truly proffer nurturance
resentment smoldering within this male
red hot poker anger lambasting me
peppered with ultimatums to vamoose,

never got resolved ensuing estrangement
deterred reaching out to embrace,
hearing raspy fading breaths exhale,
miserably tethered with tubes,
when she did severely pine
silently beckoning sole son
never knowing extent she did ail

and after seventeen plus years ago
still grievously, necessarily,
and unquestionably bewail
corporeal essence ashen pale
awkwardly, helplessly, stupidly... I stood
formidable grim reaper foe whisked mother
to Elysian fielded dale.

Bonafide catatonic doggedness,
nevertheless this stubborn stoic poet writ
afore and another feeble effort courtesy
exhaustive mental effort
he brewed den - brought about divine visit
analogously to solve mystery pinpointing
within suspense unveiling whodunnit.

Whereat your true
plane vanilla author's creativity
admittedly drastically did decline
bawling and crying
caterwauling putting any feline,
to shame, hence abandoned grandiose design,
cuz he suddenly contracted

(think fabricates)... what else
flesh eating bacteria unfavorable sign
finding me body stone cold supine
(courtesy brainstorm that went awry)
inducing purgatory nauseating
sensation to *****,
nope not at all feeling fine,

hence literary dream subsequently mine
ambition tanking (think
kamikaze nose diving
minus parachute life line),
sought spiritual guidance ministered
severe existential nihilist crisis
(an understatement)... zip,

absolute zero, and nein
never to witness, nor
restored vigor and vitality,
(sob... sob... sob) ha how asinine,
hence garden variety germane pine
wood coffin evidenced
resembling somber funereal yahrzeit

(/ˈyärˌtsīt,ˈyôr-/) recollecting late mother
helped beget kith and kin of mine,
than as now buzzfeeding appetites decline
possibly courtesy bloodily splattered
white laboratory coated
donned Victor Frankenstein
mister monster master's

repurposed cadaver delivers kosher eats
fancy feast grubhub groaning
outsize maître d' makes beeline,
nsync with anonymous canine,
corps speedier than any airline,
unbeknownst to yours truly posthumous
fame will inevitably yield moonshine.

Fast forward approximately
twelve hours later recuperated -
aide de camp resolved impasse with
partial writer's block slayed
attempting to continue quasi theme
i.e. avoid typing with fingers delayed,
albeit no matter unconscious

editing automatically peremptorily made
suppressing crude, fiery, ignominious tamed
loathsome offal rot earning F grade
securely unceremoniously waylaid
lurid outburst blandly diluted into staide
yawningly tedious figurative walled barricade,
when lo and behold atavistic beast erupts

fresh sortie attempts peppering enfilade
anew ideally unadulterated, unedited,
unexpurgated material ought be displayed
to allow, enable, and
provide raw emotional blackest shade
to resonate within mind
of unsuspecting reader,

who might take
objection with primitive grade
communication, and blatant
scathing writer somewhat afraid
to air unrefined sentiments
may cost popularity,
uncontested where cadre of

unseen followers thence evade
once popular rising sallying forth star,
whose emergent fame
(even if only limited edition
to cyberspace) will fade,
yet methinks loosing
stream of consciousness obeyed


fealty on one metrical foot
metaphorically uncorking
deep seated primal angst laid
bare like bleached bones
existential crisis oft times
gussied up to avoid tirade,

whereby woke parlayed
gut wrenching splenetic self degrade
ding soul bearing vile eruption
considerably quieted, stoppered, tamped...
courtesy linkedin, symbiotic maid.

I know from personal experience
the foolhardiness of
courting, flirting, honeymooning...
worse case scenario,
particularly when just a wee lad,
yours truly internalized
unfamiliar ****** aches and pains
as a death sentence,
slept with one eye opened
against nightmarish fiends birthed

courtesy overactive imagination
and subsequently did buzzfeed
crowded house of mind
ranking as capital one pet peeve
that festered and kickstarted
linkedin deplorable mental outlook,
which anguish expended
emotional exhaustion all for naught
and only later in life
more lackadaisical toward mortality.

All things considered
regarding working myself into a lather
chomping at the bit of uncertainty
(while simultaneously nibbling
on freshly baked powder milk biscuits)
prompts me to assuage agitation
brewing inside the bowels of your being
while awaiting results from ct scan.

Take sage advice courtesy your brother,
who thyme after thyme
felt his lovely bones wracked,
whereby said secular humanist
named Matthew Scott Harris
able, eager, ready and willing
to draft his last will and testament
bequeathing my anxiety riddled
body, mind and spirit to science.

Impossible mission
to modify your behavior,
and even major ordeal
to modify destructive thought processes
that kamikaze nose dive within me noggin,
yet ascribe, credit, and praise
prescription medication to ameliorate
and remedy debilitating panic attacks,
whereby I was wont to languish
with physiological symptoms
such as: adrenaline rush,
irritable bowel symptom,
nausea, racing heart,
sweaty palms, and vertigo.

Thus, quite thee Herculean task
(shrugged off by Atlas)
to change long
entrenched thinking patterns
even ones qualifying
as affecting traumatizing detriment
of holistic schema,
as iterated with
aforementioned poetic versatility,
and a strong accompanying suggestion
with absolute zero coins

painfully extracted out piggy bank
to direct attention on the here and now
since more likely than not
any dreadfully projected fear
(the most frightful being
strong aversion to die)
couched as mine prediction
of fat and/or slim likelihood
to occur, and the best measure
offered free of charge
to stave off being

linkedin née cruelly enslaved
to quiet riot of torturously wicked
wrenching, leveling and jack-hammering
sixty plus shades of gray matter;
as a side note above benign crisis
common denominator among
Norwegian bachelor farmers,
who dwell in Lake Woebegone
best surrender to
webbed, whirled and wide
cosmic consciousness
and experience manumission.

Sincerely yours,
erstwhile, juvenile, and servile
Alfred E. Neuman

hovers over 100 seconds to midnight
as of January 2022,
which apocalyptic prognostication
established by the Bulletin
of Atomic Scientists
maintained since 1947,
the clock quantifies a metaphor
for threats to humanity
from unchecked scientific
and technological advances.

Very thin sliver of time remains
before zero hour realized,
but countless heroic measures attainable
prior to Doomsday Clock striking midnight
(witnessing global annihilation unleashed
courtesy malevolent forces
wrought by egregious
ingenious narcissistic mankind),
whereby civilization inextricably linkedin
ominous quaking storied unsettling webbed
wide world harbingers  
vitiated by weapons of mass destruction

loom ever closer unless
**** sapiens can unite,
whereby at least one obscure Yiddish word
Ongematert (tired out,
albeit psychologically wracked)
will render nuclear stockpile superfluous
(the idealist trumpets long live
The Naked Ape a 1967 book
by English zoologist
and ethologist Desmond Morris  
chronicling humans as species)
proving supremacy of virtue

versus nipping in bud everyone
wishing their kith and kin  
final fare thee well upon
debacle potentially fateful genocide
describing, horrifying, liberating Gaia
of peopled pestilential maelstrom,
(hence purchase front row tickets now)
visible clear across thee solar system,
which could theoretically occur tonight
before betokening apocalyptic sight
'course one must go about
her/his business – right?

Rhetorical question troubles
existential nihilist (me)
how to shrug off monstrous plight
(ghastly hellacious towering
mushroom cloud infernos)
analogous to punishment allotted Atlas
re: to hold up earth
on his shoulders for all eternity
at last count oblate spheroid
weighing a whopping 13 thousand,

170 billion trillion pounds,
or 13,170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
impossible mission quite
challenging, where one
brother grimm ponders plight,
when with instantaneously "****"
jump/kick starts irrevocable dissolution
of fledgling acquaintanceships
and long established friendships
within eye blink

(think snapped fingers) outright
regardless, whether...
perchance we ever
cross paths long daze
journey into night,
and met under virtual reality moonlight
ah... methinks the mere awareness
of poetess transient existence
metaphorically found modest, mercurial
mellow male within limelight

oy vey admittedly one
rusty Ongepatshket knight
fumbling in the dark with
his unreliable sputtering jacklight
hooping aforesaid gal, whose eyes alight
upon mine genuine words doth newt
**** sitter me laughable, nor impolite,
yet accept hard virtual reality to highlight
and/or _ underscore delight
full dame online - each of us,

an infinitesimal jot of granulite
within vast cosmos given finite
minuscule time to excite
our senses trending utmost delight
during brief unique
deoxynucleic chromosomal copyright
til death do us part,
whether natural demise
doomed to huge sinister clouds
speeding, spelling, spewing radioactive blight.

Uneasiness far greater
to confront atomic augury
than pernicious penury
which ceases within eyeblink
certainly far more serious than perjury,
(which yours truly never guilty),
nevertheless afflicting me
with psychological injury.

Personal finances pitted
me deep in hock
into red zone, yes
quite a shock,
to absorb - now finds yours
truly poorest oldest
curmudgeon goofy "kid"
in sexagenarian body
on the senior citizen chopping block
within Lake Woebegone
hard space and rock
as inevitable doom
each second - coming inevitably
approaches closer tick tock.

analogous to a fish out of water

Ever since being a little gull hubble buoy,
I bobbed (while donning square pants)
like spongy flotsam and jetsam at sea.

Now as one decrepit
humble lumpenproletariat neopoet,
I experienced existence
with pronounced sentience
heavily accentuated courtesy
acute social anxiety,
which fostered kinship
with all creatures great and small.

Camaraderie long fostered
across global - webbed, wide
whirled real estate
among flora and fauna,
especially animal and plant species,
not linkedin with beleaugured **** sapiens
biological diversity livingsocial without war,
nor chose total mortal kombat
rather idyllic, edenic and authentic entities
simon pure non

genetically modified organisms
thriving in their natural environments
without threat of extinction
since the presence
of peaceful cohabitation
will be blessedly integrated
within Deoxyribonucleic acid
of every cellular group
kindled, limned, minted...
under the nearest sun.

I Yearn analogous to phototropism
for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
allowed, enabled, and provided
every quintessential organic material
jump/kickstarted on planet earth,
without gofundme seed money
yet painfully accept
nevertheless, no heavenly delight
promised for this atheist!

No matter bleak existence portrayed,
nonetheless this (baby boomer) dreamer
oft times evocative edenic reveries bekiss
mine psyche with pastoral trappings
evoking utopian bliss
on par with drawing winning lottery ticket,
which fantasy I quickly dismiss,
where dolorous voices within me hiss
mocking pipe dream compensating

for unlived life hide miss
whiling away hours
of young adulthood...
this threescore plus three
amazing gracefully aged man
did blithely ****
away enraptured with Swiss
Family Robinson fantasy,
gladly exchanging tsoris

entailing breathtaking adventure
versus sequestered bookishness burr
rowed nose engrossed
with page turner capture
ring imagination of this erstwhile drifter
addressing, fixating, and keeping coiffure
as disheveled appearance, where daily
father and mother showed me the door
particularly on account, cuz for one more
nanosecond, they could not endure
this healthy sole son vaping expenditure
as both parents toiled away,

they tired trying to swallow failure
while primarily main feature
of this poem lackadaisical
exhausted as an Evansburg Park fixture
(calling squirrels on first name basis),
no sooner this bookworm gave vague gesture
after setting foot inside abode - 'pon dusk
asper whereabouts, off
into bedroom I did immure
and disappear into story
maybe one about main
character pledging indenture

role as heavy footsteps shook
324 Level Road domicile infrastructure
awaiting the wrath
of Khan spouting ultimatums
our father/son rapport long did inure
a "NON FAKE" wall not immune
to malicious, noxious, obnoxious,
pernicious, vicious... lecture
to offspring who long outwore his
Harris Tweed Scottish welcome mat,
yet... feared testing nonsecure
mooring which familiarity bred contempt!

Hour hands of o'clock get set back
sixty minutes gaining extra hour of Autumn
round about this same day of November
every year, what a ***
er, and inconvenient truth diverged
from this wayfaring chum
purposelessly manipulating a hold
over sans yesteryear
(first implemented in United States
with Standard Time Act of 1918,

a wartime measure for seven months
during World War I in the interest
of adding more daylight hours
to conserve energy resources)
doth rat a tat tat drum
a plain sensation of jet lag
(with earthling in the balance)
as if flying backwards
within Herbert George Wells
celebrated time machine

at warp speed from
this station, where bumpy ride
invariably finds me
feeling ticked off and glum
in no mood to rhyme, nor be funny,
cuz I recall experiencing
exactly lxii previous instances
being forced to spring ahead,
when countless months before viz
Sunday March 13, 2022 at 2:00 AM

one twenty fourth of said day
surrendered to Father Time
finding yours truly juiced barely equipped
to cope mentally, physically,
and spiritually whipsawed tantamount
with impossible mission
to get smart and gather scattered wits
sun tide, and express mood as *** hum
analogous to coals (essence)
raked over me noggin

fortunate, this chronological
seismic shift nada wider I assume,
nevertheless mein kampf
cerebral hemispheric plate tectonics
comb pluck hated
brush against jangling
black keys helplessly boom
fancifully drifting and
boring into quick
ribald sand trap doom

mining an inducement
for emergency convoy,
when pitched from
sea to figurative shining seagram
defunct company name brand
once the largest owner
of alcoholic beverage lines in the world
nsync with Johnnie Walker Scotch
quite the ginned tonic he brewed,
where live yik yak
(going tiktok) wired vanguard

trulia tried optimism to hum
a lively Irish air, cuz I
(Bailey) of Bailey Banks & Biddle
the crown jewel scion
scion of a wealthy family
swallowed down sorrow
regarding cremains of mother
her inert ashes boxed
for more'n an (eat turn) eternity
like talcum powder went – me mum
Chris Anne her namesake

bling bloviation, emasculation,
insinuation, nomination, termination
once worth matchless peerage,
now pitched numb
skull into morass
of temporary confusion, where plumb
line delineating circadian rhythm offset,
when athwart pilot ***
dire straits found motley crue bickering
where Lilliputians slum

bring wherein Gulliver's Travels
landed me upon islets of langerhans
(endocrine cells scattered
throughout the pancreas)
defiantly, ham-handedly, liberally thumb
ming nose, where body, mind & soul
weeknd viz a bully did cower,
hence mister clock,
who got hijacked to Cuba
3600 seconds per hour

experienced head, thorax
and abdomen diminishing in power
wrought indistinguishable
Whitsuntide as sour
grapes of wrath imposing
ill fitting sea legs,
which folded like a faulty tower
crumbling skeletal carapace,
quickly resoundingly surrendered,
and back slid vis a vis
space/time continuum did devour.

Black hole (sun) event horizon indeed
kept lock step as das joint mill hoard
Sucker punched the band wagon
of father time, whose riffs a silent chord
nsync with atomic fractional second bored
pesky quirky shenanigans
toying with chronometers
counter point of view shifted
to oppose this minute accord.

posited puzzling apt aperçu...

While pondering particular
theme to address
amidst tangled wide, whirled
webbed mental skein
today November third
two thousand twenty two,
unexpected Möbius strip
tease conundrum unforeseen,
yet as avid aspiring wordsmith
only now I became keen,
which unflagging vexillological,

theoretical, rhetorical, philosophical...
narratological, linguistical, judgmatical
historical, fantastical, didactical,
and bibliographical predicament
may not suddenly find me
flush with green
i.e. profuse legal tender,
but merely thought provoking
puzzlement addresses following quandary
stuck within gray matter of pate

impossible mission to differentiate
jagged fine line between
passion and obsession
case in point strong
affinity to write of late,
cuz yours truly susceptible
toward compulsion that doth not abate,
and mind boggling to wed healthy
love of language analogous as mate
nsync with psychological trait,

viz excessive compulsion
diagnosed years gone
by courtesy professional
mental health specialists, did annotate,
and I admit behavior impossible to satiate,
thus generating aforementioned query
how does one (me) segregate
productive interest versus excessive,
née fanatical all consuming -
affinity towards English language

I loopily, quirkily verily narrate
oft times burning midnight oil
(albeit figuratively alluded
to wicked mister Arson Wells) witness
as logophile doth painstakingly toil
bajillion cerebral threads to uncoil,
whereby utilizing figurative tweezers
uprooting, untangling rhyme I embroil
(even using ****** Doo conditioner)
metaphorically beneath mine royal

hirsute (Scottish) matted topsoil
ultimately bringing in top gun
uncannily resembling gargoyle
shape shifting between
comical characters such as
Popeye and Beetle Bailey
at lightspeed as if
greased with Olive Oyl
so watch out Bluto,
get ready for turmoil!

abuzz with Autumnal thrum

Approximately six weeks since August sum
er re: lazy dog days witnessed lolling about
sipping cocktails, whose primary ingredient ***
pulled and sated esophageal tract nsync
with thirstily quaffing Slivovitz plum
wine to experience becoming comfortably numb
inebriate of air also suffused mine being
keeping yours truly mum
envious fauna simply exist
oblivious to earn an income.

Divine myriad biota amidst
heavenly Lily of the valley
(Convallaria majalis),
he didst imaginatively greet
Edenic heavenly terra
incognita immeasurably sweet

nature's ensemble proffering
Gaia's quintessential orchestration
resplendent sensational treat
natural splendour regaling,
this fellow wayfarer
happenstance gifted autochthonous peoples

espied proud specimens unobtrusive
planted armada, viz sleek bodies fleet,
of foot while me accidentally
risking, schlepping, traipsing... offbeat
winessed unschooled tribe,
yet verily synchronized,

primed, muscled... athlete
their soundless rhythmic swiftly tailored
flit to and fro upon poetic
unshod calloused feet
carefully, gingerly, lightly...
I shod dully tread nsync

toward drumlins upbeat
mouthing, kneading, imbibing... glorious
ebullient choral unadulterated feat
extemporaneously kickstarting crisp and neat
pow hour full rhythm across
analogous macroscopic excellent spreadsheet

inducing their sonorous symphonic
roundelay unfamiliar tweet,
whereby flora and fauna future meal to eat
oblivious regarding mine seat
dated existence, which quiescent aesthete,
one run of the mill human basked,

frolicked, luxuriated, tasted... complete
as once innocent hymnals kindled atrocity
this observer, spectator aghast white as sheet,
how civilization's machinations didst deplete
terrestrial firmament within one fell stroke
eradicated once pristine unbroken

promises chiseled to cheat
rightful owners expansive swath
over yonder til ocean and land did meet
Europeans scoured seas one after another
lumbering bulwarked fleet
exhausting resources while simultaneous

mowing down aborigines
grotesquely analogous harvesting wheat
indiscriminate deliberate genocide
decimating indigenous tribes beat
defenseless against microbial
weapons of mass destruction,

thus only within third blind eye
courtesy invisible as one paleface (me)
who sports tenderfeet
and gnarly growing toenails
strictly envisioned Perkiomen Valley
once abundantly populated
with ample game during cold and/or heat
paradise unbroken stretched hinterland,

where the streets have no name
and native people's place names
mock to pay hollow tribute,
where native peoples no longer replete
vinyl city amidst graveyard
lovely bones turned to dust
paved over by Mainstreet.

Doggone poet laureate
wannabe his index finger wags
nonverbally naysaying those,
who doubt mine posthumous
fame and fortune, which snags
eternal renown within pantheon
of storied writers such foolhardiness nags
yours truly keeps bad company with hags
unemployed day after Halloween,
whose outsize egos deflate
analogous to activated airbags.

Apology in order implying
aforementioned slander of witches
despite abandoning (me) mummy for dead
subsequently necessitating zombies
of Sugar Hill rushing to ominous scene
doubled over while laughing in stitches
unwittingly jump/kick starting
slapstick spiel opening up
supporting improvisational pantomime niches
allowing, enabling, and providing opportunities
fostering the ability to ad lib:
abbreviation for Latin "ad libitum"
unexpected theatrical glitches.

Creative wordsmith frequently
replays silent film
constituting mein kampf
taking lock, stock and barrel
of untapped natural resources,
thus he tries to discipline himself
assigning mental, physical
and spiritual tasks
to challenge body, mind,
and spirit respectively
indifferent to superiority
of others similar talents
verily, specifically, and
particularly crafting poems.

I envy those considerably years
née decades younger where
access to sophisticated technology
offers ability to brainstorm with their
multitude of social media platform
nowadays mostly wireless paraphernalia
can launch instant webbed wide world
devout following bearing witness
to hypothetical individual
gratuitously emulating wing and a prayer
lest he/she disappoints,
hence experiencing unwelcome jeer
if not earning bajillion dollars
while still a babe at *****
distraught and filled with despair.

Topsy turvy global times as sons
and daughters rake in predominant wealth
courtesy commodification of their name brand
if necessary utilizing
advertising subliminal stealth
messaging think uber twittering, snapchatting,
to lyft buzzfeeding, et cetera acclaim
documenting fitbit
hulu jimmying livingsocial
thru sickness and/or health.

Peculiarities (mine) hashtagged as weird
cause pecuniary circumstances
find me poor as a Unitarian Church mouse
yet if/when being triangulated by poverty
unexpectedly and suddenly squared
with windfall such as winning
the humongous Powerball
(October thirty first 2022)
strangers claiming kinship neared
brazenly approach unnamed sexagenarian
pencil neck geek long haired
attempting to become best buddies
literary endeavor feeble effort
conclusion blithely aired.

and waxing poetic lip schtick adorned with moustaches

Swarthy, spooky, scary carved
pumpkin faces thickly materialized
out of thin air
as Halloween holiday loomed near
yes... just an innocently naive fickle kid,
who easily did scare,
attended Henry Kline
for 'most every year

elementary grade school
no matter I abided every rule
and colored within every line
turquoise blue favorite jewel
blackening every other tooth
affixing moustache, sideburns,
and beard upon every face kooky rule.

Nor, never stepped on sidewalk crack
to break mother's back
wonder who believes
such poppycock alas and alack
I haint superstitious
nonetheless steer clear of any black
cat, nor walking under any ladder,
especially on Friday thirteenth.

Fear made ordinarily wavy hair
poker straight stand on end
not a muscle I would bend
unfamiliar sounds, smells, and sights
tingling sensation along small hairs
spine - shiver me timbers would send
courtesy paranormal phenomena
this then lad could not comprehend.

To this day, no ghost of chance
finds your truly daring to partake of seance
essentially scaredy cat soiling mine
spongebob squarepants
skittish regarding supernatural realm
best play with Lincoln logs or tinker toys.

Dog bless those who search out
eerie sound and/or sight
or reed macabre genre
upon dark and stormy night
kudos to those talented
gifted, blessed... to write
blood screaming horror
stories, where adrenaline
spurs one to take flight

unwittingly, unquestionably,
unknowingly, unforgettably... right
into path of haunting spectre badlands
housing ghouls, ghouls, sprite
full hobgoblins spellbinding sight

lurk dark shadows at edge of night
shapeshifting costumed masquerade
zealously, thrillingly, blindly
looming larger in height
lumbering, lingering right

before me scenting how afraid...
desperado whose becomes white
as an albino - blood ******* vampire
sharp as razor fangs bared ready to bite

into tender warm succulent flesh
i.e. cannibal's delight,
yet try as I might
feeble literary effort ne'er achieved
to concoct witch's brew where fright
induces blood curdling scream,

thus much prefer to pen lame
lines, where skeletons make no bones
red dully underpaid gig employees game
to pocket chump change
with absolute zero intent to maim,
thus unlikely to devour thyself
or provide selfie before asking name

of groveling, mumbling, sniveling... alien,
a Dylanesque rolling stone
harkening from outer
limits of twilight zone
accursed series of unfortunate events

spirited as token "scapegoat"
penniless and unable to phone
home, a stranded extraterrestrial,
whose familiar turf grown
dragons holed in their dungeons.

at Henry Kline Boyer Elementary School
interestingly enough landed me a grubhub grab bag.

I rooted thru poetry anthology of mine,
and came across an unpublished poem
by one obscure poet (me), whose trademark
wit and wisdom hallmark
cardinal characteristics
of posthumous fame and fortune
largesse most likely
tabby bestowed upon grand kittens -
appended courtesy Facebook
since none of my two (both
twenty something aged) darling daughters
opted to be fruitful and multiply.

Courtesy brainchild of dear old dad
(actually when alive
and in his prime, he happened to be spunky
as an overgrown lad),
unanimous assent between him and mother
(she also when young, his junior by a tad)
both agreed their quiet natured son
(yours truly plus younger sister)
best be outfitted as *******.

Anyway, as a Halloween costume,
one year during early grade school,
my father got the brilliant idea
for his sole son to be dressed
with one of a kind getup.

Missus Shaner – long since gone to dust
(the talon clawed, shriveled
relic of a dinosaur,
who taught fifth grade)
gave me first prize,
and subsequently felt so convinced
about authenticity of this kid
being “privileged white trash”,
she notified another kid
dressed as a janitor
to dispense with me
in the school dumpster.

The sanitation disposal company
drove me (and subsequently
dumped yours truly
among the real *******
in the dumpster)
to nearest landfill
loaded with all kinds of junk
such as food scraps, recyclables,
and soiled diapers.

Over a short span of time,
the detritus commingled
into one noxious brew
of a despicable fly haven,
whereby jiggling lifelike maggots,
jumpstarted, lunched, and nursed putrescence
re: reeking and teeming vibrantly
with yum zuck for a swamp thing,
I seemed to be metamorphosed
into sewer rat as if by some cruel hoax.
Nothing prepared, neither sickened
nor violated senses
of smell, sight, taste, and touch
to the maximum factor
intolerant of odoriferous odious stench.

Each pestilential assault
issued an appalling refrain
courtesy Fiona Apple's:
The Idler Wheel Is Wiser
than the Driver of the *****
and Whipping Cords Will Serve You
More than Ropes Will Ever Do.

Before mine myopic bespectacled eyes
(smarting from constant comet drubbing irritants
(which glasses – rather bifocals –
caked with smudge good as naught),
stayed wide shut from inundation
of said corrosive gaseous shaped
oxbow lake comprising wreath like wisps.

Liberty vis a vis in sight
envisioned visibly threatened offshoots
of tendril spikes; snaking sneakily,
sordidly slithering silently,
yet straightaway as a scene
from some spooky sideshow
or “haunted house”.

This ugly slop
splashed upon mine formerly
pristine academic uniform
appeared near identical
to the grub hub (the lunch lady served)
splattered sundry speckles
sans sundry detritus,
which found me writhing with nausea.

Thee nasty muck and mire
found this formerly introverted boy
transformed into a sponge bobbing
squarely panting creature
from the black lagoon,
whose skinny sea legs
sought semi-solid surface
to stand upright position amidst
variegated flotsam and jetsam.

Dishabille appearance acquired
a fresh splattered coat of rancid slimy
green eggs and ham with bacon
covered gangly arms
(among other bit pieces of moldy clothes,
food and iconic library oddment)
ricocheted unpredictably as trash truck
violently shook up and down
all night long en route on this highway to hell
found me thunderstruck
(before being buried alive in Moyer’s Dump),
which toxic brew would be declared
a SuperFund Site
and shuttered in the near future.

Once Robert Hall wardrobe
affixed with a capital one fancy feast
of grateful dead roadkill,
kickstarter from some automotive contraption,
and plenti of fish heads
(with thine spongy bobbing square pants
trimmed with lovely bones),
I felt indistinguishable
from regular riffraff riding shotgun.

When random trucker parked and stopped,
the awful bin laden made ready
to empty contents within the mountain
of olfactory noxious material.

A thought occurred,
that now might be the golden
(or rather **** steeped) opportunity
to extricate myself
from morass of mish mashed,
spud nicked mine
linkedin kindled juggernaut,
icky first class bric a brac.

Mine feeble efforts pale in comparison
to a kid scaling El Capitan
of Yosemite National Park,
nevertheless me, a dry witted husband
self emasculated milquetoast
of late ofttimes yawps imprecations
against fickle finger of fate.

No way would yours truly
utter maledictions against the missus,
who espouses unbridled love
toward (me) the groom she married
approximately two and a half
dozen ***** dancing years ago,
yet I experience winter of discontent,
where married life appears ideal,
when she happens to sleep,
or shops for food at supermarket.

We comport ourselves
with considerably less contention
versus half life ago
of our connubial covenant,
when verbal and physical altercations
the rule rather than exception,
linkedin with severe domestic chaos
exhibited courtesy helter skelter
incorporating ejaculations of divorce
despite the lack of monetary resources
(essentially livingsocial in squalor)
within hoity toity MainLine
drawing the ire of snobbish neighbors,
and the attention
of Children Youth Services
since two innocent daughters
caught in figurative crosshairs

triggered by emotional fallout,
whereby family of four members
experienced abominable pitfalls
fostering bleak wretchedness
associated with penury
and mental health challenges
severely rupturing and impinging
the impressionable psyches
of both female progeny,
but especially the eldest child,
who bore the brunt of
absolute zero guilt,
suffering scathing savage
indelible psychological wounds
that kick/jump started
her search for life,
liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

We (two proud parents
admire successful survival
and success of adult offspring,
whose dogged attainment
of ability to support themselves
credited with countless supportive services,
particularly intervening where the welfare
of youngest warranted tender loving care
earning deserved commendable
meritorious kudos extricating herself
out the escape from maws
(and paws) of poverty
and achieving remarkable highmarks
earning adequate, albeit healthy wages
to support herself
with disposable income
to establish a nest egg.

Mein kampf an exposé
of stagnant emotional
physical, and social starvation
otherwise characterized during
prime time when boyhood
regarding manifestation into manhood
which anorexia nervosa undermined
and even of crafting latest poem
telltale spindleshanks (skinny legs)
constantly remind me
muscular development sabotaged,
though I dedicate a portion of each day
pedaling a stationary bicycle
brand name Cleverlife Pooboo W258
acquired free of charge off Craigslist.

Time waits for no man
or woman, nor child,
and quickening orbitz
around planet earth
reminds one mortal specimen
of **** sapiens
to wrench free and clear
dwelling upon unattained potential
constituting countless opportunities
aborted before even testing
mine latent ability.

a willing experimental subject
to escape untenable married life.

Upon falling into a deep slumber,
the following subconscious
somnambulant scenario arose
allowing, enabling, and providing
temporary alleviation from
outa harried married state.  
  
Out of a tendency to be impetuous,
and oblivious to danger,
I voluntarily let myself get abducted
by this gruesome green
Geico looking alien ghoul.

Any resemblance between the following
piece meal description being kidnapped
by an alien (from another
condemn nation in the cosmos),
and married life purely coincidental.

Although pitch-black that hot summer
July night 20xx, an ominous
ghastly shape could lumbered
near the skeletal partially built addition
at Lower Merion High School.

This phantasmagorical amorphous,
diaphanous, illustrious, portentous...
entity hovered outside
the phosphorescent flying saucer.

I stood stock still as my cold breath
created miniature clouds that formed
a gauzy window,
thru which opaque
ether real movements detected.

Eight tentacles sporting
2,240 suction cups  
used to grip, taste, and smell
(similar to Octopus teacher
viewed courtesy NetFlix)
shredded this faux misty shroud
and quickly, yet gently grabbed me.

I found myself on-board
a battle gray extra-terrestrial object.

Fate delivered me into the "hands"
of what appeared the most surreal setting
created by ingenious
computer graphics technicians.

Nanny boo boo
uttered the creature from black abyss.

Since what sounded like
outer space gibberish
as a second language not an elective
when I attended Methacton High School
nearly two and a half score years ago
(nor colleges for that matter),
an automatic reflex took over.

I offered a gap toothed
(i.e. Alfred E. Neuman -
what me worry) wry smile.

An immediate interest arose
from these outliers at the ultra thin
metallic post sticking atop me noggin.

As a human robot electronic signals broadcast
and received courtesy said antenna.

Nevertheless, a crazy idea occurred.

Maybe these foreigners
from another galaxy could secure
long overdue permanent implanted teeth
(in place of these ill fitting dentures)
and extricate me out volatile pledged troth
without charging an arm or leg.

Ha!

Non-verbal communication
resorted to as a necessary expedient
to establish comprehension
and self preservation.

Additionally, the notion
to avoid any action interpreted
as hostile best be applied
even at the expense
of forsaking being whisked away
countless light-years
from 1148 Greentree Lane,
Narberth, Pennsylvania.

Psychiatric medications re:
(GLYCOPYRROLATE, TAB 2MG,
CLOMIPRAMINE CAP 50MG,
RISPERIDONE TAB 1MG,
FLUOXETINE CAP 20MG,
PRAZOSIN HCL CAP5MG,
BUSPIRONE TAB 15MG,
PRAMIPEXOLE TAB 1MG,
CLONAZEPAM TAB 0.5MG,
and AMITIZA 24 MCG -
prescription laxative)
prescribed by Doctor David Lee Wrought)
most definitely eased anxiety
per dread locked terror
that loomed large
within my quite active imagination.

I willingly made clear
(using all manner of gesticulations)
to surrender myself,
which idea triggered
a flicker of excitement.
    
Wow!
    
This bizarre situation could offer
this golden opportunity
to escape the tragedies
of terrestrial existence
and perhaps link up
with another weird organic life form
human or otherwise.
    
Once this electric like surge
coursed thru each fiber,
I brazenly approached
the other-worldly specimens
guarding their shimmering craft,
which appeared to hover just barely
above the perimeter slated
to be another state of the art
wing of this campus.

I hemmed and hawed
with tentative steps
before nonchalantly scaling
the hydraulically propelled ladder.

At once, an immediate whoosh took place.
    
After these myopic eyes
adjusted to the scene,
I observed an identical earth like landscape
and heard what sounded
like the most melodious chimes.

Actually, that globe happened
to be dear third rock from the sun
as viewed from the nearest window.

Upon setting foot into the structure,
an automatic accelerator
jettisoned this motley crue at warp speed.

Within my mind, I thought
what to do to pass the time???

Instantaneous sans any desire
promulgated that very wish.
    
Ah!
    
Perchance, these ethereal creatures
(large and small)
conveyed messages telepathically?

I put this hypothesis to a rudimentary
electric kool aid acid test.

Within my mind, I silently uttered
Matthew Scott Harris.

An instant reply came back - in my head.

Every one of these wraith-like
cosmic nomads understood
wordless wireless whims,
thus believing yours truly
(me self) to believe said species
reduced signals to digital bits
and/or hallowed weaned bytes.

Upon waking up,
I realized the aforementioned a dream
merrily rowing me thru illusory time stream.

tonight October  25th, 2022
terrifically summarily requoting

poetic outdated iteration,
I share the following lines
echoing in the valley
of love and delight.
courtesy 20/20 hindsight
October twenty fifth
two thousand and twenty two
admirable, corrigible, fallible,
and intelligible light

hearted fella (amazingly
gracefully aging
baby boomer) usually polite
doth not trend toward
superficial nor trite,
neither can yours truly
said to abide by beliefs, ethos
ideologies, et cetera notions characterized
as distinctly black and white.

Ostrich (I stretch) literary creativity
with Rhea yule wordplay
(mine metaphorical putty) enjoys
shape shifting rules
of English language
casting them bon voyage
analogous to loosing a hot air balloon
never knowing literary
endeavor (mine) outcome
unpredictable as wind
doth form sand dune

farfetch'd jimmied physique
peculiarly genetically hewn
no avian expert, yet
sports wide whirled
webbed analogous to loon
yours truly at heart,
an honest to dog poltroon
acquired pipes, whereat
ofttimes I (a fool on the hill)
sing out of tune.

No idea when predilection arose
to toy with said mother tongue
frequently buzzfeeding me passion,
I rend toward proclivity
maketh anonymous reader to doze
gibberish spews gobbledygook
which kooky logophile doth expose,
where gobbledygook profusely flows
gushing out imaginary hose
frequently diverging off course

pertaining to poem title
which (reading between
the roaring lines) here
sought to delineate highs and lows
regarding squandered (particularly
linkedin with female)
friendship opportunities aye sip pose
jangling this beau zoe
from head to his gnarly
webbed whirled wide toes.

I don't mean to engender pity
excruciatingly socially withdrawn
garnered alienation since birth
regarding human bonds, which dearth
all thru these three score plus three years
athwart planet (unfit) ness Earth
teetering in the balance
pregnant around equatorial girth
found yours truly figuratively
tied to mother's apron string,
I always felt safe and secure,
within home and hearth
even when Scottish welcome matt

yanked away by those who begot me,
now in retrospect ability
to muster mirth
within savage dime
a dozen verbal lashings
(courtesy mama and papa,
the former long since deceased
and latter (upon original date of this poem)
declining nonagenarian respectfully
their sole male offspring
ironically now here at petticoat juncture
amidst swath of rolling green acres
during mein kampf
distills their overlooked worth.

Shying eye contact, I vaguely recollect
Matthew Scott Harris
as wee lad did disappoint
way back during second grade lunch
at Eagleville Elementary School,
a pretty girl christened Renee
(if memory serves me correctly)
induced writhing and foaming
incoherent sounds of silence
indubitably witnessed yours truly
an extremely shy boy
hiding behind makeshift barrier
(possibly tartan patterned lunchbox)
to avoid at all costs
painful penetrating piercing
inducing me to look askance.

As an extremely shy kid
(lacking benefit of powdermilk biscuits)
even briefest eye contact with lovely lass
sent extreme agitation
coursing thru measly frame
wreaking emotional/psychological distress
(visit repeated aforementioned
refrain ad nauseum)
recurring without letup
boyhood to young adulthood,
when within close proximity
attractive gal froze mine functionality
even with intent to exchange passing "hello."

Fast forward to recent past
i.e. namely second half of bleak existence
angst oozed and profusely did bleed,
when ability to bolster daring deed
communicating amorousness awkwardly freed
potential foolishness or embarrassment,
I shushed inner voice of amplified reason,
side stepping preservation,
aye did not heed
boot blurted out juvenile

barenaked lady desires indeed
spelling repugnance and con seeded
instant ruination against fulfilling
hormonal secretion need
wanting to escape utter fool hardiness
beating hasty retreat
(think tail between legs)
ruffly at thoroughly bred dog  
with mile a minute
tail a wagging uber speed!

I attribute being a grown mad scientist
linkedin with tacit approval of parents
(both long gone to the smoky afterlife),
and donned wizard trumpeting magic spells
while dark and stormy night
(one week before Halloween),
which usher nostalgic memories
encapsulated within the following poem
initially drafted quite some years ago.

Both parents possessed pedigreed panache
(but especially my father – renown Chemist
B.B. Harris and to slightly lesser extent
late culinary cuisine queen Harmit Harms
Kuritsky - gal whose troth thy then still
livingsocial octogenarian widower papa
pledged, while holding some bubbling
sinister looking flask in hand while both
donned trumpeting finessed affianced
doctored formula to marry, when both
partook of blind date.

This combustible transunion link analogous
to their representative first electric kool aid
basic laboratory litmus test date), which
took place without a hitch, and telepathically
encouraged begetting retinue of revered
sons and daughters, whose ken hopefully
burned with passion KRISPR incubated,
inculcated, and incurred genetic outlook
ideally transmitted to prolific brood
of begotten babes.

This kid felt embers crackling, popping,
and snapping with yen that burned from
within and without buns sin burner of this
cingular earthlinked son.

No matter a bit tentative to experiment
*****-nilly (wonka like) with rather
explosive materiel, I received truckloads
of ammunition (in tandem with benevolent
benediction) to foster dare devil and
derelict pyromaniac precocity.

Those initial awkward formative forays
assaying, assessing and carefully calibrating
this, that or other liquid or powdery substance
found me meticulously measuring and
weighing the substances using kitchen
midden malodorous kid gloves.

Frequent disappointment arose from
yours truly as well as momma and papa
when net result (of these early attempts
to blend powders and/or liquids) merely
fizzled and self extinguished
into near inaudible ****.

Continual daily practice (would lead way
for me to enter Carnegie – Mellon ---- Hall)
after countless travails, trials and trolls i.e.
uber vaporous wisps to lyft yawping banshee
like holograms, or equivalent of 10,000 maniacs)
eventually bore successful fruit in the form
of near perfect results.

Success in hotly contested field Pyrotechnics
requires striking resemblance
to any other vocation.

One must be able, eager, ready and willing
to maintain burning passion no matter any
unforeseen setbacks or heat from an
objectionable source.

Yes, there would be an errant conflagration
(sometimes set purposely by adjunct professor)
as object lesson to master usage of fire
extinguisher/fighter, a vital piece of equipment
and evenhandedness for getting hold
instantaneously jetting kickstarter live matches)
to contain any runaway flame.

I do sheepishly admit to (ahem) you
on occasion the outcome went awry.

Nonetheless, they prided their potential
fire branded wizard in the making with
kudos and praise with DYNAMITE.

Practice from indiscriminately creating
unpredictable concoctions, these lethally
marshaled nonchalant opportunities
provided quintessentially random results
though usually very wimpy in tandem
with totally tubular nerdy, geeky, freaky,
and dorky beastie boy.

As proof positive and proud testimony, they
proudly pointed (upward) to the kitchen ceiling.

There such handiworks practically covered
entire ceiling with variegated splotches.
These scorch marks keepsake frescoes to show
kith and kin unspecified years into smoky future.

Quite accurate to assume
father and mother coached,
goaded, and nurtured
exploratory ambitions and
tried not to stifle
(at least consciously or deliberately)
my early stage ambition
toward scientific artiste bent.

As homeschooled and to some extent self taught
chemically romanced muralist, I grew up (not
surprisingly) in Unitarian household paid
close attention also adhered to the pioneer spirit.

The near limitless boundaries of life, liberty and
pursuit of understanding
an underlying credo, which
allowed, enabled and provided near endless
experimentation even at the risk of life and limb.

Aside talking head
nearly burning down the house
amidst talking heads practically in dire straits,
an instinctive reflex found me immolating myself,
occasionally singeing the canine fur of Lady,
Schultz, or Socrates, et cetera no frightful
catastrophic outcomes occurred thru milieu
of mixing deceptively harmless looking
inert raw materials.

Trial and error (quite successful with latter)
via blithely cooking dicey elements forming
goulash hiccupping laboratory mishmash
practically eliminated any pained regret to take
daring risks (such as getting married – ha)
in later life.

Despite favorable and lovable upbringing,
my mother (ever the protector and/or proctor
of our family and an excellent chef boyardee
to boot) still managed to insinuate (gently
as possible) the necessity to be careful when
igniting flammable materials lest
some uncontrollable conflagration ensue.

She (mom) did frequently confess to feeling
ever so slightly jittery and uneasy with my
slapdash amateurish homebrewed pyrotechnics
and much preferred to steer my attention toward
safer hobby such as the edible objets d’arts i.e.,
the much more drab field per how to present
and aesthetically appealing and nutritious meal.

Fondness to prepare food and pretend to be
faux renowned cook (this confession admitted
rather baldly and obviously deduced) actually
competed for my most favorite avocation activity
and spare leisure time.

In other words, this chap did relish designing
his own recipes mainly from leftovers in tandem
with unpronounceable multisyllabic organic
compounds filled numerous sized dishes
and aged apothecary bottles respectively.

Without question though, the passion plus
less riskier factor to combine and potchka
dry and wet ingredients together did rank
as considerably safer medium that still
allowed, enabled and provided me an equal
opportunity to test reactions, than those
earlier iterated potentially explosive hazards.

Nonetheless, my cavalier crusading overactive
appetite, hunger and thirst to discover causative
outcomes (even with purportedly innocuous
looking household cleaning supplies or easily
acquired inert materiel) nearly witnessed an
apocalypse at three two four Level Road
on one particular nasty occasion.

I anticipated our domicile would become
rent asunder, and reduced into a black
and decker ashen funeral pyre, yet for
grace of some divine force no family
members nor pets succumbed
nor got asphyxiated from choking acrid air.

which poetic product best be affixed
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune times,
I blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals
that could (but never did)
explode into one humongous
fiery maelstrom and
bloom (re: annihilate)
this lad to smithereens.

Window kept open to avoid
un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation.
After clearing defecation deep within,
the recesses of my bowels,
I thenceforth indiscriminately combined
various household cleansers
and cleaners (in powder
and/or liquid form) into the bidet.

The requisite sphincter muscle
byproduct constituted the key ingredient.
Anyway, my aha moment arrived
one childhood day
that long sought after ka-boom
sent a plume of smoke
in tandem with geyser of water
caused me to feel
flush with excitement.

Waste trill fluttering filled mine heart
(like music to thine ears)
after mine solid waste
***** byproduct went kerplunk
and caused tsunami
on other side of word.

Mere seconds elapsed
before explosive outcome found me
hurled clear across the room
like a bat out of hell.

Fortunate for me that this
natural ****** excretory function
never caused any serious outcome,
nor injury to life nor limb.
Immaculate notes (with graphic pictures –
albeit crude) attempted to document
any pertinent information.

At some juncture
with this private laboratory experiment,
a close observation
(with nose pinched tight)
revealed bubbles of air trapped within
our archaic household plumbing fixtures.

That aha i.e.eureka moment
prompted me to utter “*******”
when a chain reaction similar
to volcanic rush of air took place
within the planet.

With haste not waste,
these nimble fingers scribbled
unintelligible (deliberately illegible
to everybody but myself)
the chemical romance
to light a fire under the buttocks
of whomever happened
to be in need of emptying their bowels.

Now, I eagerly waited,
(albeit with impatience)
for that opportune time
whereby thee unsuspecting child
or adult needed to answer
that alimentary call of nature
my dear Watson.

The moment of anticipation arrived
when a long forgotten accursed relative
visited unexpected, which unannounced
rap on the door fueled fanciful notion
to whip up potion to promulgate prank
within the *****.

Once necessary ingredients,
(which secret formula cannot be divulged –
well maybe for a negotiable fee)
got poured giddy glee
generated gloating from head to toe.

Quick as Jack B Nimble
or his best friend Jack B. Quick,
these skinny legs (spindleshanks) sped away,
yet in close activity to the innocent
by sitter who nonchalantly ambled
into the powder room to tend to private business.

Right ear cocked against wall
that served as barrier between
occupant of water closet and yours truly.

Pleasant barely audible
humming, tweeting, and twittering
(like an angry) bird
singing emanated while obnoxious
guest of dishonor proceeded
to place posterior atop *****.

Seconds ticked by
with every now and again
pages of printed material heard
in conjunction with abdominal
groans and grunts to assist sacrifice
to the porcelain goddess.

Utter stillness suddenly punctuated
by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper.

I cupped hands to mouth
lest any unwanted guffaw slip out.

Instantaneously, our pestilential
kooky cousin kissed their *** goodbye
as propulsion forced the body politick
clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window.

Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here
to protect the not so innocent)
soon became diminishing shape
spiraling toward the horizon.

One speck of flotsam headed spaceward
versus the turgid **** joining brethren
into the sewerage cistern.

Written by: Edgar Allan ****,
who required quite some time to recoup,
and with slops pail headed off
to collect specimens from the latest scoop
rearing to go bouncing along
*** signed to another *** rap,
whereby blistered buttucks
hopes to earn yours truly another touché
(**** hay) before bottom smacked
courtesy leader of troop
a strong indigenous native son,
whose **** tressed reputation
recounts storied war whoop.

Ruled his hare'm
nsync with trumpeting Donald Duck,
(loud enough to arouse Daisy),
the former cartoon character,
a pensive searing black kind Roebuck
heir to a fortune hauling trash and *******,

whereby dust bunnies repurposed
into environmentally friendly
electric kool aid acid tested batteries
powering many an electric truck,
which wolfed, kick/jump started
and guzzled down
synthesized reconstituted quality product.

An atypical genre I did tender
wherein I nestled inside warren
peaceful nested litter,
impossible mission fat chance
otherwise odds being slender,
not me mien tubby an offender
courtesy yours truly a heterosexual,
he considers himself thoroughly
one hundred percent male gender.

Anyway Harold's velvet teen,
fluff filled, carrot topped, R2D2
and humanoid C-P3O constituted two
mottled robots quasi manned motley crew,
where sniffling nose appeared blue
then twitched as if affected with
Bugs Bunny syndrome
also known as Oryctolagus cuniculus flu
asking What's up doc
ready to sneeze atchew
parallels to doe eyed Jewish herd -

mentality and sympathy for the devil
whose hooded guise did accrue
(to figurative rolling stone)
quite a reputation toasting with l'chaim
Herr heralded as germane
Semitic, laconic and genetic brew
stirring demagogue foremost
thru arduous peer review
of course primarily
commingling with ******* bunnies, singing
acapella like foo fighting goo goo
dolls, who blithely balleted,

be bopped, formed a choo choo,
bunny hopped, and
followed bunny trail
toward their hidden
underground treasured slew
of carrot stocked burrow
affecting captivating family
portrait, sans Leporidae, queue
essentially creating live floppy hoo
chee MOMA actionable

art, viz chiaroscuro,
though if his highness Harold
displeased with performance with Urdu
subtitles hissed, growled, foot stomped...
exhibiting cry and hue
threatened troupe, albeit playfully
tubby rabbit stew
otherwise he purred,
hummed, and clucked
contradictorily all the

while scrunching furry furrow
cuz the codas of Peter
Rabbit the Great did eschew
excessive helpings of
soft purr rayed coo coo
wing snapchatting accompanied
soft as butterfly effect
across webbed wide world flew
with faux paw gestures
being lovey dovey gentle foo foo

affectionate grand poobah
versus parochial orthodox pew
yule hating as much
as being sent to Peru
particularly match chew pitch chew,
where convincing reincarnation
of Edward Roscoe Murrow
aired broadcast Run Rabbit Run
intended for **** sexually repressed updike
such as yours truly, hence obviously
above reasonable rhyme not true.

Ideal to peruse the vast treasure trove
of lecture material
pertaining to aforementioned title
on the webbed wide world
especially gratifying to watch and listen
as various and sundry
noteworthy knowledgeable instructors
present material regarding
as topic yours truly
(Oh Henry) hankers to master
configuring networks and hosts
nsync with helpful visual aids linkedin with
purporting to master said concepts
easy as kindergartner to learn.

Young impressionable twittering
snapchatting reddit minds
analogous to sponge;
they absorb technical information
without experiencing intimidation,
which panicky reaction, I attest
impedes induces blackened
barbed pangs within mine breast
causing my heart to pound loudly
testing heart (violently wracking ribs)

inducing near bursting of chest
severely incapacitating formerly rapt pupil
to become distressed
reducing means of communication
to grunts and groans expressed,
whereby attempt to grow knowledge
ain't no funfest
as ye accurately guessed
trying to understand
mind boggling concepts

necessitates giving noggin
much needed and frequent headrest
perhaps overwhelming
sixty plus shades of gray matter
subsequently mine surviving kin
get told cause of death courtesy coroner
visa vis aneurysm discovered
after autopsy and inquest
which constitutes (dead serious)
no small subject to jest.

Despite (surgeon general's warning)
regarding unwise to teach oneself,
(and perhaps miraculously enough
become bonafide, certified and deified
as network engineer)
forthwith unnamed old codger
of these words, the person in question
thinking about aspiring to become
a sexagenarian geek
maybe ill advised
to gain technological smarts
even an itty bit
tis best to remain ignorant
and sustain dumbfounded bliss

Truth be told acquiring insight
to feel connected and integrated
with uber generational breed,
(would most definitely
give me a virtual lyft) yes indeed
allowing, providing, and enabling
he/him to experience traveling
as a gender binary male
(no offense intended toward
individuals who consider themselves
linkedin with lgbtqia umbrella
(hopefully my car won't
get vandalized nor keyed)
after I send this reasonable rhyme
thru cyberspace at lightspeed.

Though gung-**
to master intricacies of subnetting,
specifically accessing an excellent
powerfully pointed website
hosting Jeremy's IT Lab
Free CCNA | Network Devices | Day 1 |
CCNA 200-301 Complete Course
a mental impasse deters
that eureka moment.

Born sixty one years ago,
the follow poem from your bro
transmitted courtesy flagship
named Jacques-Yves Cousteau
constituting countless ones and zeroes
instantaneously traversing cyberspace
as packeted, framed dataflow
binary digits bit of information
to acknowledge when
thee transitioned being an embryo

(approximately the second
to eighth week after fertilization)
approximately nine months prior,
whose birth marked debut
of bouncing daddy's little girl,
whose inquisitiveness nourished
birthed perception buzzfeeding
capital one earthlinked baby
fostering, kickstarting, and
orchestrating cognitive aptitude,

who throughout storied existence,
which kudos ye
proudly promulgate to and fro
hither and yon across
social media platforms
understandably, opportunistically, and
humbly letting family and friends
across the webbed wide world
know amazing accomplishments,
when ye did initially grow

from being precocious genetic pedigree
into a whip smart self confident
globe trotter, whose curriculum vitae
dwarfs (by powers of seven)
feeble accomplishments of mine,
went thee invested with a heigh-**
positive state of mind
every endeavor undertaken
(in one physically gruelling instance)
biking, hiking, riding

to your private Idaho
(fast as a B-52)
versus humdrum life of one common Joe,
whose heightened perception
aside from singing the praises
of admiration toward youngest sister
after countless years, he failed to know
about her trials and tribulations
exercising your potential to the maximum
invariably feeling dog tired

with a dose of lumbago
thrown in for good measure
nevertheless adept as bilingual person
quite helpful travelling
to Spanish speaking countries
during your roaring twenties off to Mexico,
and just recently taking a jaunt
to Portugal donned accruing
vibrant sense and sensibility
treasuring richly pocketing nouveau

memories attracting natural outgrow
of ardent followers, whether online
or in flesh, who clamor for selfie photo
with thee and steadfast husband
unlike henpecked wife of mine
enjoyable as pesky miss Quito
who pesters me to get off computer
so she can binge watch Netflix
hence adieu as I hop on my cubii
off to complete
another stationary roadshow.

Late afternoon October 15th, 2022
a spring like day
witnessed nature in surround sound,
whereby reflection spurred
reminiscence about similar weather
a few years ago when...

Serious intent to read
latest issue of TIME magazine
found attention pleasantly distracted,
when I became keenly aware
of flora and fauna bursting,

blooming, buzzing, and twittering
oblivious to yours truly sitting stock still
in folding lawn chair
marveling at each budding
natural born architect and engineer

each respective constituent
living organism engrossed
delicate as deft potters crafting chinaware
observing good and
plenti hive nesting reverential species
trumpeting suave and donning debonair

without any pretentious fanfare
merely obedient to genetic coded wear,
exclusive domain glorified, ordained,
and sanctified by divine imprimatur
contemplating if despair

experienced by coterie of biosphere
not including **** sapiens,
and/or aghast that their extinction
dooms them to disappear,
which undeserved fate unfair

for innocent animals and plants
critically contributing as
unique vital gadgeteer
linkedin to significant role
evolution indiscriminately licensed

met with preserved concord, versus mutineer
extant among bipedal hominids
each and every simian forebear
generally recent primate ancestors,
whose short lifespans predated medicare,

but more particularly modern man/woman,
who flagrantly extracted precious
minerals, plundered mountains,
usurped possibly, sans sadling muleteer

and/or forced chaingang extruded
raw materials to concoct wear
able, munitions, disposable,
and most importantly

deadly ordnance for ****** warfare,
never quenching thirst for mortal Kombat,
nor scooping up riches galore,
no matter wealthy status equals bajillionaire!

Ideally yours truly prefers
a she/her who never got prosecuted for a felon,
yet who most deaf fin knit lee  
possesses sound blinding killer instincts
think miracle worker Anne Sullivan
signifying rendering phenomenal success
with one female named re: amazing Helen
exhibiting discerning admirable qualities
constituting intelligent witty male
despite his/him sports haunch size of a melon.

I gently beckon inspiration
for dalliance with mother tongue
English Language, each
singular lettered manifestation
familiar to yours truly symbolized
by panoply, sans twenty six letters,

whereby this patient wordsmith
luxuriates, when writer's block
yields sudden gush,
nee burst of creativity
dissolving impenetrable wall
mental log jammed impasse,

discourages literary ambitions
dashed exerted forcefulness
'pon cerebral terra incognita
counterproductive grip locks
figurative drawbridge begetting
utmost frustration allowing egress

and ingress constituting obstructed surge
temporarily disabling free and clear
transmission between ****** fount
barricading abundant bajillion ideas
silent at loggerheads clangor and din
analogous between unswerving enemies

prepared to fight till the death,
exhausting mental energy expended
attempting armistice with futile results,
hence quixotic oft repeated
time tested metaphor
i.e. deliberate pressure foisted

upon seat of aging cerebral matter
inadvertently coloring fist sized *****
at least fifty shades of gray,
versus unexpurgated brainstorming
linkedin with unfettered restraint
breeds favorable prodigious ideas

jotted/ typed stream of consciousness fashion
modus operandi favorable to engender
receptive access, asper (gas) excellent see
i.e. entrance untrammeled leeway
with minimal clash of opposing
titanic invisible entities
thus, aye abandon battering ram

to experience positive outcome
giving good n plenti profuse flood
unstoppable geyser spewing
plethora of appealing material
to arrange into cogent affinity,
energy, magnanimity and synchronicity!

lest ye seek alms
with outfaced palms
just imagine
how the lantern shone  
against the knees of Archelaus,
and lit up the check-board pattern
of the eleemosynary trousers

Fatigued civilian attires reasonable rhyme
challenging readers to dare themselves
question yours truly what ranks as
unleashing trademark punishing crime.

Words worth more'n fine spun gold
courtesy those considering themselves literate,
perhaps recipients of countless laurels extolled,
nevertheless mediocre (ha) logophile
crafts poem(s) inducing scold.

Dire straits force me to abide
the law of self preservation
and espouse with permission granted
by Bedřich Smetana
to abscond with bartered bride
think infamous American robbery team
Bonnie and Clyde
responsible for a 21-month
crime spree from 1932 to 1934

as analogous nefarious
transgression in league with human
author of mine verse, thus thee decide
to befriend bipedal hominid,
who scours earthwide
(and if necessary extending search
beyond outer limits of twilight zone,
where dark shadows
slink along the edge of night)

for fine prairie home companions
ideally from Lake Woebegone,
or outliers with documentation falsified
turning to humble **** sapien
as their spiritual guide,
he will be game and willingly surrender
mine Yankee doodling dandy buttucks,
his posterior gluteus maximus hide
if he falls short of promise

to bring webbed wide world bliss
witnessed as emasculation
toward himself intensified
cuz truth be told
interpersonal connections
allow, enable, and provide
kinetic, opportunistic, rhapsodic,
and universalistic joyride.

All decked out like one base 2 ace
of spades, or king of hearts
traveling at lightspeed thru cyberspace
traveling as binary unit with amazing grace,
the zeros flickering like a moonface
hopscotching between nodes uptrace
sing journey across the Internet.

Many a favorite YouTube tutorial venue
represent virtual re: digital haunts I review
to bolster pulling myself up by bootstraps
such sites out of webbed wide world
include basic digital electronics,
computer networking fundamentals,
how transistors work, plus
miscellaneous other tidbits.

After papa succumbed
to congestive heart failure
October 7th, 2020 yours truly
neglected fulfilling promised score.

I did shirk maintaining bond
with youngest sister
who when a boy especially fond
regarding said sibling
whereat myself and and Shari Todd
played cat and mouse
chasing each other to pond
necessitating both of us to traverse
wooded thicket simultaneously
waving our magic wand.

Boyhood of mine chock full of memories
framing me and most favorite playmate
requiring keen eye to distinguish
one scrawny little lad no one would debate
impossible mission to discern
thirty three month age difference,
cuz we appeared to naked eye
as identical twins.

Flickering images of yesteryear
pepper memory faculty where
froze frieze in time
trigger an errant tear
trickling down cheek,
when impish gonif nsync
with me comprised pair
of inseparable Harris offspring
in sum re: portrayed analogy
likened to everyday idyllically kleer
pitch perfect courtesy
weatherman/woman maker engineer.

Our late father though cremated
would if alive furrow ashen brow
aware how Matthew Scott remiss
and no longer doth bother
(essentially incommunicado between
himself and kid sister
ever since she left home
at age seventeen)
for greener pastures,
which meadow (for success -
defined as transcending
her inherent limitations)
sowed the seeds
of her life reaped with utmost
plentitude of hardihood.

Her sixty first birthday
arrives six days from today
(October eleventh two thousand
and twenty two) - decades spanned
with nary acknowledgement
expressed courtesy sole brother manned
existence floundering like a fish
in treacherous waters
barely gasping breath
as he felt afflicted with chronic anxiety
emotionally whipsawed hither and yon
to and fro across
unwritten pages of his life.

Yours truly attests feeling aghast
once upon a time resorting
to self starvation initially omitting breakfast
subsequently forgoing every meal
prepubescence witnessed absent enthusiast
for livingsocial hence,
my death I chose to forecast
fortunately no coroner
called to perform autopsy inquest
about which severe
psychological suicidal ambition I jest.

1492 unleashed, jump/
kick started, and downloaded
a bittorrent götterdämmerung
spelling genocide of indigenous peoples
occupying Turtle Island,
now surviving tribes
just a shell of their former grandeur.

At present Columbus day
linkedin with high dudgeon
courtesy scattered remnants
of once proud nations
occupying contiguous United States
plus calling Alaska and Hawaii
their happy hunting grounds,
enshrine actual or mythologized
spectacular pièce de résistance
instances when counting coup.

I recollect needing to know
scores of years ago
when a student attending grade schools
within Lower Providence District
as an important bit of information
contributing to (white washed) history
of western civilization
(and never forgot)
recalling the names Nina, Pinta,
and Santa Maria associated
with heroic measures undertaken

by Cristóbal Colón,
(but also been referred to,
by himself and others, as Christoual,
Christovam, Christofferus de Colombo,
and even Xpoual de Colón)
five hundred and thirty years ago,
who purportedly "discovered"
the Americas, when in
fact native occupants of the land
already dwelled upon
the then island paradises.

He/him and subsequent swashbuckling
gung-** high spirited men
set sail across expanse of ocean(s)
exhibiting eager intent to claim
untrammeled storied quintessentially
opulently magnificent kingdoms
intoxicating greedy Europeans.

Blatant exploitation inexorably nudged
courtesy trickery vis a vis hook and crook
to grab good & plenty treats
forcibly wrested by violence
sabotaging the delicate webbed wide world
constituting millenniums of heavenly bliss,
where marauders wantonly ransacked
indeed lacking absolute zero selflessness
forcing diverse autochthonous nations
to acquiesce and surrender
ancestral grounds to aggressive, coercive
and offensive Europeans hell bent
to populate occupied territory

commandeering, humiliating, manhandling,
poisoning, subdividing, triangulating
every square inch
encompassing fruitful grand home
of rightful heirs to stolen
near boundless tracts
eventually hashtagging uncharted
pristine green acres
spanning from sea to shining sea
becoming commercial real estate
falsely claiming a haven
housing home of the free
land of the brave.

Death no longer jars, nixes,
and rattles mine sense and sensibilities
without pride or prejudice
no matter (even with marginal persuasion)
wit and wisdom of Jane Austen ill mixes
with what emotional state my poem fixes.

Father long since journeyed
into afterlife destination alone,
October 7th, 2020 mid afternoon
with Earthlings ministration did attone
where night enveloped and stamped
his lovely bones
rendered devoid of any groan
courtesy Roxanol (morphine)
and Ativan finding him prone

to experience painlessness, and no
his dying wish, plus last will and testament
won't include burial and/or headstone
cuz, he wants to integrate and did intone
cremation as ecologically friendly option
scattering ashes to parts known
someday... yours truly will too
succumb to the dead zone.

Stark reminder to live fully an urgent yen
to live life fullest between now and when...
ever yours truly exits
stage door left, perhaps ten
twenty, thirty... eighty, ninety, one hundred...
additional orbits around sun

a remarkable human phenomenon
(me) courtesy mine burning ken
bequeaths modest minute man
near accursed immortality longevity totaling even
score of years counting (crows)
and father time among his brethren.

Distress unavoidable which mortality doth bring
nevertheless, tis impossible mission
to eradicate pain and suffering, which doth sting
consolation assuages grief, viz prayer
and buttressing coping with spiritual wing
profound absence augments biting zing.

Biological reproduction begetting offspring
lodging within uterine abode
subsequent in utero development
regarding accretion embryonic node
biological algorithm doth automatically encode,
nevertheless longevity invariably affected
no doubt courtesy lifestyle mode.

Random crapshoot luck of the draw offspring born
genetic blueprints also decree existence transient
parents emphatically teach progeny
got no choice must inform

daughter(s), and son(s) ineluctably forsworn
demise bound with birth certificate presents horn
of dilemma conscious the next generation
granted only so many Earth orbitz around sun.

Once grim reaper deftly
communicates I must bid adieu
eternal hasta la vista to kith and kin
please don't shed a tear for generic
germane admirable bad company crew
member, albeit healthy as an ox
never got the flu,
an atheist doubting thomas

though genealogy records
incorporate many a cynical Jew
at least one legendary antiestablishmentarian
gleaned within mine purview
non-prodigal son edging closer
to the afterlife while livingsocial
within mortality queue
shunned, ostracized and banished to Xanadu.

Germane generic geeky guy
five sixths enroute
to complete lxiv luxurious Earth orbits
experienced chronic, demonic,
physiologically hegemonic...
irritable bowel syndrome
without shadow of a doubt,
yet aforementioned plight
the following lines of poetry
will not be about
problematic posterior plague.

After contemplating discomfort
linkedin with said medical condition,
yours truly realized aftermath
of Hurricane Ian concerning
those who weathered category storm
suffered a fate much worse
subsequently, I took a brief hiatus
typing lines of impossible
to understand questionable verse
challenging proclivity of one
yawping wordsmith being terse

yeah right you probably think
crowning glory upon
mine nonestablishmentarian literary endeavors
hands down majority of anonymous readers
would immediately qualify
his swiftly tailored prolix harried style
unquestionably, obviously, and irreverently
imposing expansive vocabulary as perverse,
no doubt hurling expletive donned curse
at me with every stinging breath they took.

The previous writing endeavor
attached catchy title
at outset intent to brook
unspoken protocols analogous to river,
which overflows banks swallowing
entire metropolitan areas
categorized as biblical flood
believed to occur once
every five hundred year
exhibiting impact greater
than storied facebook
(as personal side note,
said creation a markedly popular

social media platform)
influencing great swaths of populace
allowing, enabling, and providing
user trademark friendly look,
which ineluctably draws innocent naif
into webbed wide world,
where coders fashioned
innocuous virtual pitfalls
many a stalwart devout
online interoper figuratively snagged
courtesy tempting virtual,
lock, stock and withal
ingenious (some might chime in –
nefarious, opprobrious, pernicious...) tailhook.

Presents the following slapdash
higglety-pigglety bupkis, whereby reader
experiences being mentally hogtied
perusing pseudo poetic perambulation
devoid of sense and sensibility
welcoming character assassination
concerning pride of yours truly,
who merely strung together
words sharing "arian"

as their last five letters
for no particular rhyme nor reason
quite aware that forced gobbledygook
underwrites storied reputation
of unnamed aspiring author
cramming nonsense linkedin
jibber-jabber hodgepodge fashion
deplorable basketed mumbo jumbo
giving pop slop a run for its' money.

Yours truly considers himself
(courtesy obsessive compulsive fixation
with alphabetization even when dreaming
counting sheep jumping
over figurative fence by first name)
drawn toward being abecedarian,
albeit hankers being agrarian, yet
I consider myself suburban simian
(a garden variety **** sapiens)
no more significant than alcyonarian

expressing his antiauthoritarian,
intolerance toward antiegalitarian,
antihumanitarian, antilibertarian,
agog over antiquarian tomes
replete with antitotalitarian manifesto
buzzfeeding ma (zee papa's)
sixty plus shades of gray,
cuz hive got news for you
courtesy doxy me, a generic erudite apiarian,
non-aquarian, once mighty araucarian,

(when during Jurassic and Cretaceous periods
our family achieved maximum diversity
distributed across almost entire
webbed wide world), nevertheless
one humble wordsmith
decries authoritarian, barbarian, Cesarean
segmentation of rooted centenarian elders
strongly resembling cnidarians,
who foster communitarian, contrarian
culinarian, disciplinarian,

disestablishmentarianism
decrees expatiating dogmatic,
emphatic, idealistic duly strict ethos
incorporating freedom of the press
documentarian, egalitarian
establishmentarian, filarian favoring fruitarian
disavowing jump/kickstaring futilitarian endeavors
administering grammarian, hereditarian,
questioning humanitarian
versus inegalitarian paradigms

celebrating progressive legislation
courtesy coterie as Democratic jubilarian
attributing insights to sustenance
comprising Diet of Worms
and laminarian, which boosts rock ribbed
lapidarian, libertarian, librarian lunarian,
who dons gay apparel and trumpets
majoritarian fly in the ointment milarian
espousing millenarian credo,
whereby absent free will necessitarian

forces at large effect staid
senior citizens, especially nonagenarian,
advocating nonauthoritarian, bookish nonlibrarian
nonsectarian, nontotalitarian, nonutilitarian,
beefy nonutilitarian, nonvegetarian,
and octogenarian brethren,
begat in part courtesy
ovarian haploid gamete,
which offspring could trend toward
ovolactovegetarian maybe collecting

parian ware adornments
pricey merchandise afforded
courtesy parliamentarian income
sessions conducted (without resistance),
whereby officials closely resemble
blood ******* planarian ceaselessly
patting each other
(and themselves) on the back
congratulating exulting,
gushing ala Old Faithful platitudinarian

attributing their foibles to postlapsarian
forebears awaiting salvation postmillenarian
bags already packed eagerly awaiting
deliverance into seventh heaven
as promised by divine predestinarian
a time analogous to virtuous age
of innocence re: prelapsarian
or lost souls peopling congress
and house of representatives
purportedly official do bidding

for proletarian class of population
once upon bajillion years
in the past initial life forms
similar to radiolarian
propelled themselves thru primordial sea
after lapse of eons diverse riparian organisms
with nary a hint of vocations such as
rosarian, sanitarian, sectarian seminarian
dedicated worker still going strong
as septuagenarian, or sexagenarian.

The following poetic account
written more'n a dozen ***** dancing decades ago,
while I (a socially withdrawn **** Sapiens)
groveled along (on a secret Msn)
along boulevard of broken dreams,
whereby yours truly forced to eat crow
quite challenging cuz
wonky twittering angry birds
alive and well darting hither and yon to and fro
able, eager, ready, and willing
to gouge out the eyes of one common Joe.

Arduous agonizing affliction
didst unrelentingly assault and assail...
aghast to exhale... lest I would lose
desperate clinging clutch
held by more'n one
but less than eleven  
bloodied cracked fingernail
phantasmagoric phalange like tendrils constricted
stoppering me to whisper or wail
against being swallowed into hello poetry tumblr

(think Alice in wonderland
falling into rabbit hole)
yawning abyss menacingly beseeched
hmm...release could immediately curtail
cumulative (lifetime's worth) travail
freefalling, pirouetting unnervingly,
unstoppably, unwaveringly... zipping
into infinite black hole sun hell
buzzfeeding me where linkedin
earthlinked suffering lovely bones would ail

making minced meat out of me
“****” vanish as guilt – courtesy didst hail
analogous storm trooper peppering
Pennsylvanian's psyche... with eternal jail
time for eternity excluded option
asper garden variety baby boomer male,
albeit the father of deux darling daughters,
the eldest (broke vow of silent communication),
she reached out after months long hiatus telltale
sign indications to accept genuine apology

her biological father (me) culpability
regarding destitution raged against hurtfulness,
he affixed indelible psychological scars each travail
boomeranged back to yours truly duress
during her impressionable years, she did rail
and rant similar to countless
previous conversations, the scale
innocent intelligent progeny, we begat
(myself and misses) financially ill prepared
to provide respectable accommodations.

Our "dirt poor" status detrimental
livingsocial among affluent MainLine
incomes luxe Lower Merion
living costs fateful design
neighbors cursed, ostracized, vilified...
unsightly unkempt property (i.e. unmanicured)
intolerant snobs didst malign
child welfare services called NOT to dine,
but emphatic for papa and mama to align
dwelling safe and secure for minors

yes, I attest despicable living conditions
crowded house with Zison heirlooms
owners - malignant hoarders did confine
considerably reducing cubic feet,
they relations of spouse evicted us
ready to point carbine
at temple...quicker than noose
dead of winter 2010 near homelessness
relocated within "roach motel" decline
'twixt omnipotent bond

among our dynamics with offspring
livid with rage, asper an inferno no divine
comedy compounded by lascivious
behaviour - mine to hasten dateline
enduring helplessness, hardship
being alive plus brandished carving knife
against self witnessed...I assign
poor marks as paternal parent,
who bemoans loathsome
impact...this papa gropes toward hotline!

Me and the missus live in decent
sturdy accommodations (formerly
Schwenksville Elementary School
ofttimes referred to as prison,
and manager as the de facto warden),
albeit not so shabby nor chic low income
quite modest (rather unmatchable cost wise)  
low slung building we rent,
for mere dime a dozen
pennies on the dollar,
which facility lacks no shortage

of gossip mongers
with mail delivery major event
whereby many old people smelling of unguent
housing faux superman
thumping flabby chests nsync
with hooking thumbs around
suspenders feigning to be affluent,
and self important as secret double agent
yeah, minus the countless snitches,
livingsocial buzzfeeding rumors
outside our one bedroom apartment

at Highland Manor ranks
as satisfactory ascent
to appease our taste,
and general environmental ambient
aspects compared to other
(mice and roach infested)
housing previous situations of ours
so, despite most every nosy, ancient
snooty, hoity toity...tenant,
particularly one butch,  
**** eyed louey, ****** accent

a perfect spectacle for circus big-tent
single bucked sharp front tooth
sparkles, mocks, glistens...
as if brushed with Pepsodent
of course displayed "FAKE"
seventh heaven-sent
friendliness, when poor us
being penniless with just tencent
copper piece experienced warm welcome
short time after moving here
(five plus years since July 1st 2022),

but demeanor thereafter went
postal stamping like the dickens
as if me an unrepentant
jokester, nonetheless yours truly minds
against hateful words adamant
lee averse to cast aspersions,
cuz a friendly gesture linkedin
preference to be cogent practicing
what this atheist doth silent
lee preach, sans attempt tubby tolerant
in the face of someone belligerent

attentive to credo, dogma, ethos
while alive in world be tolerant
of others, whether he/ she wuzzent
pleasant recalling days of yore,
I felt disgusted when hell-bent
to hurl expletives (adding insult to injury)
if  bad mouthed me, thus
object lesson not requiring fervent
fanatical religious fervor  
improving health of Clark Kent.

No matter yours truly an atheist,
I consider myself fascinated with my ancestry
x cited regarding: upcoming
Jewish holiday fast approaching
by the bewitching hour which doth hold key
to Chamber Of Secrets to – me
analogous being Sorcerer's Apprentice
as you will read and see,
though impossible mission
to proffer extensive family tree.

Courtesy of Google, this grown man
linked in with tribes of Zion
indulged curiosity of mine
proudly harkens, (particularly
as he doth accumulate orbitz around the sun)
from Semitic ancestral line
surrounded by Jewish community
(countless years ago,
when we called Penn Valley
our place of residence)
off a street that arches
(like Noah’s bow sprint)
and named Woodbine.

Yet, he knows virtually nothing
about Jewish History
lets inquisitiveness wander
as a descendent from the “Lost Tribes Of Israel”
pondering how his life would be lived
if baptized in customs, faith, and religion
considered one of the oldest codified paradigms.
  
The first of the High Holy Days
or Yamim Nora'im ("Days of Awe")
celebrated on the first two days of Tishrei
the first day of the seventh month as "Zikhron Teru'ah"
("A memorial with the blowing of horns").

Rosh Hashanah is described as "the day of judgment"
(Yom ha-Din) and "the day of remembrance"
(Yom ha-Zikkaron)
occurs 163 days after the first day of Passover (Pesach)
beginning of Rosh Hashanah  
at sundown at the end of 29 Elul.

The evening before Rosh Hashanah day is known
as Erev Rosh Hashanah ("Rosh Hashanah eve").

On Rosh Hashanah day,
religious poems, called piyyuttim,
are added to the regular services.

A special prayer book,
the Mahzor is used
on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

This sacred day, the horn doth blow to chauffeur
(two precious daughters
now grown and autonomous
didst long since exit and escape
parental basket of deplorables,
where freedon beckoned,
when age of consent attained
exited out front door)
marginally linkedin with historical past
replete with tantalizing lore
where legions of commandments pour
and more relevant than ever
as global tempests roar
atrocity diminishing Hebraic peoples
courtesy incessant pograms and war.

and ethereal disembodied spirits seen
from the other side of the woods
said phantasmagorical sound and sight
particularly experienced every Halloween.

Though dog tired
ready for the nocturnal sandman,
but before succumbing to countless winks
namely, quintessentially, telepathically
fictitious mythical character yours truly wired.

No matter five plus weeks
before onset of All Hallows' Eve,
or All Saints' Eve, celebration
(observed in many countries
on thirty first October).

The following adverse scenario unfolded
conjuring galling kickstarting
crepuscular dark shadows, albeit amorphous
fleecy, gauzy, hallucinatory... phenomenon,
whereby I witnessed
eerie superior imps jumpstarting piercing
along the edge of night
slithering out the twilight zone
framed within night gallery.

Banshees howled thru dense thickets danse macabre
quiet riot grimacing growling grumbling gremlins
existence ephemeral

Velkommen... awoke; sleeper now awake
Scare for treat?

All hallows eve festooned, spooked sight,
tricked out ghostly haunted house fright
especially 'pon dark and stormy night
courtesy creation gnarled skeletal hands
iron grip strength steely bewitched might
fashioned superior eerie abode I write

vampire fangs drip blood, hooked warty
nose, plus bulging popeyes will delight
ghoulish welcome invitation only will incite
blood curdling screams within hermetically
sealed soundproof ghostly abode airtight
dark shadows creep come edging fore sight

to trick come stroke of midnight
monstrous phantasmagoric shape shifting
demonic denizen tarantula spiders hungry to bite
though pitchblack insatiable appetite
thundering mandibles cacophony invite
hobgoblins, who render imaginary, nee virtual

towering infernos licking forked flames
casting webbed, whirled wide silhouette
faux netting floor to ceiling height,
whereby unexpected lull dead silence
unbearable anticipation hints most
fearsome, loathsome, unwelcome... outright

villainous, venomous, vociferous...
ferocious creature politically demonic,
bigoted, anti semitic greenlighting white
supremacist hatred, when deathly quiet
suddenly punctuated with "send him back,"

plus emanations chanting "he got no birthright"
before his err rash shun null itch for gunfight,
and exploitation of natural resources
elicits, kickstarts, snapchats, and twitters
total mortal kombat broadcast by satellite.

Thursday, September 22
in Northern Hemisphere 9:03 PM
Eastern Daylight Time

Empyrean découpage citadel
betokens (bespeaks) autumnal arrival
nine oh three post meridian
chariot of fire emblazons telltale signature,
one humble human doth
bid summer and his squandered life adieu.

Already crisp cool mornings
sun kissed mine cheek
refreshing air wafts thru longish hair
trademark characteristic property
aging pencil neck geek
attends brief bathroom charge coffee
exotic brew jolted kidneys leak
***** not kidding water closet doth reek.

Especially third season upon us mortals
Montgomery county, Pennsylvania
said geographic real estate sloughs
(i.e. sheds) summer dog days
necessitating shuddered windows
disallowing natural aeration
to circulate thru unit B44
cozy one bedroom apartment.

I will stave off clicking on the heat,
as long as possible,
yet invariably come first frost
yours truly will renege
and surrender creature comfort,
albeit climate controlled temptation
similar when global warming
quite evident predicated upon
Farmers' Almanac prophetic prediction.

Though ecology minded
quick acclimation to unseasonable
hot or cold temperatures
finds me adjusting thermostat dial
mainly to thwart palmar hyperhidrosis
regarding turning on air conditioning
during sweltering triple digit
(Fahrenheit) thermometer readings,
versus absent sweaty hands
courtesy old man winter arctic blast.

Ah... remembrance of wood burning stove papa lit,
to dispense chill pervading childhood home
324 Level Road christened "Glen Elm"
within national (local registry)
when Leiper family initially occupied estate
at that time (think early twentieth century)
merely intended as summer getaway.

This time of year finds me
to reminisce and wax poetic
nostalgia more pronounced,
particularly as aspiring wordsmith
orbitz the sun seemingly with greater rapidity
twelve months cycling at light speed
ruminating, punctuating, and narrating mortality

accentuated when flora and fauna
exhibit metaphorical raiment
presaging Mother Nature's fall fashion show
linkedin with approaching senescence
prompting generic garden variety **** sapien
to rue his transience upon oblate spheroid.

Gentrification impossible mission
thus thy lovely bones will subsequently
become repurposed into  ashes
sprinkled hither and yon to and fro
across elysium fields of happy hunting grounds.

No stuntman/woman showed up,
albeit intervened in timely fashion
to thwart mishaps experienced
courtesy me I bemoan,
and poet lore re: yet of Perkiomen Valley
Pennsylvania, United States of America
never suffered major illness nor broken bone
(specifically life and death health crisis,
nor compound fracture respectively)
cuz guardian angel intervened,
though aim of mine heretofore
forthwith literary endeavor
merely expressing, exhibiting, examining...
a painfully ****** mishap,

where Lady Luck gussied up as crone
perhaps female spirit of  
Matthew Scott Harris
in the guise of wizened older woman
himself affecting doppelganger
as grotesquely personified...
well lemme cease written jibber jabber
without rhyme nor reason
nor sense and sensibility
analogous to being subjected to annoying drone  
and describe and elucidate
how stunted man (me) amazingly graceful,
nevertheless, yours truly accident prone

The following bonafide poem
fleshed out ~ October 2019
I did accidently revisit
painfully suffering with silent true grit.

Aw shucks, I did sustain
moderately serious injury
series of unfortunate events
ludicrous and quite insane,
yours truly did previously explain
while crouching (think

Tony as papier mâché Tiger),
aye fell backward, where sharp
desktop corner didst train
ground zero right side rib cage domain
punched thru L.L. Bean Autumn jacket
zapped, tattooed, lacerated... bloodstain

proof positive bow tocks sing
arrowing, fletching, notching,
piercing, searing targeting ... pain
prestidigitation went awry
courtesy "fake" legerdemain,
yours truly incapacitated plain

vanilla and simple
found me mortally slain,
more tortuous than spelunking thru
eye of needle size tunnel,
no bigger than sand grain,
and/or trumpeted by suzerain

arrogant, boastful, contemptuous...
arid, barren, cerebrally desolate brain,
a definitive liability,
(not just from Ukraine
stormy din yelled brouhaha), profane
but..., I wholeheartedly ascertain,

the former commander in chief
an absolute zero inane
purpose twittering acrimonious, disdain
calamitous, egregious, gangrenous..., arcane
rumbustious, venomous,
zealous... carte blanche

bigoted, misogynistic, racist..., inhumane
blathering, excoriating, insulting...
seeding, planting, muckraking... dogbane
demanding obeisance till
germane henchmen verstehen
unwittingly declaring himself
jejune bloodhound August huss

preening, primping, proofing
orange-blond mane
more attentive to applying
gray matter to strain
Midas coated self
important fiery propane
verbal quid pro quo

explosions inevitably spray'n,
nothing but antisemitism, barbarism,
demagoguery, hatred...
diatribes roiling the masses
til rabid rantings attain
intolerant decibel threshold
usurping totalitarian refrain.

Computer technology a dog send
boot also a source of woe,
cuz prohibitive costs charged by technicians
to troubleshoot Macbook Pro
just recently sought out
self teaching methodology
perhaps oddly enough
even tapping into pantomime lessons
(mastering "art of silence"
such as the estimable Marcel Marceau)

found yours truly accessing youtube videos
replaying tutorial(s) until I experience
cognitive understanding like ya know
geared for the common
government issued Jane or Joe,
whereby I would not need
to dish out plate fulls of dough
to help improve functionality of said laptop
subsequently kudos to crow
perhaps acquiring understanding
to acquire knowledge
and subsequently purchase a bungalow.

Rather than succumb
to frustration or angst and allay
premature ejaculations of anxiety
(telling myself Rome
didn't get burned in a day),
I must constantly stave off dismay
allowing, enabling, and providing
yours truly (me) to learn
and not drive analogous

to crash test dummy
(potential dire straits mindset
of foo fighting beastie boy
incompatible with central
processing unit of mine
in tandem with heat sink)
need be synchronized
regarding adjusting learning curve
aligned with pinpointing apropos
online lesson plan

amidst plethora of youtube videos
constituting information super freeway
so as not to career
into zone of discouragement
pacing mastering concepts
without feeling rushed
to make headway
lest rage against the machine
or worse yet inveigh
against accursed limited aptitude

heredity decreed, though still smarting
courtesy poor academic track record
I decry still struggling
and most likely will forever hold contempt
toward Matthew Scott Harris
experiencing horrible education
within Lower Providence school district
such maddening sentiments maintained
until mein kampf finds unnamed mortal
on his deathbed, where head doth lay.

Who never did a lick of work
gifted lifelong entitlement,
yet possessed webbed wide world reputation
actually humble contemplative earthling
jump/kick started cosmic consciousness
as modest (née supreme)
unrivaled spiritual leader
with natural born talent
to resolve conflicts
without uttering a word,

he merely presented unspoken charisma,
when his bonafide dogma stirred
madding crowd awash
with conservative and liberal
unflagging political stripes
plus token long haired pencil necked nerd
anarchistic disruption (holy cow) seldom heard
except during amber alert
contrary to violence prone
human nature, how
out of simian character and absurd.

Honest to goodness effort witnessed
courtesy eyes of big brother,
which affected shout and twist
in life and hard times rendered tragic
of one odd longfellow
surname of Mister Quist,
who once upon a time esteemed
as hotshot dejure at NIST
(National Institute of Standards
and Technology at U.S.
Department of Commerce.

The NIST Cybersecurity Framework
helps businesses of all sizes
better understand, manage,
and reduce their cybersecurity risk
and protect their networks and data.

The voluntary Framework kissed
(figurative kosher blessing
fingers to mouth non verbal communication
to hush quiet riot
unrecognizable protagonist aforementioned -
convincingly disguised Rabbi)
despite blatant underlying anti semitism,
which unpleasant ****** sound hissed
out the indecorous maw
of zealous white supremacist(s)
across the room of ornate Synagogue,
whereby security details
quickly silenced and ushered
unnamed, unhinged, uncivil...
evil incarnate odious louts,
who did unfortunately own right to exist.

Any resemblance between said divine mortal
(an avuncular good fella,
a handy dandy bare knuckle pacifist,
albeit harmless individual)
and living persons purely coincidental.

Hard knocks Methacton school alum
ofttimes finds ruining his fate
while squarely planted on me ***
nevertheless felt rightly triangulated
flashed mobbed by disheveled and unshaven,
foo fighting beastie boys
whereby their gray stubble encrusted
wayward synonymous days old crumb -

after getting wolfed (re: gang lions)
as delectable entitled treat
buttered fingers drubbing upon tabletop
analogous to playing a drum
oy vey, yours truly cannot believe
he ate the whole thing -
thus feeling bloated and glum
giving way (rather succumbing)
to Sir Isaac Newton's
first law of motion first law
a body at rest stays oh so ** hum
inclined to remain supine
and comfortably numb
able, eager, and ready (reddit)
to down tumblr full of ***
argh go sum... my poor tum.

ALDI GIANT supermarkets
(within small radius of miles
from me Schwenksville, Penna abode)
sell delicious delectable treat
goading, inspiring, and spurring me
to craft poem essentially
patronizing manufacturer,
whose skilled food technicians
engineered absolute winning dessert

courtesy their natural born talent
schooled (most likely at culinary institute)
possibly supplemented insync
with advanced degrees
at other institutions of higher learning
after various and sundry
trials and error with plus or minus
marginal limits of tolerance
concocting mouthwatering secret recipe.

Lemme use hypothetical situation
to accent chew ate,
how alluded dessert tastes great,
especially when rumble in tumbly
clamors for glorious goody
regarding appetite to satiate
unfortunately circumstances
force your truly to wait.

If (the following
constitutes far fetched scenario)
stranded on a desert island,
I after falling to Earth
when parachute fails to open,
weighed down by an excess of
Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecakes,
would finagle an empty pie tin
flashing aluminum dish higgledy piggledy
to signal an oinking porcine SOS
think jeepers creepers
knowing my luck being abducted
by an alien cannibalistic, gnostic,
narcissistic life forms,
who quickly abandoned me

subsequently left to my own devices,
(where you dear reader
would discover one humbug),
I would be forced to scrounge around
rubbing two sticks together
to create warmth
plus distilling oils -
derived from edible herbaceous plants,
whence I would *******
(not prematurely) - olé
to sauté said collard greens
with wild mushrooms.

pitch perfect today
September 14th, 2022.

861 Gravel Pike, Schwenksville,
Pennsylvania 19473
the ideal place
if/when ye dear reader
experience maddening rage
(against the machine)
causing ordinarily calm demeanor
to fuss and fume
perhaps as best man/woman
unbridled quibble between

newly minted bride or groom
(similar scenario between yours truly
and the thirty something gal he married)
both of us barely
able, eager, ready, and willing
to resolve conflict,
(short of getting a divorce),
where nuptial contention didst loom
now... courtesy cap donned with a plume,
and after more'n a quarter century
united in holy moly matrimony.

Highland Manor Apartments
affords quick jaunt
veritable exotic getaway
scant miles away
Schwenksville establishment rooted
at least last half century

local tropical paradise beckons
passer(s)by to saunter
imbibe fragrant aroma,
espy splash of color on hillside
ease hilly draw painter with palette
photographer, musician, writer...

especially during dead of winter,
indoor botanical garden
bounteous, capacious, herbaceous...
topography exquisitely, heavenly,
incredibly... landscaped flora
to dazzle sense and sensibility,

inebriating, intoxicating, invigorating...
metaphorical cathartic ambrosia,
potent fragrant blend
wafting within englassed green acres
buzzfeeding, kickstarting, spellbinding
pollinating, germinating, birthing...

analogous natural stimulant,
holistic, magically therapeutic
without deleterious hallucinogenic,
nor harmful narcotic qualities,
also terrific soporific,
a soothing environment

to gravitate, meditate, ruminate...
healthy psychological restorative
hypothetical scenario to heal
mental, physical, and spiritual wounds
to strengthen body,
mind, and body triage

woke benumbed atavistic
primitive **** sapiens
nihilistic grim outlook (mine)
housing grim prognostication
foreboding bleak aggrievement
impossible submission toward
apocalyptic trend to escape.

alternately titled: tick tock runneth amuck
seconds elapse imperceptibly
leaving me dumbstruck,
how quickly fleeting tempus fugit;
ofttimes imagined as time thief.

Hence following vignette: quiet as a mouse lurks the time thief

The invisible hours hoarder stealthily steals precious seconds (like minute hors d'oeuvres) away during the dead of night surreptitiously and unsuspectingly robs and buries me alive by subtracting each and every precious second of my tender life.

As the world spins, the days fly by at nearly the hummingbird wings at the deathly hallow supersonic sound, this little elfin grot sized goniff (groomed by Father Time) monopolizes and usurps a greater role like some unwanted guest who overstays his welcome.

Mortality (visited by quick and painless demise) on the other hand would be an especial balm, relief and tonic to my countless decades long existential slog, which this model ’59 hew man cargo happens to be in sore need and want of that fairy tale genie in a bottle to grant me eternity.

How quickly the hands blindingly **** by instantaneously eclipsing memories from yesterday (when all my troubles seemed so far away) as I just barely shucked off the frock from today.

Meanwhile faint hints of tomorrow (albeit dark shadows creeping imperceptibly closer from the edge of night as all my children frolic in the summer of their blissful innocence totally oblivious to the galloping generational gourmand grandfatherly clocker) hungrily prowling on the outskirts of styx strewn groveling grooved globe.

Nocturnal creatures emerged from respective hideouts regaling in fleeting festivities (apropos to their species/ genus) before the curtain rises on another dawning day.

Although an unseen yet palpable grim harbinger (per prescribed existential allowance) precedes, and allocates finite years sans spontaneous birth of life, the daily hubbub finds this introspective individual self-absorbed in gloom.

Thus, he infrequently finds himself conscious of that eye popping, jaw dropping, mind boggling sheer speed of light flash representative of his passing life. Where in the world did those days, weeks, months, years, and decades go? Try as one might to catch the robber baron of ages, he/she also appears to be at least one second ahead.

These immeasurable micro moments appear to leap ever faster as one inches closer to that average length of longevity. Odd though, that these indiscriminate discrete constituent parts of being consciousness well nigh impossible to isolate, yet recognition prevails at cradle to grave cycle.

I feel utterly dumbstruck at diminishing residence on this planet now while walking along the boulevard of broken dreams. An indistinguishable blur (akin to the brushstroke of an artist across blank palette yet to be covered with an unpredictable product) the only evidence that tempus fugit.

Now as one crotchety curmudgeon contemplating cumulative chapters of mein kampf (from childhood to doddering sexagenarian senescence), nostalgia for yesteryear like a parasite symbiotically festering inside for unrequited liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The second these minute, gnarled, bent arthritic fingers manage to lay hands on that bleeping son of a blank, hours and days will be like one endless months long week-end without parental supervision.

Throughout mankind's awakened consciousness
elusive abstract notion
identifying past, present, and future
adopted as avuncular personification;
Father Time an apropos sobriquet
impossible concept to grasp
within the mind of one Finnish huckabuck,
whose clodhoppers get mired in muckamuck
analogous to quicksand yours truly stuck
markedly challenged, hence
mission scuttled when attempting to zuck.

Ever since the advent of civilization
contrivances crafted to measure
days, weeks, months...
years, decades, centuries...
analytical “gifted” anonymous minds,
wrought ever more sophisticated inventions
to divide existence into manageable units.

Now twenty first century **** sapiens
technological atomic clock work mechanisms
markedly catapulted by quantum leaps
immense degrees of precision  
extremely accurate types of devices
linkedin with state of the art electronics.

At this fleeting instant
(approximately 8:18 AM
September 13th, 2022)
ever so briefly wedged between
what elapsed and future events to arise)
impossible mission to isolate
that illusory present,

not only cuz the herein now
flits away at light speed
(or greater - you're right quite dubious),
but also everywhere within
cosmic space/time continuum
infinite microscopic and
macroscopic events occur.

As an amateur thinker
I feel baffled when pondering
that crude convenient schema
whereby greater minds than mine
devised devices to measure passage of time.

Yours truly can barely articulate
his farfetched dumbfoundedness,
me merely a simple brute
(shortish but not so nasty),
whose permanently creased
furrowed brow courtesy
his scrutinizing noggin
encasing fifty plus shades of gray matter,

whereby one percent bonafide Neanderthal
deoxyribonucleic acid explains
atavistic predilection issuing primal grunting,
when foraging for small (lame) game,
cuz feeble minded twenty first century
run of the mill garden variety **** sapiens
amuses himself (mentally)
toying with Einsteinian paradigm.

Though barely able to fathom
mind bending and boggling concepts
theoretically linkedin if an object
subjected to travel speed of light
(particularly an objet d'art - ha

think The Persistence of Memory
series of clock paintings by Salvador Dali)
mass becomes infinite
as does energy required to move entity.

Obviously the ability to wrap one's head
(or hands for that matter) around,
humongous (super sized) material essence
filling subsequent seconds, minutes, hours...
defies feasibility to grasp,

neither could ways nor means
allow, enable and provide
any semblance to hold (tangibly) as solid
something so abstract
as a singular moment, yes?

The above (ambiguously stated) thought exercise
equally as challenging where to locate
beginning and/or ending point
upon Möbius strip.

Eventually vices will witness me crow king
cough'n affliction caw hearse courtesy
smok'n since me yay high,
hence appellation (mountain) wheezer
natural set of adult teeth (rotten to the core)  
easily plucked out courtesy tweezer,
this har nonestablishmentarian,
never prevaricator nor crowd pleaser,

whose barreled chest attests quantity
maximum grog, which equals capacity of keezer,
or analogous to quaffing
amount stout beer downed by yours truly
(rough estimation by dickens)
equivalent to hinted wealth of Ebenezer
Scrooge, who could hypothetically
purchase abundant amount of ale.

Above fabrication nonsense yay
figurative hook to grab attention my way
ain't one applicable factual word written,
cuz I take poetic license
with no intended off fence touché
harmless figurative foil
as usual trademark innocent word play
geezer who sports brown golden locks
employs good humor as keyway
to unlock mine mindscape entranceway.

After posting poem comb what may,
drink'n like vichyssoise floundering fiend,
I reluctantly brush aside
male pattern baldness without dismay,
cuz patrilineal genetic trait
shows no happy shiny pate
rather paternal ancestry
somewhat thick with strands
turning sixty plus shades of gray.

The following recounts true account
one hundred purse cent
actual bonafide certifiable event
attested to courtesy one germane gent
badinage represents laughable intent
as he deeply inhales cigarette brand Kent.

Though no physician,
this aging baby boomer
former long haired pencil necked geek
absolutely, intuitively, erroneously, and
unequivocally sensed hair loss (mine),
at first a speculative rumor
not simply rooted in my (ahem) head,
no matter a minimalist groomer

nevertheless, thinning follicles,
upon dawning realization, sans medical
sought relief thru good humor,
though within this balding cerebral noggin
became repulsive as if my scalp
pulled pate rendered as a tumor.

Thus an unexpectedly present surprise
when in private consultation in the guise
as out patient client (early afternoon
December 19th, 2018),
where I did fraternize
and kibitz with the medical assistant

(old enough to be my...sister),
aye did exercise
mild mannered mien mean, aye do patronize
before doctor Rudolf (dearly
reigned) Roth, a practicing
Dermatologist told me no lies

his instant karma knowledge - mainly his
thirty seven years expertise
sought to excise
a prominent non cancerous mole approximately
centered middle of back
a small patch of skin,

he needed to anesthetize
nonetheless, a reassuring persona,
yours truly did lionize
(not merely, cuz
he received a five star rating,
specialist under auspices

of Penn, Medicine)
in Radnor Pennsylvania),
his modest calm did neutralize
any uneasiness, as did his pronounced
humility earn kudos to idolize
such rarely present gentility, and

unwitting capacity did harmonize,
and maximize significance to me,
asper my thinning limp
hair logically rationalize
identified underactive thyroid gland

(hypothyroidism) tubby,
which didst legitimize
no hair brained rooted concern,
hence...less reason to catastrophize',
which for no reason I
wanted to mildly emphasize,
hence choice to apostrophize...

Livingsocial at 324 Level Road
circa post high school graduation
found yours truly voluntarily holed up
for an inordinate amount of time
within familiar four walls of his bedroom.

He preferred solitude versus
interacting with either his father or mother,
practicing perfect aggressive passive posture
whereby one or the other parent hurled curses.

Non-social trademark characteristic
thwarted him joining in any reindeer games,
being withdrawn and undersized
overlaid with figurative veneer of anxiety
and a submucosal cleft palate to boot
condemned him to lapse into
comfortably numb state of isolation and loneliness.

Escapism courtesy binge reading
attempting to relish every tome
contributed to purposefulness
helping to answer why I did exist
plus acquisition of knowledge
kindled gray matter approximately
size of left and right fist
allowed, enabled, and provided grist

buzzfeeding overactive imagination
engendering fantasies, you get the jist
at expense of never getting son kissed
during pre/post adolescence
essentially a wallflower
major/minor milestones missed
(such as going to the prom)
in retrospect, I feel grievously ******.

Solitary non trivial pursuits,
across checkered past monopolized
inborn instinct never to witness
salubrious socialization to flourish,
(please don't feel sorry)
though cultivating modest knack
with English language
a commendable trait,
whether engrossed solving word games,
reading reputable news source

or turning pages of spellbinding book
galvanized mine attention
ferrying thoughts away being
figuratively hermetically sealed
secluded, sedated, (albeit narcotic
viz printed material), separated,
segregated, sequestered, settled...
away from madding crowd
including kith and kin.

Even as a darling little boy
(naive and oblivious to sax and violins)
ways and means sought
to secure absolute zero
interaction with others, I did employ
getting ably linkedin
with storied sixteenth president,
(vis a vis time traveling thru enterprising
seat of the pants experience
whizzing to and fro, hither and yon
at lightspeed helter skelter
back and forth across
space/time continuum

punctuated qua grammatical equilibrium)
spiritually invisibly convening
with alluring American historical figure
namely he who resided when elected
commander in chief
made popular the state of Illinois
analogous to Star Trek
becoming most favorite television show
in equal parts courtesy
William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy
giving legendary Helen of Troy
a run (with Paris) for her money.

Poetry writing a medium
to create embellishment
concerning mine humdrum existence
healthy development chokingly boxed
maturation of body, mind and spirit stunted
impossible mission to ameliorate indelible legacy
vibrant potential abilities sabotaged
webbed wide wakefulness smothered
psychological travails wracked mein kampf
schizoid personality disorder
stymied inherited physical, mental
and spiritual strengths,
whereby bulk of living years
populated by submissiveness.

If born during an earlier era
antedating first Industrial Revolution
hypothetical fictitious me,
would experience rural modus operandi
as fitting, perhaps apprenticed
(rustic accommodations accepted
such as still found in Lake Wobegon)
with respectable tradesman adept as printer,
a clever literate playfully mischievous lad
stealthily including personal editorials
or opinions about difficult challenges
regarding how very shy young man
feels ill at ease when attempting
to befriend a bonnie lass.

causing percussive rumpus
to vibrate like jelly

Me experienced quite disruptive sleep
(quite early in the morning
of November 10th 2022 -
no shut eye could I keep),
hence though exhausted, I share
childlike trait of mine spouse
insufferable playfulness finds me
ready to collapse in a heap.

Missus as inquisitor a worse
fate than death expounded courtesy
the following cheeky verse
about bearing derrière perverse
antic for wife to adopt role of nurse
Ratched she of (One flew over
the cuckoo's nest fame)
the missus every smack
upon me posterior I did curse,
thus poem not for the faint of heart
some or all of material you may find averse.

Meanwhile good n plenty vibrations resonated
felt and heard round the world wide web
(strongest quaking sensations
occurred upon double mattresses atop bed
within apartment unit b44
2 Highland Manor Drive),

but woody d'ya believe
beating, drumming, flagellating
paddling, and whipping gluteus maximus
spurred surging aftershock tremors
launched rocketed tubular *****
(property yours truly).

Imagine slap happy spouse
ain't misbehavin
just being her playful
(think cheeky) self
knick knack paddy whacking

undeservedly thrashing,
pummeling, beating
the living daylights
buttucks long past their prime
formerly cute palm pilot *****,

now subjected courtesy
cruel aging process
wrought ugly human cellulite,
nevertheless I made
feeble attempts to rear up in protest

against asinine wifely antics,
while she obviously disregarded
feebly wailing for nought
me lamely uttering
friggin ****** ****** in vain.

Zee spouse ain't no sadomasochist,
she just thrills
treating gluteus maximus (mine)
as a plaything

(think cat toying with mouse)
thwacking me fleshy behind
until derriere belonging to yours truly
feels comfortably numb.

Thee aforementioned shenanigans
predominantly arise, when
wedded counterpart owns advantage,
whereby I eagerly welcome shut eye

lo and behold only to experience
mine hinny quickly getting smacked
after I barely shuttered these tired eyelids
sneaking couple winks.

What recently began as
whimsical spur of
kickstarting moment
ushering tactile kibitizing
suddenly became nightly ritual,
whereby this humble husband
meekly surrenders bare bottom

(actually partner with skewed enjoyment
at my expense)
pulls off outer clothes
plus underpants (elasticity
long since stretched out)
wallopping me ***
until flesh heavily
spindled, mutilated, lacerated,
fondled and bruised.

Analogous to black box
holding untold secrets,
(after deadly plane crash
no survivors except
a journeyman foreigner),
I share the following self
introspection with ye dear readers,
which purported hidden truths
might set me free and clear,
albeit laborious effort

to loose constituent amalgamated
compound elements unmined
tantamount to agony
riddling psyche effort to extract
thorny matters incumbent upon me
analogously synonymous with
Androcles and the lion
think Roman mythology
whoops (Greek: Ἀνδροκλῆς,
alternatively spelled Androclus in Latin).

Oftimes methinks... whoami
spending scores of years
with frustrated sigh
hermetically sealing - waxed body electric
housing generic garden variety guy
as prepubescent severely, physically,
mentally emotionally tormented
contemplating, foregoing existence,
integrating, blithely urging wish to die
even at this moment,

still doth not reluctantly shy
away to embrace death wholeheartedly
simultaneously, naturally nor would I try
putting anonymous life (mine)
on the line, though...,
nevertheless envisioning rejoicing
(as told to significant other -
the missus naturally averse
to my demise well nigh)
without ability to explain why

per se if mortal ailment
truncated corporeal constituent
collective comprising mein kampf
Noel cowardly lie,
cuz becoming gratefully dead try
not to laugh while
yours truly cannot deny
permanent absence mine decoupling
from humanity, no longer linkedin
with consciousness, I recognize

hard skool of knocks alumni
soul finally free to roam spiritual realm
posthumously making his name sake
(synonymous with introvertedness)
deceased modest mortal hallowed human,
though the foregone feted occasion
beholds mine future
no longer entwined with the missus,
whence cessation as breathing being
decades into the future

whereby mine cremated ashes  
subsequently scattered across
reconstituted secluded terrain
once expanse of one hundred acre woodland
populated with poo poo ticky tacky,
about a half century ago
partitioned into cookie cutter
vinyl city occupying happy hunting grounds
witnessing abundant flora and fauna,
where Glen Elm estate

(an expansive demesne
formerly occupied by the Leipers) razed;
within corner abode
(at crossroads of Stoughton and Level Roads)
wherein dwelled Williams family
(offspring grown and senior citizens,  
the eldest daughter
happily residing in Carhibeg,
Rosscarberry county Cork Ireland)
to me, a garden variety generic guy
forsaken atrophied opportunity

loosed, whisked, and zapped...
toward sheltering sky
linkedin love never did transpire,
hence moot point absent wedding bells
did not require men to don black tie,
only selfish sexagenarian
mourns angst peppered soul,
whence death do me part
banshee will signify
all quiet on western front forever reunify
me with cosmic consciousness eternal ally.

a worse hellish fate than perdition really *****

As of early morning
today - September 8th, 2022,
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found me
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony
as if elephant stomping on tummy
or red livid with rage.

I've re: created how bull
heaver in fiber figuratively ****** his tusk
into lower abdominal area dawn to dusk
ah...voila... hence subsequently
blessed natural laxative,
the magic of Daily Fiber
100% natural psyllium husk
also known as metamucil.

Once again sphincter muscle(s)
spasmodically malfunctioned awry
whew suppository unnecessary
despite gastrointestinal stoppage
alimentary canal thwarted
porcelain goddess battlecry
at least seventy two hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry
explaining how yours truly
felt he would die
an undertaking malaise

found me experiencing
physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement,
wherein waste unable to expel
from the **** of this guy,
which bout with ****** obstruction
found me doubled over
with lower abdominal distress
whereby comfort found me unable to lie
down nor sit upright

(with back padded with pillows
against the cellar brick wall),
thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh
and managed on a previous occasion
to muster the means to bare
frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase
the Acme brand Metamucil,
which akin to Drano doth ply
thru the excretory tract
supposedly loosening the stools

which optimism (product
didst earn claim to fame)
generated a sigh
if that expressed intent
to cease LivingSocial would try
humph enjoining lxiii
year old married male
to cede victory to the grim reaper,
who would vie
as winner de jure

to this common fellow invoking libretto
ohm resistant understudy
waste not want not
allowing, enabling and providing relief,
without successful defecation
despite the oppressive urge
to bolster this Uriah
heep of balled up and tuckered out
five foot and ten inches of lovely bones,
thence mouthing retraction

of former thought to cease existing
though a non-bull lever
in any power broker qua mankind
relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer
yet, this wordsmith
scrutinizes his recurring
pain in the *** jagged torture
and asks a rhetorical
one word question "WHY"?

Well now... monumental
poetic challenge recap,
I now craftily abbreviate
(think clogged toilet
synonymous with blockage)
waste matter after days did accumulate
regarding ****** blockage to alleviate
thus imagine impossible
airy mission to defecate
which debilitating scenario

(mine) frequent accursed fate
frequently recurring more often
as yours truly ages
i.e. latter day saint
Matthew Scott got older
****** affliction compromised me
ordinary easy going demeanor to boot
disallowing, disenabling, and not permitting
me - effecting, emulating, and exhaling
Tony the tiger's catchword grrrrrreat

if queried about my constitution
when alas... absolute ecstasy found me
expelling bowel movement with effort
weighing approximately 0.71428571 stone
though relieved, nevertheless
the toilet bowl clogged,
prompting me to correct historical records
on two accounts despite
causing potential ruckus
disaster buffs may incriminate
nsync notion huge bowel movement

(mine) took down (analogous
voyage to bottom of sea) toto Lusitania
and actually additionally
caused separate incident
complex edifice (think Titanic)
both sturdy ships of state
former rendered, lifted, foundered...
latter purportedly crashing
into iceberg invariably causing
rising sea levels courtesy
melting glacier (size of Florida) weight.

Dune not be bashful, grumpy, leery
or any other contemporary dwarf man
even countless less well known dwarves
(that never got a chance
to play a bit part) such as wham
bam
thank you ma'am
linkedin with emergence
of Internet and poetry slam
opportunities availed by Uncle Sam

which characters (albeit fiction)
nonetheless, helped spawn a quiet yet free
global, radically riotous,
totally tubular transformation
affecting a societal and human specie
but not credited contributing
to paradigm seismic shift that garnered tree
mend us plenti fully birthed,
impacted and transformed how wii

(more particularly many gifted minds)
bridged geographical distance
(encompassing all four corners
of the Earth) to enhance
what came to be called the world wide web,
digital strong armed lance
information super high, "Cyber Revolution",
etc allowing one to prance

and essentially transcend reality to brook
commanding, commingling, communicating, hook
line and sinker, et cetera
with an excellent access and outlook
reaching the most distant cranny and nook.

This (bit a bing chitty bang)
manifestation toward
exponentially faster processing capacities
more powerful than pen or sword
(based on principles of Moore’s Law), reward
electronically solidifying
binary unification swiftly tail lord

engenders greater dependence and reliance
figuratively shrinking the drinking gourd
allowing far flung aliens, family,
friends, et cetera to ford
great distances via sophisticated electronics
courtesy of super smart motherboard
enabling ever more complex
electronic contrivances
the generic **** Sapien gibbon could afford.

Analogous to Medieval Age
this quiet ***** riot creation
vis a vis Internet did un cage
actual overcoming physical barriers
ushered Hallmark gauge
marked by Computer/Digital Age odyssey),
especially sharing pixelated page
at light speed, where the ordinary individual
could keep in contact )
albeit with every now and again
a bit torrent rage
and in some instances tapping
smarts of a preschooler considered a sage
which kindergarten lad/lass
commandeered a handsome wage.

Whereat the parental figure did cajole,
wheedle or beg
their wealthy progeny promising
son/ daughter of a healthy nest egg
stored money in Swiss bank accounts or hollow leg
perhaps christened jpeg
or if an avid weekly reader
of Moby **** Queequeg

who felt incorporeal storied power
of Herman Melville as zen unseen aid
instructing hypothetical rich kid
to dropout of school
before his/her first grade
coz of all the money he/she made,

which affected modus operandi rendered obsolete
child worker laws
and no sweat of brow getting paid
people used bitcoin
(or other online currency)
additionally making purchases
with scant keystrokes to complete a trade.

As with any major dramatically novel scheme
light bulb idea scribbled on napkin
scrap of paper
via cheesy or whipped cream
originating as a flash in the pan
aha eureka moment, or dream

as rough blueprint subsequently
underwent beta testing,
before declaring pc innovation supreme
whereby outstanding persons in the tech industry
clamored to join Kidde team.

Whether seventh day advent
hissed or other religious creed
powerful binary processing
impacted near
earth shaking incarnation indeed
and ramifications in all walks
and talks of life sought expert need.

Coven chanting children murmured
Luddites be ******!

Thus spake Zarathustra (cue the opening scene
from Planet of the Apes)
upon witnessing as if king or queen
(in reality father or mother)
didst get immediately

dethroned thus, increasing mean
average positive
effects on society, especially lean
microchip i.e. integrated circuitry
miniaturization "green"
technology (and eventual
attendant affordable price)
viz said trappings

unleashed upon global market
invited absolute zero dust, a must clean
as a whistle work space,
and manufacturers laboratory be microbe free
hermetically sealed vacuumed "clean".

Countless portable machines
unbeknownst soon epithet florid hack
coining impromptu called cyber crime
especially as majority proportion of population
didst purchase these dime,

a doze in countless "end users"
snapped up these smart machines
excitedly keyed away indifferent to gunk
on unwashed hands
plus bits of food particles
eventually caking hardware with grime
(eventually necessitating technician
charging gobs of moolah
sans to unstitch in time.

Gooey glop getting suctioned out
technicians venting expletives
emphasized obvious
NO FOOD OR DRINK rule to abide
cuz suctioning tower
or laptop presented vulnerability
plus unforeseen downfall against fried
food and greasy hands ended up hide
ding in hardest to reach locale
on circuit board no matter how expert pried

yelling out gratitude
to geek squad member helping
before he/she went out side door
eagerly awaiting

remotely controlled self driving vehicle
transporting techie guru home
to an obscure gated destination,
an uninterrupted distant, yet pleasant ride.

eventually amateurs encouraged
to tinker like an apprenticed tailor
akin as raw troubleshooting recruit
oft playfully feigned to be soldier spy

pretending to repair bowel of computer
when in truth visiting supposed shadowing dark side
which lined illegal benefits of labor saving devices),
the sound of silence
(written on the subway walls)

though heretics opposing
latest technology and felt sinister chill
(just ask Punxsutawney Phil),
the Internet ranks as greatest dog sent rill

lee where wiz kids ranked
chatting killer apps with grateful dead
information superhighway as heavenly manna
with artificial intelligence street cred
since introduction of white bread
and powdered milk biscuits baked by Ahmed.

Courtesy of one or more tradesmen,
first Monday in September set aside
for employees able, eager, ready
and willing to acquire money
to marry groom or bride
climb the corporate ladder or
become an artisan, entrepreneur, technician
to side step getting rung, drafted
like an oxen plow, commandeered and chide
by management as insubordinate
till retirement or join kiln fields
once the music died

from plane over exertion, yet nonetheless
sweat of brow efforts praised I espied
searching me noggin brief history re:
aforesaid day, where barbecues fried
dispersed aromas recognizing efforts
of workers with quality control as guide
grievances against danger challenged
sense and sensibility stalwart did not hide
the shenanigans that took place inside
sense and sensibility
without prejudice nor pride

boardrooms in tandem with glories of
American made products from those
who put figurative nose to grindstone –
just common everyday Jane's and Joe’s
who weathered extreme temperatures,
whereby bodies froze
but thanks to those who battled elements
at large and snatched doze

birth of brute efforts eventually
earned reserved renowned
borne couple shy of
nineteenth century, whence sound
of industrial silence replaced with
parades where hoof beats did pound
burgeoning and bustling city streets
echoed along hardened ground
fealty to country soldered
with faith, federation union freedom
and job security did thence abound,

which holiday underwent
transformations as bustle
and hustle proved myth regarding
land of milk and honey –
from straining of muscle
whereby life, liberty and pursuit
of happiness less of physical tussle

set (thank you Masons and Dixons)
cornerstone to an invisible
complex edifice originally from New York
forgotten builders, farmers, machinists,
et cetera who laid groundwork
wrought by destruction
from Civil War largesse and pork
loosed from the bottle in
Antebellum South, when off flew cork
freeing a genie, which became rendered
supremely courtly poet, i.e. this former dork.

today – late morning of November 4th 2022
sudden onset experienced whereby
whooshing waste naturally flushed out
ala mine body electric performed colonoscopy
diarrheal gangbuster instigated
maybe Machiavellian microbe
with powerful ****** surge
analogous to invisible plunger
forcing out every last tidbit
constituting raw bits of
partially digested food
propelled with pronounced might
found yours truly pooped out.

Mine earliest recollection with
lower gastrointestinal eruptions,
viz (diagnosis courtesy medical technicians
informed this then youngster
stomach ache symptoms
disappointingly jump/kick started,
concluded, and associated
with psychosomatic induced distress)
occurred when sexagenarian - me
quite a young lad, which specialist
invited me to ingest barium sulfate,
linked with class of medications
called radiopaque contrast media.

The suspension (liquid)
worked by coating esophagus,
stomach, or intestine
with material not absorbed
into body so diseased
or damaged areas
could be clearly seen
by examination or CT scan.

Once I grudgingly swallowed
the pinkish chalk like solution
a path traced thru digestive tract
visible while I stood behind a screen
subsequently no life or death crisis evinced.

Rear lee if ever attested subject
suffices as an apt poetic title
amidst bookish canon - while
this writer (similar to other aspirants
in their respective creative pursuits)
aware arbitrary perusers may deem vile.

Core body of voluntary selective readers
mentally affix probationary trial
before unequivocally gravitating
toward (or being repulsed away from)
my unique genre or signature
swiftly tailored harried style,
which modus operandi modality
of expression eventually

accruing some degree of popularity
affecting unseen frown or smile
nevertheless, accepting, enjoying,
and tolerating how I playfully rile
aware that anonymous reader's
patience can wear thin relegating mine

worded persona on par with a reptile
unknowingly breaking fragile bond,
hence she/he might not reconcile
without awareness rejecting valuable kinship,
immediately dismiss me as asinine or puerile,
thus forsaking tenuous link, one

that may never bare tangible fruition,
yet all along self scrutiny occurs to refine
thy cerebral thought provoking profile
also intimating months gone by bias
arises toward gobbledygook
figurative handily prehensile

expansive vocabulary, verbosity could
(and/or does) rank as a pile
of unpleasant gluteus maximus
sphincter muscle missile excreta
imposing effort to tone down exuberant,
flamboyant, and gallant
gibberish bookish mercantile

flashing blindingly exasperatingly,
and inflamingly nauseating vocabulary,
not deliberately juvenile,
but this luxe lavish embellishment
a labor of (lost) love with English
Language (inherent since...

in utero), thus...infantile
asper taking shape without conscious
deliberation, though imbecile
appellation possibly affixed
as lasting impression,
perhaps even engendering hostile,

opinion, whereat no effort to exhort
unconditional acceptance of me guile
will transpire, cuz this chap
recognizes how tenuously fragile,
the online choice to remain a steadfast
virtual friendship quintessentially fissile

oft times casting the notion how facile
mine arrangement springs from one
core textured intellectual domicile
that houses persona of one docile
amphibious descendent, whose forebear,
yes twas a Democratic crocodile!