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Written/updated since last year
unlike any other
when out of this world
outlandish accouterments
people did wear
hermetically sealed
of even faintest tear
to avoid contamination
against coronavirus pandemic
air supply difficult to spare
when wing and prayer
soul saving amazing grace
frankly against scalpers, marauders,
and fraudsters steeling
themselves to profiteer.

Pandemic straps tightly
plied girded beltway
unlike any other All fools day
in annals of recorded ("fake") history
western civilization tapestry doth fray
April first two thousand and twenty four
neigh, no time for horseplay
what with coronavirus (COVID-19)
boarded ship of jilted fools
(think **** sapiens)
barred courtesy omnipotent jackstay
furloughed workers analogous
grumpy minions lay

dwarfed by unfortunate global events, née...
germinating, jackknifing, and wreaking havoc
Mother Earth nonchalantly toying
(indiscriminately) regarding humanity
as bestrewing bajillion biohazards berserkly
bequeathing bedlam child's play
just desserts, she doth understandably repay
man/womankind flicked as flotsam and jetsam
vile treatment diabolically heaped,
jubilantly loosed, maniacally pitched
upon her terrestrial firma oy vey
she chokes, gags, laughs raspily yea
rebuffs, refuses, and renounces further abuse.

Nevertheless toothless gumption, albeit feeble
fighting spirit, her survival instincts assail
cumulative environmental destruction
triggered casus belli expelling deadly toxins,
when Gaia doth exhale
since onset of global interregnum
(think virulent spreading poisonous Kudzu
like wildfire biohazard)
since world wide webbed disease
brought grinding halt
consumerist paradigm in lockdown,

nonetheless within brief interim
noticeable clearer air to inhale
amazingly enough postal system...
intact voila... uninterrupted delivery of mail,
the daily highlight experienced
among people emotionally crippled
pasty faced and pale
finds quivering Captain Kangaroo
courting King Crimsom,
plus good n plenti proud primates
each dancing and quivering
like a captive dang gulling quail.
rebated, rebelled, rebirthed, rebooted,
and rebuked courtesy
one ill shod Unitarian atheist,
who means NOT to affect
any sacrilegious fallout
nor offend devoutly religious
man, woman, or child,
when the most important
Christian holiday notated,
a veritable “movable feast”
occurs Sunday, March 31, 2024.

Though avast percentage
of stonehenge temple piloted ghosts,
harking back millennia
constantly zip unseen thru aerospace,
easily being mistaken for led zeppelin,
they unwittingly espy
woolly sheep hush fleeced herd
profoundly religious village peep pull
plodding fast as their
cleft hoofs take them
along well worn path
of former crusaders
analogous to Riders on the Storm.

Among acquiescent, concupiscent
fervescent, juvenescent
obmutescent (äbmyəˈtesᵊn(t)s),
and unreminiscent church going subjects
versus one self repentant
quest diagnostic shunning skeptic poet
suffers interminable emotional flagellation
employing righteous indignation
against his own iniquitous misdeeds
sullying the sacrosanct marital covenant.

Unpardonable egregious transgressions
committed (well nigh
***** deeds done dirt cheap
more'n a dozen orbitz ago)
think adulterous flagrante delicto
constituted consummating rutting
sabotaging high fidelity.

Passionate ******* incorporating
communicating non verbal
vernacular animal needs
spoken on behalf of laity
comprising unlearned, nevertheless
superstitious population
indulged verboten fruit appetite,
yet adroit oral (tongue in cheek)
spread courtesy word of mouth.

Unlike doubting thomas here
sitting on his rumpled stilted skin
most pious markedly take as gospel
Jesus Christ as Superstar
every word in religious tomes
their collective soul asylum polestar,
and doth decree important doctrines
with especial accord courtesy the cars
equal insignificance applied toward
Judeo-Christian holidays
across the chessboard of life,

thus Easter ranks as no exception
to the golden rule,
where Santa Claus
didst dodge Duesenberg
reached an accord
following auspicious signs
alit in the night sky
shaped like a drinking gourd
perhaps amassing plentiful harvests
upon hamlets strewn
across then ******* populated Earth

asper cornucopia exhibited secret hoard
sharing plentiful Horn
(and Hard art lesson learned)
to stave off barrenness, ignored
going forward seeding nascent
March Madness with
swift help from Lord
and Taylor as midwife hoot
tended Ville Nova moored
by striking Wildcat fanatics,
who unbelievably

espied heavens cleft asunder
and golden rays poured
while collective spectators
loudly deafeningly screamed
while housed within the soundgarden
analogous to ferocious stray cats,
who hissed and roared
witnessed history scored
earning players knighted
with Excalibur sword,
thence entire team handed

Taj Mahal shaped award,
which aforementioned
*** hide lacks moxie, cuz zit
happens tubby April Fool's joke,
thus above iterated
verses somehow needs
just a little bit of relevance to yoke
thine admitted ambivalent
reaction to sports,
yea aye pay figurative ****
hen to Rabbinic, quixotic

iconic, Hebraic, generic,
fanatic, ecstatic primal
tribal village people
wu clan destine woke,
and swinging focus of this poem
back toward Religious
perp ported berth,
when (sans antiquity)
donjon we now donning
gay apparel trumpet signaled
thus, any superstitions

blew away dearth
when distant shofar heard
in every home and hearth
anticipating rabbit arrival
of the Easter Bunny,
who brings eggs sited mirth
and hoi polloi doth hop poly
distribute sweet treats,
which blessed children
of the korn as grown adults,
no matter necessity

for teeth to be removed
the sugary over indulgence wool worth
today thee American Dental Association
chastises candy manufacturers
bandying more weight
gaining deadly, debauched,
and decadent, trait
then adultery - verboten fruit to sate
hash-tagged (vamoose skat
dad dulled) reprobate.
Spouse of my eldest sister
marital bond fixed in place
strong as mortise and tenon,
he hales of hearty Irish stock
genes of said septuagenarian
analogous to pith and marrow
wrought courtesy divine providence.

At present aforementioned brother in law
recuperating after orthopedic surgeon
alleviated severe pain
NOT linkedin to damaged, injured,
and ossified rotator cuff
as initially surmised, nevertheless
temporarily forcing kinsman
to become a southpaw.

Thankful his insurance coverage
picked up what I imagine
to be a hefty tab to cover cost
of surgical spine procedure,
whereat the discs located
between the vertebrae C4 thru C7
were bulging and pressing significantly
into spinal cord nerves.

Three discs delicately removed
fragmented discs taken out tweezer like
and titanium pieces put in their place.

Months long physical therapy
will build back better
common Joe biden his time
to trump and amp up body electric.

Today (March 29th, 2024),
I recently spoke with Amelie
over the telephone
(the above referenced sibling
in first line of poem),
whose aura, charisma, dogma,
karma, and persona
fully yet unpretentiously regaling
her unbridled love
larding with emotional munificence
effecting, eliciting, embodying,
and exhibiting love in plain view
genuine care and concern
lavished toward him,
whom she pledged her troth
methinks more'n thirty five years ago.

As a longtime surveyor
for Gloucester County, New Jersey
he acquired familiarity
with tools of the trade
and truckload of skills to boot.

Prime years of his life
working hard schlepping, and positioning
moderately heavy duty equipment;
no doubt ofttimes
said weighty implements,
I imagine said paraphernalia routinely
being figuratively toted, lugged,
and dragged across all types of terrain
(while being exposed
to elements of nature)
making precise measurements
to determine property boundaries;

providing data relevant to features
of the Earth's surface,
such as shape and contour,
for engineering, mapmaking,
construction, and other purposes
back breaking physical labor
taxing his then robust
essentially got paid exerting
conditioning, and applying
his brute strength
courtesy the sweat of his brow
yielded laudatory results.

Exemplary track record
(as a career employee
acquiring well deserved promotions)
plus stellar report card
regarding characteristics of attendance,
performance, and punctuality
allowed, enabled and provided
current accumulated earned paid time off
countless months to recover from
major necessary operation
videlicet outstanding team of specialists
at prestigious Virtua Voorhees Hospital.
I revisit rather than write from scratch
a poem crafted May twenty third
two thousand and twenty
since the following words apropos
and amply serve a duplicate purpose
of aforementioned title,
when yours truly enlisted
(before any consideration
arose to object
threading shower rings
thru scissor made cuts)
of makeshift shower curtain -

actually repurposed invisibility cloak
then yesterday March 24th, 2024,
therefore husbandly duty
found me swallowing
my pride and prejudice
with sense and sensibility
suffering permanent anatomical
disfigurement, nonetheless
maintaining marital bliss
at steep price despite more or less
musculoskeletal dislocation,
I eagerly, readily willingly confess.

Ideal for someone whose height
trends toward above average
unless you don't object tilting
head back in an effort to gauge
keeping noggin cocked
at ninety degree angle tempering rage.

Yours truly gifted with absolute zero
vertical advantage, hence
mine neck craned back imposing
unpleasant strain forcing gent's
head apropos regarding yours truly
futile attempt present instance.

Carotid arteries perfectly positioned
awaiting Jack Ripper's (imposter) knife
thus mine noodle (property
Matthew Scott) induced physical strife
discomfort courtesy directly
linkedin viz the ole hen pecking wife.

Without complaint, I dutifully accepted
challenge to affix curtain
(essentially meant to keep
shower water splashing bathroom floor)
unbeknownst that threading
a camel thru eye of needle sewing pin

Would be a cinch, but such
blessed lesson acquired thru hindsight
initial task assigned me appeared
straight forward until I saw light
bulbs blind me myopic orbs,
thus in addition to afore stated plight...

Husband material (me) sorely
tested to the max, no matter chore
hardly commenced, which
spurred mental note to refrain pointing
at cumulative mold accretion
heavily visible and unsightly eye sore.

Arch disadvantage, yours truly
not being impressive or particularly tall
and thought not to retrieve sturdy
furniture to boost reach heavenly pole
which plastic hooks suspended
plastic shower curtain over long haul.

Upon figuring out how drape like
appurtenance got held in place crick
would necessitate chiropractor
to realign permanently bent poise kick
started when initially troubleshooting
deceptively easy task, no quick

assignment, though obviously
fashioning plastic hook thru pre cut slot
became clear at expense unintentionally
breaking off "J" portion not
possible to avoid subsequently
uselessly rendered hook even if robot
programmed to complete mission,
yet all told poetically smarts & moxie I got.

Please accept lame attempt (minus
obvious sensibility) to comprehend
anybody who reads previous literary
endeavors considered virtual friend
unconditionally accepts trademark

swiftly tailored harried style I extend
utilizing all manner of quirkiness,
which moost likely spells mein legend
after I pass from temporal plain,
a posthumous johnny come lately bend

ding formalities of English language
writing, yet wondering what strictures
disallow experimenting with poetic genre,
though methinks literature intend
did (art in general) to eternally evolve

without deliberate intention to offend
any die hard who might call upon
men in white suits and briskly recommend
to the funny farm, where life made
more beautiful perchance receiving stipend.
Whereby yours truly presages and doth abhor
nothing short of an imminent civil war
dwarfing insurrection on January 6, 2021
oddly enough even reducing
ordinary decibels to a mute whisper
madding crowd trumpeting cacophony of ˈthȯr
drowning out sense and sensibility
allowing, enabling, and providing
golden opportunity for anarchy to run rampant
one issuing, earthshaking, and booming
as one collective soul with pride

against prejudice queercore
amidst pandemonium of lawlessness
voices at the forefront ear splitting din
most all social media platforms
buzzfeeding, jump/kickstarting,
and twittering bigotry,
gender inequity, and misogyny nevermore
gender diversity celebrated
reveling harmoniously think
arranged marriage of Kokila and Kishore
parents (most likely deceased)

of Menil and Amit,
one former best high school buddy
with my youngest sister Shari Todd
for most of her sixty three years an herbivore,
and in most respects the antithesis of Eeyore,
(a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed,
anhedonic, old grey stuffed donkey
and friend of title character, Winnie-the-Pooh),
the former would never stand a chance stayin alive
during the reign of brontosaur,
and other so called terrible lizards.

Aforementioned fatalistic political forecast
would translate as absolute zero freedoms
as entrusted with Declaration of Independence,
and Constitution, which incendiary rhetoric
already trumpeted courtesy Republican
dictator wannabe, who will eviscerate
any and all social progressive policies
would essentially leave a **** government
devoid of recognizable Democratic polity.

Lemme plagiarize myself
and express sardonic wit
alliteration with the letter "R,"
I gleefully, playfully, and zestfully transmit
the following poem,
the proto antagonist
will nary even garner an obit
no dead giveaway signs
only brave hearts pointing *******
subtly signaling welcome
to the black parade, the sole intermit
where gewgaws (trolls)
with orange hair sold.

revealing Ronald **** revisited.

Regarding ridiculous rhymeless
ruminative rhythm rankles readers.

Repugnant racist Republican reviled -
rickettsia re:itch ruler
rapaciously ravaged
revered reverential rubric
radical ruthless renegade
rapidly riotously rips rigged ramparts
Refrains retaining remnant
redolent regal, resplendent rafters
riches rudely rupture rooted rectified rights
ruckus ricochets revenant reign
ratified rattlebrained rules roil reductionism.
rumbustious rapscallions rollick;
render ruinous ramifications
rusty razor razing revenge rents reprisal.

Rabid ****** rictus
rotten rebrands re-calibrate.
rambunctious revolutionaries rejoice.
ruffians ride roughshod
routing reigning royalty.

Reiterate revetting robust recidivist rationality
rides Rolls Royce
relentlessly rendering rock ribbing.

Riffraff raconteur raise reactionary response
revisit rancorous restrictive
redlined realigned rightward rivets
Robocop ridiculously
rubber-stamped reorganization
recalcitrant reactors release rapture
rash Russian roulette reconnaissance
raconteurs rack rubles.

Red room reflects Republican RNA.
rap risible rheumy ratiocinated
rug-rats revoke righteous refulgent repertory
rapier robed robbers
ransack reliquary resounding retaliation
retaliatory redcoat regnum
reformation rightly remembered
Rudy robotically recoiling rapprochement
Raison d'être rosily revered
rifled relics raffled
rookie raves ripe rackful
rubenesque reliably ranked
refulgent rotundity requisite
requirement re: reappointment
road-tested, roadworthy
redeem reapportion routed role.

Reprehensible reassignment
rapidly recognizes response
rife rampage removes respectability
responsible roused restitution refuted
risky resultant reconnoitering runaway
railroad reverberates rivalry.

Reflexive ramrod reaction
reconfirms redoubling ridding revitalization
reconfiguration realpolitik reinstates repudiation;
Rebooting Roosevelt regime reconsidered.

Requisition requires resilient reseeding republic
regrettable riley roars remorseless ribbing
rare recount restoring recondite
renown reprobate Rapunzel.

Republican representatives
rejoice reclaiming reins
registering ******* romantic remains
re: Rastafarian revered reliquary rests!
where Lassie free to run across petco junction

All across the webbed
wide esse Scott's landed wold
emerald green Trifolium
carpets harbor untold
burrows of tiny Leprechauns clover
(leaf) ways grant trifold
wishes if captured might
divulge *** of gold
at rainbow's end, and e'en mend
yar shoes, whence re: souled,

thence tread softly beneath subthreshold
of audibility, cuz unseen universe
hapts tubby microscopically rolled
with subterranean inhabited by Lilliputian
mischievous impish beings
(about bajillion holed
up could fill the Taj Mahal) even donned with
heavy coat protecting them
(usually men) against cold
yet frolic with reel delight jiggling

with inborn instinct exhibit twofold
talent to dance with modesty
downplaying (while fiddling)
analogous to some roof fiend
averse tubby extolled,
nonetheless, their popular
doth soar, and grievously scold
persistent myth anchored with toehold,
and thus do not indulge
pruriently with pixies considerably dulled,

since libido practically nonexistent told
me (under oath of
confidentiality), one Grunwald
trusted yours truly, the secrete
will not leak out,
nor spread like slime mold,
this descendant of Lemuel Gulliver
who schleps across the webbed wide wold.

Yours truly (an average
height and weight size ways)
nondescript grown
male munching kin
stands a little less than threefold
larger than full grown homunculi.

Rumor monger kickstarter
Matthew Scott Harris
posits nontrue tidbit
regarding rock 'n' roll star
who (name unmentioned)
became the most influential
musicians across the universe,
with estimated record sales
of around 600 million
as of two thousand twenty blank.

Imp possible mission
to see non elfish (pressed) lee
160 years after his Irish ancestor
crossed the Atlantic
curling his left lip,
whereby convalescing, peep ping auld
timers cavorting wax nostalgic with
itty bitty whippersnappers,
averse to any outliers,
whether hirsute or bald
an honest to goodness painstaking effort
initially stymied friendship proffered, a cold
reception eventually bedecked
hall of the mountain king
(while sharing diet of worms)
deep under verdantly
festooned knolls of Eire land.
Dear SafeLink Customer,
(one of the many recipients includes me).

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced that the Affordable Connectivity Program (ACP) is ending, and April 2024 will be the last fully funded month for your benefits if Congress does not provide additional funding.

All ACP customers on all service providers will be affected but we have made it our highest priority to keep you connected. Even if Congress does not provide additional ACP funding after April, and the FCC only authorizes a partial funding in May, SafeLink will fully fund your ACP benefits through May 31st, 2024. This will give Congress more time to fund this program without impacting you.

Aforementioned bulletin elicited following:

SAFELINK TracFone synonymous...

not only as my lifeline,
and connectivity insurance
with family, friends and strangers,
whereby yours truly
experiences virtual safety net
as would be true
for many purple people eaters,
when havoc unexpectedly strikes
triggering an emergency situation,
where life and death

as very uncomfortable truth
teeter in the balance
necessitate immediate intervention,
hence survival
of one mediocre bipedal hominid
within twenty first century,
not only requires
allocated government funding
for unlimited talk and text,
to brook intervention

allowing, enabling, and providing help
while I channel urgent plea
via telephonic wireless portal
or surfing the cyber sea
if in need of an
up to date telephone number
until that one day in the near future,
when logical integrated circuits,
albeit miniscule or near invisible bots
to the naked eye,
of the foreign tiger

said telecommunication trappings
ideally, easily, and admirably
embedded within body electric
batteries not necessary
when capacity to energize lovely bones
emulates, jump/kickstarts,
and powers an uninterrupted
self sustaining feedback loop
courtesy subcutaneous
nearly microscopic solar cells

(similar in principle
to intrauterine devices)
generates ample electricity
with resistance from subjects
to communicate wirelessly,
which means every waking
and sleeping movement
grudgingly monitored,
thus surreptitious antics
possibly flagged for:

accusation of plagiarization,
barbarization of mine mien,
cannibalization of pet peeves,
demonization of politicization,
elation of short lived beneficence,
fictionalization of embedded chip insertion,
glorification qua state of art communication,
humanization of artificial intelligence,
idolization of electronic engineering,
jollification of electrons.

adieu from:
matthew scott harris
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