at 5:01 AM in Northern Hemisphere
out of hibernation,
sans mancave, I will climb
eastern standard time,
when calendrical, celestial,
and chronological prime
airy factors mark
onset of temperate clime
mitt, also coincides with
'super worm equinox moon,'
to this Earthling, would appear
no larger than a dime

though ironically enough,
said satellite of Earth
closest to this oblate spheroid
whatever esoteric tidbit may be worth,
yet unwittingly inviting once in a
blue cheese moon opportunity
to espy with naked eye lunar dearth

of life, nor feasible conditions
warrant sear - ching colonizing ahoy
by an adventurous space cowboy,
but perhaps convenient
launch pad to employ
entrepreneurial minded profiteers,
whether Jewish or goy
establishing other worldly
getaway to enjoy

reprieve, asper burgeoning
hardy madding crowd
populating nearly every square inch,
sans third rock from the sun, a proud
arrogant, defiant, haughty,
et cetera species predominantly cloud
ding, glomming, mucking, et cetera
exploiting courtesy manifest destiny
bajillion year old planet as if endowed
by divine creator to trumpet "FAKE"
supremacy, tis not white in my mind
declaring might equals right unbowed

credo selfishly amassing untold wealth
ideally at expense and health
of every others by fiat, force and stealth
consigning subjects to slavery
in an effort to rule global commonwealth,

which self centered
aggrandizement that ball
(pockmarks most visible hall
of the moon tin king)
did not return my call
and thoroughly explains
without rhyme and reason
why what appears as face on lunar surface
actually migrants of Stonehenge vestial wall.

No burlesque across the globe
upstages mother nature's emergent style
soundlessly donning and trumpeting
resplendent metaphorical pregnant Gaia,
whose all encompassing bulging robe
magnificently, albeit modestly evinces
matronly dame parading and sauntering,
she intimates readiness to give birth
regarding multitudinous flora and fauna,
whereby swath groundswell of color
and panoply of sound bursts forth.

A symphony with terrestrial
ecological community, which life forms abound
via natural laboratory qua nature,
especially at seasonal dawn of spring tide,
where multifarious existence can be found
carving out a figurative zoological niche
in a kaleidoscope of colors and sounds galore
idyllic melodic musical sound
artist palette of rainbow blended sights
assuage auditory and
visual sense pleasures respectively.

No gofundme donation required-
unless ye clamor to proffer expense
(toward fame and fortune
concerning one garden variety
long haired pencil necked geek
to regale sensational experience,
but before further lines get read
please be mindful
to take lock, stock, and barrel
of mine existential sponsor,
thus a brief plugged statement to
ɢɛȶ ʟɨʄɛʟօƈӄ ɨɖɛռȶɨȶʏ ȶɦɛʄȶ քʀ0ȶɛƈȶɨ0ռ ʄ0ʀ ʟɛֆֆ.

LifeLock by Norton was an American software company active from 2005 to 2017, and was best known for its eponymous LifeLock identity theft prevention software, now sold by Gen Digital after the latter acquired LifeLock in 2017.

Now back to regularly scheduled program
trying to entrance ye dear reader
incorporating titanic and tectonic processes,
(albeit all natural wonders)
constituting eight ways
to build strong bodies
bred courtesy punctuated equilibrium
nudging advantages to outvie
one living thing
versus another organism.

Winter of our (collective) discontent
alleviated courtesy pagan earth goddesses
prestidigitation delivering cathartic holistic
and poetic botanical balms,
which salve (age long in the tooth)
psychological wounds.

Show stopping stunning performance
stills lovers embrace
long anticipating nonpareil experience,
nevertheless straining credulity
of visual and aural senses,
where collective awed pinterests
silences onlookers evoking
masterpiece rendered still life
among webbed plant and animal species.

initially crafted June twenty fifth
two thousand twenty four
affecting me to utter "oy a broch"
(pronounced ah-BROOKH)
before I cast accursed blatant spells
outright upon the head of mountebank,
whose shrewd and cunning deception
bled me dry as a sun bleached bone,
whereby self denigration and imploration
regarding immediate obliteration
of "nest egg" found me hurling vituperation
against the scoundrel,
whose art of the ruse playbook
scored psychological hit
pitching finances into dire straits
upon writer of these words,
whose monetary situation
never recovered from falling prey
hook, line and sinker,
nor taking pause to question
blindly abiding to the gentle
verbal faux ministrations
courtesy stealth employed
to ****** away meager wealth.

Existential nihilism rent psyche asunder
courtesy unforeseen deadly bombs
lobbed by computer hacker and scammer
rolled into one nasty,
short and brutish lout,
whereby his aggrieved targeted victim,
whereby the perpetrator
experienced absolutely zero qualms
gingerly blindsiding me
analogous to jilted lovers
subjected to figurative
blackened barbs à la rom·coms.

Though common horse sense
I generally applaud
within these lovely bones
an undersize fellow whose forehead broad
methinks perchance twenty first century
can witness remake of Exosquad
linkedin with mental, physical,
and spiritual fiasco fraud
no doubt grist for the cinematic mill
made for movie of the week,
where prominent product placement
of once iconic iPod,
but illustrious position
in Apple's product lineup
came to an end.

Apple finally killed the “iPod” brand,
just over twenty years
since original introduction in 2001
creating perfectly fitting
pièce de résistance jigsawed
replaced by smartphones,
such as the iPhone,
which can both store music
and access music streaming services
such as Spotify and Apple Music.

Nevertheless, and despite efforts
to exorcise mailer daemons
rage against the machine
that doth mauraud,
while a tempest blows
furious in my mind as well outside,
thus I gladly nod
acknowledgement toward Mother Nature
for natural timely spatial effects
bending boughs analogous to quad
of cheerleaders executing tricks
while accompanying color guards
exhibit purposeful antics done roughshod
for the benefit of mister Kite.

Distraction writing reasonable rhyme
temporarily offsets carbon footprint
to stomp furiously on account of cyber crime
wracking noggin how I could be lame
easily being conned, dogged,
goaded, hectored, kick/jump started, ...
now yours truly haint gotta dime
to his name, attributed to fool hardiness
poached, fried, embezzled...
oh that human slime
letting him manipulate me
as if he pointed gun -
which spelled "BANG"
when fired, now triggers
approximately twenty one months later
profound unnecessary anguish.

Initially written March 18th, 2023
and revised exactly two years later
tweaking the poem here and there
courtesy adding or subtracting Nabisco  
National Biscuit Company (1898-1971) tidbits
in case a random reader
possesses a photographic memory
recollecting word for word
my literary endeavor
when he/she once again visits
this titled epistle.

The following binary raw bits
hither and yon to and fro flits
across eyes of unknown reader
handsomely buzzfeeding
dining viz fancy feast
donning while trumpeting
microscopic mitts.

Though yours truly
a zany, wimpy, tiny, and puny
(smaller than a breadbox)
modest nonestablishmentarian Ogre,
whereat my portable minuscule
fingerhut size adobe abode
exposed to Strunk and White raw
grammatical elements of style,
I counted Flip (Wilsonian) view,
to camouflage myself anytime
and anywhere as significant advantage.

The obvious downside
(i.e. severe limitations to pull off
major coup) forced me to axe
paunches pilot while taking a chopper
named Cheeses Crust
if I van nah miniaturize daring deed
(done dirt cheap) hashtagged,  reconfigured,
and powered by AC/DC,
which refers to Alternating Current (AC)
and Direct Current (DC)  ,
retouched, recorded by Das scribe
named Magnum Opus.

Indeed, this chance to go long (equivalent
of Olympic gold) foretold godaddy peering
into granule size barren crystal ball.

Preliminary steps undertaken
to pull off impossible mission;
mo' difficult than a blind man
taking eighty steps to Jonah
infiltrating 70+ shades of gray area
prime Donald Trump real estate.

A priority prevailed to act on
the QT (q-tip) lest cover get blown,
and suspicious communique encrypted
to hire globe trotting henchmen.

Urgency spurred daring deed,
cuz targeted subject in question
majority population counted
as debouched, delirious, and
demonstrably dangerous
demagogue, in short a "FAKE"
forty fifth and forty seventh president!

Security details
(like stray cats on the prowl),
could sniff out ploy to re
program depraved, deranged,
and detached supposed Master
at helm, you Jesse and wait.

His audacity, effrontery,
and isolationist iffy
Oscar the grouch ideology
placed him squarely as half baked
cookie monstrosity against
former United States Commander in Chief.

First order of business necessitated
tranquilizing this doughty, haughty
enemy of the Lumpenproletariat!

Renown chemist friends of mine
(actually Civil War tin
effervescent bubble buddies)
alias Diet Coke and/or Diet Pepsi
secured an ampule Taj Mahal
~ circa 1631 vintage.

One ampule viz pill
could knock out a giant –
sans, Jack and the beanstalk fame.

No ifs, and or bots, the secret
got pulled off without spilling
figurative (jelly) beans.

Once inside auditory labyrinth,
I immediately noticed striking
deus ex machina ***** rioting
resemblance to microscopic cave.

Now follows non sequitur
with rhyme nor reason.

A thick baad a$$ sieve sludge
(vaguely resembling cerumen in consistency)
re: gooey pseudo pulpy secreted material
suctioned courtesy resultant ****** mess
in a near futile attempt
to separate Siamese sistahs
said substance issuing forth
after surgeons meticulous incisions
qualify as unsung heroes
as does illogical senseless segue way
into riff about
Def Leppard amputee drummer
Rick Allen brutally attacked
by human rabid beastie boy
posed an initial dilemma,
which audioslave solution
entailed collaboration to build
a toothpick fence.

Pensiveness unexpectedly found
unwitting subject trying
to comprehend gibberish
attempting to pass muster
as supreme poetic literature
said unsuspecting reader
reflexively scratching, poking,
and jabbing inadvertently
gesticulating at mine doppelgänger
finding him listening
for subsequent instructions
from ground zero.

Don we now our gay apparel
despite knowing lives
(within definition of rainbow person,
where individual considers themselves
within LGBTQIA2S umbrella group)
suddenly prideful freedom of expression
imperils their very existence
during repressive Trumpian regime,
which would forever hashtag me
(not necessarily linkedin as identifying
with aforementioned acronym,
but merely expressing solidarity)
with those whose existence defies categorization
no matter passive and not violent modus operandi,
nevertheless yours truly automatically associated
as one among dangerous agents provocateur,
(the pen or rather keyboard
more powerful and mightier
against thugs than the sword),
where demagogue(s) would gloat
over purging one harmless
equalitarian, latitudinarian, nonestablishmentarian,
sexagenarian, and Unitarian
falsely indicted on ******* up machinations,
would decree (if given free reign)
to issue death by most brutal short
nasty, and heinous means
against supposed poisonous free expression
with absolute zero chance of posthumous acclaim.  

I now imagine as the figurative guillotine
propelled at lightspeed
intent to lop off the talking head(s)
sharing figurative body electric
instantaneously reducing to silence
as the TomTom Club beats louder
signaling immediate decapitation
mien average nondescript means
elatedly being trumpeted as stark example
in an autocratic attempt to bid au revoir
to the likes of Matthew Scott Harris
oh perilous death of freedom
courtesy opprobrious and machiavellian edicts.

Since pledging my troth
to the missus July 25th, 1996
after the common era
never in my wildest dreams
would the end of the world
as we know or remember
punctuate mein kampf,
and that of almost every **** sapiens
with global disequilibrium, and discombobulation

Ever since the notions
of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
coalesced within the mindscape
attributed to one
or more anonymous forebears
way before the advent of civilization
when written language preserved
(**** sapiens communicated
virtual primal groans and grunts),
nevertheless witnessing inchoate awakening
visa vis discover ring dawning enlightenment
bajillions of years after
earth, wind and fire
affected ideal environment
for Beatle browed foo fighters
Nirvana oriented proto humans
among rival capital one group
of beastie boys versus another.

Each subsequent generation embodied
propensity to acquire heavenly delight
characterized courtesy
storied primeval human associations
to wrestle with promotion
of mental, physical and spiritual autonomy.

Once self-determination awoke
animal hides did cloak
daggers if antagonism occurred
especially as high society
coaxed fibers inviting village people
to invent legislation to evoke
amity particularly once firearms
witnessed proliferation of gunsmoke
(and the Western genre as film noir)
after shoot-'em-ups erupted,
when scapegoat mustered courage
(after chomping powder milk biscuits)
bad to the bone bully underestimated chutzpah
courtesy said shy person,
yours truly did invoke
adulation and garnered
within figurative keystroke
generated winning vote
cast strictly by menfolk
if I vouchsafed would
NOT be pig in a poke
as happened countless millenniums later,
when forty fifth president
of lands slated to become de facto despot
across United States of America
would try to revoke
his successor mudslinging him,
(the latter, a common joe biden time),
a veritable teetotaler,
who swore, he rarely took a ****.

Blame aforementioned  conveniently shifted
upon blue collar Scranton
common Joe biden his time yup
blimey bloke never woke up
until after leaving Oval Office
glad to wipe his figurative hands
as vice president to Barack Obama
after November 8, 2016,
when Trump elected to his first term
as President, defeating former First Lady
and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
subsequently inaugurated as 45th President
of the United States on January 20, 2017.

An interregnum of eerie and relative calm
descended from sea to shining sea
before lights, camera, action.

Cue Project 2025 in full swing
after overstuffed bombastic, caustic,
egocentric, fascistic, hypernationalistic, irrationalistic  
and narcissistic ego freezer
exerted usurpation upon body electric of Uncle Sam
early one January morning
bright eyed and bushy tailed
after a months long stint,
barnstorming across the United States,
whereby the electorate majority
approved former forty fifth occupant again
of “Executive Mansion”
(intending to rule analogous
to Iron Maiden circa 2024 - ?)
admitting his admirably
hand picked administration
donned hat of ruthless dictator wannabe
exhibiting word spelled like elan,
but substitute “o” in place of letter “a”
bragging about earning a living wage
and taking page from playbook of richest Bro,
who brought good humor and laughter,
where tragedy wrought woe
visited webbed wired wide world
(once trod upon by the noble savage
as described by Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
whipping out trademark Dobro,
(a contraction of "Dopyera brothers"
and a word meaning "goodness"
in their native Slovak,
who introduced said instrument in 1928)
kickass nimble though pudgy septuagenarian
(accompanied by the band
Tripping Up Stairs)
performed outstanding show
capering, dancing, gliding,
high jumping, et cetera across the stage
hither and yon, to and fro
contagiously gifting, letting riotous hoopla
ring out across Land of Lake Wobegon
spontaneously kickstarting
audience of senior citizens
(including yours truly)
to shuck off mantle of senescence
and clothes in the same process
after gaining courage
to join Barenaked Ladies
hooting and trumpeting nouveau
playfulness summoning
rebirth of childlike spirit.

How carefree and ideal to identify
with mindset of Alfred E Neuman
Mad Magazine what me worry
unfortunately as a little boy
yours truly beset with mental health issues
Anorexia Nervosa the most serious
potential to develop healthily
self starvation eradicated
courtesy the expertise of psychiatrist
Ted Goldberg my parents did employ
subsequently eating disorder
manifested as hair obsession
with a vengeance,
when maybe some dozen years later
while completing a co-op
linkedin to enrollment at Antioch College
at facility I chose called
Chicago Ecology Resource Center in Illinois,
and who should make
a small teleporting cameo appearance,
but none other than Leonard Nimoy,
albeit his likeness manufactured as plastic
popular gewgaw enterprising toy.

Courtesy the most flimsy tenuous
designs linkedin to above lines
availed and linkedin thru
Unitarian Church affiliation while a youth,
(now negligible participant,
who would never join any group
that would accept me as a member)
an important connection throve with 1976
Norristown Area High School alum
Frankie Augustine Junior a brain,
plus admirable ruler
of tribbles and klingons to boot.

As an otherworldly webbed wordsmith,
I befriended said lad,
who became best earthling chum,
whose birthday (January eleventh
nineteen fifty nine) two days before mine,
our camaraderie did rattle and hum
until he attended Rensselaer
Polytechnic Institute (majoring
in nuclear engineering)
landing himself a plum job.

Our friendship since foundered
unlike the enterprising television show,
which captured the imaginations
of countless young and older people alike.

By 1986, 17 years after entering syndication,
Star Trek considered
the most popular syndicated series;
by 1987, Paramount made $1 million
from each episode;
and by 1994, the reruns
still aired in 94% of the United States.

The following pastiche
poetically pricked *****,
whereby fantasy courtesy Eros
(ἔρως) cow licked
country bumpin videlicet hick
bullied who consider me
on account of a dinky ****.

Me primate chronological
adolescent and emerging adult age evinced
no whoa Biblical flood
thru microsoft billeted gates
bursting viz Dickensian
fleshy prickly sticky stub,
though smallish - male member,
zee tallywhacker proudly, joyously,
and deftly socked
one seminal bang for randy *******
courtesy garden variety
generic rammy buck,
whose berry pull lite
hello ladies twig, could land
sucker punch **** the torpedo puncturing,
wharf lewd billeted gates
demolish ***** rivals scaling
Swiss Alps, thus testosterone
wrested control vis a vis
expunged mighty tsunami
forceful tidal waves jabbed
and pierced boxer shorts
rendering underwear utterly useless as what?...
donut hole? ring without a ding? toothless dad?....
thence retracted whet ragged limp, floppy duff
flay dud discobolus?,
chewed biscuit ova Yankee dew till
birthed Giant via super fresh fielding
acme teenage heterosexual
whet dreams made me
stir crazy experiencing vivid
lifelike ****** fantasies
firm he to feel an ache kin,
beck kin ing , and whisk kin -
with a nod to wink n,
blinkin and nod mine engorged phallus
sought release check kin choking chicken
at cali fornication, per base feral,
hormonal, and primal
antsy animal atavistic antics
brazenly daring me tubby craven,
at least a baker's dozen **** tree muffins
to embolden issuance qua greeting
with ha "good evening
forte tuff hide meat curtains -
ah hanker ta deux an Aaron" cull
of the wild, and an
SOS tummy doppelganger
bro' *******, cuz
back in days of young adulthood
at the house at Pooh's Corner
near the intersection of sixty ninth and Arch
bringing to a dead hardened standstill
practically any moving object
like wings at the speed of sound
inflated ma dill dough,
particularly with onset
of raging testosterone,
once upon time introverted primate
felt his cribbed *****
ready to flow with seminal fluid
and only brought to a stop
if feral atavistic urge
think premature *******
way before ****** comeuppance  
when as an emotionally troubled teen,
he passively attempted to exit -
figurative stage door left -
to avoid exclusion
he ranted reckless rodomontade
rueful boisterous blustering bombasity
alluding to the gooey glop
tooling tug go deeper
thru unguarded Trojan horse eyelet entrance
fired the ****** fantasy
of this then young ******
mox nix to me now,
cuz I may as well be one
(self emasculating) man, whose ordinarily
rather small male *****
got rock hard like a ***
especially at most moist tender vittles
inopportune instances; or watching
the backside wiggle of
freshly minted female teacher
did elicit reCAPTCHA verification failed
to this common Joe,
who felt stymied, frustrated,
and jangled and
******* up with vasocongestion
ribbed skin flute
like any other ***** teenager,
would know (or feign)
how to find suitable gamine orifice
and many dudes
bragged about their masculinity
boasting about their
high achieving Ivy League score,
war hie felt chill and chary,
asper suddenly tha air
felt like five bell ***,
which pent up carnal craving
grudgingly caved into manual stimulation
(a **** poor substitute)
until the august moment
bedding bare naked lady
who allowed, enabled and
provided a proper outlet er...
and/or inlet firm aye
experience absent heterosexual drive
contrary to integral normal predilection
toward physical intimacy,
which natural, ****** union
more healthy than candy,
and delivered to our lives
wholesome buns in the oven, which progeny
we did kindle two tumblr full
daughters both well on their
merry (go round the mulberry bush -
with Cheney saw in hand) way
toward positive future, yet this once
risqué, pesky, and frisky father experienced
a kamikaze nosedive concerning horniness
linkedin to frigidity - ice scribe fluoxetine
(treats mental health conditions
including depression,
obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
and last but not least bulimia)
one generic name for prozac
as bad *** pharmacological killer app
that gave masta baiter hiz mortal blow
with nary an slit tiff hide,
who haint so hot fo' teacher, nor petty *****,
whose when he espies tufted hello kitty.

Noah ****** throbbing wracks
ma five feet and ten inch being,
yet arousal to enter the once portal
ova verboten fruit doth bring
measure for measure mush ado a boot
comb thing far this king fro licking in the lair
re: aperture felt envy and forced
to grapple with hearing
signature ******* groaning
signifying indubitable braggadocio.

though many men,
(especially former Norwegian
bachelor farmers from Lake Woebegone, -
but one presently wedded
to another female for not quite
thirty orbitz around Mister sun) seek a *******
compliments of Facebook (Meta) Messenger
yours truly (me - a married Neanderthal -
who just learned how
to walk ***** this morning)
does fumfer and forestall
profusely groveling
and figuratively backpedaling
when upbraided, interrogated,
and accused of spouting doublespeak
subsequently, I consider hiring a translator
courtesy my awkward
circumlocutious attempt to inthrall,
which gobbledygook more harrowing
than a maelstrom approaching landfall
orchestrated and synchronized
with the right hand man
of divine creator
( à la Matthew Scott Harris)
in tandem with countless gods/goddesses,
who mentored said oddball,
how to control meteorological phenomena
which his granted special powers
(alluded to in at least one previous poem)
if you may recall
which series of unfortunate events
only Lemony Snicket can uninstall
all said and done, he seeks
only platonic relationships
with intelligent and witty women
ideally to learn him
how to speak and write
social media platform jargon
clichéd words understood
and accepted as trite
versus his trademark
cumbersome debilitating, excruciating,
and brow furrowing endeavors
for anonymous readers
to tax their brain cells
essentially expostulations
against unspoken conformity quite,
but most of me threescore and six years
accruing non-establishmentarian, nonsectarian,
and and nonvegetarian linguistic constructs
formulated along the edge of night,
where dark shadows obscure a knight
in tarnished armor
just back from the twilight zone
pulls himself to full, albeit average height
of approximately seventy inches,
which unimpressive stature doth not excite,
but what I lack in physique
genetics compensated me
with being humble and bright
thus with sincerity I apologize
to the wife, whose husband
engaging in his ***** deeds done dirt cheap
essentially cheating by texting and sexting,
and must figuratively nip in the bud
communicating electronically
with plethora of females
(many young enough to be his daughter)
before he gets himself deep
pressed into virtual shenanigans
with veritable strangers
out to delude, hoodwink,
one aggrieved sexagenarian
and **** poor student,
whose eldest daughter not surprisingly
exhibited honor roll intelligence
qualified her for giep
and lure already finding him a heap
now after telehealth
zoom session with psychologist keep
thwarts dissolution of fidelity,
a lesson once learned years ago
contemplating reverberations
of narcissistic actions,
hence self imposed pressure
sublimated into attention
to the missus and scratching
out thoughts from nooks
and crannies of noggin leap.

Courtesy a plethora of marriageable females
*******, hounding, and lowing the living daylights
forcing yours truly to go undercover and into hiding
within the heart of darkness
at a remote undisclosed location in Perkiomen Valley
changing my name, rank and serial number
to protect what little remaining innocence
(analogous from the salvaged wreckage
of the Edmund Fitzgerald,
an American Great Lakes freighter
that sank in Lake Superior
during a storm on November 10, 1975,
with the loss of the entire crew of 29 men),
whereat nearly thirty year old anniversary,
since yours truly pledged his troth
wedded bliss severely
put thru the paces
as I get bombarded from text after text
compliments of celebrated barenaked ladies
brazenly showing me
their anatomical wares
mostly augmented ******* and tuckus,
and asking me to do likewise,
but "No way Jose" emphatically stated
falling on deaf (emoji symbolized) ears
no not mine but the young thangs
invariably seeking a gold digger
versus literally avowing
to be dirt poor substitute,
yet honest to goodness
writer of these words
possesses heart of gold
(cue Neil Young song lyrics,
and his song by the same name),
who values decency, honesty, literacy, poetry...,
and much prefers intelligent conversation,
(whether with himself or a receptive ear)
versus poised to experience a lucky strike
romping (think Rumspringa - a time
when young people
can explore their identity
and decide if they want
to join the Amish) church
kick/jump starting, enmeshing
when all along the reason without rhyme
I accepted friend requests
from Facebook (Meta) Messenger
constituted an ambition to foster
(not just a child of mine),
but intelligent conversation
linkedin to the cares and concerns
of an uncertain world,
at which point tis only to divulge
an inconvenient truth
with earth in the balance
regarding this rare breed (me),
that he considers himself
(YES free and clear
without any inhibitions)
a liberal democrat
now prone to temper his fulminations
toward the Republican party in general
and demagogues in particular
reserving vitriol lest yours truly
finds strong arm of the law
rapping on my door,
and if any pipe dream
could be brought into fruition,
that wish upon a star
would be relocating, hightailing,
emigrating to Canada or returning
to my boyhood home
just south across the border
into the heartland
of Norwegian bachelorhood
videlicet Lake Woebegone
as the next best choice,
the little town that time forgot,
and the years could not improve,
but dearth of financial resources
disallows any remote likelihood
for yours truly and the wife
to pack up our troubles
in our old kit-bag,
thus I will hunker down
for the next four years
bestowing divine faith healing;
jimmying, lording (no pun),
raising the roof of churches,
albeit damaged since the Great Flood,
and Noah way will I abandon
figurative house of mankind,
whereat the flock of lost tribes
aimlessly wander in the wilderness
after their experience as crash test dummy
bailing out from fiery B-52s
found their fear of flying unshaken.