getting fitted for a new pair of dentures
at Liberty Dental in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania;
The tab picked up courtesy
Aetna Medicare Advantra Cares (HMO D-SNP).

Unfortunately said outcome
represents the exception
(regarding measuring success or failure
in the school room or work place)
rather than the rule,
whereat scattershot academic,
and employment history
reveals mine curriculum vitae
chock-a-block extant
with poor scholastic performance
and termination (as if pierced
with a terrible swift sword)
from one job after another respectively.

I made an absolute ZERO effort attempt
to score high marks or earn kudos,
no rhyme nor reason why
yours truly rarely
if ever sought to persevere,
and essentially did not try
though forever dog gone tired
donning figurative dunce cap -
a pointed hat, formerly used
as an article of discipline

in schools in Europe
and the United States—
especially in the 19th
and early 20th centuries—
for children who were disruptive
or were considered slow in learning,
(where classmates or other employees
assailed ready made fodder
made snickering snide remarks
in tandem with

swashbuckling sword play - nah
akin to the three musketeers -
barred from Mars)
toward extremely socially withdrawn boy
whispering under their breath at a lad,
who owned an inferiority complex
the size of Pennsylvania)
exhibiting faith no more in self
at a painfully early age
found him eager, ready and willing
to allow, enable, and provide

ripe opportunity for others to ply
name calling and bullying,
experiencing trauma analogous to
British POWs ordered
by their Japanese captors
to construct a bridge
of strategic importance
over the river Kwai
but never did tears of sadness
simultaneously emanate
from left and right eye.

Steely Dan sing queen (me)
outdid himself on sixtieth anniversary
after Grahame Wood
determined to meet
the evolving needs of the community
opened the first Wawa Food Market
in Folsom, PA, on April 16, 1964.

Today marked the sixth decade
since George Wood started
the Wawa dairy in 1902,
and it quickly became
a trusted name for fresh,
quality dairy.

As an unsung Patrons of said store,
I strove to achieve mitzvah
for an incapacitated wheelchair bound
resident here at Highland Manor Apartments.

The fickle finger (hut) of fate
unknowingly planned to liquidate
honest to dog sincere intentions
to deliver said drinkable goods
(you can bet your bottom dollar)
on his sterling promise
never foreseeing disastrous
misadventure out ranking
starry eyed bespectacled klutz
comprising the heart of this poem at any rate
(nitty gritty details omitted),
but essentially and summarily
spilled contents from three
twenty ounce cups of hotly perked coffee    
scalding himself in the process,
where epithets spewed
inadequately served at X-rate.

I asked him if he liked coffee
cuz today aforementioned vendor
acknowledged the brainchild
offering buzzfeeding caffeinated brew free
American chain of convenience stores
and gas stations originating
in the Philadelphia metropolitan area,
and now located along the East Coast
of the United States,
operating in Pennsylvania, New Jersey,
Delaware, Maryland, Virginia,
Washington, D.C., and Florida.

The remaining lines of this reasonable rhyme
garnered courtesy an endeavor
attempted quite some years ago
attempt bordering on the ridiculous to the sublime.

Even when iron not red hot,
I implement non customary quirks
regarding going for broke into survivor mode  
asia foreigner rather cold as ice
namely delinquent outsize credit card debt
mandates yours truly,
a cheesy survivor who rem: members
putting freeze on
Citizens Bank World MasterCard accounts,
whose helplessness to fork over

substantial dollar figure
analogous to one of three blind mice,
who ran after the farmer's wife
She cut off tails (OUCH!)
with a carving knife
must pay the price
methinks food in the slammer (ha)
will lack sugar and spice,
nevertheless macht schnell trice.

I exhaled deep sigh of relief
after speaking over the telephone,
whereby Arcadia Recovery Bureau
(i.e. collection agency)
based in Reading, Pennsylvania
explained yours truly owed $23.21
which considerably alleviated
immediate dire straits that figuratively
grabbed me by the nuts
hash tagged self scoundrel
a day late dollar short
dollars to donuts bonafide klutz

living ****** mint procreative
seminal squirt biological reproduction,
could never conceive to abort
despite countless occasions,
I blithely admit characteristics
linkedin with being a putz
going off rails as a one man train wreck
mine impossible mission to avoid
NOT running amok imagine
bull in a china shop
whereby the hypothetical proprietor
willing, ready able to tear out my guts.

Pigeon toed, I trip over me own little feet
size nine shoe small size for grown man
leaving utter disaster in his wake
synonymous when havoc strikes
chaos theory alive and well
ensues when I walk about
and dare take even one baby step.

Ever since adept with ability to crawl,
I ofttimes tumbled down the stairs,
but never did shed tears nor bawl
e'en when taking nosedive head first did fall
out the hatch of airplane

splattered, plastered, and matted
think suddenly feeling comfortably numb
joist another brick in wall
nevertheless acquiring stunt man role
paid big bucks

as **** sapien disguised as Sasquatch
(cause unkempt harried styled hair)
more times than I can remember
fell to Earth minus parachute,
which hoop fully explains

the incomprehensible drawl
earnestly and frankly harkening language
once extant within Gaul
which reverberated inside hall
of mountain (lionized) king.

Prior to any madcap misadventure
yours truly envisions his clumsiness
plays out within my third eye blind
hilarious scenario unfolds in slow motion
whereby accidental flick of wrist,
barely brushes up against
flimsy clothes rack

(the original motive begetting poem)
knee **** involuntary reaction,
kicking obstacle clear across Compton
generating comical feedback loop
impossible mission to stop
blockchain of fateful bitcoin events.

Living amidst (amongst) disarray
courtesy the missus, whose domestic habits
never merit housekeeping seal of approval
twenty four/seven pose
a hazard to mine existence.

Whereby I confessed being guilty
impossible mission to escape accusation
of prurient transgressions
wrought transformation and self condemnation
additionally begat demonstrable emasculation
against accepting, kindling,
urging temptation toward verboten fruit,
clearly communicated, albeit clumsily
courtesy non verbal gesticulation
labeling mine promiscuous, lascivious,
horrendous... behaviour reviling.

Yours truly shirked fidelity
regarding faithful vows
bequeathed courtesy angel of mercy,
who pledged her troth
July twenty fifth nineteen ninety six
five months (not quite to the day) before
"star student" birthed
on December twenty second,
(now gainfully employed
at Certified B-Corporation
headquartered in San Francisco, California).

The missus likened to Rose Madder
than a raging (red) bull
visa vis upon discovering mine absence
(cuz I slept in the basement cull
hooding with Casanova
while at 724 Railroad Avenue
keeping company with mice elf),
methought then how wretched and dull
being married and celibate,
hence yours truly sought full
fill mint outside the marriage,

yet unbeknownst to this husband
an automatic, fatalistic,
and opportunistic hull
king, quaking, and vociferating wife
gave me a thrashing tongue lashing harangue
verbal dressing down,
cuz I betrayed lifelong commitment
until death do we part
me uttering sacrosanct words witnessed courtesy
immediate family members

plus justice of the peace
honorable Judge: Henry Schireson
925 Montgomery Avenue, Suite 100
Narberth, Pennsylvania 19072-1913
pledged allegiance, compliance,
exuberance,  obeisance lull
and sacred marital concord
yours truly did not honestly mull
kickstarting promising unswerving monogamy
deserved hypocrite label
coveting, facilitating, indulging,

loving, offering pent housed
****** relief with another woman
nearly did render null
and void marriage pact
flaunted sacred pact
and will (as good as) hang,
which ****** imbroglio,
albeit (nocturnal escapade) did boomerang
in earshot of both
our then young daughters ****** ears,
thus a sudden pang

to exit the scene arose up inside me
courtesy wishful trapdoor to appear suddenly,
(whereby regarding floorboards)
from out mine overactive imagination sprang
open to usher, and/or time travel back
to earlier that fateful night rather than lang
whooshing amidst livid rage
self serving deserved fiery emasculation,
the noose hence I did stage,
experiencing withering, twittering,
snapchatting, kickstarting blistering
expletive laced epithets think
ready to burst pressure cooker
evincing dangerously hot level gauge

driving figurative wedge
between me family
courtesy foaming at the mouth spouse
(of course deux progeny affected)
renting asunder and rendering hollow
thee justice of the peace
gordian tied, uttered,
vouchsafed worded oath I did pledge.

Divorce prematurely *******,
yet instantaneously dismissed
no more pleasant alternative spewed versus
contracting cankerous cyst
analogous to toxic mother
of our two offspring hissed
disparaging me directly linkedin
with promiscuous tryst
besotting me with blackened barbs
me honestly, lamely, meekly
justifying philandering gist,

cuz gal methought
(good idea mister casanova wannabe),
which came as soliloquizing aside
to exchange as bartered bride
thine scorned wife,
who would relentlessly chide
(even long after the day I died)
heard thru tomb harrows coffin

abominable behavior, I do readily admit
figuratively found me electrified
what with raging testosterone nsync with
hormonal secretion my guide
****** gamboling, I chose not to hide
never back once black traipsing inside
double entendre meant
viz yule eyes joyride.

poise zen dystopian rant

This prognosticator doth predict
potential based at current rate
sinister debacle that will
instantaneously annihilate,
United States storied republic,
which alarming horror
points to instantaneous annihilation
of America the beautiful;
(ohm my dog) turbulent
endemic chaotic spate

within human race poised to strike
doom and generate
shock tummy once
amp pull goldenlocks,
now revealing a shiny baldpate
erratic behavior attendant prescient
intimations presage apocalyptic fate
while current commander in chief
didst unwittingly generate,
and sow the seeds of anarchy sparking

global conflagration that will create
instantaneous prime evil
total mortal kombat,
cuz "FAKE" mandate
issued, when Trump went ballistic
loose sing rockets red glare,
when pressing hot button to demonstrate
thermonuclear supremacy,
(albeit a moot point),
would render superfluous need to late

to draft intestate
last (or perchance first, second,
third...) will and testament, tete a tete
perhaps minuscule (nee infinitesimal) bomb
turns out a dud (Amazon, Toys "R" Us
Walmart, or  store
of choice reject) aye narrate
finding Don irate
(blaming "crooked Hillary," democrats,
gumby...yours truly...)

the list goes on, thus no need to iterate,
thus a sudden religious fervor gripped
the wide webbed world
attributing why weapons did not actuate
which found pontiff in high demand
in an attempt to accommodate
frenzied zeal attributing aborted blitzkrieg
to divine intervention with bajillion
talking heads airing where to dedicate
material trappings to indigent, great

full not dead, plus those petty
criminals rightly or wrongly,
the strong arm of
lanced law did incarcerate
bowed down on daily and nightly basis
exploding huzzahs every
human did *******
"not prematurely," where
all walks of life did integrate,
a spontaneous international

utopian revelation awoke
with linkedin diversity to promulgate
protecting the planet took precedence
yea right Matthew Scott - dear mate
only in the context of
this poem I did create
on December twenty third
two thousand eighteen,
and now hemming and hawing
CANNOT wait,

thus conscientious, fractious, and incautious,
members of the electorate
must not shirk their role
as arbiters of life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness
obliging themselves obeisance
to the fifteenth amendment
of the United States Constitution,
which prohibits the federal government
and each state from denying

or abridging a citizen's right to vote
"on account of race, color,
or previous condition of servitude,"
when said legal resolution
ratified on February 3, 1870,
as the third and last
of the Reconstruction Amendments
cuz the wise ghost of Abraham Lincoln
did not procrastinate.

Consider the following
dogmatic, enigmatic, fantastic,
idiotic, jargonistic, kimetic, linguistic,  
narcissistic, opportunistic,
poetic, quixotic, rhapsodistic,
scholastic, transformistic,
universalistic agglomeration
as an abbreviation
overactive imagination
wrought demonic manifestation

unaware reading dictionary
could engender garrison housing
Century 21 ghostly conjuration
paranormal shenanigans this
Lake Wobegon resident
grudgingly attests perturbation
disembodied spirit betook
(analogous to Casper
the friendly ghost)
"FAKE" spooky introduction

primarily cause ethereal
phantom of the opera mine
diaphanous doppelganger actualization
forcing agonizing confrontation
blindly highlighting spectacular illumination
constituting undeniable declaration,
whereby stagnant existence
aligned stark juxtaposition
courtesy faux charade, escapade, facade...,
gimcrackery literary affectation

yielded (still does) negation
to befriend prospective logophile,
essentially begetting immediate amputation
as posited a posteriori said acquisition
regarding, kneading, experiencing...
inclusiveness feeling reviled discrimination
foisted linkedin with nonestablishmentarian
progressive, liberal, agnostic Unitarian
paradigm upbringing birth parents
decreed ideal articulation

to foster independent cogitation
among yours truly, and his two sisters,
at one time felt veneration
marble lustrous bead
felt towards (guess who) second born
only brother gifted with affliction
diagnosed recent as
schizoid personality disorder,
a mental health condition,
whereat emotional affinity

toward kin folk sundered
buzzfeeding self cannibalization
predicated on inchoate
in utero causation
insync with adaptation
(actually Putin on Ritz key conspiracy
incorporating Russian collusion)
in tandem with basket of deplorables
little rock and rolling
witnesses regeneration

frothy heady windblown
dyed in wool Taj Mahal size
pompadour toupee coronation
ego freezing troll defies decapitation
barley bubbling within hopscotching
mucky swamp characterization
capital hillbilly Phoenix
resembling archeopteryx alights
shrill screeching, digging lame talons
into trumpeting paunchy underbelly.

As a hypothetical argument
yours truly doth not aim
to be unfortunate recipient
of misguided, misjudged, and mislaid blame,
nevertheless I make dubious claim
and baldly recede (ha – hair ye, here ye)
from heady assertion
to make bold statement
such that literacy supersedes numeracy,
between said measurable

ambiguous, exiguous, and irriguous
confusing, perplexing, puzzling pillars
of cognitive, demonstrative, emotive,
facilitative, generative... intelligence,
hence not consonant
far from the madding crowd,
until the return of the native
and perchance ludicrous
to some above average dame,
who might be prone to exclaim

contrariwise, and squarely frame
mathematics more powerfully
(id est - greater than)
basically versus stringing words together
yielding cogent, decent,
effulgent, fluent... result
(that may not add up to a hill of beans)
crafting supreme unequaled poem
predicated upon cockamamie scribe,
(one whose unexcusable

laughable puerile mien
modestly trumpeting his outstanding talent,
hence he expects and deserves
posthumous lettered fame),
née, he already
appropriated, leveraged, wielded
volumes of his speculated worthless material
synchronized to be broadcast
immediately upon his demise
(after the grim reaper

steals dem lovely bones
to avoid self embarrassment)
avast treasure trove awaiting
distribution across webbed wide world
(including all manner
of social media platforms)
after discover re:
visa vis artificial intelligence
courtesy agency of smart machine
to custom make similar
facsimile thereof brilliant literature

where good things come to life
to emulate and evoke
mental landscape and thought processes
of one humble human
Matthew Scott Harris
while supremely, soundlessly, seamlessly,
echoing beloved refrains
from computer generated verses
that would be indistinguishable
from Joni Mitchell's
original song titled the circle game.

Yours truly an unfortunate hostage
within **** sapien zoo
presenting poetic hodge podge
and mish mash to you
looking for unwitting subject(s) to woo,
and albeit impossible mission) to free me,
where within human ******* I stew
more specifically mine personally

custom designed invisible
prison self made,
thus wishing to don persona
of such an éminence grise
as Jawaharlal Nehru,
and trumpet courteous helloo
before bidding kith and kin
and fellow humans permanent adieu.

When free and clear out of the blue
methinks I hear a voice
calling me matt chew
which intones do
please try a healthy dose - Mister Fitzhugh,
a Louisiana creole speciality touted
as psychological cureall within Hangzhou
capital of Zhejiang
sheng (province), China

where amidst bustling
businesses as usual
happens to live animated cartoon
caricature, whose modesty peddling
holistic and homeopathic
(interestingly enough) Asian Jew,
who many neighboring residents
thought semitic rapscallion
long in the tooth occupant loo

duck criss cause he exhibited inhibition,
essentially said reprobate a coward,
who didst udder moo
if you dear reader can bull leave,
hence nonestablishmentarian fella
in their (others) netview
hashtagged snake oil salesman
buzzfeeding gullible poo
courtesy legendary secret formula

comprising his mumbo jumbo
chicken gumbo soup,
our mutual friend Dumbo
doth heartily broker
entrancing kickstaring rendezvous
panacea as genuinely true
but aforenamed solitary wordsmith
also incorporates voodoo
to scare away mailer daemons
all the way to Xanadu

located (courtesy Google)
in the modern-day Zhenglan Banner
in inner Mongolia on southeastern edge
of the Mongolian plateau
The city founded as first capital
of Kublai Khan, the leader
of Mongol Borjigin clan
who founded Yuan dynasty that ruled
most of modern-day China,
Korea, and its surrounding areas.